#twd 10x08

[my-mt-heart]

When Daryl said "I'm the one you tell" it felt kind of out of left field .. also I don't really understand it

You’re not wrong. It feels like a slight tangent coming off of Carol’s line “I’m doing the best I can,” which makes me suspect some dialogue in between got cut at some point.  All we can do is analyze what’s given to us, and as it stands, I think Daryl is telling Carol to stop believing she’s fighting her demons alone. That he’s there for her, he’s been there for her the whole time, he knows her inside and out so if anyone can help her, it’s him.

[wicked-chocolatine]

« You gotta try, alright? »

[thewalkingdead-imagines]

TWD - Negan Imagine ~ “The World Before”

Imagine for the last episodes of 10A, including the midseason finale.

Summary: After Negan’s escape from his cell, the Reader and Negan are forced to deal separated from another with different, life threatening challenges. From the contaminated water, Dante’s betrayal, Lydia’s vanishing to Negan’s dangerous way into the whisperer camp.

(You don’t have to read any previous parts to understand the plot! Hope you all like it and enjoy reading)

Heavy, shaky breaths fell from your lips, your heart pounded against your chest as if it wanted to escape while your view was nothing but a blur, a mix of green and white color patches. Your fingers dug into the wood of the doorframe, trying to keep yourself steady on your feet, trying to keep the dizziness that was stuck in your bones since the moment you had stepped out of bed from overwhelming you. “Are you still there?”, you heard Gabriel’s voice cutting through to you, ripping you only partly out of your trance as you slowly focused on the man in front of you, still trying to keep yourself as stable as you could,”I said Negan’s gone” ”Yeah...yes I heard”, you mumbled, and even though those words had just slipped out of your lips and your whole body was reacting in a rush of panic to the news, your head still wasn’t getting the message completely. You had expected much when he’d told you to trust him to find a way out of this witch hunt they’d started on him, but you hadn’t thought of this, you hadn’t thought you’d wake up to Gabriel drumming on the front door of the house to tell you he was gone. ”If you have anything to do with this you better tell me now”, the priest cut your train of thought off, just as you quickly shook your head, too much stuck in your thoughts to be angry about that suggestion. ”No, no”,you mumbled, gulping thickly as you grabbed the doorframe a little tighter, feeling the sharp edge cutting into your skin as a new wave of dizziness washed over you,”I’ve been here since last night.” ”Is there anyone who can confirm this?”, Gabriel asked, looking at you nearly the same way as last night as you puckered your brows at him and slowly shook your head. ”How should-”, you couldn’t say more than that, instead of your voice Daryl’s echoed through the air as you caught your half brother rushing down the street and towards the porch, calling for Gabriel before he climbed quickly up the stairs. ”Lydia just confessed”, he grumbled, scratching the side of his face before he let out a small sigh,”Said she let him out, got right in the cell...but it can’t be her.” ”How’s that?”, Gabriel asked, back in that interrogation tone from before. ”Was in the same house all night, didn’t hear her get out any time.” ”She could have sneaked out.” ”Can’t imagine”, Daryl shook his head while your whirled up mind tried to keep up with what was happening right in front of you, though your body didn't want to work along. ”Still, until we can get to it, this is what counts”,Gabriel said, though you could tell by the look on Daryl’s face that he didn’t approve that decision at all while Gabriel didn’t give him much time to answer,”We have to find him first.” All else he did was giving you a small nod before he turned on his heels, walking off the porch and down its stairs, leaving you alone with Daryl. ”I didn’t”, you mumbled, gulping thickly as he glanced at you, shifting from foot to foot before he slowly nodded. ”I know”, he grumbled, quiet but loud enough for him to hear you before he looked at you for another moment before slowly turning around and heading down the porch just like Gabriel before him. And so you stood there, following him with your glance until he vanished into another street and your body forced you to concentrate back on the moment right now, on the dizziness and even more on the nausea that was slowly began to creep up your body, nestling into your stomach and rising up to your throat. ”Fuck”, you mumbled, squeezing your eyes tightly shut for a moment, hoping to get yourself back on track as you fingers dug deeper into the wood, right before you began to slowly push yourself away from the doorframe. You stepped back, trying to keep yourself steady on your feet as you shifted back inside, closing the door behind yourself and shuffling yourself towards the big couch before letting yourself fall into the soft cushion, still not completely there yet to realize what you’ve just been told. You cursed again, running your hand over your face, trying to find a clear thought between the dizziness and the intensifying nausea. What the hell was Negan’s plan? The first time he escaped he came back saying there was nothing left outside, nothing he’d be able to show them with that he was worthy of getting a place in the community, so now, now he needed to have a serious plan to do it again. He needed a clear goal. But what? And where did he head? Was he okay right now? ”Shit”, you mumbled again, feeling a lump beginning to grow in your throat as you knew that just in these very moments, the first groups were heading out to go after him and all you could hope for was that he was at some place they wouldn’t be able to find him. But just before you could think any further, think about what you could do in this situation, the nausea flared up even more than before, putting pressure first on your ribcage then slowly moving up your throat before the alarm lights in your head began to go off as soon as bile started to flow up your gullet and burned into your skin. Following your instinct you ran towards the kitchen, sprinting towards the closest sink before you could feel the bile pushing along with the rest of your stomach content up your throat, spewing out of your mouth in the very next moment as you sunk in over the kitchen sink. The bile was biting into the skin of your lips and let your eyes turn watery as more kept coming, only stopping for a second before the nausea clawed on your throat again and contracted your stomach over and over again until you hung breathlessly over the sink, saliva and bile dripping out of your mouth as your whole body shook violently. ”Fuck...not this too”, you mumbled, trying to calm yourself down as you reached towards the faucet, turning it on to let it wash the vomit down the drain, keep you from having to look at it any longer before you reached towards the water-stream, cupping your hands into a bowl to catch some water. Just as it was filled up enough you moved it wards your face, washing the couple tears that had dropped down your cheeks and the bile that was still sticking to your lips off, before doing the whole process again to rinse your mouth and get a few gulps of the water to get the awful biting taste out of your mouth. Sniffling you backed away from the sink, propping yourself against the kitchen island, feeling a bit less nauseous but just as dizzy as before. And while normally, you would have made sure that you would lay down for the rest of the day to give your body enough time to recover, that wasn’t up for discussion today. You couldn’t just do nothing while people were out going after Negan. You had no idea if this whole nausea, dizziness shit was due to the stress or if you’d just caught some flu, but either way you had to make a plan now of how to proceed, without letting your muddled mind get in your way. Clearly weakened but shaking a little less than before you got yourself a glass of still water and shuffled back over to the couch and moved carefully back on the cushions. Last time Negan had left a small note back in the cell, maybe he’d done it this time too? It wouldn’t be full of information, sure, but maybe with a few clues only you were able to figure out or at least some things that would calm you a little down. If that was so, you had to find it before the others did. You had to pull yourself together and get out.

You stayed a little longer on the couch, until the shaking was gone and your mouth was tasting normal again before you heft yourself up and walked up to your room, getting yourself ready and packing a small bag with some salve you’d left for Lydia and another bottle of water to keep yourself hydrated, before you finally made your way out of the house. The sun dazzled you as soon as you stepped down the porch, letting you feel how much giddiness was still stuck within you as you made your way down the familiar path to the cell. You could catch some people glimpsing at you here and there, their glances staying on you for a second, eyeing you before they got back to they work. At least some of them suspected you to be in on this, you were sure, regardless of who was sitting in the cell, regardless who had really let Negan out and just as you started to sort out who was trusting you and who wasn’t, you finally reached the brownstone. Breathing deeply in and out you made your way down the stairs, trying to keep yourself steady on your feet until you could slip into the room, directly catching Lydia sitting on the bed, her arms slung around her legs as she cradled them against her upper body. ”Hey”, you mumbled, glancing at her for a moment as he eyes shifted towards you, “How you’re doing?” ”Okay”, she mumbled, loosening her hold on her legs to let them down before she gulped slightly, “Why are you here?” ”Couple things”, you said, shifting a little on your feet as you stood by the open cell door, a little unsure how to keep the going,”Have to search for something and I got something for your bruises.” You glanced from her to the back, letting it down enough to rummage through it and grasp the small dose with the salve and walk towards her. ”I’ve had worse”, she mumbled as you reached it to her, shaking her head softly as you shrugged your shoulders. ”Guessed so, but it still helps”, you said, watching as she glanced between you and the salve for a moment before slowly reaching towards it and taking it out of your hand. You glanced at her for another moment; it was odd seeing someone else in here than Negan and in some weird way it transformed the cell that had nearly been homey to you after staying here each night for eight years into something almost strange. ”Why are you nice to me?”, Lydia ripped you out of your thoughts, letting your eyes snap back to hers as you softly shrugged your shoulders again. ”Why not?”, you asked, trying to but a small smile on your lips that were a bit rough from the torture your body had put it under earlier, “Just like I said yesterday, nothing of this is your fault.” She slowly nodded, still not believing it completely judging from the look in her eyes. ”And I know what it’s like being the outsider”, you mumbled, gulping slightly as you realized once again that this didn’t only apply to the time after the war, in a way, it also did now judging from last night and the glances of the people outside, and it hurt more than you liked to admit, “Different, I know. Sucks either way.” ”Yeah, it does” she mumbled as she gave you another nod, while the look in her eyes grew a little more trustworthy, “You don’t have to keep standing there, don’t look so good either.” ”Thanks”, you mumbled, with a soft chuckle that made your throat burn a little more as it rumbled up and fell from your lips, even though you could imagine that you still looked sickly pale. So slowly, you sat down on the other end of the bed, watching her carefully before you slowly raised your voice again. ”You didn’t let him out, huh?”, you asked, seeing as she hesitated for another moment before she slowly nodded. ”Feel better in here”, she mumbled, as if she had to justify staying in the cell instead of walking through all these people who still looked down at her for what happened last night. ”I get it”, you mumbled, slowly nodding as you fumbled on the  straps of the cloth bag, feeling how the dizziness flared up again before you glanced back at the girl, “But uhm, don’t think you have to stay in here, you can come to the infirmary too if you don’t wanna be around them all the time, we got enough empty rooms...just so you know.” She slowly nodded, even though you could tell that it looked like she had already decided for the cell and a part of you could understand it, even the part that it made her feel more safe than the infirmary. Negan had talked about something similar too here and there, he couldn’t stand the cell, no question, but it was still a safe place, more than most other spots in Alexandria. ”Alright, gotta quickly look for something”, you finally mumbled, trying to heft yourself up without nearly blacking out, before you finally stood securely back on your feet and glanced around, first taking the small cabinet in that leaned against one of the stony walls. And just as you moved towards it and opened one of its few drawers, you heard  how Lydia mumbled your name and made you turn right back around. ”Wait...think I got what you wanna find”, she said moving her hand to her pants’ pocket before fumbling a small folded papersheet out of it.” ”Found it under the pillow. Didn’t read it, thought it was for you”, she mumbled as she reached it towards you, “Figured they shouldn’t find it.” ”Thank you”, you mumbled, taking the note into your hand, holding tightly onto it as you tried to give her another small smile before nodding towards the salve that laid beside her on the bed. ”Swear that stuff on it as much as you like, okay?” ”Yeah”, she said, before you gave her another small nod and grabbed the cloth bag, slower than usual to not challenge your body too much. ”See you around...keep that offer in mind”,you said, as you slowly made your way outside the cell, only turning around to glance at her ,”Get well.” ”Thanks...you too.”

