Part One: Do You
Mariguana was meditating on the red, blinking light of a camera and didn’t notice it had shut off until Cenk blocked his view. He tilted his head to look up through the glass at broad shoulders - at the angle he was standing, Cenk’s face was hidden by the studio lights above him.
“This little guy is so cool!” Mariguana heard Ana agree from somewhere beyond his terrarium’s sightline.
“I wonder which clever fan started his TYT Lizard Twitter account?” Cenk mused as he turned to begin the second hour of TYT Live.
The scales on the back of Mariguana’s neck tensed. It’s my Twitter account! he thought. Some imaginary fan is getting the credit because I’m just a lizard and don’t have opposable thumbs. This sucks!
As the second hour began, Mariguana shifted in his tank so that he could see the screen of his iPhone propped against a rock, and used his tail to unlock it.
Almost immediately, he received a barrage of likes and a tweet back from Suzie.
Mariguana smiled and thought, The TYT fans appreciate me more than the people here at the TYT studio do. I should get out there and meet them somehow. Looking around at the glass walls of his tank, he sighed. If only I could.
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“Do you even know how to clean a lizard’s terrarium?”
The next morning, Mariguana awakened to Jayar eyeing Cenk skeptically as they stood over his tank.
“It can’t be too difficult,” Cenk replied heartily. He removed the lid and lifted the lizard gently out of the tank. Holding him in one arm like a baby, he tickled the lizard under his chin, and Mariguana partially closed his eyes in enjoyment.
“We’re going to clean your tank for you, buddy. You’ve just got to chill in this box until we’re done,” Cenk said. He settled Mariguana into a shallow cardboard box on the floor and turned back to the tank.
“Who dropped their cell phone in the iguana’s tank?” Jayar asked in confusion. Mariguana whipped his head up and hissed, trying to let him know that it was his phone. Ignoring him, Jayar shrugged and set it on the floor next to the cardboard box. “We’ll figure it out later.”
Mariguana sighed and leaned over to pick up the phone in his mouth, hiding it in a pouch in his cheek. He was about to settle in and enjoy watching Cenk and Jayar try to properly clean his tank when he realized how easy it would be for him to walk away. I could finally go hang out with other people! With the fans!
Glancing up at the two men arguing over the best way to scrub one of his plastic plants, Mariguana eased his two front legs over the edge of the box, then paused. After a few moments, he leapt from the box and scurried out of the studio, with no one the wiser.
After a while of running, he paused in the shadows near a bathroom door. He could see the front door in the distance. Glancing around, Mariguana walked purposefully towards the door. Just as he reached it, the door swung open and John entered. Mariguana quickened his pace, sprinting for the rapidly closing door and narrowly avoiding being stepped on by Hannah, who was bouncing over to greet her Think Tank co-host with a hug. With moments to spare, he whipped his tail out of the door frame just in time.
Raising his face to the sun, Mariguana basked in the feeling of freedom. Then he pulled out his phone and opened Twitter.
He looked up to see Jimmy Dore leaning against the side of the building, a joint held lazily between his fingers, eyebrows furrowed above his sunglasses as he squinted at the sight of a lizard using an iPhone. Mariguana nodded at him, and Jimmy tilted his head, blowing out a stream of smoke.
From inside, they heard Cenk yelling, “The iguana is loose! Everyone help me find him.” Jimmy glanced at the door, then flicked some ash off the end of his joint. He slowly lowered his sunglasses on his nose, and looked the iguana in the eye, saying, “In the words of Ana Kasparian - do you, boo.”
Feeling full of excitement for the journey ahead, Mariguana saluted the man with his tail, then wandered down to the edge of the road. He saw a bicycle messenger coming down the road, and with one great leap, he found himself in the basket on the back of the seat. Placing his front claws on the edge of the basket, he watched the TYT Studio grow smaller in the distance as the wind whipped around his scales.
Mariguana’s road trip had begun.
To be continued…
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