Summary: Alright, let me start with this. This fic is completely self-indulgent and based on some of the experiences I had been in the pride parade this year. It talks about pride protestors, asshole conservatives, homophobia, panic attack, and disassociation. I try to not be super explicit but give it the details that it deserves. Also this is my first time writing a polyamorous relationship... I’m still learning.
So here we go. Reader is in a Polyamorous relationship with Emily Prentiss and Tara Lewis. Tara Lewis is depicted as non-binary in this fic because that is what they live rent-free in my mind as. (If I ever mess up the pronouns please let me know. I briefly read through it but I am not going to claim I fixed all my mistakes.) Reader's partners take her to pride with them and while they are distracted she is confronted by protestors. Both Emily and Tara do their best to help their partner navigate through the subsequent panic attack.
Bingo Prompt: If I Asked You To Stay Would You? For @sweetprentiss‘ Emily Prentiss Bingo
Word Count: 2413 (I gave you a shortie for my last fic. This one be long for all my own self-indulgent purposes).
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You were decked out in as much pride gear as you could stand as you stood in the street waiting for the parade to start. Your best friend Penelope had wanted to make sure that you were part of the crowd for your first time. You had been reluctant to go knowing that it meant large crowds and lots of people staring. It would mean your sexuality and your relationship were coming to the forefront of people’s minds. Not that you weren’t proud you were gay and in a loving polyamorous relationship. It was just nerve-wracking knowing that so many strange people would be able to see the most private part of your life and be able to do whatever they wanted with that information.
You had seen all of the protests that had gone on in years past as you laid curled up on your couch and the thought of one of those happening now terrified you. But after a year of spending time with your amazing partner and girlfriend, you wanted to be able to experience what the hype was about. However, as you stood pacing from foot to foot waiting for the parade to start you began to wonder how long this day would last. Emily grabbed your hand as you looked around you for the tenth time and placed a gentle kiss on your lips.
“You are looking around more than Tara and I do at a crime scene. You sure that you are okay being here?” Emily asked trying to read your face underneath your sunglasses, “We can leave and just celebrate pride cuddled in our bed.”
You shook your head not wanting to spoil any of the fun, “I want to be here Em. This is Tara’s first time walking with their theater group. Pen has been bugging them to do it for years. I want to be a part of this.”
“Good because I got you a flag!” Tara said bonding over to you.
They extended a black, red, and blue flag with a large golden Pi symbol out towards you. It was the polyamorous flag that you had been wanting for months now. You smiled taking the gift from your partner in your hands. You had never thought in your entire life that you would be in this loving relationship. Let alone one with two beautiful, handsome, badass FBI agents. So as Emily offered to place it around you like a cape you couldn’t help but smile and lean in to kiss each of the amazing humans for a moment. When the flag was finally secured Tara insisted on a photo. Penelope immediately accepted the offer to be camera woman and snapped a photo of Em and Tara placing a kiss on either one of your cheeks.
When the mini photo soot was done Tara, Em, and Pen all got called away by Spencer who was in a different lane of the parade. Emily promised they would be right back and the three rushed off to see their friend. As they stepped away you were immediately confronted by a man shoving a bible in your face.
“You are a sinner you know that! Kissing one woman is a crime. But two?? You are going to rot for your sins,” He spewed causing his spit to hit your arm.
“One of my partners is non-binary,” You tried to explain taking a step away from the man, “So I believe you are already mistaken in your logic.”
“Can’t make up her mind I see? Just like she can’t make her mind about you. Keeping you around like a piece of meat to have when her other sinner gets boring. You are nothing you little girl. Nothing to them.”
You couldn’t even respond any more as you slunk further into the alley behind you. You knew that he was merely a horrible bitter person but all those words he said were things you had thought before. As his friends began to swarm around him they attempted to corner you in. Just as your back hit the wall of a building two drag queens stepped in front of you holding up their flag headpieces to shield you from the men. They tried to drown out the hateful words by talking to you but you merely nodded and pressed yourself further into the wall.
A couple of moments later you could hear Em’s voice ring throughout the alleyway and the street. She was screaming you weren’t sure exactly what but you could tell she was pissed. As the loud noises continued Tara slipped past the drag queens taking you into their arms. You wrapped yourself closely to them trying your best not to let the flood of tears hidden behind your sunglasses find their escape.
“Your partner is sure showing those protestors who is the boss here,” One of the drag queens joked.
Tara smiled and nodded, “She knows how to defend us well. Thank you for taking care of my sweet girl.”
“Anything for you darling,” The other one nodded, “We protect our own here.”
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The rest of the parade went off without a hitch as Emily and Tara stayed by your side. They held your hands the entire time and for a moment you forgot all about what that awful man had said to you. You were loved by two of the most important people in your world and that is all that mattered. But as you got behind the secured gates of the event you could still see his sign glaring at you. The more you saw it the further you slunk into your shell. Laughing when appropriate and smiling when looked at yet the feeling inside your stomach was empty. This went on for hours until the group decided it was time to leave.
“If I asked you to stay would you?” Emily said gently holding your hand, “Tara can drive Penelope home, and then you can just stay here with me till they get back.”
You shook your head no placing a gentle kiss on her cheek, “I need to go Em. It will help clear my head.”
Emily wanted to protest but she knew there was no way she was going to change your mind. She simply gave your hand another squeeze before she watched you walk towards Penelope. Pen could tell that you were a little off today but she chucked it up to your hatred of large crowds. However, Em knew that it was more than just the people that were clouding up your mind. She was worried for you.
