Aaron deserves to crash out this Neil deserves to yell at people more that
Nicky Hemmick needs to crash out. Like, in a Huge way. Y'all can't tell me that his 'happy ray of sunshine' attitude has actually fooled you. This man has been kicked out of his Christian family home, ostracised by his parents and only allowed to come back in when he brings his cousins, sent to conversion therapy, finally found the love of his life and then immediately went back home to care for two cousins that have no one to take their anger out on but him, tries to make friends with his other teammates but can't because of their issues with his family, almost had a start at finally fixing his relationship with his parents just for his father to INVITE A RAPIST INTO HIS HOME TO HURT THE COUSIN THAT NICKY HAS LAID HIS LIFE DOWN FOR???!?!?
Like are you kidding me. Nicky loves the twinyards unconditionally, and despite the hard time that they give him, they definitely reciprocate those feelings. (Look at Aaron always running to Nicky when he breaks down. Look at Andrew going to jail and getting put on psychotic meds for him) He finally has a family that is willing to stay no matter what, and then his own parents do That to them. Nicky deserves an ancestral crash out actually. On everybody lmfao
(Honorable mention to @sunriseabram for tagging this post with "#nicky deserves to run luther over with the mas" absolutely killed me also So true. Had to add it to the main post)
just thinking about the emotional response twins have at being separated after birth. growing together in their mothers womb for nine months, close and moving and feeling. brains developing knowing nothing but the darkness and their mothers voice and their twin. always their twin. the separation is felt like a missing limb. do you think Andrew cried and cried and cried for his twin? did Aaron? did Tilda leave him to cry alone in his crib while she got high to quiet the wailing. Andrew bouncing between foster homes because their attempted love could not fill the hole. Aaron constantly missing something but having no clue what it was or how to find it, and discovering that drugs make the missing lessen for a while. both of them eventually believing that there is something inherently wrong with them because why is it never enough. and by the time they finds that missing piece, by some insane miracle, the damage is done. they'd wonder what it had been like if the roles were reversed but its a fleeting thought because in the end they were both doomed from the start to be dissapointed by everyone that was supposed to care for them.
i am sitting in bed in the dark on my phone and i wrote an angsty twinyards one shot on my phone. don't know what is wrong with me but it's something. here.
*TW: panic attack, vomiting, drugs, vague reference to abuse, general AFTG-typical bullshit*
"stop," andrew repeats. "stop it." he rubs aaron's back as he heaves again. andrew itches all over with the memories picking at the edges of his mind. he pushes them away, focusing on his brother. "you're fine. just breathe."
as aaron goes blessedly, dangerously quiet for a moment, trying to calm his gasping breaths, andrew can hear the others lingering near the doorway.
"fuck, fuck, fuck," says a soft, gravely voice. it is katelyn. andrew doesn't turn around.
"hey, i talked to abby, and--" matt isn't talking to him, but andrew cuts him off.
"i don't care," he says. he holds up the plastic solo cup beside him. "get him more water. some crackers or something, too. he's almost done."
matt, thankfully, does as he's told and gets out. andrew finally turns to look at the others. katelyn leans in the doorway, viciously chewing on her nails. neil stands beside her, watching her, standing guard to make sure she doesn't interfere with andrew's operation. neil's his second in this fight, he thinks.
aaron coughs and sits up from the toilet. he sways a little, eyes unfocused.
"i'm sorry," he croaks. andrew cuffs him lightly. "ow," he says without much conviction.
"shut up. are you done freaking out?"
"you just told me to shut up. how am i supposed to answer--"
the return of the snark means he is, in fact, done freaking out, returned to baseline. andrew punches him in the arm lightly as katelyn snorts in the background. andrew ignores her.
aaron takes a deep, shuddering breath. he deflates as the tension that'd been holding him together evaporates. he wipes his face on his sleeve and tries to stand up. andrew pulls him back down. he stays.
matt comes back with water and crackers. "hey matt," katelyn says roughly, "do you guys have any gatorade?" matt turns back around to get some. andrew swallows down a wave of irritation.
aaron drinks the water, eats the crackers, and drinks the gatorade, and only then does andrew let him stand. he leads him to the couch, but aaron shakes his head. "nah, i'm...i think i'm gonna go lay down." andrew holds a steadying hand on aaron's shoulder for a couple steps, but aaron isn't stumbling as much as he was before. andrew lets go and lets him walk on his own.