The sun was shining down onto Negan, bright, almost dazzling through the crowns of the trees that were shielding him. He had nothing on him else than his clothes, no water, no food, no weapon. He hadn’t been able to take anything from the cell with him, everything had to go down fast as soon as the metal door opened so he was more than glad that he could at least write that quick note for her before leaving the brownstone behind. Anyway, here he was now, searching for some source for water or food so he could pump his energy level back up before getting ready to set his plan into action. The sooner the better. It had to be around midday right now, and by this time, all of Alexandria probably knew about his escape and was already heading out looking for him, trying to find his ass. They wouldn’t though, he had moved in zick-zacks, had taken some detours they wouldn’t guess for sure, had moved fast and mostly through the undergrowth of the woods they wouldn’t dare to enter with their horses. And once he crossed the whisperers border he wouldn’t have to worry about that anymore anyway. But until he could do that and start tearing the enemy apart from the inside, he had to strengthen himself. Cursing, he ran a hand over his face, trying to keep going even though the bare minimum of sleep he’d gotten left him exhausted and allowed his thoughts to drift repeatetly to his wife. They wouldn’t suspect her of letting him out, would they? She’d walked from visiting him straight to the house and he couldn’t imagine that she’d left until the next morning. They would have nothing against her. Still, he could imagine how she was feeling right now, probably worried as hell and trying to figure out what his plan was, hopefully, leaving it there and not trying to come after him. She’d done it last time and he got why, but the situation had been different. This time she couldn’t be here, this time he had to do this on his own, and there was that feeling in him that even her beautiful stubborn head would understand it this time. It wouldn’t change her worries though, would probably make them worse and he couldn’t deny that he felt like shit for giving her those worries, but he’d make it all up with giving them both the brand new future they’d dreamed of. He’d show it to them all. As soon as the door of your home shut behind you with a loud thud you began to fumble on the note you’d kept tightly in your hands the whole way back. The dizziness kicked back in the very moment you’d reached the last fold and made you grow unsteady on your feet, forcing you to shuffle over to the couch before you unfolded it once for all. Gulping thickly you stared at Negan’s messy handwriting, taking a moment to keep the giddiness from flooding your view with blur and get yourself to figure out what was standing there on the small note. Hey Sweetheart, This for sure isn’t what I first thought of when I told you to trust me on finding a way but well fuck, here we are. Either way, here comes the important part. Don’t come after me. I mean it. I know you’re gonna want to find me before they do or keep them from doing shit to my ass but I need you to listen to me this time. Don’t come after me. I got a plan and I’ll prove it to them. Everything’s gonna be okay. I love you. Over and over again your eyes ran over the small piece of paper, over every letter that seemed to be so messily scrambled onto it, as if in a hurry. He had been, for sure, after whoever let him out but as much as you even relished in having that piece of paper with you, it really didn’t help you to figure out where he was. And he didn’t want you to. He wanted you to stay in Alexandria. And this time, well this time you felt like you were following that plea, not only because of whatever you’d caught that turned you into this dizzy mess and wouldn’t let you come far outside the walls, but also because this plea seemed far more serious. He had a plan, and you were burning to find out what it was, though you knew you wouldn’t do so until he could present a result. Sighing you leaned back on the couch, closing your eyes as some new nausea began to creep up from your stomach up your throat, though thankfully not strong enough to make you rush over to the sink again. Still, it was enough to throw you off for a second before you opened your eyes, glimpsing at the clock on the wall that much to your annoyance confirmed what you had suspected. There were only ten minutes left until you’d have to start your shift at the infirmary even though you already knew that you couldn’t work. Regardless of if it was stress or actually some virus, you couldn’t treat patients as dizzy as you were and especially not with the fear that you had to run off to the bathroom an second. So finally, you got yourself slowly up from the couch and began to make your way out of the house, still filled up with worry, stress and a good portion nausea. Gradually, you made your way up the stairs of the infirmary’s porch, more unsteady on your legs then when you’ve left your home while you could already see Dante through the window, standing at the counters and sorting something into the drawers. “Hey”, you mumbled as you finally opened the door, stepping inside the infirmary just as you saw Dante turning around, puckering his brows at you as you leaned yourself against the door, “Would it be hard to find a back up for my shift today? I just...I don’t know if it’s the stress or some virus but I’ve been feeling a little shitty...if it’s the latter, I  don’t think I’m much of a help,...and I don’t wanna get others sick.” “Sure, sure, rather rest that stuff out, but I think you should especially because of that stay here, as patient. Don’t wanna miss some nasty flu or something”, Dante quickly said as you slowly nodded, walking a little closer, trying to keep yourself steady on your feet. “So what’s going on?”, he asked, leaning himself against the counters as you moved in to sit down on one of the cots, hoping it would give you some stability back. “Well, I’m feeling dizzy, nauseous...and I’ve thrown up...that kind of stuff.” “Hmm”, he nodded, the look on his face for once normal as he shrugged his shoulders, “But with that kinda stuff you might wanna think of some other possibilities too besides stress and some virus.” “Huh?”, you mumbled, furrowing your brows at him just in the very moment that odd grin sneaked back on his lips. “You’re dizzy, you’ve thrown up and if I’m allowed to say it, you and your guy definitely seem like you really got the hots for each other”, he chuckled, and slowly it dimned on you where he was pushing that conversation, just as he rose his hands a little, “No offense, but what does that sound like to you?” You gulped, slowly nodding as your mind began to work flat out. Dizziness, nausea, sure that’s what you’ve heard from a bunch of women who’d come in here and ended up with a positive pregnancy test in their hands and even though there were a bunch of other symptoms to it, these two were pretty prominent ones. “I mean, is that possible?”, Dante cut your train of thought off for a moment before you sunk right back into them, shifting uncomfortably as you couldn’t find a clear answer. Your period had been an irregular asshole for the last few months, for whatever exact reason, so that one wasn't much of a help in your tries to figure it out. And all besides that, Negan and you were careful, but only as careful as you could be without any actual birth control. “I don’t know”, you finally mumbled, as you shrugged your shoulders, feeling how your head was still trying to find more evidence for or against a pregnancy. ”Did you have any other symptoms? Fatigue, mild cramping...you know the drill”, he continued while you tried to cram through your memories, tried to find any indicators before he let out a small sigh. “You know what? Just take a test, just to be sure and if not, we’ll let you rest this stuff out”, you could finally hear Dante add as he began to rummage through one of the drawers while you still stared at the ground, trying to grasp a clear thought. What the fuck was going on since last night? “Here you go”, you finally heard Dante say as he stepped back in your field of view and held a pregnancy test out for you to take it. “Alright, thanks”, you mumbled, taking it and pushing yourself away from the cot, giving Dante a small nod before you began to slowly head upstairs, still not completely trusting your body to do its job while your head was full of thoughts.

Only few minutes later you sat on the closed toilet seat, staring at the test in your clamp and slightly shaking hand. The instructions on the package had said five minutes until you’d get a result, judging by that and your constant looking at the small clock beside the towels in the shelf, you were only on minute two by now and every second felt like an hour. Huffing you shifted over the seat, moving one hand to massage your temples, trying to get the dull headache that was slowly emerging and spreading over your skull to calm down while your glance kept switching in between the test and the clock. What if you were pregnant? Fuck, what if that tiny blank space on the test would be filled with two lines in less than two minutes now? You wanted kids, god you wanted a family with Negan more than anything but if you were actually pregnant, that little bean would have one bad timing. Negan was gone, you had no idea where he was, you had no idea when he would be back and of all you knew, all of Alexandria was searching for him. All while you sat here, not being able to do anything for him, not able to follow him and instead, waiting alone in the infirmary’s bathroom to let some small test show you if you were pregnant with his baby. What kind of absurd dream was your life right now? But maybe, you weren’t pregnant and this was really just the stress or what fucking ever. If Dante hadn’t suggested it, you might not even have thought of it and those symptoms could be anything else as well. “Come on why are you taking so long”, you mumbled, shaking the test a little, even though you very well knew that this wouldn’t help at all. “Come on”, you mumbled again, sighing thickly as you kept on staring at it before slowly, too slowly almost, only one bright pink line filled the little blank space. For another moment you stared at the test, as if another line would appear next to it any moment, but instead the line stayed lonely. It was negative. A thick sigh fell from your lips as you still stared at the test, feeling this single line taking a load off your mind while you finally let the test down and ran your hand over your face, trying to sort that twisted situation. Say things would have continued to be fine like they had just a couple of days ago, Negan would have started to get more integrated into the community and maybe finally could have left the cell behind for good and move once for all completely in along with you into the house, you would have hoped more than anything that this test was positive, just like both of you had dared to dream. But right now, you were relieved and you weren’t sure if you were supposed to feel good or bad about it. Cold water ran down Negan’s face, entangling in his beard before dropping back into the small creek he’d taken it from. Finding it had taken much longer than he liked, but here he was now, crouching by that little stream, glancing at the water he was holding in the bowl he’d formed with his hands. He was thirsty as fuck but should he really drink it? It looked clear but last time he drunk out of a river he’d found himself puking the living shit out of his body only an hour after. Well, but he didn’t have much of a choice, did he? Risking it was better than dehydrating without even trying. “Gotcha. Don’t try anything“, an oddly familiar voice suddenly echoed through the air, snapping his glance up to Brandon who was standing on the other side of the creek, trying his best to look threatening as he pointed a hunting knife right at him. Well fuck. That boy better not try anything fucking stupid. Slowly, Negan rose his body up, straightening his posture and staring at him, trying to prepare for whatever Brandon was about to do, or anybody else he could have with him. “Man, the look on your face“, Brandon suddenly laughed, loosening his tense face up and letting it form into an odd grin instead as Negan stared at him, still not getting what the hell his guard was trying to do here,“Dude, seriously. I’m just messin’ with you...and damn, you’re fast. Took me forever to catch up.“ Another chuckle left his lips as he reached for the side of his belt, untangling a small canteen before tossing it through the air, far enough for Negan to catch it with ease while he slowly began to relax again as soon as he unscrewed the cap on the bottle and took the first sip of water. Well shit, maybe Brandon was gonna be of good use after all. “It’s negative”, you said as soon as you reached the last step of the stairs, watching as Dante turned back around to you. “Well, then at least we can cross out one possibility!”, he said as he leaned himself against the kitchen counter but nodded over at the cot in the middle of the room, “Let’s get a closer look at this.” You nodded, moving over while you could feel the dizziness kicking in once more, blurring your view just as you reached the cot and could feel the pounding in your head growing stronger. “Fuck”, you grumbled to yourself, closing your eyes for a moment tightly as if it could force the headache out of your head. “Ain’t looking good, huh?”, you heard Dante say while you could hear him opening a bottle and heard the rushing of water as it flowed into a glass, both sounds amplified to the maximum as they echoed through your head. “Yeah, don’t know, one moment I can manage the other it just overwhelms me”, you mumbled, slowly opening your eyes. “You’ve drunken anything today? You know dehydration only makes the symptoms you already got worse.” “I know...only drunk a bit after I threw up, but I couldn’t get that much down.” “Hmm okay”, Dante said, walking back over to you with the glass of water in his hand, “You should still try to give your body at least a bit, even if it’s just a sip at a time.” “Yeah”, you mumbled, nodding slowly you took the glass and got yourself to swallow a first gulp down, hoping it would help at least a little against the pounding in your head. It didn’t take long for Dante to check you through, doing the same procedure you had learned to go through with anyone who came in with symptoms similar to yours but still it didn’t get you much further to the cause of why you were feeling that shitty.  Maybe it really was just the stress and worry, maybe it was some dumb virus you’d caught, either way, you were nearly ordered to stay at the infirmary and rest until Dante would figure out with Siddiq as soon as he was back what made you feel so awfully miserable.  So you found yourself some while later in the small room you had also spent a good portion of time with Negan in after the war, wrapped up underneath the blankets, with one ibuprofen cursing through your body that was supposed to help you deal with the symptoms a little better until Dante had figured out what exactly you were dealing with. And while you at first had held onto the thought that it was just elicited by the stress and worry, you changed your opinion quickly as soon as more people stared coming into the infirmary. Even through the closed door you could hear people talking, mentioning the same things you had, complaining about nausea that let their whole body writhe and headaches that wouldn’t let the think straight. By the time you the night was surrounding Alexandria with darkness the infirmary seemed to have filled up with people who were feeling sick to the core, just like you who were feeling like shit. Most times you were hanging over the bowl Dante had put beside your bed while the pauses were filled with headache and moments in which you tried to process what had happed yesterday and all this day long. Your tired mind couldn’t figure anything out though, not how you had caught this shit, not what Negan might be planning, not what the future would hold for you, all you knew was that this was gonna be a long night.

Brandon was weird. Holy shit, was that fucker weird. All Negan had known about him before his escape was that he was a guard, one that was trying to be tougher than he looked. Now, well now he knew more than he actually wanted. The guy’s parents had been Saviors, probably died during the war and since then little Brandon had been stuck in the communities, developing one fucking hatred for any damn soul living in those walls. And it didn’t stop there, he absorbed any damn rumor he could on the way, starting up with Negan killing Rick and ended with him shooting Carl. He stopped him right there too, calling Brandon out on that bullshit but that weird ass look that seemed to permanently stuck in his eyes stayed right there. That guy was messed up, obsessed with his Saviors and any fucking thing surrounding them, so much that he’d made a new Lucille with a smaller baseball bat and some barbed wire, and found his old Leather jacket fuck knows how. He knew his girl had searched for it for a long time, without ever finding it, so Brandon either got it before her or he turned into some damn super detective just for that jacket. Either way, he had to watch out for him, make sure he didn’t get any dumb ideas and make him leave before the whisperer border, so he couldn’t get him in trouble with his weird ass plans and could instead follow his very own. One of those plans were right in front of him now, showing him a spot for a new fucking Sanctuary, out of all things. He wasn’t gonna follow up to it, not only because the building that glimmered in the morning sun seemed like a run down hall that must’ve been used for tractors or other farming stuff but also because he had no intentions to start a Sanctuary 2.0. He had a whole different goal. “I'm gonna say she's a seven”, Brandon suddenly said, snapping Negan back into reality as he watched some rotting walkers passing the border of high grass they were hiding behind. Confused, Negan glimpsed back at Brandon, chewing on the hall between his teeth as he furrowed his brows. “What? Isn't this the kind of stuff you and the Saviors used to do to kill time?”, Brandon asked, all excited as he ripped off a grass halm and stuck it between his back teeth as well. God, what the fuck was going on in that guy’s head? Why the fuck would anybody leach over some fucking dead disgusting assholes? “I can't say that I remember rating walkers on hotness”, Negan grumbled, glancing at the walker Brandon had looked at, a particulary rotten corpse with some long tangly blonde hair of which most had already been ripped or fallen out. “Besides, she's clearly a three”, he mumbled, pointing at the putrefying walker that was slurfing over the concrete ground, dragging its limp feet step by step along. “Spot's not half bad, right? New Sanctuary”, Brandon started again, now pointing from the walkers to the hall behind them. And just before Negan could say anything else, a blood freezing scream echoed through the air, cutting through the air like a sharp hunting knife. It took milliseconds for the scream to rumble through Negan and set him off to run towards it, following the urge to find its source that lead him right to a rusty bus, right as another scream shrilled.

