#tw:cancer

[madc0w]

bad chinese tattoos #1

[iwillsendapostcard]

Some "I am not the main character" energy needed here, bear with me:

This week is the one year anniversary of my Dad's diagnosis of stage four prostate cancer.

The only symptom I knew about was how frequently he needed the bathroom.

If I had known it was a cancer symptom, I would have dragged him to the doctor myself, instead of writing it off as his age, as he did.

My Dad was extremely healthy, and he should have lived comfortably for another whole decade.

Soaps and their function public service broadcasting is my current go-to drunk rant. And I cannot get away from the feeling that the last year would have been different for me if I had known.

The fact that this spoiler has dropped at this time, though, is a lot for me.

[bunnithechubs]

spoiler alert: his surgery went fine!!

[bolontiku]

Life Update - if it seems I'm not all together it's cause I'm not hah

Being diabetic sucks. But - I've been taking care of myself. My sister pulled the cancer card, so i have no choice. I am massively upset about this.

But after a horrible night at urgent care (about a month ago) where the doctor lectured me to stop eating all day (ie stuffing my face with junk food like a fat) I thanked him for being one of many that tells me about how a keto diet will reverse the effects, how fasting is best. So let me not eat my one meal a day, yes I love bread but I did't eat it in mass quantities. How if he really wanted to help instead of telling me to stop stuffing my face he could recommend a fucking doctor that ACTUALLY CARED cause stupid egotistic perfect gene metabolized male doctors with bimbo boobied girlfriends don't get it.

He actually did refer me a good doctor. My doctor listened when I told him the metformin made me violently ill to the point of making me wish for LITERAL DEATH. I am now on a second form of medication, I prick my finger twice a day and have regulated my sugar.

The brother was surprised at the fact that I actually stopped drinking my greatest addiction - Pepsi. He's surprised at the color in my food, excited about the veggies I've introduced and has actually eaten fish with me. I've switched to ezekiel bread cause there is no way I am NOT not having it in my life. I do miss pasta and rice. I get the brother and my coworkers to eat delicious sweets for me and ask if bread is still the heaven sent treat? I get my sammies without bread at work, drink coffee, water and unsweetened tea only.

My sister was a little shocked at the hour wait and was grumbling when she tagged along for my last appointment. But honestly? I'll wait three hours for a doctor who listens to me. And he's so sweet! Little old man 🥰🥰

I've gained 10lbs for the first time in 8yrs. The brother says I am taking in more calories and this is the most he has ever seen me eat but not eat at the same time.

I hate life. I want my beautiful sister to not have cancer. It overwhelms me at times cause her hair is falling out again and she just started growing it back. The cancer is ping ponging around inside her now. Hip, shoulder, a bit in her spine. She has to get MRI every three months to make sure it doesn't grow again in her brain.

She's so tired. She wants to get her papers in order. It's hard to hear her say that she doesn't want to die. She keeps telling her bf if he left she would understand, and he's planning their wedding 🤣 I love the dude. Such an idiot. She wants me to shave her head cause 'I would hype her up', of course I will. She has the most beautiful shaped head and elephant ears! God my sister is so beautiful and fucking stubborn like a god damn mule. She might be little but fuck, she will chuck a history book at your head (and has).

I miss bread. Warm bread with a thick chunk of butter...

Life is so hard. I don't want to wake up most days. But she said, "If I have to deal with this cancer, you can take care of your sugar!" (Don't ask what she said about my depression) And fiiiiineeee! How do you argue with that? I'm so sad all the time now.

I'm sorry for rambling on here. I just don't have anyone to talk to. Ignore this is fine, but I needed to get the thoughts out of my head. And this partially explains why I haven't written either.

Anyways, tell your family you love them so much you'll gobble them up. Hug them. Make good memories so you can laugh till you cry.

It's gonna be okay.

Bread makes me feel safe and loved *sad sigh*

[chickensarentcheap]

Personal stuff

Tomorrow is my dad’s birthday.  He’s been gone a very long time. Since I was seventeen years old. He wasn’t a perfect man. He had a lot of trauma because of Native Residential School and unfortunately, it trickled down to his kids. He wasn’t physically abusive, he didn’t drink, he didn’t have drug issues. But he was emotionally absent.  Void, even.  We weren’t allowed to show affection.  We weren’t shown it.  We were never told I love you.

He had pancreatic cancer. I was a fairly troubled teenager who caused a lot of problems.  And while I watched him suffer and waste away, I thought there was more time. That I’d get a chance to say things I needed to say.  To tell him I was sorry. That I forgive him for things that happened and were said.  

I wasted my chance. I never said the words.

And now I live with regret.

I loved my father very much.  And I wish we’d been able to talk about these things.  And understand each other.  While I know this song represents a father and son, it still hits so deeply.

****

“Oh, before they turn off all the lights I won't read you your wrongs or your rights The time has gone I'll tell you goodnight, close the door Tell you "I love you" once more The time has gone, so here it is I'm not your son, you're not my father We're just two grown men saying goodbye No need to forgive, no need to forget I know your mistakes and you know mine And while you're sleeping, I'll try to make you proud So, daddy, won't you just close your eyes? Don't be afraid, it's my turn To chase the monsters away.”

[just-art5]

Hello lovely people!

I know I know, I have been gone for a while. First of all, my apologies to those of you that have sent me messages and I haven't responded - I am so sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel bad.

Long story short, I had my one-year post cancer treatment follow-ups and the scan showed that I still have some cells that should not be there. I am having more investigations this week to determine the course of action.

Needless to say, I feel lost.

[sims4legacy]

They can’t be happier. To celebrate, they’re going on holiday to Tartosa

previous / next

[spacewassocool]

About the situation

I looked up to techno for so many years, i had started watching his content in 2017 and never stopped, when I first found out about his cancer, I was in so much shock. I couldn't even think. Now, I don't know what to do. My childhood and Idol dead. I'll always have his videos, but for now I may just need a break. I've known too many people whom have died from cancer, and I'm really tired.

Please, hug your loved ones, spend time with everyone you know, cherish every moment. You will never be forgotten blood god. I'm glad to look out at the raining sky and see that you won. Fly high king -Wilbur