If you are a college cis man or masc-presenting person, stop scrolling.
Hi, I just wanted to direct your attention to something you may not even realize can make someone uncomfortable genuinely scared.
I pose to you this situation: you go to catch up to a classmate after class. You want to talk to her to get to know her more or talk about class, whatever. You talk about majors, what year you are, etc. - all very normal questions for students to talk about.
And then you ask about where she lives.
She gives you an incredibly vague answer.
‘That’s strange,’ you think. Plenty of other classmates don’t hesitate to tell you. It’s not an uncommon question.
You ask her again. She gives slightly more specific but very vague responses as you ask. It’s almost like she doesn’t know where she lives. How funny! You even tell her where you live, also vaguely because she’s being vague.
You continue walking together. She’s been talking less and less, and you’re not really sure where to put the conversation next, so you let her go. After all, she said her roommate is going to pick her up? What a strange girl…
It’s dark, and she needs to get to her dorm. For safety, she holds her pepper spray, not just keeping it in her pocket.
Then, for some reason, her classmate comes up to her while she is alone. There are other people around, but not many, and it’s very, very dark.
He is very tall and far stronger than she is. It’s dark. She’s alone except for him. This isn’t good.
Just small chat. Okay, that’s fine. Majors, years, classes - all normal stuff. She tries to not show how anxious she is, but really, she’s waiting for him to go.
Then, he asks where she lives.
She feels sick. She can’t ignore her instincts. She gives a vague answer, hoping he’ll get a hint or just stop asking.
It doesn’t work. He persists in wanting to know where she lives as they are walking alone together. It is dark. Few cars pass by but not enough.
She gives more vague answers. She mentions that her roommate is going to pick her up, hoping he will leave her alone, that this will dissuade him. Can’t he see the pepper spray in her hand? Does he not care? Is he really so naive? Or is he just waiting?
Finally, he leaves. Finally, they part ways.
She walks a bit a way she doesn’t usually go. She doesn’t look back until a few feet later. She sits for a moment, looking around, putting her phone up to her ear.
She goes a different way home. She constantly checks around her, behind her. She keeps her eyes and ears more open, more sharp than she was already planning to.
She doesn’t take her finger off the pepper spray button. Her heart hammers in her chest.
She gets home. She feels like she’s being watched.
Maybe he was just awkward. Maybe he didn’t know what the situation looked like.
Or maybe she was right about him, about what he would do.
But there was no way of knowing.
Maybe she should have just spoken up and told him she was uncomfortable.
But then what next? If he had been offended, it could have gotten ugly, and if he actually meant to harm her, would it have helped?
She doesn’t want to assume the worst. But if she doesn’t, she may not have gotten home.
She has to see him in class next week.
