The Years That Got Away: A ten-year retrospective on the art of TW Walsh
Disclaimer: I don’t know TW Walsh. I’ve never met him.
I saw him perform twice, when I was a teenager, playing with Pedro the Lion.
I was introduced to TW via proxy when his name was dropped in the song “Bands with Managers.” –
But I trust T. William Walsh and I’m not afraid to die.
Who the hell was this guy? Was his driving that impeccable? Surely there was more to the story.
I had flunked my senior year, and by all accounts I was expected to follow the trend of high school dropouts. My girlfriend had moved out of town for college, and I struggled with what to do next. She encouraged me to go back, to at least get my diploma. I went back to school, tail tucked between my legs, embarrassed to see my girlfriend’s little sister, a freshman, in the hallways. What was I doing here?
I end up hearing that TW Walsh started a new band called The Soft Drugs and released an EP titled In Moderation. I bite. I purchase the album and throw it on my MP3 player. I listen to all five tracks repeatedly for weeks.
The words echoing in my head –
What you gonna do, when it dawns on you?
Shit. What the fuck was I gonna do?
Six months later and I’m attending a local community college, foolishly majoring in music. I’m nervous, anxious, depressed. I decide to checkout TW’s back catalogue. He has two records and another EP. I bite again.
I try to find tabs for his songs, but none exist. I apprehensively decide to message him on MySpace, asking if my mangled tablature to the opening of “Old Fashioned Way of Speaking” was right. He responds. Unsurprisingly, the tabs are wrong. Surprisingly, the stranger on the other end is kind and encouraging. I find the right fingerings.
I’m waiting for my Intro to Philosophy class. I’m sitting outside on a bench with a cup of coffee, starring at the skyline. The gods in charge of the Random feature of my MP3 player decide to queue up “Gullwatching.” Everything clicks.
I head to class, break out the spiral notebook, adorn the front cover with the words I found so inspiring –
Anger is regret, and pride’s the child of etiquette.
I’ll try to hitch a ride, but it’s a long way back from the other side.
I too try and make the voyage.
I’m on a Greyhound bus, on my way to see my girlfriend. I have plans to move in with her in a few months, making the jump from community college to a university. The drive time doubles from 2 hours to 4 thanks to a bad decision and a wrecked car. I’m at the mercy of a diesel engine.
My mind wanders, as I stare out the window to the endless miles of farmland between Cleveland and Columbus. I scroll through my device and find the new EP by The Soft Drugs I had bought earlier that week. I’m hypnotized again –
I’m gonna find my way while you run in place.
It’s not as if it matters now, you know.
It’s not as if it ever did.
My chest is heavy. I think of the friends I knew, the flakes and the burn outs. I get a chip on my shoulder. My spinning compass begins to steady. I prepare my mind for a new home and new possibilities.
I arrive in my new home. I change my major and take a crappy job. Three years pass, and I somehow manage to graduate from college. I apply for grad school and get rejected. I propose and get accepted. I’ve reached a plateau. Where do I go from here?
During this time TW has released a few tracks, but he’s been mostly inactive. What has he been up to? Did he stop making music? Did he succumb to the same feelings I have now?
Eventually I hear rumblings of a new record. I get excited. What does the prophet have for me this time? He releases “Songs of Pain and Leisure”. I shake the 8-ball again to try and find meaning where perhaps there is none. He delivers. –
I broke ground on a brand new life;
same love, same hate, same fear,
new struggle and strife.
I float through low-paying jobs, taking public transportation, newly married and making new friends.
I continue to try and stay afloat.
Looking for the Fundamental Ground
Time jumps again. I find my passion and pursue it. I get a Master’s degree and find a fulfilling job. Adopt a puppy, and then find out my wife and I are expecting. I feel at peace for the first time in my life. I stare at the blank canvas of my future, and don’t know what to expect.
The abyss gazes also, this time in the form of a new record. TW releases “Fruitless Research”. The timing is impeccable, and I am eager for some guidance.
In going over the record he shares some of his intentions behind the tracks. He mentions that “Body/Mind” was inspired by his daughter. Knowing I have a little girl on the way, I queue up the track on my long drive home. Normally this is a meditative moment of my day, where I try to calm my mind before I see my family. Today, I’m in tears –
Hey little girl, just do everything we tell you to.
Hey little girl, don’t let anybody change
the way your body and your mind work.
How will I guide my child? How do I share what little wisdom I have with her, while also allowing her to stumble through her own experience? I don’t know, and I may never find out the right way to be a parent.
But at least I now know I’m not the only one.
I don’t know TW Walsh.
I’ve never met him. We’ve communicated a few times through social media and his responses have been as kind to me as his music. He’s self-deprecating but thoughtful, and seems to know what’s important to him.
He mentioned that he was dealing with some illness prior to this record.
I hope he’s doing well. I hope he continues to find ways to process the struggles we all face, and share his experiences with others.
I don’t know TW Walsh.
Thank you, stranger.