#twenty18

[s0ul3d-out]

10.18.18

Crazy to think people still go on here! Tumblr will always be a forever ‘home’ feeling to me. Lame as it is, I still go on here to rant and vent my feelings and shit. Definitely not the same as old tumblr days, ew, to be saying that LOL, btu nice to know people haven’t completely abandoned this place. If you read this post - Like it so I can check out your tumblr and follow you / see if I already follow you :-)

[s0ul3d-out]

I hate looking back, not sure why I did that lol. But, everything happens for a reason and you just have to move on from that. I mean, I’ve been moving forward from everything that has happened the past year but sometimes memories of it come and go ever so often in my mind.

I’m doing better. I’m going to keep working towards doing better. I’m content, but definitely need more room for improvement.

[s0ul3d-out]

I really don't fuck with Libra vibes, not sure why I keep dating them either lmao.

[s0ul3d-out]

I’ve never been this hurt, in so long.

and I never expected to wake up to something like this. I just wanna be okay.

[twentyx18-blog]

1. Digging deep

It’s been a tricky start. Turns out, making yourself write when you just don’t feel like writing is difficult.

But someone recently told me you don’t change habits through motivation, but through discipline. And actually, as the month wore on, and I forced myself to sit at the table and pick up a pen, it did get a little easier.

This is by far the most complete, and cheeriest thing, I came up with. (It is January).

[twentyx18-blog]

Prologue.

I write for a living. No, not anything you’d have read. To date, it’s mostly been information leaflets that gather dust in the waiting rooms of doctor’s surgeries, articles that gather dust on the intranets of investment banks, and welcome packs that gather dust on the desks of employees who were once new.

But I play at writing too. And by that I mean I try my hand at writing things that are a little less functional from time to time. Largely poems, but there’s been the odd short story too. And I’m pretty prolific when it come to birthday limericks scrawled hurriedly on the inside of belated cards.

And whether silly or serious, successful or distinctly subpar, I always enjoy writing for leisure.

Which makes it worse that the amount of leisure-writing I do has fallen off lately. Just as the amount of work-writing I do (and the number of Netflix Originals I watch) has steadily increased. So this year, I’ve decided to do something about it.

The thing is, the problem’s not quite as simple as I made out. It’s not that I don’t write at all. I actually write a fair bit outside of work. The problem is I don’t finish anything. 

I’ve got plenty of thoughts, titles and random rhyming couplets scribbled into notebooks and on the back of receipts. But that’s usually as far as they get. Because, like many writers, there’s only one thing that gets me to finish a piece of work. And that’s a deadline.

So in order to get something (anything) beyond the first few lines, I’ve decided to fabricate one. Over the next 12 months, I’m going to spend 20 minutes, 18 times a month, writing. Whatever I like. It could be the same piece, or something entirely new each time. But the deal is, whatever I’ve spent my time on over the course of the month I have to publish here. For other people to see. Well, probably just my friend Emma (hi Emma). But still.

And while it feels a little scary right now, quite frankly, it’s the only way I’m going to get anything done.

Plus, what’s the point in writing (or creating any kind of art), if you’re not going to share it? That’s why we do it, surely. It’s the final part of the process.

So there we go. That’s the deal. I post whatever distinctly-average collection of musings I’ve been crafting over the last 30ish days. And you get to bug me (Emma) if I don’t.

Could be a great idea. Could be a massive waste of time. 

But all I have to do is get to the end.

[s0ul3d-out]

a facade of it all. maybe one day i'll be fully okay. love and life isn't easy, but maybe, just maybe, one day it will all be. ✨

[andrwealthllc]

Already putting in work in Twenty18 #FirstWorkoutOfTheYear #JustAnotherDayAtTheOffice #Twenty18 #NewYear #January1 (at Gold's Gym)