#ugh! boys...

[keeganmichelle-blog]

I think he just broke up with me.

Even though we weren't dating.

"I think we're better as friends. I do like you as a person and would love to continue being friends. Sounds like I'm being a jerk, but I just wanted to be honest."

Um, thank you for you honesty, but I told you two weeks ago that I didn't want to date right now and I wanted to just be your friend.

So... you see why I'm confused?

[keeganmichelle-blog]

this is tragic.

down here there are a lot of really hot military men. i have one in particular that i call my air force boyfriend. he's super cute and has a mustache which is weird because i'm not really into all that usually, but it works for him. i always look at him and then pretend i wasn't and smile a lot and pretend i'm really interested in whatever is being said when he's around. you know, to make him interested.

yesterday we paused the war so we had a lot of time off. i walked down to the bar that's close to my hotel and he was there. i pretended to look past him when i was really looking at him and noticed that he saw me and then started talking to his friends. i played it cool, of course. my friends i was meeting happened to be sitting at the table behind his. perfect. i walked back and forth between the table and the bar a couple times, pretending i didn't see him all the while. well, all my girlish ploys worked. he started talking to me and we hung out most the night. his friends kept coming over and telling me how pretty i am and how good of a guy he is and talking him way up. my friends were watching me like hawks the whole time and once i finally got them to leave me alone and believe that i was ok on my own they left, leaving just the two of us.... and all of his rowdy friends. when the bar closed i went back to their hotel and hung out and we ended up hooking up. sucks because i've been soo good for so long, but it was bound to happen one way or another. we snuggled all night and had cute little kissy time this morning, whatev. i'm thinking this guy is super nice.

this morning, once his roommate woke up we all laid in bed and hung out and talked and whatever. when i was ready to go i told him i would call a cab downstairs, but he insisted that he take me. he gave me a kiss in the elevator and told me he had a great time hanging out at the bar and gave me a kiss when he dropped me off. he's really nice and sweet and cute, right?!

so, of course, like any weirdo girl who had a really great time and is in love with a guy, i run upstairs and hop straight on facebook and look him up. because i'm a stalker like that. he doesn't have a picture up, but it was pretty easy to figure out because i know he's in the air force and i know where he lives and where he's from.

now i also know he's engaged.

i'm truly upset, not because i like him, but because he cheated on his fiance and i helped him. usually i don't care as much if it's just a girlfriend. it's still wrong, but i can't help it if the guy is a dog. he made a serious commitment to this girl though and if he did what he did last night he probably does it all the time. i'm also upset because i had a really great time and he's really cute and he lives in chicago which is super close and i go there all the time and i thought that we could exchange numbers and hang out and stuff.

he hasn't been on facebook for like a month and has no status updates so i'm hoping that maybe he was engaged, but isn't anymore and just hasn't taken it down yet. his fiance does have a picture of her and a guy as her main picture, but she has all of her stuff on lock down so i can't see any of it to see if it's him or not.

i am really upset about this. i am crying over here!! actually, i almost did cry and i haven't cried in a really long time. i want to confront him about it, but i don't know how especially since i only ever see him at work and i don't really want to make a scene.

[keeganmichelle-blog]

TT.

The days have sucked. I've done absolutely nothing while I've been working 12 hour days since I've been down here.

The nights have been good. Well, this week they've been great. Mostly because of new tv.

I cut someone out of my life tonight. I am so happy about it. I had myself so wrapped around this guy and he wanted absolutely nothing to do with me. Except that he pretended he did.... sometimes. Really, he didn't ever. I stopped talking to him, but I was still following him and we were friends on facebook because his jokes are funny. And then I got tired of him posting about how he hates being single when HELLOOO?! so I cut him out of my internet life. I don't care if I never see him again.

I'm letting Jody back in though. That's not so bad. We're good friends. Except when we're not. UGH!!! Oh well, I love him in a completely non-romantic way. I think. I'll get back to you on that. We're having a cuddle fest when I get home. Why can't I stay away from my ex-boyfriends?

The New Girl!!! OMG! ARE YOU FREAKING SERIOUS?!? I love, love, LOVE it!!! She is me. Minus the dirty dancing. Also, 2 Broke Girls last night. Yes, please!

Lately, I haven't been looking so pretty. I mean, it's not like I can just turn unpretty overnight, but I haven't been seeing myself as cute. Ew. I love myself. Where is my physical self confidence going? I know that I'm still pretty, I just don't feel that way. When I get home I'm having a spa day. That should fix somethings.

I have to be outta here at 6am. I hate everything. :) Good night!!! LOVE YOU ALL!

ps. i miss law&order: svu so i'm filling it in with the regular law&order. i hate it. sooo much.

[keeganmichelle-blog]

Boys.

Alecia: Milos hasn't texted me yet.

He's stupid.

Me: He is stupid

ALL BOYS ARE STUPID!

Let's kill them.

Alecia: word.

Me: Then at least we'll be in jail together.

[keeganmichelle-blog]

How big of a loser am I?

