#two broken men

[emmahasnoideawhatshesdoing]

“did we please you amy”

“creative producer amy?!?”

[sherlocksundaysummerserial]

Dead Letter Office: “I lived”

Sherlock falls for John, hard. But every story has its Reichenbach.

Read here: http://archiveofourown.org/works/11233392/chapters/26223414

[tales-of-nexus]

★ the clusterfuck of Caduceus and Siyaar

I like you / I hate you(r volatility) / I dislike you/ I love you / You are family / I would take a bullet for you (because you’re a citizen and I’m a soldier) / I would shoot you / I would lie to your face (because it protects me)/ I would say something cruel to you on purpose (to divert attention away from me) / I would say something cruel to you accidentally (because I’m a fuck up) / I would cheat on you / I would physically hurt you (accidentally or if you forced my hand) / You annoy me/ You amuse me / I’d laugh at you / I’d laugh with you / I’d manipulate you / You scare me (because I don’t understand your esper shit) / You confuse me / I wish I knew you better / I trust you / I don’t trust you / You inspire me / I consider you an equal / You are beneath me / You’re better than me (because you’re whole) / I would trust you with my life / I think you’re mean (and don’t realize you’re being so) / I think you’re petty (because you’ve spent so much time around Highborn that it’s normal) / I think you’re childish (and petulant) / I think you’re smart(er than you give yourself credit for) / I think you’re stupid / I think you’re a bad person / I think you’re a good person / I’m not sure what kind of person you are (and I don’t think you do either, but you’re a brat anyway) / I wish you would listen to me / I want to make you proud / I wish you would notice me / I want to impress you / I would hurt other people for you / I’m not sure how to make you happy (and don’t think I’m the right person to do it anyway) / I’m a bad influence on you / You deserve better than me (to be your mentor) / We make a great team (when you can get your head out of your ass) / I’d have a one night stand with you (if I could get over myself and it wouldn’t fuck up our workplace) / I’d have a relationship with you / I would marry you / I fantasize about our life together / I would trust you with my most treasured belonging / I would tell you my darkest secrets / You disgust me / You intimidate me (a little after knocking me flat on my ass without effort) / I hope I intimidate you / I’d hug you (because hugs are cool but I think you’d murder me) / I’d let you hug me (because hugs are cool, bro) / I’m scared of losing you / I don’t think you like me (but I think you respect me professionally) / I want to be better for you / I respect you (because that esper shit is wild) / I don’t respect you (because you don’t respect yourself) / You’re my mentor / You’re my friend / You’re my best friend / I have a crush on you / I could easily watch you die / I’d get drunk with you / I’d party with you / I’d comfort you (but I don’t think I’m the right person for that) / I’d prank you / I’d spike your drink / I’d act behind your back / I’d abandon you / I’d hurt you to get what I want / I would choose my happiness over yours / I would choose your happiness over mine / I despise how much I care for you / I need you / I’m dependent on you / I don’t know what I’d do without you / I’m scared of you leaving me / I’d give my life for you / You frustrate me / I’d call for you in a time of need / I would protect you / I’d visit you in hospital / I’d carry you if you were hurt / I’d feel guilty if I hurt you (again) / I’d let you be near me when I am vulnerable / I’d ignore a phone call from you / I’d call you at 3am / I’d break you out of jail / I’d get angry at you / I would shout at you / You’re too loud / You’re too quiet / You’re too sensitive / You can’t take a joke / You embarrass me / I feel nothing for you / You’re reckless (because you give a shit) / You’re bossy (also because you give a shit) / You bore me / I would ask your advice / I would blame you for something I did / I would cry in your arms / You have the power to hurt me more than anyone else 

[j-mourriland]

Two Broken Men || Jonathan and Nathan || Convo

Location: Capitol || Train || Victory Party || District 7

Time Frame: After winning the 75th Hunger Games

Word Count: 1568

Nathan still could not fathom everything that had happened. Jason had died. Cambria was dead. Rachel, dead. Emma, gone. But Jonathan, oh Jonathan, he had survived. Nathan had no idea what to feel as he saw his sister's best friend – or husband, now – come out the room in which they took out the chip and checked his wounds. He swallowed before opening his arms and embracing him. And he started crying, again. For everything that had happened. That Jonathan had to go through all that again, that Emma had died, that everything was so horribly wrong. How could things ever turn back to normal? Nathan didn't let go of Jonathan for quite some time, his body shaken by sobs. "You made it." Was all he said when he let go.

Jonathan was dragged away from the arena. Not like it was by force, he knew what he did there... and all the more he knew what he left, he left Emma. That's why when he was moved out of the arena and into the welcoming room, he felt hollow and alone. The only reprieve he saw was Nathan. When Nathan hugged him.. he tried to not to cry, but even as no sounds left his lips, his eyes could not stop. With a broken and hollow voice he asked. "No Nate, I didn't make it." he knew that to be true, he was lost already, and he just wanted to let it all go. "Our promise... I'm, i'm sorry." He couldn't bear to look at Nathan. He reminded him too much of Emma, his hair color had the same pattern that only he saw in the Eissicks... the Eissicks.. would they hate him? "I..." he stopped unsure where to go. "Can we... I don't..." there was so many things... "I'd like to go home. Please Nate? Can you try to pull some strings? I.. I don't want to go to the Victors party... please, let them move it" he was pleading, probably shouting. He just wanted to go home.