Slowly, slowly your eyes began to flutter open. For a moment, everything seemed like a blurry mess of white, green gray, blue and black, with a dash of green, before it melted into figures, into the walls, the curtains, the window that pointed at the trees outside and finally, at a figure sitting by your bed, tall and broad, looking down at you before your heart skipped a beat as soon as you figured out who that figure was. “Hey Sweetheart”, his deep, rough voice echoed through to you, though it sounded soft and concerned at the very same time, matching the glance he was giving you. “Negan?”, you asked, with as much surprise and confusion stuck in it as your weak voice could bring up while you stared at him as if he was a mirage. Or was he one? Negan was gone, wasn’t he? How was he sitting at your bedside now? How was he here and not before the council, in the cell or- “How’s my girl doing?”, his voice cut your thoughts off as he reached to grasp your hand with his large, warm one and suddenly, it didn’t seem all too odd that he was sitting there anymore, as the part that was overwhelmed with joy to have him right there made you forget your surprise for a moment. “I’ve had better days”, you mumbled, giving him a weak smile before you halted as soon as you saw the concern grow in his glance and instead grasped his hand back and squeezed it softly,”Gonna be fine.” “I know”,he nodded, giving you a bit of his signature grin,”You’ll kick that shit’s ass.” He grew quiet for a moment, becoming more serious, quiet again, his eyes fixing on your intertwined hands before they glimpsed back up to you. “Promise me?” “I promise”, you said, giving him another small smile while he stroked his thumb over the back of your hand, nodding as soon as he heard your voice. Negan’s eyes ran over your face as you looked sleepily at him, trying to keep yourself awake to talk a little longer to him before something odd was putting you on alert for a moment. Slowly, so slowly a red line began to inch along Negan’s throat, first along the spot where his nearly completely faded scar laid, then windening, millimeter per millimeter as you furrowed your brows at him, trying to figure out what the hell was going on. “Negan?”, you asked, your voice filled with confusion and concern as he looked at you, perking his brows up as he let a small chuckle fall from his lips. “What’s wrong?”, he asked as the thin line slowly became thicker,”Baby, you’re staring at me as if I had a dick for a fuckin’ nose.” You couldn’t take your eyes off it anymore, staring at the line, at the bloody red color that only seemed to intensify while Negan slowly began to get more worried. “No, seriously. Are you okay?”,he asked, grasping your hand a little tighter ,”I can get the Doc, just tell me.” You didn’t answer, instead you just looked at the red line on his throat that suddenly, in the matter of a split of a second, spilled over, letting deep red blood flow down his neck, into the gray shirt, then into the blue flannel on top, turning it into a dark red as it made its way down his body. “Negan?!”, you called out, unable to move up, unable to glance into his eyes as a deep rooted panic washed over you, keeping you paralyzed until you heard him wheezing and rattling, grasping your hand tightly as his whole body began to shake. Just then you could look up at him, look into hazel eyes that stared into emptiness, clouded with a thin blueish white sheet as his face turned deathly pale, setting a terrifying contrast to the red blood that began to spill through his lips. “Negan!”, you could hear your voice scream, gasping his hand, shaking it in panic to get him to come back while his rattles got harder, his blood covered body started to slump in as you kept on screaming and felt hot tears falling from your eyes, starting to drown you in the panic-stricken fear they washed over your whole body, that seemed to take you completely over the moment Negan’s limp body crushed down onto you and everything got black. Gasping for air you snapped your eyes open, your whole body shaking and your heart pounding against your chest as your glance rushed around the room, taking everything in just like seconds ago, except for Negan. There was no Negan. No concerned Negan, no blood overflowed Negan, no Negan at all. It had just been a dream. Right? Yes! It had just been a dream. Nothing more, nothing less. Panting you shuffled up into your pillow, wincing in response to your hurting body as you still stared around the room, trying to reassure yourself that you were actually awake, that there would no dying Negan reappear in the very next second. “Fuck...”, you exhaustedly mumbled as soon as you were fairly sure that you weren’t sleeping anymore, and ran a hand over your face, trying to calm yourself a little down. You should have known the nightmares would come back, you really should have, especially now with that fever cursing through your body, twisting your fears even more than usual. “Good morning! You okay?”, you suddenly heard a voice ask, ripping you out of the trance you were still swaying in and instead snapping your eyes to the gap in the door that had widened by now, allowing Dante to peak inside. “Yeah”, you slowly nodded, gulping thickly as you pulled the sheets a bit more over your shaking body,”Just a fever dream.” “Alright”, he said, leaning against the doorframe before that odd grin sneaked back on his lips,”Need a bit comfort?” You stared at him all startled, still not capable to process much except for the rest of the nightmare that still lingered in the back of your head before Dante raised his arms in defense and let out a chuckle. “Oh yeah, boundaries”, he said, a little over theatrical, as usual, before he quickly rose his voice again. “Not trying to get in your pants”,he shook his head, yet still with that odd grin on his face while you still only managed to stare confusedly at him,”Bet your man would pop right back up out of nowhere and beat the hell out of me.” You could only give him a tiny nod, not disagreeing with him on that last part even though you were still too much caught up in that bubble to come up with some real answer just as another patient called out for him. “Well, back to duty! But make sure you drink enough, gotta stay hydrated”, he called out, pushing himself away from the doorframe, shooting one more grin at you before he vanished back in the hallway, leaving you alone with the aftermath of the nightmare. Sighing you sunk back into the pillows, cursing quietly to yourself. When you were awake, you were nauseous and every inch of your body seemed to hurt, and when you were asleep, fever and fear induced nightmares haunted you, great.

Blood was still sticking to Negan’s hands as he shifted over the seat in the bus, sighing thickly. He’d managed to kill those putrid fuckers before they’d turned the source of the screams into a snack; a woman and a kid who’d tried their best to keep the dead off of them. They’d been sitting right where Brandon was sitting now for a while, on the seats on the other side of the aisle, the kid fidgeting nervously while his Mom had told them about their little journey of surviving day for day, moving from camp to camp until they found shelter in this bus. They were outside now, catching a bit air and now Brandon was sitting there, that weird ass look on his face again all while talking about robbing the chick and her kid, following them and trying to find out if they were hiding more shit somewhere. Negan was for sure good with words, but he definetly had no words anymore to describe Brandon, other than fucking weird and psychotic maybe. Running a hand over his face he heard Brandon rambling on, and it was getting seriously on Negan’s wick by now. Who did this fucker think Negan was or had been back then? Monster who would fuck over a woman who was clearly weakened and sleep deprived, and a defenseless kid? No matter how flawed his deeds had been back in the day, his intentions had always been to protect and strengthen the weak, not screw them over. Shit, psycho boy had to go and Negan had to find a way to get rid of him without setting him off like the bomb he seemed to be. "Alright look, I appreciate everything you’ve done for me since Alexandria, but it’s only gonna get more dangerous from now on…I think it’s best I go on alone and you go home“, Negan said as he leaned himself onto the armrest of his seat, glancing at Brandon who suddenly didn’t look enthusiastic anymore but rather like a pouting toddler. "Okay…it’s just if I go back, everyone’s gonna wanna know where I’ve been. What am I supposed to say? I’ve never been a great liar.“ Well fuck, he should’ve probably expected that Brandon wasn’t gonna leave that easily, huh? Looked like he had to go over to plan B, looked like he had to get a bit more forthright; but just as he was about to speak up, Brandon cut him off. "What am I supposed to tell your wife? Is she in on this?“ "She’s not. She doesn’t know anything about this here“, Negan said, trying to keep his cool as he shifted over the seat. If Brandon was gonna go back home, shit he couldn’t risk him putting his girl in danger with his shit talking mouth, no fucking way. "If she’s not in on this then she’s part of the he enemy’s side, isn’t she? Then what I heard is true. She was always just a means to an end. For a new beginning, for intel, for-…“ "You don’t know shit“, Negan clearly growled now, glaring at him as he could feel his heart beginning to pump against his chest,“ You heard I shot Carl? I didn’t. You heard I’m with my wife to use her? I’m fucking not.“ "You know what? New plan. You go wherever the hell you want“, Negan said, a tiny grin but dangerous growing on his face as he looked straight at Brandon, "You go back to Alexandria, you tell the whole world exactly where I am.“ He cleared his throat slightly, watching as Brandon’s face tensed, half in confusion, half in anger but apparently it just needed another more direct nudge to get rid of his psycho ass "You see, I don't give a shit. Just as long as I don't have to see that pasty, creepy-ass face of yours ever again.“ That’s it. Brandon’s face filled up with suspense, his brows puckered and his lips contorted in anger before he nearly jumped up from the seat and stormed down the aisle without looking at Negan once more. "You're just like all the others“, he just huffed before he rushed outside, vanishing out of his field of view, hopefully once for all.

The midday sun was already hovering over the sky as you glimpsed outside the windows and shifted over the sheets of the bed, trying to find a comfortable position that wouldn’t let the nausea flare up again and allow you to get at least some sleep, even if it was just a nap. But instead, you just kept shifting from side to side, pulling the blankets more over your body in hopes to get more comfortable, which stayed pretty unsuccessful. “Come on”, you quietly grumbled to yourself as you rolled onto your back, sighing thickly while you sunk your head deeper into the pillow and still trying to ban the nightmare that had woken you up this morning once for all out of your head. Parts of it still lingered within you, trying to make their way back into your consciousness while you were trying your best to deal with it somehow. You’d known that sleeping without Negan would feel unusual to you, but you’d underestimated coping with the nightmares without him. Though they really had been rare lately, your way to deal with them involved him as good as always. You could talk to him about them, even in the middle of the night, and get the toxic thoughts they’d pump into you out of your system and keep yourself from bottling them up, either right there and then or in the morning, after finding some comfort in Negan’s arms. That’s what he did for you, that’s what you did for him when he had them. And well now, now you had to switch to an alternative method you’d learned; reimagining a different ending to it to turn the horror into something harmless, maybe even happy. In theory, it wasn’t that hard. For the nightmare that had haunted you tonight it would alternatively just end with Negan slipping next to you in bed, cradling you and cheering you up until you had fought whatever was turning you into a nauseous mess. In practice, this whole thing was a little harder. Imagining that happy ending only made you think more about what Negan was doing now, more so what he was planning and if it would put him in danger. It was an endless loop of worrying and pondering that obviously wouldn’t get you anywhere, it would most certainly only make everything worse, but shutting those thoughts out when you had nothing else to do but lay in bed, with nothing to actually distract you or keep you occupied was easier said than done.

