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Take A Breath (Post-Finale)

Summary ~ After the life-changing events of Andi’s party, Cyrus is worried that what happened between him and TJ was nothing more than a friendly gesture.

~~~~~

Less than twelve hours after the life-changing events of Andi’s party, Cyrus was standing outside TJ’s house, debating whether to knock on the door or not. On his way there, he’d distracted himself by scrolling through his latest texts from the other boy, privately blushing at the single heart emoji TJ had sent him after saying goodnight. But now that he was actually here, his fist frozen in the air mid-knock, there was nothing to keep his nerves at bay. What if TJ thought he was being too clingy by showing up at his house the next morning? What if everything that had happened between them last night had simply been a one-off, a friendly gesture of solidarity and nothing more? What if he was still deluding himself by thinking he ever stood a chance with someone as wonderful as TJ Kippen? Just the mere possibility of rejection made him wince, his stomach stirring unpleasantly as the sweat began beading on his forehead. He felt like he was on the verge of passing out.

Stumbling a few steps backwards, he reached blindly for his phone in his back pocket, desperately wanting to seek some well-needed advice from Buffy and Andi before venturing forward. He was blinking the sweat out of his eyes when the door suddenly opened, releasing a musical breeze from inside the house, and TJ’s mom greeted him with a bemused smile. She was wearing a fluffy robe and hugging a mug of steaming coffee in her hands, and it dawned on Cyrus just how early it really was. He felt like a complete idiot for disrupting their morning routine like this. But, before he could apologise, or even try to explain himself, TJ’s mom leaned her hip against the doorway and quirked an eyebrow.

“Cyrus Goodman,” she said with a knowing smile, as if she’d been expecting him. “Do you plan on creeping about on my porch all day, or do you wanna come inside?”

Cyrus spluttered, his cheeks flooding with heat. “Oh! Sorry, Mrs. Kippen, I didn’t mean to –”

“I’m only messing with you, hon. Get yourself in here and shut the door.”

He couldn’t argue, even if he wanted to. The words had completely vacated his mind. It was like a repeat of his embarrassing first encounter with TJ’s mom a few weeks ago, when he’d told her to get home safe while she’d been standing in her own doorway. He could barely think about that day without mentally kicking himself for being so ridiculous. And now, here he was again, a blushing, tongue-tied disaster as TJ’s mom led him down the hallway, clearly attempting to make small talk with him while they walked.

“TJ’s just practicing in the living room,” she told him, nodding in the direction of the beautiful music. “He should be finished in a few minutes, if you wanna see him.”

Cyrus forced a smile. “Thank you, Mrs. Kippen. I’m sorry for being here so early.”

TJ’s mom glanced down at her pyjamas, then huffed a laugh. “Oh, don’t mind me. I’ve been up for hours. I just don’t see the point in getting dressed unless I’m leaving the house.”

At that, Cyrus chuckled. TJ’s mom reminded him of Bex in many ways, and that helped him relax somewhat. But as soon he caught a glimpse of TJ in the living room a few moments later, his head bent over a black piano, he was reduced to a trembling, awestruck mess within seconds. Not that anyone could blame him. The other boy was playing the piano with his eyes closed, a lock of dirty-blond hair falling across his forehead, and his hands were dancing across the keys with an elegance that Cyrus had never seen before in his life. There was a cute little furrow between his brows, and Cyrus was itching to reach out and smooth it with the pad of his thumb. But at the same time, he didn’t want to shatter the spell by interrupting him. He was more than happy to stand here and watch him, anyway. He’d stand here for hours, if he could.

“Impressive, huh?” TJ’s mom whispered, lightly poking him in the shoulder. “I taught him the basics, but there’s no teaching that… He’s a natural talent, that’s for sure.”

Cyrus swallowed thickly, his eyes still glued on TJ. “Yeah, he… He’s amazing, alright.”

“He says the same thing about you, you know?”

“What?”

“I heard the party was pretty eventful,” she continued coyly, somehow changing the subject without changing it at all. “TJ seemed to have a lot of fun.”

The implication was too strong to be anything but an outright question, and Cyrus had no idea what answer he was supposed to give. For one thing, he didn’t know how much TJ had told his mom, and how much he wanted to remain unsaid. But most importantly… he wasn’t quite sure what had happened between him and TJ on the bench last night. That was partly why he was here in the first place: to figure out where they stood, once and for all. He only hoped they were on the same page.

“Mrs. Kippen, I –”

“Please,” she said, raising a hand to pause him, “call me Riley. And TJ’s dad hasn’t been in the picture for a long time, so… It’s just plain old ‘miss’ now.”

Cyrus bit his lip, internally berating himself for being so obtuse. TJ had told him how his father had left when he was younger, of course – only sending the occasional text to let them know he wasn’t dead in a ditch somewhere – but apparently his brain turned to mush when he was nervous.

“I’m so sorry, Miss – I mean, um… Riley.”

