“Hold on tight”
I don’t know to talk in front of a camera, so words. Words first. Whatever posts I’ve been posting since I started this blog, I never really deleted. I’ll keep them for many reasons. But this is me now. I tell myself every year will be better. It’s the year 2018. I’ve always been so uptight with: organizing, scheduling, timing, everything. That’s why when something falls through, in my mind, it’s the end of the world. I’m not too sure what the world’s stance is at this current moment... about mental health. But I want to make a difference, and help as much as I can to promote sharing, especially amongst love ones. Just as education is important to learn whatever is essential in life, and career... & we learn about the functions of the body, we get sick and ill for many reasons. Poisonous species, terminal illnesses, allergies. I’ll press for the rest of my life, that having a mental illness is just as valid as the diagnosis of diabetes, of cancer... It’s not their fault, is it? They’re not told to suck it up, are they? Then to be fair, sometimes we cannot control what we think; what we feel; what we act on. Why? Because our brain is sick. And then what, that makes us labelled as “crazy” and “psycho” out in the community? I know what you may be thinking, “Sometimes, that’s the way the world works.” Yes. I agree. But the world constantly changes. And by that, I highly believe that world will soon realize this. The support will be stronger, these illnesses will become more curable, and we’ll be able to catch things early on - rather than later. So yes, I’ll admit that I do suffer from some sort of mental illness. And damn it, it’s hard. Rock hard. You not only have to deal with your own symptoms, but the reactions of people. Even those I care about.
You may ask, gee, why share RL? Because if I don’t, there’s a chance that no one will speak up. Because I’m a fighter of the stigma. No matter how harsh the rest of the world with me. It’ll be an opportunity for me to care less. Because those who matter, will be the ones who care for the better. Any judgments, well, do the research, educate yourselves - so that this post will make more sense. We’ll all keep trying so those who fall, and fall only looking down and nothing else... Will have the chance to lift their chins up, and see that there’s a path to keep following. Every time we trip we’ll train ourselves to get back up again. And again. And again.
For me, I had these years ago goals that were quite attainable. Yet, in my eyes, I “failed.” Why? Because I was so hung up on society’s standards and my assumed standards of my parents. I always thought that success meant having a good job, good marriage, and good health. In a way, yes. But to this day, I beat myself up... For all the breaks I’ve been taking, blaming this “stupid illness” I suffer from. For all the time I wasted... But you know. Says who? Says my perception. Says what I think about what others think of me. Says the media. Says other people. You. Focus on you. Tell yourself that, “It’s okay” because you matter; you’re worth it; you’ll make it.
It’s all you dude. You won’t have to do it alone either. Those you know you inside and out, won’t judge you for what society has labelled you. Those that are worth your time will stay. No matter what. It’s hard. It’s so hard. And despite everything, they’ll still take your hand and say,
“We’ll make it, just trust me, okay?”
01.08.16