#tw: vent

[the-bread-of-lovers]

I just created an argument with my father at 10 something in the evening. I hate this shit

[carouselofcuriosities]

|| I can’t fucking do this anymore lol

i can’t afford anything without insurance. my life has been hell without medication or any kind of relief from severe anxiety. every panic attack makes it worse every day and now i have air hunger. i can barely fucking breathe on top of panic attacks every day.

i got rejected from Medicaid, im fighting for any kind of cheap insurance, i still have loans and debt, i can’t even therapy therapy or even urgent care. urgent care alone is costly without insurance.

ive just been curled up in the bathroom sobbing. every day feels like im fighting for my life. and nothing is affordable. my parents don’t believe in mental health. people say all the time oh you’re so brave for reaching out, that’s the first step, whatever I can’t FUCKING afford help so im forced to suffer through it or put more that I can handle financially

im physically and mentally spent every day. I can barely lift 30lb boxes without gasping for air.

i cant do this

[noa-on-the-boa]

psa:

PLEASE TAG YOUR VENT POSTS AS VENTS!!!!!!!

it's terrible when i see someone post a vent and they haven't tagged it as one. people can be genuinely made upset when reading them and they need a warning.

it's the worst when the person venting didn't add trigger warnings because vents can be really harmful to a lot of people and they need the choice to filter it out.

[cerennabaratheonism]

Why do you feel 50 these days...

(I relate myself honestly..)

Oh babes A LOT IS GOING ON.

Mili life dump below the cut!! it’s mostly just complaining, but who cares…

So for one, i’m consistently tired because my sleep schedule is absolute shit. I spent the entire summer doing an internship that may ultimately do nothing for me, and I’m moving to NYC so fast my head is literally spinning. I feel like I have absolutely no direction in life even though I’m going to grad school, and I’m desperately afraid my parents are right and that I’m not going to be making enough money in the job that I chose to sustain the lifestyle that I want (Indian parents, if you know you know). I genuinely feel like I’m living day by day… it’s like every single one of them could actually be my last and I would be surprised. I don’t mean that in a concerning way, I mean if I actually got hit by a bus I’d be sad because I didn’t live my entire life, but I wouldn’t have had a plan to go to waste. I’m so afraid that I’m actually bankrupting my parents (I’m VERY high maintenance) and like… idk. What is that thing that Lizzie Bennett said? “I have no money, no prospects, and I’m a burden to my parents… I’m afraid.”

I have moments where I genuinely think that I can handle it and I’m incredibly confident, but I also have ones where the fear literally drives me to tears. It’s very volatile over here, but I’m fine at the moment!!! I just feel like I’m wasting time by choosing to do something I think I may enjoy way more than law or med school. Like I’m draining the education fund on some whim instead of actually being dependable…

Everything is just so incredibly uncertain right now that I truly don’t know what to do. That ages me, I think. When I think about it, these all sound like champagne problems… but they’re my problems and idk what to do! Everyone keeps telling me I’ve got this, but MY FAMILY DOESN’T DO UNCERTAINTY. THEY JUST DON’T.

[athanza]

Had an uncle tell me a few days ago that the abuse he and my mother went through as kids was "just disapline" and "a smack" (being forced to pull pants down to be whipped with belts and power cables, even if they were growing young women) and that if I ever have kids that I "would beat them too", after I told him repeatedly that I would never do that he doubled down and I had to kick him out of the house.

I'm glad he never had kids because they would be just as abused and traumatised as my mother was by her father.

This is where generational trauma comes from and people like myself are paying for it in therapy 2 to 3 generations down the line. It shouldn't be up to us to break the chain of violence! I'm sick of it being up to us!!!!

[7h3-sp1c3-1s-burn1ng]

Sometimes I hate being a system and dating a system.

Dint get me wrong, I love my partner, I adore silent salt. They mean the world to me.

But I hate some of their headmates. One in particular really. Some others I have fundamental beef with but there's one I actively cannot stand and have so many things I would say if I didn't care about keeping in contact with silent salt.

I don't know how much more of this I can take..

I swear im even more volatile with my emotions lately.

But I've also spent more time calm.

It's like because I'm spending so much time not at an extreme my extremes are worse.

I may hate Him with so much passion I could break their bones, I also love silent salt so much I keep randomly breaking down sobbing.

I know for a fact if affirmentioned headmate of my partner sees this they're gonna know I'm talking about them

However I doubt they're gonna see this, as I'm pretty sure they know for a fact I hate them. I'm as subtle as a flying housebrick after all.

[qiixtart]

"your a survivor!"

I didn't survive anything. Everything is slowly killing me. Im already dead. Just breathing. Im a walking corpse.