“Ah, kid, there is so much you're gonna miss growing up in this screwed-up world”, Negan mumbled as he sat outside on the back of an old and rusty pick up truck, next to the little guy from the bus. He was a lively kid, a bit shy at first but with that really was no wonder. He’d almost been turned into a damn snack and he didn’t want to know what else he already had to go through, so it was probably time for him to make sure he’d cheer that kid up a little. Thank fucking god Brandon had vanished in the woods hours ago and he surely hoped it would stay that way and he’d fuck off back to Alexandria or elsewhere. Now he could look straight ahead, maybe with a little detour if he wanted to make sure that little guy and his mom were safe, but turning his lan into reality was still closer than ever. He heard Milo chuckle beside him, watching him as Negan glanced at him and let out a small, throaty chuckle,”You know, driving your first set of wheels, video games, nut-tapping.” Milo stared at him with furrowed brows, a little confused as Negan’s laugh boomed louder through the air as he glimpsed at the boy. “What, you've never heard of nut-tapping? Seriously? With big ol' sausage fingers like those?”, he chuckled, pointing at the boy’s hands as he shook his head. “Alright, man, the whole point of nut-tapping catching the other guy off guard, right, embarrassing him, getting even for him calling your mom a slut or whatever”, he explained, feeling some memories nearly welling up before he adjusted his seat on the trucks surface and glanced at Milo. “Wanna keep your wrist loose, like this”, he said, raising his hand a bit up, though keeping it loose before checking that the boy was following him. “Lean in all casual like”,he grinned, swaying a little as he leaned back before he let out a thick laugh as he shot his hand into the air ,”And then thwack!” “Snap your fingers right on his nuts”, he added with a laugh, remembering how goddamn often he’d done that and a whole other shit to guy’s who’d said just bad word about his mom or had made some dumb ass comment ,”Now, you gotta remember, you go low. You go too high, you get nothing but dick.” He wrinkled his nose a little, playful though as he chuckled “Alright, let's see what you got”,he said, nodding to Milo before he tried it as well, fucking well if he Negan was honest ,”You're a natural. See, if nut-tapping was a sport, you wouldn't have to 'roid up, and you would still be in the hall of fame.”  The boy chuckled, looking a little loosened up and happier than he had when Negan first had sat down beside him and damn that had already been what he’d loved about his job all these years back. Seeing kids faces light up, cheering them up when they were down and teaching them something, even if it was just that kinda shit. Hell, that’s what he wanted to do with his own kids someday too and make sure he could be the best Dad possible to them,  Shit, that was partly why he was doing this whole shit, so he could gain the people’s trust back home and have a future with his girl outside this fucking cell, live with her in that cozy house and do his best so they both could expand their little family with a kid or maybe even two. “Ahh. Alright, kid, dinner. Not gonna happen without fire. Fire's not gonna happen without wood”,Negan finally said, urging himself to not sink into any thoughts as he looked at Milo beside him,”Tell me something. You get all packed up?” “Yeah”, he said, nodding slowly as he gulped, trying to cover it up with a small smile Negan could look right through. “Hey, you know, I know that moving sucks. You know, I was telling your mom, though, I know a place that I'm pretty sure they're gonna take you in. It's got really high walls, farmland, even has a mansion sitting in the middle of it”, he said, running this hand along his stubbly jaw as he let out a small sigh ,”You just can't tell 'em who brought ya, alright? But I will get you as close as I can. One condition, though...Keep those meaty fingers holstered up when my nuts are around. Okay? - Deal?”  “Yeah”, the boy laughed, his face lightening up again as Negan shot him a wide grin and raised his hand for the boy to meet it with his in a high five before he stood up and let out a small groan as soon as he shifted with his boots over the ground. “Perfect! Well, then I’ll get my ass into the woods and make sure we get some food”, he said, watching as Milo smiled and nodded again, “See you later, man.” Negan could speak of luck that it hadn’t rained much these last days, the wood he could find in the forest was dry and nearly begged for him to start a fire with it, so he ended up with his arms filled up with thick and small branches as he made his way back in the direction of the bus. The sun was already nearing the crowns of the trees, still bright even though he knew that just an hour from now it would slowly start to become dark. The second full night away from Alexandria would start soon, and part of him was glad that he could distract himself with talking to the kid or even his mom before he would go over to starting his plan. Some would see it as obstacle, to him, it actually felt like it was an advantage to not let his thoughts make him think constantly about what would happen as soon as he’d cross the border. It let him stay sharp as soon as the right time would come. With a small groan he stepped out of the underwood back onto the clearing, felt the mud from the woods smudging against the concrete ground as he made his way over the clearing, passing fallen trees and some other busses before suddenly heard something all to awfully familiar. A whistle. Loud and almost shrilling. Brandon was back. His face that had been relaxed and calm until just now formed into a thick frown, goosebumps of anger forming on his skin as his footsteps got faster. What the fuck else did he have to tell that idiot to leave him alone? What the fuck had he done? Why was he back with Milo and his mom, he’d told him loud and fucking clear he wouldn’t hurt them. Negan gulped thickly as he made the last turn, his pulse already becoming faster before it rocketed as he saw Brandon by the bus, still whistling loudly and then, he saw it. Two bloody circle’s busted on the side of the bus, blood was dripping down from them, pooling on the concrete that was covered by two bodies. The boy Negan had rocked around with laid with his head turned to him, his eyes closed, almost looking as if he was sleeping if it wasn’t for the puddle of blood forming around his head, close to his mother’s lifeless body. He’d killed them. Brandon had killed the kid and his mom. The wood fell out of Negan’s arm as he dropped his arms in shock, staring at the dead boy while an ice-cold shudder run down his back, fueled by the anger that began to curse through his veins as soon as that psycho fucker turned around, a wide, disgusting smile boasting on his face. “That's it, right? You almost had me. Back on the bus, when you kicked me out. Then I remembered, This is Negan. He's always messing with people, keeping 'em in line. So I realized there's a test. "It's gonna get a lot more dangerous from here on out." That's what you said to me. You wanted to make sure that I had the balls to do what had to be done”, he called out almost as if he’d just done the most honorable deed, as if he had saved the day, as if he had done something Negan had asked for. He hadn’t. What the fuck was this fucker thinking, what the fuck. “What do you think? I passed, right?”, that asshole dared to ask while Negan’s anger skyrocketed, constantly fueled by the view of the dead kid who just had to die because this fucking asshat thought he’d challenged him. For a moment, his thoughts stopped and his anger and instincts took over as he moved in fast steps towards Brandon, grabbing rock from the ground as he stopped towards him. He was gonna end this insanity, right fucking now.  Brandon rose his hands triumphally up in the air, shouting in the air,“I am Neg-” He couldn’t finish the last word. Just as he tried Negan’s hand rushed down on him, holding the rock that crushed against his skull and knocked him to the ground. He groaned in pain, writhing on the cement as Negan stepped panting over him, pushing him down as he grabbed the bloody rock tighter and crushed it against Brandon’s skull, over and over again, each hit pumping him fuller with adrenaline. Blood was flying through the air, splattering against Negan’s face as the body beneath him started to stop moving and twitching as the life flowed over it, still, Negan didn’t stop there, the anger that pumped him up was too strong, the anger about Brandon, the anger about himself that he had left them alone or hadn’t gotten rid of that asshole to begin with. That fucker had killed them both for him, he’d done it for him. Fuck. Negan nearly moved into a trance as he kept on crushing the rock down on Brandon until he was gone for good and his arm grew tense, just then he got himself back up on his feet and let the rock fall to the ground, meeting it with a harsh thud that echoed through his head. Hell, he had to get away from here, now. Gradually slowing his breath down he stepped away from Brandon’s corpse, moving over to he backpack of that fucker to fish his jacket and the new Lucille out that he swung over his shoulder, breathing through as he glanced one last time at Brandon. This asshole had fucked this up, but he sure wasn’t gonna fuck his plan up, that was for sure.

Hours of wandering passed until darkness filled the forest up to the brim, only some moonshine cutting through the crowns of the trees and shining down to the spot by some big oak where Negan sat, leaning against the stem and staring into the dark. Brandon’s blood was washed off his face by now, though he still couldn’t really get the picture of the dead kid and his mom out of his head and that disgusting grin on that sickos face. Fuck, he got what he deserved but hell, Negan wished he would have just come back to the camp side a little earlier. Sighing he ran a hand over his face, closing his eyes for a moment as he grasped Lucille 2.0 that laid next to him and felt the leather of his jacket smoothing against his skin. At least one thing that fucker had done right. It was almost time. Just a little longer and he’d cross the border that was already in view from his spot by the tree. Only a little longer and he’d put his plan into action. He was gonna show it to them all. Fuck yes, he was. A small groan fell from his lips as he let his eyes flutter back open and glanced at his left hand, at the wedding band that adorned his ring finger. A tightness spread through his chest as he moved in with his other hand and slowly grasped the ring, wiggling it slightly to loosen it up and stroking it off his finger until he could twirl it between his thumb and his pointer. He had to do this, he couldn’t take any chances. Those fuckers couldn’t know that there had been, nor that there still was someone important in his life, that shit would only raise questions he didn’t want to answer to them. ”Shit”, he mumbled as he glanced a little longer at it before moving it to his lips to press a small kiss against it, before feeling how his lips grew into a small grin as he let go of the ring and buried it in the pocket of his jacket. ’My big ol’ softie’ he could hear her voice echoing through his head, letting him chuckle slightly as he thought about it and that gesture he had just been doing, that gesture that for fucking sure could be straight out of some sappy romantic comedy. Well fuck, whatever, he was man enough to admit that he could turn into some goddamn soft fucker with her, just as much as he could turn into a dirty, rough bastard. But shit, regardless of that, the later was definitely the side he had to bring out right fucking now. 'Cause now, well now it was time for the big bad wolf to go on a hunt.

The morning sun was already filling your room with bright sunlight as you moved in your bed, still a little rattled from the last night, and watched as your door began to creak a little open. “Morning”, a familiar gruffy voice sounded through to you, revealing who was moving behind the door before your half brother finally stepped inside. “Morning”, you mumbled back, your voice still a little drowsy and yet surprised as a small part of you asked yourself if you were still dreaming. “Just heard you’re in here”,Daryl mumbled, strolling slowly into the room, his eyes wandering carefully over your face before he leaned himself against the wall oppositely to the end of the bed,”How you’re doing?” “Shitty, but it’ll get better”, you said, giving him a weak smile as he slowly nodded and glanced up at you, while for a small moment, you didn’t feel all that alone anymore. “Haven’t found him.” “I figured”, you mumbled as Daryl nodded, scratching his arm while you let out a small sigh, still a bit careful with what to exactly say around him. “He won’t do anything to harm Alexandria or anybody in here”, you said, watching as Daryl’s face got a little tense, still he listened as his eyes swayed over your face, as if he was trying to figure out how much hope he should put in these couple of words. “Daryl, I’m not just saying that to protect him, I know he won’t”, you reassured, pushing yourself a little more up into the pillows and just as you caught Daryl nodding just in the slightest way, the door opened with another small creak and let Victor walk in. And by the look he gave you, the mud on his boots and the little scratches on his arms from walking through the underwood you could tell that he had abanonded his usual spot at the gates to search for Negan. “Do you know where he is?”, he asked almost in the very same moment he walked into the room, his dark eyes staring down at you as you quickly shook your head. “No, I don’t”,you said, sighing as you glimpsed up at the man, trying to not get too annoyed by the words and that passive aggressive tone in his voice,”How often do I need to say that?” He just huffed, running a hand over his bald head as he shook it and walked more into the room, still not letting his eyes switch off you for too long, especially as he spoke back up. “Whatever...we need to find him before he causes us more harm.” “He won’t do anything like that”, you repeated yourself, earning a glare of the man while you could only catch from the corner of your eyes how Daryl began to shift a little from foot to foot, growing more restless. “Listen, I know he won’t”, you assured again, trying to put firmness into your weak voice, “Why don’t you take that advantage of having someone here who knows him inside out? When I say I know he won’t, I mean it.” “Because who knows if you’re not tricking us? Who knows if this is not a sick little game of you, you figured out along with him?” “Enough!”, Daryl suddenly growled, snapping both of your glances to your half brother as you saw him glaring at Victor, pushing himself away from the wall as he took a few steps toward him, “Better get outta here.” Victor stared at him for a moment, gulping thickly as a sterner frown spread over his face before he reluctantly turned around as walked out of the room, all while you were still looking at Daryl, more than happily surprised about how protective he’d turned for you. “Thanks”, you mumbled as you glanced at him, shifting a little uncomfortably in the bed as you watched his blue eyes glanced down at you,”Don’t know anymore what I should tell them to believe me.” “It’s okay”, he mumbled, nodding slowly before the note slipped back into your head, it wasn’t much, and thank god now that there weren’t any more information about Negan’s whereabouts on it, but maybe it would make Daryl trust you just a little more. “Uhm, I got something you should see”, you said, slowly lifting yourself up, enough to reach towards the nightstand while Daryl’s brows furrowed a little as you pulled the drawer open and reached underneath the tissues and cloths to grab the small, folded note. “He left it for me, nothing on there I haven’t told you but you might wanna see it”, you said, watching as some suspicion spread over Daryl’s face before he reached towards the note and slowly unfolded it. You could see his eyes running over the paper, reading everything on there repeatedly, sticking here and there to the last part of it before his glance slowly wandered back up at you. “Mhmm ‘kay”, he mumbled, nodding slowly before he placed the note back on the nightstand, looking slightly less tense before as he looked back at you, ”Gotta get back out. Get better, alright?” “I’ll try my best”, you said, giving him a small smile that he returned in that typical small twitch of the corners of his lips before he headed towards the door, “See ya.” “Yeah, see you”, you mumbled, giving Daryl another small glance before he slipped back into the hallway.

So that was the infamous whisperer camp. Some random place in the woods, the undergrowth clomped down by the skin freaks that were walking through it, the branches of the trees here and there covered with drying walker skins in all different sizes and to finish it off, the borders of the camp were at some points surrounded by hut like constructions of branches and small trees. A bit underwhelming if Negan was honest. Sure, they were living that whole survivor-paleo shit out, but he’d honestly expected a little more. Anyway, that didn’t matter much, he was just glad that he got inside, even though he could already tell that at least one person was pissed about that. And that exact fucker was staring again and again at him right now, the big ass freak they called Beta, the grumpy giant who was second in command and who he’d already manage to piss off on his way here. He’d annoyed him a little and Negan could bet that fucker would’ve already sliced his jugular open if he hadn’t dropped the prisoner bomb. He wasn’t actually gonna spill the Alexandrian’s secrets, of course not, but just saying that he could got him where he wanted and opened the possibility to slip them some false information whenever he wanted. Now wasn’t the time for that though, now he was sitting on the ground, leaned against a tree, watching as Frowny Mctwoknives switched from big tough asshole to little submissive lamb as he talked to his Alpha. She wasn’t like Negan had imagined her, (Y/N) had told him a bit about her from that night at the border, but that was mostly just about her weird way to move and talk, not about the sturdy and short figure of the woman with the bald head, or the odd way she moved her head when she talked to Beta. It looked funny though, those two together. Beta really was a giant, he wasn’t exaggerating there, Negan was already a pretty tall man, but shit Beta was a monster who was now standing next to a woman who was a couple heads smaller than him but clearly had him by his balls. They were fucking, weren’t they? Or was she just giving him the feeling he could some day get a piece of her to keep his hopes up and his balls blue? Speaking of the devil, she looked over at him in that moment, oddly cold eyes swaying over him for a second and for just that second he thought he’d finally get the chance to introduce himself to her before she looked back at Beta. She said something else right after, and whatever it was it directly let that big ass fucker drop down to his knees, still remaining a bit taller than her but symbolically he had shrunk to the size of a garden gnome. All while she kept her weird little head and body movements going and he stared at her, almost in panic, through the holes in his mask. This really was a little freak show, wasn’t it? Shit, Negan had kneeled before too, not like that though. Hell no, and he’d only done it for his girl; when they were in the shower and he felt like giving her pussy a little extra pampering or stuff like that. He would’ve kneeled too to propose to her, definitely if they hadn’t been all cozily cuddled up on the bed in that moment and all else of the situation had allowed it. Still, he hadn’t kneeled like that before, not like Beta did there for Alpha, not like some subservient follower for a leader. But shit, he might had to change that if he wanted to get to his goal.