“There’s no need to apologise,” Riley said with a shrug. She glanced over at TJ and smiled, her eyes turning soft with a mixture of pride and fondness. “I got a wonderful son out of the deal, so… I’m more than okay with how things turned out.”

Cyrus followed her eyes across the room, his heart rate slowing to a calm, melodic pace as he watched TJ’s hands glide across the piano, a private smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. When he’d been crushing on Jonah, his heart had leapt and fluttered like an injured bird reaching for the sky. But with TJ, it was the opposite. Unlike Jonah, who’d made him feel giddy and nauseous with nervous excitement, TJ had a steadying effect on him, his very presence being enough to put him at ease. He wondered if that was the difference between like, and… Well, whatever it was he felt for TJ. He didn’t have a name for it yet, but whatever it was, it made him feel safe and happy and full of hope. And even if TJ didn’t feel the same way, he was grateful for everything he’d done for him. He was grateful for this, right here. This feeling of complete and utter contentment.

“You’re right,” he whispered, more to himself than anyone else. “He really is wonderful.”

Riley hummed. She wasn’t watching her son anymore; Cyrus could feel her eyes on the side of his face, but he couldn’t seem to meet her gaze. Maybe he was too entranced by TJ’s beauty, or… Maybe he was afraid of what he’d find in her expression. Either way, he kept facing forward, allowing the music thrumming beneath TJ’s fingertips to distract him from his anxiety-riddled thoughts. He wasn’t ready to acknowledge how transparent his feelings for TJ were to the rest of the world just yet.

“I’ll go fetch you boys something to drink,” Riley said.

That was enough to turn his head.

“You don’t have to do that –”

“Oh, nonsense. I may as well make myself useful.” She flicked a parting glance at TJ, then gave Cyrus a sympathetic pat on the shoulder, her eyes brimming with understanding. “Don’t overthink it, hon. Just talk to him.”

Before he could respond, Riley gave his shoulder a final squeeze, then walked away, leaving him standing alone in the hallway. If he really wanted to make a run for it, now was his chance. But, as he looked over at TJ, his heart swelling with pride as the other boy reached the crescendo of the song with flawless determination, he knew he couldn’t leave. Not until he’d spoken to TJ. He needed to know if what had happened between them at Andi’s party was more than just a fluke. He needed to know if TJ felt the same way. And if he didn’t find out soon, he was pretty sure he was going to explode. So, with a deep, trembling breath, he waited for TJ to reach the end of the song, then walked up to him.

“That was beautiful,” he said, his voice shaking.

TJ jumped. “Woah! Where did you come from?”

“Your mom let me in… Can I sit?”

“Sure,” TJ said, his lips twitching with a smile as he moved further up the bench seat, making room for Cyrus to sit down.

For an agonising moment, neither of them said a word. They both sat there, stiff and awkward as the silence stretched on, the air between them heavy with uncertainty. A full minute passed, and Cyrus was seconds away from bolting through the door. But then TJ turned to face him, their knees bumping together, and reached for his hand. Just like last night, their fingers threaded together with an overwhelming sense of familiarity, and Cyrus felt himself sagging with relief. A tear rolled down his cheek as he stared down at their joined hands, a breathless laugh escaping his lips. He hadn’t been deluding himself, after all.

“Hey,” TJ said gently, using his free hand to cup Cyrus’ face. “You’re crying.”

Cyrus shook his head. “I’m just… I’m so happy this is real.”

“What d’you mean?”

“I dunno… I guess I was just scared. I thought maybe last night didn’t mean the same thing for both of us.”

TJ shrugged. “Well, what did it mean for you?”

“Everything,” Cyrus admitted, ducking his head to hide the blush blooming across his cheeks. He hadn’t expected to be this open about his feelings, but apparently he was incapable of hiding from TJ anymore. It was like they’d broken a seal by holding hands, and now there was no going back. Not that he ever wanted to. He was more than happy with this new development in their relationship.

A thumb swept across his cheek, capturing the tear before it reached his chin. TJ was watching him with the same level of fondness Cyrus had possessed as he’d watched him playing piano just moments before.

“I guess it did mean the same thing for us both then,” TJ said, the hint of a smirk playing on his lips.

Cyrus glanced up at him, then laughed, the rest of his anxieties melting away as they moved closer together. Down the hallway, Cyrus could hear Riley brewing them some coffee, an old jazz song playing on the radio as she worked. If they didn’t move apart soon, she’d catch them in the act. The risk was thrilling, in a way, but Cyrus didn’t want to force TJ into coming out too soon. Not to the person he cared about most in the world. Which is why he forced himself to let go of the other boy’s hand and turn towards the piano, wiggling his fingers above the keys with a boisterous smile.

“Come on then,” he said, purposely brushing his shoulder against TJ’s. “Teach me how to play.”

TJ huffed a laugh. “If you insist.”

A shiver ran up his arm as TJ touched the backs of his hands, gently guiding them across the piano as he murmured the names of the chords against the shell of his ear. It was much slower, and not perfectly in time, but Cyrus could hear the same song TJ had been playing earlier taking life beneath his hands.