“You have to let them go babe. You know when she gets this way pushing her to do what we want only makes it worse,” Tara said wrapping her arms around her wife.
“But what we want her to do always helps her out in the long run!”
Tara laughed kissing Em’s temple, “But we have to let her find that out in her own time and own way. So let’s head home and when she needs us she will call us.”
Emily groaned but still took Tara’s outstretched hand. She didn’t like waiting for you to figure things out on your own. She wanted to be the one to lead you along the way and make sure no one ever laid a hand on her precious girlfriend. Emily guessed in that sense she had failed you today. Sure the protestors didn’t get close enough to touch you physically. But they had shattered your hopeful outlook and their words had closed you off within your shell. She should have picked up on the warning signs sooner. Stayed with you no matter what. She should have just known better.
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You had successfully dropped Penelope off at her home without much of an incident. She had talked most of the way trying to get your mind of everything that was going on. It had helped for a while and you could almost feel the sadness start to peel away from you. However, on your drive home to your shared apartment, a song came on your playlist that sent you back to square one. This song always made you cry when it came on and you had promised yourself you would take it off but you never remembered. Every time you went to do it something distracted you and the thought slipped away.
Now as the sad melody spilled through the speaker every thread you had been trying to hold together completely unraveled. You hunched over your steering wheel waiting for the light to turn green tears cascading down your face. Your breath came in short gasps threatening to stop altogether. As you turned the car your fingers began to rapidly tap the steering wheel. You tried desperately for a couple of moments to keep going determined that you could make it home. Yet the tears kept coming and you could almost feel your throat beginning to close sealing the opportunity to talk yourself through it. You knew what would come next your tapping would come to a stop and then you wouldn’t be able to move anymore. You would be frozen in fear and stuck there until someone drew you back into the real world.
So you pulled into an office building complex finding the nearest parking spot. You were working against a ticking clock and you had to reach out to your partners before it expired. In a group chat Emily had affectionately titled My Loves you typed the only text that you could get out: SOS. Not okay. Parked.
You watched as the blue line inched across the screen and then sent. The moment it did your fingers gave out and the phone clattered to the floor. You pulled your knees to your chest and buried your head inside them. Waiting for the next step in your anxiety attack; the shaking.
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Emily’s phone had been set on full volume ever since you had climbed in your car. She was constantly checking your location to make sure nothing had happened. Tara would never admit it but they had checked themselves once or twice when Emily wasn’t looking. Emily and Tara had just completely undressed from pride and into their comfy around-the-house clothes when the text pinged on their phones. Without a second thought, Tara grabbed their car keys and rushed for the door. Emily followed closely behind shoving the spare key to your car in her pocket and then hopped into the passenger seat.
As they drove Tara’s guilt began to rise and they gripped their hands around the steering wheel. Emily gently placed her hand on their thigh, “Y/N is going to be fine babe.”
“No! She isn’t. She is probably halfway through a panic attack and you know how bad it gets. We should have gone with her. I shouldn’t have tried to stop you. This whole thing has gone horribly wrong.”
“Tara, my love,” Em soothed, “You were right when you told me earlier that we couldn’t stop her. Y/N is strong-willed and stubborn. That is why we both love her so much. She did the best she could and now she needs our help. We can do this.”
Tara nodded and then pointed towards your parked car. As they pulled up next to it they peered inside the window looking at your ball-shaped form. Tara suppressed their tears as they turned off the car, “We are past the shaking but we still might be able to coax them out of it. Did you bring the spare key?”
Emily nodded unlocking the door and then slipping into the passenger seat. Tara opened the driver’s side door slowly and posted themselves into the open space. Emily began calling out to you repeating your name, nicknames, who was in the car, anything to try and get you to hear what was going on. It took about five minutes but finally, you heard her voice and you gently lifted your head up.
“There is our beautiful sweetheart. Remember Tara is in the doorway behind you so don’t get alarmed. It’s just us,” Emily consoled, “Can I touch you?”
You went to speak but no words came out. You so desperately wanted to speak but there was nothing you could do. You couldn’t even move your head to shake yes or no. Your eyes grew with fear as you continued to look at your girlfriend.
“It’s okay Y/N, don’t try to force it. Just do one long blink for no and two for yes.”
You responded with two long blinks and Em gently placed her hand against your back Tara doing the same. It took a couple of minutes but you finally warmed up to their touch and your limbs began to unravel. When you finally could move Tara leaned down and gently took you into their arms. Em opened the back door of their car and letting Tara slide both of you inside. Once you both were settled Tara placed a gentle kiss on your forehead. You laid your head on their chest and fluttered your eyes closed.
When you got home Tara lifted you into the bedroom and laid you gently down onto the covers. You watched as Em and Tara moved to grab anything and everything that you may need. All of your pride gear was taken off, your comfort show turned on the TV, and a weighted blanket placed on top of you. Once you were more adjusted Emily and Tara curled against you placing kisses on your forehead and cheeks.
Finally, you were able to speak again but your voice came out barely above a whisper, “Are you mad at me?”
“Oh baby,” Emily said hugging you close, “Why would we be mad at you?”
“Because I had a panic attack and should have just let you take care of me,” You said twiddling your fingers together.
Tara placed their hand in yours stopping the anxious movements, “Darling, of course not. You did your best and when you needed our help you did the appropriate thing and got us to help. That is what matters.”
“I promise Y/N, Tara and I love you more than anything in this entire world. Nothing will ever change that.”
Your partners placed a gentle kiss on the top of your head at the same time as you nodded. A couple of moments passed before you were able to drift off to sleep your head placed on Emily’s chest and your hand entangled in Tara’s.