Daryl and Victor stayed your only visitors for a while, except for Dante who brought you some food and new water in the morning and some time around midday. You tried passing your time with browsing through some old magazines, looking at some pictures that raged from obscure fashion to wildlife photos and reading some small articles that couldn’t be much longer than a few sentence or else the headache and nausea let you lose your focus. You would sleep more if you could, try to pass your time the fastes way but exactly those two who gave you problems reading also crossed your nap plans any time you tried it. Being bored in this world was a luxury, you knew that, but it still didn’t make it a pleasant state. It was sometime in afternoon when the door finally opened again, and while a part of you thought it would be Dante again to look judgidly at your mostly untouched food or refill your water, it was instead Siddiq who slipped into your room and quickly closed the door behind himself. “Welcome back”, you mumbled, laying the Magazine you’d just tried to read beside you onto the nightstand, pushing a little to give it some space beside the plate and the glass of water. “Didn’t expect to be welcomed with a popped full infirmary to be honest”, he chuckled, a little bitterly as he grabbed a chair from the corner of the room and moved it beside your bed. “How are you doing? Don’t spare me off the details, trying to figure out what is going on here”, he asked as soon as he plumped down on the chair with a small groan and just now you noticed the deep rings underneath his eyes and the exhausted look on his face. “Still got headache and nausea, just feelling weak in general...but at least I haven’t thrown up today so that’s something”, you said, looking at him as he slowly nodded and scratched his beard, visibly pondering. “Okay, what has Dante given you so far?” “Some of the Ibuprofen, but that has only helped a bit”, you mumbled, shrugging your shoulders softly. “So you got no idea what it could be? I’m trying to think of something you all got in common but I just can’t figure it out. You don’t work together with any of them, y’know? And Dante doesn’t have it so...ugh, it just doesn’t make any sense.” “Not sure...y’know in that time we lived in the prison we had some outbreak too, but that was transmitted by some pretty badly infected walkers, with bloody eyes and all that nasty shit...but that doesn’t make sense either...not this time...but maybe it could be something similar, maybe not that obvious though.” “Hmm...could be, but a bunch of these people haven’t been ouside the walls in weeks”, Siddiq mumbled, running a hand over his face as if it would solve the tangle of thoughts that had created in his head while you just looked at him, just as helpless. “Whatever...I’ll figure it out somehow...maybe tonight, can’t sleep anyway”, he chuckled, though there was not much thinking needed to get that it was just to try to cover up the trauma that still haunted him. Gulping thickly you glanced at him, trying to guess if right now was the right moment to finally talk to him about this kind of topic but even though you could already feel the tension in you rising you knew that you couldn’t keep on delaying this further. It would always be uncomfortable. “Y’know, you should talk to someone about it”, you mumbled, fumbling on your hands as you glimpsed at him, watching as he shifted over his place on the chair while you could tell that he directly knew what you were talking about. “That won’t make it unhappen.” “I know, but avoidance is the core of that shit...and it will only get worse the more you avoid it...you know that”, you carefully said,”I...you don’t have to talk to me, that’s not what I’m saying...just to someone...and I know you’d tell me the same if situations were reversed” “Yeah”, he began to slowly nod, focing a small smile on his face, “I know...I just, need to figure out how.” “Thanks”, he added seconds after, moving in to give your hand a squeeze before he nodded to the food on your nightstand, “Well, you want me to talk to someone, I want you to eat some of that food. You gotta get stronger again.” He had a small smile on his lips as he nudged the plate lightly, glancing at you as you slowly nodded. “Alright, I’ll try my best”, you said, chuckling softly even though you already dreaded trying to chew it down, while Siddiq stood up from his chair and carefully pushed it back into the corner. “Good, well then I’ll see you around”, he said, giving you a small smile as he stepped to the door, leaning against its frame for a moment, “And get better.” “I’ll sure try to”, you said back, shifting a little in underneath your sheets as you watched Siddiq giving you one last nod before he slipped out of the room and left you alone with the staples of magazines and the plate full of food you had to get down your throat somehow. And as much as only the view of food made you feel your nausea flaring up again, you at least had something to distract yourself with for the next while.

Since the world had gone to shit, there was for sure a whole assload of disgusting crap Negan had been forced to do to survive. Bashing walker brains or covering himself in their rotting guts were just some small examples, but the crap he had to do right fucking now topped it all, really. Right below him was one of those decaying fuckers who’d probably been dead for years before Negan had encountered it, right before turning it into a super-dead fucker as soon as he’d rammed a knife into its skull. Back in the old days, that would have been it. But not with the whisperers, not with those weirdos that wore the dead skins as masks and most fucking certainly not with frowny Mctwoknives who was staring at him the whole goddamn time, testing if he was worthy of joining the ranks of said weirdos. And right now, well right now he had to skin one of them, cut into the flesh of its back, not too deep though, and slowly peel the rotting skin off the dead body below him so one of them could get a new piece for their skin suit. It didn’t work too bad actually, it was still disgusting as shit but peeling the skin off that asshole was a bit easier than he had expected. “Here we go”, he grumbled, cutting the piece off at its end before glancing at the not-so-friendly giant next to him who was watching him carefully, grumbling a bit here and there as Negan got himself up on his feet and walked over to the big branch they were supposed to dry these skin patches on. Slowly, he let the piece down on the wood, looking at it for a moment as it hung there as limp as some whiskey dick. It wasn’t too bad actually, damn he could be proud now that he got a real glance at it, regardless of how fucking disgusting it was. And just as a small smirk wanted to grow on his lips, he felt the stinky giant coming up behind him, tossing the biggest fucking piece of skin onto the branch beside his, grunting as if he was trying to get some more attention for his weird ass piece of work. Well crap. Now with that big neatly cut out rectangle of meat next to his, his piece actually looked like nothing else but shit, some fluttery mess of skin that was only the third of the piece on the left, maybe enough to cover some average dick, but for damn sure not his. Beta shot him a disapproving glance, one that could almost compare to the stink eye Rick had used to give him back then, and for sure one that pissed him a bit off. What the hell did that skin wearing weirdo think he was? Regardless, he couldn’t leave that skin hanging there like that, looking like the downgraded version from the one next to it. So instead of walking away he reached back towards it, taking the tip of his knife to scape some thinner pieces on the edge that had stuck to it outwards and shifting it a little, all to make it look a bit bigger. Groaning you shifted a bit from side to side, enough to let it feel like a deja-vu from the last felt hundred times you’d already done it over the last days. It was already pitch black outside and you hadn’t even dared to look at the small digital clock on the nightstand that would only tell you’d taken way too long to fall asleep. The plate was finally gone from the nightstand, you’d managed to eat good over half over it even though you had taken your time, but more just didn’t want to go down your throat without your body turning your gag reflex back on. Still, it was something and at least Siddiq and Dante seemed glad that you’d managed to eat some of it. Now, the plate’s place was covered with the magazines you’d tried to read, stacked up and waiting for you to open them anew tomorrow. From the other rooms you could hear people coughing and groaning, even through the closed door and that wasn’t really helping you to fall asleep either. You didn’t wanna complain about that part though, you had your own room, small, almost tiny, but compared to others who got sick later and had to put up with the crammed main room, you had luxury. Later this evening whatever this shit was had claimed its first death victim, Cheryl, an elderly woman who had already been weakened when she had caught it. Still it whirled up grief and frustration within anybody inside this house and it only facilitated the people who talked through the night, cried and asked each other what could happen to them if it already had taken Cheryl. You couldn’t deny that it had scared you at first too, though you tried to ban those thoughts out of your head, telling yourself that you and most people in here had better preconditions to battle whatever this was, as horrible as it was that Alexandria lost someone to it already. Sighing you slowly shifted a little closer to the edge of the bed and reached for the nightstand’s drawer, slowly pulling it open until you could plunge your hand inside and fumble around it until your fingers detected the small paper. Grasping it you pulled it out and moved a little back into the pillows again before you slowly unfolded the note and stared at Negan’s messy handwriting in the faint moonlight that was streaming into your room. Your eyes wandered over it for the felt thousandth time, and beside the very last three words that managed to let some warmth flow in you, your eyes got drawn to his pleas for you to not search for him over and over again. He’d told you not to come after him when he’d made his way to the Sanctuary too and it would have wondered you if he hadn’t, but not with that much emphasis, not in that nearly pleading way. Whatever he was doing, it was something big, something that would put the both of you in danger if you would search and even find him. And while there was something in you trying to protect yourself from more fear and worry, there was a part of you that exactly knew what kind of danger that could be, and it came in form of people covered in walker skin. Negan would go that far. You knew him, he’d go that far and smuggle himself into their ranks to take them down from the inside just to end this all and give you both a future.  Fuck, what if he’d really done that? If you were honest and the more you allowed yourself to think about it, this seemed like the only logical explanation. What else should he do? He had told you himself after the last time he’d escaped that there was nothing left out there, and since then the only thing that had changed was the threat that radiated off from the whisperers.  Taking them down or at least Alpha could change everything, not only for you and him, for all the communities. He was trying to get on their inside, for sure. Fuck. Everything in you writhed suddenly, tightening your ribcage as if a pressure tried to squeeze all air out of your lungs while you could feel yourself starting to tremble, shaking your limbs as an ice-cold shudder ran down your back and spread over every inch of your skin. Hell, you knew he could handle himself, that man was smart, strong and he for sure knew how to handle people, but the whisperers were barely human anymore.  If he really was there, was he okay? What if- “Shut the fuck up”, you grumbled to yourself, trying to keep your head from developing those toxic thoughts any further and keep that lump that was already creating in your throat from growing bigger. There were already tears burning in your eyes as your mind forced you to think about Negan’s head on a pike like of all those other people and you could feel the panic threatening to flood every cell of your body but you couldn’t let that happen. You just couldn’t, not now that your head was already fuzzy with that shitty illness that kept on cursing through your body. Clawing your fingers into the sheets and holding onto the note to keep your grip on reality you breathed deeply in and out, trying to distract yourself with a more positive view. Negan was a tough guy, he was smart as hell and charismatic moreover, so much that this even had to have an effect on people like the whisperers. He could always pull the prisoner card, tell them he had secrets he could spill, a reason for them to keep him alive.  Negan was an asset, one way or another.  They wouldn’t hurt him, he wouldn’t let that happen.  Your husband was one tough man, he would make it. If he even was at the whisperers camp, and you weren’t even 100% sure of it to begin with, he would make it, he would take them down and come back to you, all safe and sound. He would make it, no matter what his plan was in the end. Feeling your shaking breaths calming down a little you held a little tighter onto the note, while you kept on trying to grasp happy thoughts as well as you could. And while you were sure that Negan could handle any threat thrown at him, you were just as sue that you couldn’t tell anyone of your suspicion yet.  All you could do for now was rest and daydream of some happy scenarios that would hopefully come true as soon as Negan would walk through the gates of Alexandria again.

Darkness was filling up the small clearing in the forest, only the moonshine enlightening the place enough to see the skin wearing freaks that were either sitting on some fallen trees or right on the ground. Right now, Negan was leaning against a tree, watching them as they ate the boar he’d helped to provide. Fuck, he’d dug the damn hole in which he’d help them cook it, damn, had even helped to kill the poor fucker. And all Beta had done was push him to the ground like a five and dime frankenstein when he asked for his well deserved piece, fuck he would have shown that fucker what he was capable of if Alpha wouldn’t have stood there, watching what he was doing. So he calmed down and sat down next to some others, trying to shut the anger down beta had boiled up in him. He would’ve gotten nothing if it hadn’t been for some skin freak with a good heart who had sneaked him a little piece of his bacon. Still, his stomach was churning as he watched the others eating the rest now and he couldn’t help but think back to his last real meal in Alexandria, the spaghetti with the self made sauce. Fuck, how much he’d give for a plate of that, especially if he could eat it at one table with his girl. Well, he needed to keep working if he wanted to get that back, whining about how much he missed his wife would definetly not get him far, even though his thoughts were spiraling around her no matter what. Was she okay? She was sleeping right now, wasn’t she? Or hell, maybe she was siting in the living room of the house in front of the chimney, wrapped up in some blanket because she couldn’t sleep. Maybe she was having a nightmare right now, fuck those assholes always tended to sneak back out of their holes when times were especially stressful, and they most certainly were now. Shit, he missed her, so fucking much. „Fuck…“, Negan mumbled, running a hand over his face, trying to clear his head. He was doing this for her, for them, he needed to stay focused if he wanted to reach something with this whole shit. Sighing he looked up, watching as the others slowly began to rise from their spots on the ground, already moving like the walkers they were imitating. Well, looks like it was time to walk with the dead.