“There you go,” TJ whispered. “You’re a natural.”

Cyrus shot him a dubious look, but it soon faded away as he saw the genuine pride in TJ’s eyes, nestled amongst a forest of warmth and encouragement. It was an expression he knew all too well, and one that never failed to make him smile. Of all the wonderful, accepting people he had in his life, TJ was probably the one that believed in him the most, and Cyrus loved him for it. For such a long time, he’d seen himself as useless; nothing but an expendable sidekick who people kept around to laugh at. But with TJ, he felt invincible, as if he could do anything he wanted to. It still baffled him how much faith TJ had in him, but he was slowly getting used to it. Maybe one day, he wouldn’t be surprised by his own capabilities. He was sure TJ would do everything he could to get him to that place.

“This is amazing,” he said, grinning down at the piano in awe. After a few more chords, he turned to TJ with a teasing smile, his mind still cloudy from their close proximity. “But here’s my question: how the heck do you know how to play ‘Born This Way’ by heart?”

TJ blushed. “Oh. Um… It’s a long story.”

“It can’t be that long!”

“It’s not,” he admitted. “But it’s embarrassing, you know?”

“Nothing you tell me could make me like you less,” Cyrus said, completely missing the fact that he’d just used the ‘L-word’ for the very first time in reference to TJ. It’s not as if they were hiding it from each other, after all. “C’mon, Teej… Please tell me.”

That’s all it took to break him.

“Fine,” TJ said, rolling his eyes with feigned annoyance. “I heard it on the radio when I was like, seven, and it always kinda stuck with me, you know? I used to listen to it all the time. It was one of the first songs I learnt how to play.” He glanced at Cyrus, his bottom lip caught between his teeth. “I guess I know why it meant so much to me now.”

Cyrus smiled. “What did your mom think about your Lady Gaga obsession?”

“She was cool with it,” TJ said. “I mean, my Gaga phase, not the other thing…” He was wringing his hands together, and Cyrus could tell they were standing on the edge of a very important conversation. “I haven’t told her yet. I mean, not outright… We kinda talked about it a few weeks ago. About you, actually. But I never said the words. Is that bad?”

“Of course not,” Cyrus told him, grabbing his hands and holding them against his chest. “It’s completely up to you when you tell her. If you tell her, I mean. Not everyone needs to come out.”

TJ licked his lips. “I think I want to.”

“Okay.”

“Do you think I should?”

“It’s your choice,” he said, carefully slotting their palms together. “I can’t help you make it, Teej. But I promise you, whatever you decide, I’ll be there for you. No matter what.”

At that, TJ released a long, tremulous breath. Cyrus could feel his muscles relaxing beneath his touch, his fingers melting between his own. He thought back to that perfect moment on the bench last night, and how they’d sat there for almost an hour, simply enjoying each other’s company until TJ’s mom had called, asking him to come home soon. They hadn’t talked much, but that hadn’t been a problem; their hands had said everything they’d been thinking and feeling, and that was more than enough. Even when Cyrus had walked TJ partly down the road at the end of the night, they hadn’t spoken. TJ had smiled at him beneath a streetlamp, his face basked in a yellow glow, and Cyrus had reached up on his tiptoes to kiss him on the cheek before fleeing back to Andi’s house, his face the same colour as his red plaid shirt. Before he’d even reached the end of the street, his phone had buzzed in his pocket, and Cyrus had opened it to find a new text from TJ, promising to text him before going to bed. He hadn’t stopped grinning all the way back to Andi’s house.

“So,” he said, aiming for a flirtatious smile as he sidled up to TJ. “What other songs can you play?”

TJ shrugged. “If you stay for lunch, I can teach you some.”

“Would your mom be okay with that?”

“My mom loves you, Cy.”

“We’ve only spoken twice…”

“She’s good at reading people,” TJ told him, his smile turning soft as his eyes flitted over Cyrus’ face, silently taking him in. “I guess you passed the test.”

Cyrus chuckled. “That’s a relief.”

“So, you’ll stay?”

“Yeah,” he said, dropping his voice to a whisper as he rested his head against TJ’s shoulder, his eyes slipping closed with a blissful sigh. “I’d like that.”

After a beat of startled silence, TJ pressed a hesitant kiss to his forehead, then cleared his throat. His hands were trembling as he slowly unravelled them from Cyrus’ grip, resting one against his hip to hold him close, and using the other to play a new song on the piano. Even with one hand, he was incredible, and Cyrus could feel himself slowly drifting off as TJ continued to play, quietly singing the words against Cyrus’ cheek. It was a perfect moment, just like their time on the bench together, and every other moment they’d shared before then.

There were so many future memories to be made, and there was no one else he would rather spend them with than Thelonious Jagger Kippen. His best friend. His biggest supporter. His boyfriend.

The End.

~~~~~

Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed it, please like/comment/reblog. Any kind of feedback means the world to me! ♥

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