"do you want me to..." katelyn asks softly.
aaron turns around to look at her, but doesn't quite meet her eyes. "no," he chokes. he clears his throat. "um...no, i'm good. just need...some time." he continues to look at the ground before her.
she smiles and nods easily. "alright, sounds good. i'll stick around for awhile, if that's alright?"
aaron nods.
"alright. i'll just chill on the couch for a bit, then."
andrew wants to slap the pitiful look off aaron's face, but he doesnt. he just watches aaron disappear into the bedroom without another word.
the others stand there for a beat, quiet and unsure how to process among themselves what just happened. matt is the first to break the silence.
"uh," he sighs, "i'm...gonna go. to the store. yeah, i'm gonna go to the store. get some more gatorade, and stuff. i'll be back in a while."
neil catches andrew's gaze and andrew reads the minute change in his expression as inquisitive. he looks at matt, then back at neil, and nods, gesturing with his chin to the door. go. neil nods, gives him one more firm look--it's okay, you're okay, i'm okay, he's okay, be careful, don't fuck anything up, i love you-- and follows matt out of the dorm.
when he looks back, katelyn is sat on the couch. she stares ahead, silent. she doesn't seem scared of him, like she used to, or even resentful of him, like she has more recently. she doesn't show any sign that she's even aware of him. she's lost in her head, eyes blazing. andrew watches her grind her teeth; otherwise, she is still.
he casually strolls over and sits on the opposite end of the couch. still, she gives no indication that she gives a fuck.
he stares at the same wall that she does and lets the silence stew for a few moments, dreading when he inevitably has to puncture it.
"so," he begins, keeping his voice carefully neutral and breezy, "are you going to tell me what triggered that little episode?"
she remains catatonic for a moment in which andrew feels anger coming off of her in waves. he wants to throw her out the window by her hair. but he can't, unfortunately--not when she was the one who'd been keeping aaron from choking on his own panic until andrew got there. not when she'd called andrew first, the minute she knew something was wrong.
no one else. him. she called him.
she sighs through her nose. "the episode--do you mean the panic attack? or the substance binge?" he feels her turn her head to look at the side of his. though it makes his skin prickle in discomfort, he turns to meet her.
she is like andrew has not seen her before--tightly-coiled, like she is ready to fight. he didn't know she fought. maybe she doesn't. maybe the instinct is separate from the skill.
andrew doesn't reply, nor does he show surprise, so she keeps going. "he apparently thought it was a good idea to mix liquor with 25 grams on an empty stomach."
andrew gives her a bored look. "oh no, how shocking and bad." he checks his nails, performing dismissiveness. "he--"
"shut up," she says. he whips his gaze back to hers. she looks quietly, coldly furious. "i know he's done worse. i know. but, god--he'd been doing so good. and, fuck--pills, coke, weed, whatever--it doesn't matter what he chooses to hurt himself with, does it?"
andrew sucks his teeth, but she doesn't let him get a word in.
"he hasn't been doing shit like that at all, lately, it's just--" she sighs, and it snags on the way out. she works her jaw for a moment, looking at the ceiling.
"he..." she tries at last. "he mentioned something about having a dream about his mom last night. and i knew he was having a bad day, all day, i could tell. he said he was gonna take half a dose just to settle his nerves, but..." she shakes her head. "i keep thinking, you know, 'i should've known better, i shouldn't have left, i should've stayed with him all day', but i know that's not." she clenches her fists; her knuckles go white. andrew is silent.
"he's not exactly stable, but he's an adult, and he doesn't need a babysitter. i'm not his..." she purses her lips as though she's tasted something sour.