”Mhmm you’re so warm”, the familiar, husky voice rasped behind you, tease swinging in it as it was followed by a small chuckle that let his hot breath brush over the back of your neck. “Almost as nice and warm as your pussy”, he laughed quietly, eliciting a chuckle to fall from your lips as he nuzzled his nose into your skin, scrapping his beard softly against it while he huddled his tall frame closer, tightening the embrace around you. He stayed like this a little longer, all cuddled up to you before he moved a bit more, enough to soon climb on top of you, kissing your neck, groaning in relish as he pressed his body to yours and his hands started to explore your body anew even though he knew it like the back of one’s hand. Everything right now felt warm, cozy, familiar and even exciting as your body responded to his touches, all like a small bubble of happiness, until it didn’t. Suddenly the warmth was gone, his body against yours was vanished, the tickling of the beard, the lips that had pressed against your skin. All was gone. For a second, confusion rushed through your body, a blur of trying to realize what was real and what wasn't and slowly, you began to feel your eyes fluttering open. For another moment, you still weren’t there, disoriented and unsure if you were in the cell, in your room in the house or in the infirmary, before the faint light in the darkness and the look at the nightstand made you realize that the latter was true. It had all been just a dream, nothing more. ”Fuck”, you quietly groaned, turning in the bed, a part of you still hoping that Negan laid there beside you even though you knew he wasn’t. Closing your eyes you hoped to dive back into the dream, get Negan back but it wouldn’t let you, it was gone and you were wide awake. You couldn’t deny, you preferred those dreams to the nightmares, but they were still cruel in their very own way; letting you hope for something that was completely out of your reach, giving you a taste of it before ripping it away. Cursing once more you let your head sink deeper into the pillow, trying to at least be comfy if you had to keep lying awake for some time. It didn’t satisfy you as much as the dream of Negan’s embrace had, and even though that wasn’t much of a surprise, it bothered the hell out of you. You were a little deprived of touch, you couldn’t deny that even though it felt a little ridiculous considering it had only been a few days since Negan’s escape. If something like this sickness had happened before you met Negan, you wouldn’t feel like this for sure, only as comfort yearning as anybody who’s a bit sick. But now, now that you were practically spoiled with touches by Negan for all those years on a daily basis, used to have him pamper you with caresses and plain and simply being there, the loss of his touch almost felt like going cold turkey. But you had to deal with that, and as long as he would come back, safe and sound, you were okay. As long as he was fine, and you kept on telling yourself that he was, you would be okay.

Blood was dripping down Negan’s jacket, down the collar of his shirt, drenching it down to his stomach, while it was splattered onto his face and down his neck. A branch was laying in his palm, a big ass one, almost shaped like a bat with a clunky end, covered in blood and chunks of walker skin of the dead assholes he just had to kill. That weirdo giant had left him in a damn group of walkers in the middle of the night, hoping it would get him killed but that fucker messed with the wrong guy. He’d killed them all with his new friend the damn branch after that tiny knife Beta had given him had broken right after the first kill. But now, the sun had just risen again and he was leaving the pile of dead walkers behind, on his way back to the whisperer camp. He had passed the last test, they had to take him. He was gonna get his damn skin suit. Right fucking now.

Another whole day and night had to pass for you to finally feel better and for the first time you could walk a bit around without feeling dizzy. Right now, the sun was streaming through your room, through the windows and the glass door that was slightly opened to let some fresh air inside. Slowly, you sipped on your orange juice you’d been able to get a grip on yesterday evening. It was just a bottle, but you really couldn’t see water anymore and you figured some extra vitamin C wouldn’t hurt. The bottle was almost emptied by now, standing lonely and with maybe a half glass worth of juice left in it, warning you to savor that bit of tastiness as long as you could. The pounding in your head was still palpable, not as aggressive as during the last days but still more than enough to bother you, so slowly, you got up from the bed and strolled towards the glass door, pushing it softly open until you could step outside, hoping that some fresh air would help. Carefully, you sat down on one of the chairs by the wooden table that decorated the small terrace and moved the glass onto the wood before you leaned back and breathed deeply through. The soft breeze was brushing softly over you as you let your eyes sway over the houses and trees nearby, watching some people walk down the streets that had the luck to not deal whatever this illness was before you caught one splitting off from them and heading over the grass towards you. It didn’t take more than a second for you to figure out who he was, the slightly worn down clothes, the vest and his brown, dangly hair gave it away pretty quickly. Daryl didn’t completely look up though as he stomped over the grass, his body tense and his fingers fumbling on the cloth of his pants. “Morning”, you said as you soon as he reached the terrace, watching as he glanced up at you and gave you a nod as soon as he pulled the wooden chair beside you a little back. “Mornin’”, he mumbled, plumping down on the chair, his mine serious and grumpier than usual as he eyed you for a second. “Feeling better?” “Yeah”, you nodded, motioning to the glass of juice on the table, “Think this one’s boosted me a little.” Just then as your voice hushed you caught some people hustling towards the townhouses, a bit unsettled as they talked to one another. “What’s going on there?”, you mumbled, almost quiet enough to only be audible to yourself but Daryl caught it and sat a little up on his chair, glancing at you as he scratched the side of his face. “Haven’t heard yet?” Heard what? Did something happen? Something new from Alpha? hell did some of them get an idea of where Negan was? “No...no, I slept long”, you mumbled, gulping thickly as you nearly tried to read off Daryl’s face what he had in mind before he could even open his mouth. “Caught a whisperer...Carol did. Had to bring him back here, he’s in Negan’s cell now”, Daryl grumbled, turning for a second to glimpse toward the direction of the townhouses. Relief spread through your body within seconds, having a whisperer in here was a threat, sure, but you’d rather have that than another waves of walkers or them catching Negan before you knew. “Oh...and now?” “Not sure. Guy’s a piece of shit. But he doesn’t know Lydia’s alive...thinks Alpha killed her or at least that’s what she brainwashed them”, he mumbled, his fingers playing with the lose threads of his worn out pants as he shrugged his shoulders,”Carol wants to bring her in...I don’t wanna pull her into this.” “Hmm okay...does Lydia know?” “Not yet...she’s gotta decide in the end.” You nodded, watching as he shifted uncomfortably in his sheet, as if he didn’t know how to handle this whole situation, and unfortunately, you couldn’t help him much either except for confirming the thoughts he already had. This whole whisperer drama was an entangled matter and though your enemies were just human in walker clothes, they still didn't seem human.They counldn’t be estimated, too odd to even be properly judged and that’s what would let them stay a constant threat. “This is some real shit...this all”, you mumbled, sipping on your orange juice while Daryl was the one to nod now, scratching over the loose threats on his pants once more. “Yeah...for sure”, he mumbled, clearing his throat as he sat a little up, looking more uncomfortable than before as it got silent for a moment, just before your eyes met his. “Can I ask you something?”, he mumbled, quickly glancing away from you and down at his hands, with enough restlessness and discomfort stuck in him to let it swap over to you, spreading out quickly as this kind of question elicited alarm clock in your head to go off if he wasn’t saying anything else soon. “Yes...of course”, you said, your glance fixed on him, as f it would motivate him to finally spit it out but instead it grew silent once more before he finally spoke up and glanced back at you. “Been thinking ‘bout that for a while”, he mumbled, fidgeting again,”Why him?” For a second, you didn’t realize what he meant, too stuck in the whole whisperer and infirmary issue before it suddenly hit you. Of course he’d ask you about him again, he wasn’t gonna make this path to growing closer again easy and you couldn’t blame him, still, now you were the one to grow uncomfortable, not knowing how much and what you should tell him. “I uhm”, you started, moving your thumb up and down the glass in order to keep yourself a occupied. There were endless reasons why it was Negan, but you weren’t gonna nor could you get all sappy in front of Daryl about him, that wasn’t just the time or place. You just needed to find a way to package it Daryl-approvable. “He...you know what I always said?”, you asked, still holding onto that glass of orange juice as you finally looked back up at him, “That I wanna have someone everything just feels right with? He’s that.” Daryl eyed you for a moment, and if you wouldn’t know him, he’d just look warily and grumpy as ever but you could tell that he was actually calm, not enthusiastic or overjoyed, but calm and he was listening. You were on the right path. “He can be a tough bastard, I know”, you said, chuckling softly, maybe even a little nervous before a smile forced itself onto your lips, “But he’s just as loving and caring, even if you might not wanna believe that. I understand...but he really is all that.” Daryl nodded now, still calm, enough to let you feel like you had some type of confirmation that you could go on, he wanted to hear more, you could tell, even if he wasn’t the biggest fan of what he was hearing. Maybe he wanted to understand. “And he makes me laugh”, you mumbled, feeling how the smile on your lips almost involuntary widened. Fuck, you missed him. “And I...I can just be completely comfortable around him...I can let my guards down”, you said, gulping slightly as you looked at Daryl,”Everything’s feels right with him and I know...I know how cheesy that shit sounds but...but he’s the right one for me.” Once more Daryl nodded, now a little less visible than before, as his glance swayed over the ground before fell back on you. “Alright”, he mumbled, looking as if he wasn’t really sure what to answer but that was honestly more than enough for you. Just a while ago he wouldn’t have listened past one positive sentence about Negan, so this meant more than you could put in words now. You weren’t making one step forward and two steps back as it had always been in the past, you were actually making some progress with building your relationship up again, regardless of how slow it was. You were able to wait. “Where’s Dog though?”, you asked after a small silence, trying to shift the topic to a less tense one, “Could’ve used him to cheer me up.” You chuckled softly, watching as Dary’ls face lit up a little and the corners of his lips twitched. “Sleepin’ in my room, probably still sprawled out over my damn bed...lil’ asshole won’t leave any space”, he mumbled, actually snickering a little as well as you shook your head with a small laugh. “Yeah that’s what they love to do”, you said, feeling yourself growing nostalgic for a moment as your mind drifted to your childhood dog and the way she tended to take up your bed or the couches at home. “For su-” “It’s the water!”, cut Daryl off, the voice coming from behind the edge of the house, strained and a bit breathless, accompaied with heavy footsteps that got slower with every moment as they neared you. “It’s the water”, Siddiq said again, appearing behind the edge of the house, stumbling towards you, his hair wet and the clothes sticking to his body while you glanced with confusion at him before he shook his head again. “It’s the water that’s making you all sick.” And in that moment, as his voice ringed in your ears and your eyes fell on the orange juice on the table, it clicked. It was the water, of course it was. You’d been feeling better since you’d been drinking only the juice and its vitamins hadn’t been the effect to get you better, it had been the absence of the water. “How?”, you heard Daryl grumble, turning in his chair to look at Siddiq who was trying to catch his breath. “Don’t know...I don’t...there was a problem with the system I guess, not sure...I...it’s fixed now but...shit, no one can drink any of the water that’s still in the bottles”, he nearly gasping for air again, before he thickly gulped, got silent for a second before horror took hostage of his facial expression again and he stormed past you inside the infirmary. “I have to let Dante know, we have to get rid off it all and refill it with new”, he added, at the end almost too far away for you to hear him before you could hear sound of his voice reappearing inside followed by more grumbled and murmurs, and starting the day off with the first of many twists and turns.

Well, fuck. Looks like he was a whisperer now. All more it had taken was kneeling in front of Alpha while Beta stared down at him, pissed that he’d survived the ton of dead assholes he’d thrown at him. He didn’t care about that though, he’d impressed Alpha, that was all that counted at the moment. Now, he just needed to earn more of her trust, try to keep Beta off his ass and then, slowly start to take them out from the inside. That wouldn’t just happen from one day to another, sure, but if that’s what it took to get to his goal, he could live with that. With a small groan, he leaned against the tree behind him, closing his eyes as he shifted over the earthy ground and tried to blend out the grumbles of the skin freaks around him. He couldn’t keep his mind from slipping from this muddy camp back to Alexandria. Fuck how much he’d love to slip in that comfy bed to her...now that would be fucking heaven. He missed those little things. The way she sighed when he pulled her against his chest and wrapped his arms around her, the way she touched his face and toyed with his beard, that look of utter love and adoration when she looked at him, especially right before he leaned in to press a kiss over her lips. He missed the way she ran her fingers through his hair when he moved in and rested his head on her shoulder and fuck, he missed the way she responded to his touch no matter how small it was. Surprisingly innocent stuff, but fuck he missed it all so much. Still, he really had to be careful with those thoughts there, one moment he only had her wrapped up in his arms, with her body cuddled up to his, the very next he was fucking her into the mattress, watching as she writhed beneath him, crawled her fingers into his back and had her moaning his name. His mind could take this way further, oh fuck yes it could, and if it put only a little more effort into it, he could nearly feel himself thrusting into her tight pussy, kissing her and running his hands over her body all the way down to those sensitive spots he knew too well, shit he could sense her scent too, hear her voice. Yeah, he had to stop there now, his balls were already on their way to turn blue and he couldn’t walk around here with some rock hard boner, so he had to put off these thoughts for some lone moment in the late night or until he finally had her back. So he had to get back to work and make sure he could finish his shit here rather early than late, just so he could come home to his wife and wrap her up in his arms again.