The kids tried to get me to talk to the cute guy at the bar last night and I wouldn't because I don't want to talk to anyone who's not my current straight edge crush. I'm kind of worried about myself and how into him I am because I don't get this far into people.

Anyway, today I was walking down the hall and the there was a group of people in front of me, his group of people and the guy I was walking "with" called out to one of them to ask a question and they all turned around and I ran into the bathroom because I didn't want him to see me.

What a fucking idiot!! Seriously...

I guess I'm just scared after our last conversation where I spilled my guts because I don't usually tell on myself like that and he hasn't said anything to me since then and I don't know if I should say something to him or not and I'm obsessing over this even though I just need to cool my jets and panic attack.

[keeganmichelle-blog]

ohmagee! i'm in hate, but it's making my heart feel tickly.

i'm currently in sterling, va. we flew into washington-dulles airport this afternoon and have something like a 28 hour overnight. we leave around nine tomorrow night so when crew scheduling called me i figured it was to be reassigned in the morning to work with yet another crew.

instead she tells me there's a captain there that wants to talk to me and is it ok if he does. of course, i know who it is because when i left him yesterday i didn't give him my number. i didn't figure he was standing right there to talk to me in front of the scheduler. it's happened before when scheduling will call and ask if it's ok to give your phone number to your crew because your pilot wants to call for whatever reason. i thought he had just called for my phone number and she was going to call him back with it.

he gets on the phone and even though i already know who it is, he tells me hi, it's c. and has this elaborate story that i left something on the plane. true life i did leave something on the plane last night, but the flight attendant got it back to me. so he goes on about i flew with his buddy and left something on the plane, can he put something in my v-file so i can call him when i get back to newark and get it from him, and do i even have a v-file there. he's being all professional and i've already slept with this guy so i'm like duh, i have a v-file, why wouldn't i. then i realize he's trying to be professional because he's in front of the scheduler and pilots and fa's don't hook up. rule number one of being a captain, especially.

so i'm mad that he's so clever and figured out how to get my number. also because he's like fourteen years older than me. also because i was in the middle of writing an email when i got off the phone with him and i couldn't even think about what i was trying to write because i was too focused on him. also because i want to know how his mid summer celebration went and i couldn't actually talk to him.

i'm in hate.

ps. i've been carrying around my birthday card from my mom because i like to listen to it sometimes and it's not in my purse right now. i don't know where i've left it and if it fell out of my purse on the plane and he's actually trying to return something that i left on the plane i'm going to feel like a huge jackass. doubt it though..

[keeganmichelle-blog]

All this ideal man stuff is depressing me.

Especially when you describe your real life man, Casey!

Maybe it's because I've been broken enough that I don't even have an idea of what my ideal man would be. Everytime I meet the perfect guy he ruins everything!

Or maybe it's because I'm sitting in my ex-boyfriends living room and I'm totally in love with him, but don't want to tell him and I'm moving to Chicago and he's one of the big reasons I'm leaving because I can't stand to be around him even though he's not even anything my ideal man would be.

[keeganmichelle-blog]

Next.... Street Corner.

It was late, bars were closing. We had been talking to big wigs in the football world all night because of the combine or whatever was happening at Lucas Oil. I hate football so I didn't really care much. I don't know what Allie had been doing and Alecia was pissed because the only guy who would talk to her was like... old. Apparently, he kept telling her he looked like Drew Brees, but he was a lot older than Drew is.

We leave the bar and walk across the street to the ATM so Alecia can get money for a cab. I'm whining because I'm hungry and Alecia is having none of it! She won't let us stop anywhere for food, she says we're going home and going to bed and that's it. Only thing is, I'm HUNGRY!! Sooo I look over and I see two guys standing on the corner with hot dogs. I go over, say something about the hotdog and next thing I know I'm eating this guys hot dog... um weird. Allie and Alecia are yelling at me to come back so I reluctantly run over to where they're standing. I ask if we've got a cab, Alecia snaps that she told Allie to get one and she hasn't yet. So I'm just standing there, Alecia's in line for a hot dog, and hard telling where Allie is. I say screw this and run back over to the boys. 

Here's what I remember of the following events:

I run over to the boys and ask one of them if he wants to make out with me. He says, "Um, sure, but I've got food in my mouth." I tell him I don't care and then "Ew! I'm so disgusting, I'm not even drunk I can't believe I said that!!" And we proceed to make out. Then I look down, see he has banana peppers on his hot dog and I want them! So he's digging around in all the toppings and picking out the banana peppers as I eat them. Then Allie and Alecia start screaming for me again. We have a cab this time. So I tell him to get my number and come on. Poor guy is following me to the street through tons of people and then texts me all night... well morning.

[He'll tell you a different story about the whole thing...]

We continue to talk and he's so into me that it actually kind of freaks me out because guys don't like me. Impossible. They only want to sleep with me, none of them actually like like me. We get mad at each other over a misunderstanding and then I go to Virginia. Alex is over so let's give David another chance, shall we? We shall. 

I'm sooo into him right now!!