A Hilarious New Study Asks: Are You a Mary Poppins or a Nutty Professor?
A new study out of the University of Missouri-Columbia inspires much laughter and self-reflection in asking: who do you become when you’re drunk? The first empirical research to classify “types of drunks” outside of BuzzFeed quizzes, the study clusters the intoxicated into four categories: Ernest Hemingway, Mary Poppins, Mr. Hyde and the Nutty Professor.
Noted for his alcohol-fueled monologues and famous ability to prodigiously drink, Ernest Hemingway is the drunk that many of us believe we are. This category represents those who show below average signs of intoxication, including decreases in conscientiousness and intellect.
Surprisingly, Hemingways are the largest group represented in the study, showing that many of us can hold our liquor with the best of ‘em! (And I’d say Hemingway is the best.)
The always-positive and -pleasant nanny, Mary Poppins describes the drunk that is already outgoing and agreeable when sober, and therefore becomes even sweeter when drunk. (Read: these are your friends that say, “I love you!” to everyone in the bar.)
The study describes, “The Mary Poppins group of drinkers essentially captures the sweet, responsible drinkers who experience fewer alcohol-related problems compared to those most affected.” Though a far smaller group than the Hemingways, this category sounds like a pretty lovely one to belong to!
Not to be confused with his alter ego Dr. Jekyll, the sinister Mr. Hyde represents those that find their dark side when drinking. Members of this group report decreased responsibility and intellect, while displaying increased hostility.
The study reports that this group was the only one where it was statistically more likely to experience negative consequences from drinking, “suggesting that individuals in this group not only embody less savoury personality characteristics when drunk, but also incur acute harm from their drinking.”
The final category, the Nutty Professor, is a shout out to the “academic” portrayed by Eddie Murphy in his 1996 flick (or perhaps, by Jerry Lewis in 1963). This group tends toward introversion when sober, but increases in outgoingness and extraversion when drinking. While this may be an entire type of “drunk,” I think we all can sympathize with needing a little liquid courage from time to time.
While particularly whimsical and fun, this study offers pretty enormous implications for the ways we assess and intervene with “problem drinkers” – maybe with the Mr. Hyde group, but with any personality type identified.
Yet, speaking as someone outside of the field, I know I will have fun analyzing my friends the next time we hit the bars!