Much had happened during the last time, but this day seemed to be a good competition to the ones before. The whisperer turned out to be a dead end, literally. Only hours after Daryl and Carol interrogated him for the first time he died on their second visit, screaming and writhing as the hemlock that had been given to him on accident to treat his wounds took his life. Alexandria was rattled, you could hear people talking about the whisperer, others asking how the contaminated water could get through the filtering system, and again others who were just glad the source was found. On the positive note, not only seemed the most people to get better again, you did too. Maybe you were a bit biased, but you felt like with each hour, your health made a small step into the better direction and allowed you to leave the infirmary and instead get the last bit of rest in your own home. Still, you had some headaches, some small pounding spots that pushed against your skull, replacing the nausea once for all and so you found yourself on the porch, wrapped up in a blanket on one of the swinging chairs as the night brought a coolness into the air. You slung the fluffy cloth tighter around you as you felt a small breeze brushing against you and cuddled yourself deeper into the chair, breathing the cool air in and out that seemed to mildern the headache a bit. Just then, as you moved your feet to keep the chair swinging your tired eyes caught Siddiq walking down the street, with Coco strapped in her baby carrier against his chest. He was concentrated on her, probably even talking to her from what you could see from your spot  before the swinging of your chair must’ve caught his attention and he glimpsed up at you. “Still awake?”, he asked in the very next moment as he stopped walking and glanced fully up at you. ”Yeah... I can ask you the same thing though”, you chuckled, your voice a little drowsy already as he let out a small laugh, maybe the most genuine one you’ve heard in a while from him, and watched as he moved closer to the porch, until he take a few steps up the stairs. ”Yeah...she didn’t want to sleep. Thought I’d try it with a little stroll....fresh air sometimes does wonders”, he said, stroking over Coco’s small head as he leaned against the pillar at the end of the stairs. ”Also I uh...followed your advice. Talked to Rosita...took a bit but I did it”, he said, guping thickly before a small smile let his lips twitch, “It’s not over, it’s....but still...think it helped. Thanks for convincing me.” ”Not for that”, you said with a small smile, moving in the chair to sit a little more up, “You’ve helped me so often too, and you fixed Negan a couple of times.” You chuckled softly and earned another smile from Siddiq. ”Still, good to have friends around.” ”Yeah”, you said, nodding slowly and for some reason, it felt like he was hitting home in you too. You still had friends in this place, you really did, regardless of what a few were thinking of you. “Well, then I’ll see you tomorrow. Feel like Coco’s getting sleepy and I gotta use that”, he said, nodding to his daughter before he gently pushed himself from the pillar to not stir her up again,”Get some rest. Goodnight.” ”Goodnight”, you said with a small smile, already beginning to yawn as you watched him nod again and his face growing even more relaxed before slowly move down the stairs. For a moment, your glance followed him in the faint light of the couple street lights as he made his way down to his house, until he slowly vanished in the dark. You stayed a little longer outside until the chilly breeze started to grow harsher and colder, and gave you the final signal that it was time for you to head inside. Still feeling your head pounding slightly you stumbled wrapped up in the blanket inside and climbed up the stairs, yawning thickly as you finally moved into your room and slipped underneath the warm sheets. You shifted into its middle, trying to at least use that you had the large bed for your own and sprawl out as much as you liked, though there was no doubt that you would trade that in to get Negan right next to you anytime. Slowly, you cuddled into the pillows and wrapped the blankets tighter around your body, moving a little until you were all comfy before you could feel yourself starting to slowly allow the thoughts to wash out of your head and let the sleep surround you until it had you all wrapped up in its darkness. You hadn’t expected it to be a very long and relaxed night for you, but out of all things you probably hadn’t expected to be waken up by shrill screams for help in the early morning hours. It was nearly booming through Alexandria, enough to echo through your windows and into your room, forcing you harshly out of your sleep as you jolted up in your bed, half of you thinking your were stuck in a nightmare while the other was already trying to figure out what had happened. The screams kept on echoing through the community as you found yourself rushing out of your bed, your mind already forcing you to imagine all kinds of possibilities that could be the reason, from whisperers that stood in front of the gates to a new wave of walkers that scratched on the walls, trying with all force to get in.  You had nothing else than your nightdress swinging around your body and some cardigan wrapped around your shoulders as you rushed barefoot out of the house onto the porch, already asking yourself if you should have brought the knife from your nightstand with you before you caught the source of the screams stumbling over the street while Daryl and Gabriel already rushed towards her. Rosita stumbled in their middle, holding onto Coco as tears streamed over her face, only enlightened by the faint light of the dawn while only more question marks popped up in your head. Your heard was pounding up your throat as you rushed down the stairs, feeling the concrete scrapping  against your feet as you stumbled towards them, trying to hear what Rosita was mumbling in distress as she clung to her daughter. ”Rosita, calm down. What happened?”, Gabriel asked, as you finally reached them, watching how others started to come out of their houses, waken up by the scene on the street as well. ”Dante”, she first panted, trying to catch her breath before she stared up to Gabriel, “Dante...Dante killed Siddiq.” For a moment, you felt like you were blacking out, as if you were still sleeping, as if that what she had just said wasn’t real. Your body reacted before your mind did, washing mixture of boiling heat and icy coldness through your body, tensing each and every part up of you, tightening your ribcage until the point you felt like you couldn’t breathe anymore. ”He killed him, he tried to kill us...he’s a whisperer”, she added again, still breathless while you tried with all force to process what she was saying as she shook her head again, allowing near tears to fall down her cheeks, “Siddiq almost attacked us, I had to-” Her voice broke again as she sniffled and Gabriel wrapped an arm around her while you could do nothing but stare at them, trying to bring out words that just wouldn’t form in the mess that was whirling through your head, pairing with an ugly nausea you’d hoped you wouldn’t have to ever feel again. You were stuck in complete denial for endless seeming moments, telling yourself that there was no way Siddiq was dead and Dante was a whisperer. How didn’t you notice? You had worked with him all day, why did you never notice what his real intentions were? “Where are they? Where’s Dante?”, Daryl finally asked, stressed yet still trying to sound as careful as he could to her before she glanced up at him, still holding Coco tightly. “I knocked him out, they’re in Siddiq’s house. I should’ve secured him, I know. I just needed to get out- I just”, she started to panic again, her eyes growing wider as she talked while Gabriel shook his head, trying to calm her even though the shock was written all over his face as well. “It’s okay, we will make sure he won’t escape.” You did, more specifically, Daryl did while you stood not longer than twenty minutes later in the hallway of Siddiq’s house, finally clothed in more than just the nightdress and the cardigan while you stared at Siddiq on the ground, his lifeless body that laid in the doorframe to Coco’s bedroom, blood pooling around his head while you still didn’t want to believe that this was the brutal reality and not just some cruel nightmare. This all couldn’t be real, nothing of this could be real.  You clung to the white sheet in your hands that was supposed to cover him up, only moving slowly towards his body while a thick lump began to grow in your throat that got larger with each step you made towards him.  “Fuck”, you mumbled, gulping thickly as you felt the first tears welling up in your eyes as you moved in to slowly spread the sheet over him, and heard the others moving around you, Daryl and Carol talking while Gabriel was walking back outside to Rosita and Coco. Your mind forced memories of last night back up to him that seemed so surreal now, hours earlier he had been talking to you and now, now your friend was laying dead before you, murdered by someone you thought you could trust. “I’m sorry”, you mumbled, biting your lip to prevent the tears from falling down your eyes as you kneeled down to carefully lay the sheet over his face, tugging it gently over him before he was gone completely. Your heart was still pounding against your chest and it hadn’t stopped to do so since the scene on the street, only fueling the shock, grief and hate for the man that laid only a couple meters away from you. He was all bundled up by now, ropes wrapped around his arms and another pair slung around his legs to make sure he wouldn’t try to run in case he would wake up earlier that expected.   How could you have put just an ounce of trust in him? He had always been odd but you had always thought of him as rather harmless, how could you be so wrong?  You tried to cram in your memories if there head been any suspicious moments that could have revealed that he truly was the enemy on the inside, but there was nothing, nothing you could grasp  and it scared the living hell out of you. You always had a rather good judgement of people, if you were so wrong now, could you trust your instincts again or would you put yourself and others in danger? Could you have prevented this shit here somehow? Could you have prevented that Siddiq laid dead next you right now if you had been more attentive? “I don’t get how I couldn’t see who he really was”, you mumbled as Daryl leaned down to Dante and tightened up his ropes, shaking his head before he glanced at you. “No one did”, he said, gulping thickly as he clenched his jaw tightly, “Those kinda assholes can trick anyone.” You slowly nodded, though you could still feel the fear and anger tearing you apart on the inside, making room for endless more questions and thoughts to emerge that were nearly starting to eat you up, right before you heard Daryl’s voice sounding through the air again. “Was probably everything else too...let Alpha know we crossed the border, screwed up the water...all that kinda shit...that’s all on him”, he grumbled, letting the coin drop on things in you as well that you hadn’t eve payed attention to yet.  The water that had suddenly been messed up, the information that seemed to have been brought to Alpha out of nowhere, the way he had made sure that you had enough water at all times during your stay at the infirmary, even the “silence the whisperer” graffitis that had been found all over Alexandria, suddenly it all made sense. And you would have almost dived deeper into those thoughts of the man who was responsible for all this wouldn’t have started to slowly wake up.

