in honor of Umbrella Academy season 2: my Chaos Twunks
There are two of them when Geralt gets back to the table. Jaskier, of course, and...another bard? The new man can’t be more than three years Jask’s senior and his outfit is ridiculous. His pants, made of a similar material to Geralt’s it looks like, are laced up the sides, from ankle to just under his ass. His shirt has no sleeves and neither does his green, pocket-covered jacket.
He looks like trouble.
“Who’s this?” Geralt grunts, gesturing vaguely at this new ‘friend’.
“Oh, you were right,” the man beams. His eyes are rimmed with messy kohl and Geralt can see that there are tattoos on the palms of his hands, unreadable at this angle. Perhaps they are runes of some kind. “His voice is sexy when he’s nervous.”
“I told you.” Jaskier looks from the stranger to Geralt, smiling widely the whole time. “Klaus, this is Geralt. Geralt, please meet my friend, Klaus. He’s from a different reality entirely.”
“Hmm.”
“Oh, very scary,” Klaus teases, squinting his eyes like Geralt is a baby cat and not a Witcher. “Only I’ve seen my world end twice. You’re not that scary, pal.”
“Klaus can speak with the dead,” Jaskier grins. It’s a shit-eating one.
“Hmm.”
“Why are there so many phantom horses following you around?”
“Wh-what?” Geralt splutters, spitting half a mouthful of good ale onto the tabletop.
“There’s a fucking battalion of horses hanging around outside. They’re chilling out with that brown mare; is that your horse?”
“Yeah. Roach.”
“They’re all Roach. Do you only have one horse name!? That’s tragic!”
“It’s practical.”
“Jasky, sweetie, you could do better,” Klaus pouts, patting the back of Jaskier’s hand. Geralt’s chest fills with jealous rage but he tamps it down. Klaus glances back over his shoulder and chuckles, as if he’s just heard a funny joke. Only there’s no one there. “Oh, shit, Ben. You’re totally right. This is no time for meddling in their affairs. I guess we should probably head back.”
Jaskier’s smile never wavers. As if this whole one-way conversation between Klaus and some empty air is normal. That’s not normal. Geralt is three seconds away from drawing his sword when Klaus turns to peck Jaskier on the cheek. “See you around, darling.”
“Do come visit,” Jaskier urges. And then...Klaus is gone. Poof. Like he was never there at all.
“Jaskier.”
“Yes, Geralt, darling?”
“What the fuck?”
“I don’t know, but he seems nice. Maybe he’ll pop by again. Said he’s from somewhere called America and that he attended some prestigious magic school there.”
“Hmm. Warn me next time he’s coming to visit.”
“Well that’s the best part about Klaus, love. I never know when he’s going to visit. It’s always Hello and Goodbye, usually fifteen minutes apart.”