Nathan looked into Jonathan's eyes, searching for the boy he had met all that time ago. His mind had been broken into pieces and in that moment Nathan took it upon himself to slowly put him back together. "You did all you can. At least you got out. Jonathan." Nathan put his hands on Jona's shoulder, shaking him a little. "Jonathan, I miss Emma, too. I had to see everything and I couldn't do anything." He sighed, wiping away the tears before putting his hands back. Talking about his sister was something he was trying to avoid, but he realised he would never be able to do so. His sister would always be there, in the question the reporters asked, in the pictures in his house, in the reruns of the Games. And it would only be worse for Jonathan. "You know I can't do that." Nathan whispered, lowering his voice. "I can make sure you don't get snared for any interview, except the one with Caesar, but even my powers are limited." The curly haired Eissick pulled a hand through his already ruffled hair. He hadn't been able to sleep, despite his body and mind being beyond exhaustion. "I want to go home as well, but we can't. Not yet.

Jonathan wanted to scream, wanted to fight, wanted to... to just.. he shook his head and then nodded. "Thank you... Let's just get this all over with." he spoke not looking at anyone but the floor or his hands. He would cooperate with Nathan for now, for the sake of Emma. He walked towards the door slowly not making another thought but wanting to go to his bed, to the Craple tree, to be left alone. This time though he would still cooperate. Let Panem have one last laugh. He didn't care. He had to rest, after the interview with the man who'se hair he wanted to Axe as well, after the Victor's event. He would want to go home and greet his family. Live the rest of his life under the Craple tree.

Nathan watched at Jonathan just slumped and went with it. He felt like collapsing at that moment and never getting up. He looked at the boy that had been Emma's friend ever since they were kids and for a moment he could make himself believe that Emma would be coming out of that same door, put an arm around their waists and ask why they were so glum. She didn't. Because she was dead. It was hard to make yourself believe that when your mind flat out refused to accept that fact. "We'll get home soon. Just survive through the next twenty-four hours, okay?"

Jonathan nodded, a small incline of his head. "Survive... isn't that we do?" He let his nightmares engulf him. There was nothing left for him. The Victory Party went to a blur. He was beside Nathan, and a woman who went near him, he recognized her from his victory party during the 69th. The pretty one, the mentor of the tribute he killed. He held his glass as if it was killing him, how the male tribute killed Emma, as if she was nothing. The woman touched his face, he didn't move. Didn't care, she gave him a kiss on the cheek a whisper of thank you and left the door of the Capitol party. He took the time to look at Nathan. A blank question in his eyes. "Can we go home tonight now? I think we've been here long enough, we don't belong here." it was almost an order. He didn't want to stay in this place filled with lies.

Nathan nodded. "Let's go." They made their way through the room, Nathan doing all the talking and smiling, occasionally elbowing Jonathan in the ribs so he wouldn't let go of his smile. It was enough, as they left the room, heading for the train station. Nathan had kept on the front that everything was fine during the whole evening, but his eyes sometimes searched the crowd for things that weren't there. A mop of blond hair, so he could hold out his arm. A smile without malice so he could drop the facade and let his tired eyes show. A laugh so he knew a friend was around. And a small brunette, so he could put an arm around her shoulder and laugh along with her. But they had all been absent. They were all dead.

Jonathan had enjoyed the trip home. Home, like if it could fully be a home without Emma now. He looked outside the window again, waiting to see that maybe Emma was there, and she would just pop out the window, doing daring things again... but there would be none of course, he wasn't able to save her. The only time he spoke on the train was when he laughed, a horribly bitter laugh. "Emma won't be here for my birthday again." he said it was a running joke that since Emma went on to her games, she was never available on his birthday, the exact date of it. They would celebrate on a different date though, but Jonathan didn't think he could reschedule anymore. Once he got off the train, he went straight to his family, when he saw them. His parents, his sister and the Eissicks, he didn't look at them, couldn't, and if he could he never wanted to see them again. It was all his fault. For a moment he turned back towards Nathan. "I guess this is it then." he spoke, unsure, worried, tired, aching.

Nathan looked at Jonathan, and didn't react to his words. It was better maybe, if they both processed this on their own, because at that moment Nathan wanted to shout that he, too, had lost a sister. That he, too, had lost part of his life. First his brother, not his sister? He wanted to claw at his face, tear out his hair and curl up to sleep forever. But he was too tired to even do that. Too tired to form any sliver of emotion as he looked at Jonathan, the train waiting on them in the station. "This is it." Soon they would be left alone, until the Victory Tour. They had half a year to sort things out.

Jonathan felt more hollow when he left with his family back towards his home... the victor's village. Where they stayed. Funny though, he never felt like he stayed there, probably because his family still used their house in the settlement and most of the times they would stay, the victor's house became his father's office and sometimes his place of solitude as well when the forest was inaccessible. He didn't know when he'd see Nathan again, would they say hi to each other, would they look at each other? Probably they should, maybe he should snap out of his thoughts, but it was too raw now, too hurtful. Tomorrow he would go back to the forest and run, or walk, or cry... or just rest, for now though, he was beside his family in the living room, despite his age, and all, they were all on the floor, his father, mom, Leila and Alistair the dog. He would probably not have nightmares, but he knew it would haunt his living days too.