Not more than another half hour had passed until he was entirely awake and sat on one of the infirmaries bed’s, Daryl right in front of his as his fist rushed against Dante’s face, nearly pushing him off the bed while the sick grin stayed nevertheless on his face that had boasted on his lips since he had woken up. “Hope that hurts”, Daryl growled moving away from the bed as Dante shook his head slowly. “It doesn't matter”,he said, breathing sharply in as he glanced around the room , “None of this matters. Watch enough people get incinerated, devoured alive, you see how ridiculous it is getting attached to ourselves. But knowing that sets you free.” You only stared at him, trying to get how this person there was the same you had worked with over the last months. “Is that what you're doing? Setting us free?”, Carol asked from her spot on a couple beds further down the room while Dante let out a small chuckle. “If you learn that lesson, it'll only help you.” “What, so we can be more like you?”, Daryl asked, glaring at Dante as he captured the cigarette he’d been fumbling on between his lips and moved the lighter up, enlightening the cigarette as Dante grinned only wider.  “Accept the future.” That man was fucking insane. His eyes nearly gleamed as he talked, revealing that he truly believed in everything he was saying there, and still, you couldn’t figure out how he had hid this over all this time and it was driving you crazy. “Why put him through all that hell in the barn just to kill him months later? I-I can't see an ideology behind that”, Gabriel said as he moved through the room towards Dante, staring at him before he shook his head. “I liked Siddiq. He wasn't part of the plan. But he found out who I was, so I had no choice”, he sighed, though the sick grin still wasn’t completely gone from his lips before he glanced from Gabriel towards you. “Didn’t want you to die either, I could actually stand you well...but then you fell sick”, Dante said, the grin widening again as he shrugged his shoulders ,”So I let nature take it’s course...only helped it a little.” “Fuck you”, it slipped out of your lips, unable to be held back as he let out a small chuckle. “Well you recovered now so you can relax”, he said, before he let out a sigh and darted his glance at you. “What plan?”, Carol tried to get him back to the actual conversation, his voice loud enough to attract Dante’s attention back to him. “Encourage your paranoia about us which will push you into bad decisions. Places like this are cruel promises to their people, and they crumble at the smallest nick”, he chuckled, shaking his head softly as his glance swayed through the room, first to Rosita, then to Daryl before he stopped at you once more and nodded. “Would’ve worked even better if that test would’ve turned out positive. Sick and pregnant? Best combo for paranoia”, he laughed and suddenly everything fit together, everything about his direct urge to let you do the pregnancy test made sense,”Maybe a couple points off ‘cause it would’ve been Negan’s kid but still.” “What the hell wrong with you”, you growled again, and while you really wanted to stay calm to not fuel his joy of seeing you all pumped up with anger, you couldn’t hold it back as usual. People in here had trusted him, you had trusted him as a colleague and each time you looked at him the anger about yourself flared up again how you couldn’t have caught any signs of his real intentions. “Hell, I'm gonna enjoy watching you rip each other apart over what to do with me”, he laughed again, his eyes switching from you back to Gabriel as he focused him with an even wider growing grin. “Just like with Negan.” “Is that what you want? A public reckoning? A chance to be heard?”, Gabriel nearly spat, as Dante shrugged his shoulders once more. “That's what you'll give me. Because it's right.” “We helped you”, Rosita mumbled, her voice breaking a little at the end as Dante let out a deep huff. “Why? 'Cause you wanted another doctor around? You got something from me, too. Don't pretend you didn't”, he said, glancing around the room once more while a cool shudder ran down your back. What did you get from him? He caused more harm than he helped anybody in here. Rosita cursed as she walked up and down the room, restless while Dante’s eyes started to glance over all of you, trying to make sure that all of you listened to him. “No one is actually kind. We are selfish. We are brutal”, he growled, the grin gone for a moment before it slowly switched back on, “Come on. Even seeing all those heads on spikes didn't teach you what people are?” He nearly couldn’t finish his sentence as Rosita stormed towards him from behind, her face red with fury as she kicked him in the back, strong enough to push him off the bed and right down to the ground. He groaned loudly, trying to get up to sit with his tied up hands while Rosita stormed out of the room just as Aaron opened the main door, looking right into the bizarre scene that was playing out in front of him. “Aaron, would you get him to the cell”, Gabriel asked as your eyes were still glued to Dante, still trying to process that he hadn’t been who he had pretended to be all this time. “Yeah”, Aaron nodded as he stepped into your view, picking Dante forcefully up from the ground while part of you was glad that he would get out here along with Dante. Seeing him only elicited more anger and disappointment, fueled by being forced to think back to him trying to convince the others to execute Negan. You could pass on spending time with him in the same room, really. ”What should we do now? When is Michonne coming back?”, Gabriel asked as soon as Aaron had closed the door behind himself and had cut Dante off from hearing anything else that was said inside. ”Won’t be for a bit, talked to her right after that whole Dante shit”, Daryl said, taking another drag of his cigarette before he leaned himself against one of the bed’s headboards ,”There’s a guy at Oceanside. Trustworthy and has a community full with guns on a navy base. He’s willing to help and she wants to check it out. She won’t come back for some time.” “No idea?” “She didn’t want to specify anything, hoped it would work soon but couldn’t make promises. The others will get RJ and Judith back here, tomorrow at the latest I guess”, he grumbled, sighing slightly while you sat down on one of the beds, watching as Gabriel shook his head. “How can she make these kind of decisions on her own without talking to the council, first? He could be a threat! Why did she talk to you?”, Gabriel said, his brows furrowing in annoyance as he walked closer up to Daryl before you caught his glance and cleared your throat slightly. “Michonne’s always careful with those things, especially now after Dante. Pretty sure she checked him more thoroughly through than any of us could. If she thinks he’s trustworthy I believe her...and we need guns against the whisperers”, you said, oppositely to what you hoped intensifying the frown on Gabriel’s face instead of relaxing it. “Doesn’t matter, she can’t make decisions like that without the council. Not before everybody has voted.” “Well, it’s not like the council is always including everyone in their decisions too”, you said, having to bitterly think back at what how they excluded you and nearly michonne’s voice as well after Margo’s death. If your nerves were less strained, you might have been able to hold that comment back, but you were tired and on top of that, Gabriel was growing everything else than sympathetic to you since that night. “What’s that supposed to mean?”, he nearly snapped, unusually sharp for him as you gulped thickly, first not sure if you should really speak out your thoughts there before Gabriel’s glare pushed you to do exactly that. “Good part of our council nearly killed Negan without taking every voice into account”, you said now, your voice as sharp as Gabriel’s had just been. “Are you seriously bringing that up now?”, Gabriel asked, his voice calm but still sharp as he glared at you,”What has happened to you? You’ve never been like that...starting a fight when we should stay levelheaded, you’ve always worked against that.” “I’m not trying to start a fight”, you said, feeling yourself tense harder while you could tell that the eyes of everyone were back on you,”I just don’t get why we are questioning Michonne’s decision like that. As I said, she’s always been careful, extremely careful. She’s strong and especially after this Dante shit I wouldn’t believe that she would take unnecessary risks. Should she have talked to us? Yes, sure but we also can’t lose any time to gather weapons against the whisperers, I guess she just had to take that chance before it was gone.” “She’s right”, you heard Carol say, nodding slowly as your glance landed on her while you heard Daryl clearing his throat, moving the eyes of all back to him. “Michonne also said she’s got a radio with her, can contact us any time. She’s gonna work this out...this’s not our biggest problem now”, he grumbled, nodding towards the door Dante had just vanished through while you nodded in agreement, similarly to Carol and even Gabriel. “Okay”, Gabriel said, even though his voice did sound a little sulky still,”Then I will prepare everything for Siddiq’s funeral. I would suggest you take care of the infirmary until we have anything else figured out. ” He nodded towards you, and for the first time today you actually agreed with him even though carrying the responsibility alone that you had just days earlier shared with two others made you tense up all anew. You had the other shift workers here too, sure, but that just wasn’t the same. “Okay”, you still said, watching as Gabriel slowly nodded again before the door creaked open again and revealed Aaron once more, much to your annoyance. “He’s in the cell,..and I need to talk to you”, he said, clearing his throat as he walked inside, his eyes falling on Carol for a little longer before his eyes glanced back at Gabriel. “We should take this to the council room.”

It only took a location change and another hour for you to realize that you had missed more than you had already expected during your time that small room of the infirmary. Aaron was talking to a whisperer, for days already. What had started as just watching them at the border had turned to him talking to the whisperer who had once told you to meet Alpha at the border, “Gamma” or “Mary” as Aaron had found out this morning , and apparently she was willing to share information with him now, specifically where she had the herd was located. But while Gamma had already shown tendencies to go after Alpha’s back before, last night had seemed to be the ultimate turning point, which lead to something that hit you even more. Lydia was gone. Much against everybody’s approval Carol had taken her out with her last night and brought her to the border, trying to make sure that Gamma would see that Alpha lied to her about killing her own daughter. And while this part of the plan had worked out, Lydia had fled moments after Gamma had stormed off, right into the whisperer’s territory.  She was missing and no one knew when or if she would come back on her own. And this was all you got out of this meeting, accompanied by the feeling of being overwhelmed with the new information and the grief that mixed within, that only grew stronger as soon as you found yourself standing on the graveyard, watching as the wooden casket got let down into the grave. Nothing about this felt real, not even hours after finding out what had happened. You couldn't process that your friend was in that casket, couldn’t get that he was being let into the earth right now. You heard Gabriel’s eulogy, heard his voice but couldn’t quite process the words that just seemed some blurred mess. Yesterday around this time, Siddiq had still been alive and you had thought his murderer was a sincere colleague, and now he was dead and that college was sitting in Negan’s old cell, waiting for whatever would be decided next for him. What the hell was going on lately? You kept following along the funeral, watched as the earth was shoveled into the grave and closed it before the flowers were placed on it, finishing the funeral but by far not the effects it would have for all of Alexandria, but especially for Rosita and Coco, who sat by the grave, staring at it silently while pain was painted all over her face.  You tried to go on with your day like everybody else in the community, tried to find a way to manage the infirmary, trying to realize that you couldn't turn around anymore and ask Siddiq for help or just chat with him.  The whole house was empty, only few patients left that dealt with the aftershocks of the contaminated water and while you still had other people working shifts in here, you were scared of what was to come. Siddiq had taught you over the years all he knew, but it still didn’t feel like it was the same. And it wasn’t even only the professional part, you’d lost a friend, moreover one of the people who had been kind to you right after the war while others had looked with disgust at you. He might have thought of Negan what he wanted, but he’d never treated you like an outsider for being with him, he’d just seen you for who you were to him, regardless of what others might have said about it during those days. You’d lost a friend, a friend who’d never get to see his own kid grow up and while the shock didn’t let the pain and grief break through completely yet, you knew it would hit you with all its force as soon as that shock would ebb away and would ultimately allow the lump in your throat to spill loads of tears over your face. The sun was already on its way towards the horizon when Daryl creaked the door to the infirmary open, his crossbow in his hand as he closed the door behind himself and cleared his throat slightly. “Hey”, he mumbled, adjusting his crossbow so it laid more comfortably in his hands as he stepped a little more inside,”Gonna go search for Alpha’s herd with Carol and Aaron outside, just so ya know.” “Okay”, you nodded, leaning against the counter as you furrowed your brows for a moment,”Just you three?” “Nah, think we’ll meet up with Magna, Kelly, Jerry and Connie too.” “Alright, then you all take care. Hope you’ll find it”, you said, trying to give him a smile through all the frustration and helplessness that was still cursing through you as he nodded, perking the corners of his lips slightly up as well. “We will...and sure hope so too, wanna finally find that shit”, he scoffed then, gulping thickly as he glanced at his crossbow, then back to you, “Gotta find Lydia too.” “You will...or she’ll come back here. She know’s she’s got you here after all”, you said, watching as Daryl slowly nodded while you hoped dearly that what you said would really turn out to be true before you caught Carol and Aaron through the window of the door, walking up to the porch right as Daryl’s caught them.  “Alright, should get on my way.” “Yeah, good luck”, you said, watching as Daryl gave you another nod before he made his way back over to the door and opened it quickly. “Thanks...see you later”, he said, glancing once more time at you before he slipped out of the room and left you alone again in the infirmary, alone with your thoughts and feelings that still seemed as if they would overwhelm you every second and that only got soothed by the thought that you at least were on a good way to slowly build your relationship to Daryl back up. Those little things, like talking to you before a run, they meant a lot, and you tried your best to let their positivity shine some light on the whole darkness that had surrounded these days. And as the sun made its way further over the sky, you tried to imagine that with each moment, each second you got farther away from all the grief and frustration of the last days, from the night of Lydia’s attack, from the sickness, from your friend’s death and instead, hopefully got closer to a future that would be brighter than it seemed now, and most importantly, to the moment you would finally have Negan back by your side.

(If you would like to be tagged, just let me know! The gif isn’t mine/ it was originally posted by dancing-at-the-funeralparty)

[imighthavesomethingthatcanhelp]

TWD Spoilers 10x08 Caryl Clip

There have been many times throughout the seasons when I have thought Daryl and Carol needed to kiss, but this is the first time when I actually thought it was going to happen.

[brightonlux]

rosita espinosa cursing men in spanish is my aesthetic

[amethystmerm4id]

TWD is really playing with my feelings with this thing between Daryl and Carol and Daryl and Connie!!!!!

[boltsandashes]

TWD 10x08 impressions

bullets and overall thoughts under the break.

Ok I was wondering why Lydia wouldn’t have recognized crazy doc guy. ...But it also makes it just... really strange that he’d be so loyal to Alpha’s cause when he was so new and not really indoctrinated? He could’ve only been with her for a couple days at that point, right?

Ooh but I do like that he was the one doing the graffiti 

Fuckfuckfuck did they seriously just expose Dante right away?? So... Siddiq’s death actually meant nothing? What the fuck why would they.......... I’m mad about that.

Is it bad that just seeing Daryl and Aaron in the same shot makes me happy?

...Screw you though Daryl, that was your moment to call Carol out. I think I’m officially giving up hope on him waking the fuck up and doing anything useful this year. 

God Zeke just... wounds me. His eyes. He deserves better.

I hate how they picked Siddiq off and now they’re, what, having Gabriel act like an asshole to Rosita to open up the door for Eugene? ugh

That Aaron and Gracie scene though, that made me emotional in about six different ways. (I’m kind of stung by the implication that Aaron never talks about Eric to Gracie though ngl. But I still liked the subtle reference, so torn.)

Aaand ok. Wow Gabriel, unexpected. I’m not sure how I feel about that. Could be interesting for Gabriel’s character maybe? Depending on where they go with it? I’m not mad that he did a dumb thing and killed their information source, if it’s a sign of interesting Gabriel things to come, because it’s ok for characters to do dumb things sometimes, but damn was that a dumb thing for him to do.

Daryl and Connie are so damn cute that is all.

TBH it’s funny that Daryl says talking to Carol lately has been like talking to a ghost, ‘cause that’s pretty much how I feel about Daryl. He’s just... drifting through. No strong opinions, no strong actions. Not really giving a shit about the people he should be giving a shit about (Lydia) and barely stirring up any emotion when he finally confronts a person who’s been haunting him for years (Negan). He’s just... so barely there this year and really the only time he comes alive at all is with Connie, that’s why I’ve been loving them so much. But I am just... I am so meh on this Caryl thing.

Is anyone else just really annoyed by this unnecessarily twitchy new weirdo with Michonne’s group? Just... everything about the way he’s acting irritates me. Not explaining everything to a bunch of strangers makes sense, that’s fine, but the pointless vagueness and completely unwarranted panic is just... god, just say words.

“It’s time to find Lydia.” Thank christ.

Carol what the fuck is wrong with you?? (I get it, ok, I understand. She’s in revenge mode, she’s being irrational. And I get that as a character arc but CHRIST have you ever seen a more obvious trap in your damn life do not lead your people into this.)

Aaand oh look shocking it’s a super obvious trap who’d a guessed.

So.... yeah, I didn’t love this episode. I feel like I was irritated for half of it and bored for another third. Every single week I keep thinking “Ok but this is what’s gonna wake Daryl up” and then the next episode comes and he just keeps on keeping on. He needs to call Carol the fuck out, and then they can deal with what she’s going through, because as this point he’s really just enabling her and letting her put people repeatedly in danger and it sucks for both characters.

I hate that Dante died so fast, honestly. I hate that he was found out so fast, I hate that he’s just gone now. I also hate that walker!Siddiq didn’t bite him while he was attacking Rosita, during that scene I thought it might be sweet and kind of make his death a little bit meaningful if his walker!self ended up saving Rosita and Coco. Idk that was just a passing thought but yeah, since all the Dante stuff was resolved in this episode it really made that whole thing and Siddiq’s death feel so meaningless.

I’m probably gonna post some more thoughts about the characters and relationships over the next few days –– and please send me asks on anything you want me to ramble about! –– but for the moment I’m just... gonna let it settle in a bit. Maybe I’ll feel better about it later.

[blood-stricken]

Honestly I liked Dante, aside from what he did to Siddiq. They didn't have to take a comic character and ruin him though. Takes 5 seconds to rename him Raphael or Christopher. Hell, even Chad.