The Closest We Can Get to Thanks
Usually one person will say Thank You, and the person the Thank You was directed to will respond You’re Welcome. I am beginning to think of being thankful a different way...
Last night was Heavy & Light, a celebration of 10 years of To Write Love on Her Arms. The night before, Friday, over 100 of us gathered to reflect - all of us past or present interns and staff members. This night was Act 1. This night set the tone for Saturday; hearing so many wonderful words from so many fantastic folks. We ate and chatted and we celebrated and we laughed and cried. Saturday morning and afternoon, we started to arrive at the House of Blues in Orlando, Florida. We started to prepare. We started to anticipate. We started to get ready. This was Act 2. In a screenplay, this may be called the confrontation. This was literally the set-up for Act 3, the event. I say all of this to say that I am thankful for all of it. You can’t have a strong third act with lousy set-up.
I have been inspired by the quantity and quality of the work that the TWLOHA team has exerted leading up to - and during - the event last night in Orlando. I wish I could know somehow though if my thankfulness has registered in the minds and hearts of these folks. I wish I could measure my thankfulness. Usually a retweet or equally lengthy reply text or a high-five or a giggle at my bad joke will reflect my amount of thankfulness back to me. If I give out a big Thank You, I want a big You are Welcome back. Do you know what I mean?
I don’t think that is how gratitude works though.
Life is funny in that this weekend was actually a little hard for a lot of people. When we are talking about To Write Love on Her Arms, we are talking about some heavy and hard things. We exist to talk about these things though. We exist to present hope and to find help; to suggest that we are not alone in our pain and questions. We exist to remind others that the things that may haunt them do not have to win. Our ghosts don’t have to win; the darkness does not have to win.
We exist to pull apart the dark. We dare to stare our past in the eyes and say You cannot dictate my future. I can use you, not the other way around. You don’t have control over me. You already happened. Your very nature says you are already done.
I for so long thought that being thankful depended on the person you are directing your thanks toward, but that is wrong. It only depends on us. I can show my gratitude by living my life in such a way that reveals to others that i have somehow been changed by this person, place, or experience. I thought that I needed a grand You’re welcome, but i just needed to be thankful. My view of thankfulness was a self view, it was selfish. But isn’t thankfulness, in its very being, other people-minded? Aren’t we expressing our gratitude and joy outward? Saying Thank You is giving thanks - it’s not selfish. When we are thankful, we change. Saying Thank You is polite to someone else but being thankful is transforming for us.
Life has not been easy all the time for her, but you can tell that Renee is thankful because of the choices she has made since meeting Jamie. The progress she has made and the healing and peace she currently walks in seems to radiate Thank You. You can tell that Jamie is thankful because most of us have no idea how difficult life has been for him the last 6 weeks, and yet the words he has said and the presence he has had on stage the last two nights have been my favorite to hear and experience. These folks continue to welcome us into their lives and stories. They are saying that we are allowed to listen; we are allowed to laugh and cry along with them. They are thankful. You can tell because it is if they are saying with their lives, You’re welcome.