"he greened out," she says simply, short and clipped. she picks at a loose thread in the sofa. "hard. plus the alcohol, plus the general anxiety all day. that's all. he made a stupid decision."
andrew is still for a while, then finally, finally nods. "and then he spiraled," he says, matter of fact.
she nods in return, looking dejectedly at the floor. "mhm."
she worries the thread looser. "he, um..." she clears her throat. "he was babbling, while he was panicking, before he started throwing up. he...god, he was so fucked up." she shakes her head, the coil tightening. "he was just rambling, and at some point, he...he said something about 'her'. he was just like, 'fuck, when is she getting home? what time is it? what time is it?' he was terrified, kept saying 'she' was coming home early."
andrew's chest tightens. he grinds his teeth once, twice, three times, to feel the sharp pain stab through his jaw.
"cant fool a junkie into believing you're not high," he manages, but his throat is dry and the words come out cracked. he resists the urge to cough.
katelyn releases a shuddering breath. he looks up, but she's staring at the wall again, the intensity reeled back inside of her. it bubbles under the surface.
"i'm glad that you killed her," she says lightly. andrew's heart thumps hard, making his chest shake. he swallows.
"he told me," she adds. her tone is coldly nonchalant. "he told me what you did. or, what he thinks you did. i don't disbelieve it."
she finally looks at him. "either way, i'm glad she's dead." in her eyes is that intensity, simmering under the lid, about to boil over. "my only regret is that i wasn't there to do it myself."
she holds his gaze for a half-second longer before she turns back to face the wall. her legs are crossed at the knee, her manicured hands folded neatly, properly in her lap. she sits perfectly still.
andrew watches her. he watches, because when he doesn't know what to do, he steps back and observes while he figures it out. he's trying to figure katelyn out--something he hadnt bothered to do before, out of bitterness, the resentment of the rebuked. but now, he watches, watches, trying to put a name to the thing she is.
a year ago, she'd been a threat to his brother's health, a threat to his own place in his brothers life. a threat to whatever value he had to aaron.
now, all he sees is a threat, plain and simple.
for a while they sit in silence, andrew sometimes watching her, sometimes not. sometimes he thinks, sometimes he listens to the hum of electricity in the walls. sometimes he wonders if he can hear aaron breathing or snoring or weeping through the wall, but he can't.
matt and neil return soon enough, and they look at the scene the two of them make like it's a fallout. matt moves slowly and quietly, so as not to spook. neil shuffles to the perimeter of the sitting area, hovering within a safe distance. not trying to interject; just reminding them, /we are here, and this is weird, and i want to know what is going on/. andrew flicks him a glance, annoyed, but tired enough that he could fall into neil's arms. he looks away again.
after a few minutes of neil hovering and matt pretending to still be putting groceries away and the other two stewing in their own silence, the bedroom door creaks open. aaron takes half a step out, looking every bit the beaten and broken fifteen year old andrew loathed. aaron's hunched frame makes him sick.
"hey, kate," he croaks, sounding as pathetic as he looks. "um, if you wanna...come in. we could talk, or." he looks around at the others, shame resting in the bags under his eyes. "whatever."
katelyn watches him. evaluates him. he's the only person in the room to her, in this moment. andrew reads that plain on her face, as clear to see as her anger had been seconds ago. she gives aaron the shittiest, dullest half-smile. "how about you take another few minutes, and then i'll be right in. is that okay?"
aaron's shoulders sink down further, like his guilt is gravity. "yeah," he rasps. he closes the door.
the boys are frozen. katelyn is still. she sighs, runs her nails against her scalp, smooths her hair back. then she turns to andrew. she waits.
he sighs. "i tried to get rid of her," he says at last.
katelyn gives him that same shitty not-smile. "yeah," she says. "we keep trying, keep trying to get rid of her, don't we?"
andrew sniffs. she shrugs. she stands, but doesn't go anywhere for a moment; he looks up at her.
"we're doing our best, i think," she says. she leaves that between them; they hold it between them. they don't look each other in the eyes anymore, but they hold that thing between them. then, at the same time, they let go, and she walks to the bedroom door, slipping inside.
andrew slumps back against the cushions, the coiled tension that'd been holding him upright finally unfurling.
Even if Andrew would never ever share a bed with someone who isn't Neil (and Renee, because fuck you in my mind they do sleep together after watching movies)
The One person he could definitely never sleep on a bed with is Aaron, because Drake's words about twins and three-ways and so many other things start to play again and again and again a again in his head in the moment they are both laid on.
