trigger warning / / / animal death & grief
for those of you who've been around many years, you've likely heard of my leopard gecko, Fiona. she's recently celebrated her 8th birthday, but she hadn't been doing well.
i'm sorry to say this, but she passed away yesterday. my baby girl is gone, and i just buried her today. looking at her empty and dark tank is really hard... but i am comforted with the hope that she is safe where she is in the afterlife, that she is loved, and that she will shine down and guide me as much as she could ( for a gecko who couldn't catch her own bugs, mind you; i had to kill her prey for her she was so hopelessly innocent ).
i've learned so much from her, and i'm so grateful to have been her mommy. i've decided i will keep her tank intact, care for her succulents, and clean her hides / favorite rocks with the hopes of keeping them forever.
if i cannot use them for another animal safely, like if i cannot soak them in rubbing alcohol without destroying them / making them unsafe to use, then I will keep a chunk of the material and put it on my ancestral altar ( which I will be placing Fiona's plant I had buried her in; it is a pothos with a varigated strain in the leaves where some parts of the leaves are white / gray spotted. i felt instantly drawn to it and my brain goes that's the one. ).
i am as okay as i can be, i feel. i think i've gone through the stages of grief like ultra fast ( i've been feelin' my borderline symptoms like CRAAAAZY ), so fast that i'm sure that i will bounce between grief and mania.
here is a bubby croissant for maybe reading this. thank you.
