i am in tears. 「すずめ (suzume)」 by radwimps (ft. toaka) is definitely kiri's song!!!
beneath the cut are my interpretations of how the song fits kiri!! i may interpret the songs oddly but u just need to know that this song is so KIRI. AND I LOVE KIRI. AND I THINK PEOPLE NEED TO LISTEN TO THIS SONG!! (AND MAYBE WATCH THE MOVIE IF IT'S UP YOUR ALLEY)
also, this post is almost 1k words long because i ramble a lot 🏃 i present to u : me screaming and crying incoherently at a wall about another fictional character
"time is a sleeper, wind the soft skin, the star is a cradle, people are a mirage."
AGGHSGADH this (to me) is kiri feeling like he, in all his lives, was idly living and being washed along as time just continues ticking and ticking, and he's constantly being forgotten and belittled by people who enter and leave and enter and leave his life so quickly....
and because of how "people are a mirage", he can't tangibly seek comfort in them, no matter how much he craves that human connection that keeps SLIPPING THROUGH HIS FINGERS WHEN HE TRIES TO GRASP IT!!!! so he turns to nature for it, "wind the soft skin (this feels like an awkward translation but i'll close one eye) / the star is a cradle"!! like.... nature is soothing, it's healing, it's nurturing, you get what i mean??
and idk how much of this is canon to his character, but i know that he had lived in the mountains before to run a lodge there, so i would say that he can seek solace within nature! (also he's the water omni lord, right, so if you put two and two together, it's not far of a stretch!!!)
if this tear answers your question of why i’m crying,
it can't compare to the meaning of us finding each other
OH MY GOD. forming connections, finding people he can bond and share memories and feelings with, finding that warmth to hold and cherish and honour -- these are SO important to kiri, because of how much he has lost throughout all of his lives. because of the countless people he had to let go and the many regrets that i feel he had accumulated for eons.
and (this is a Big stretch) crying alone, which creates that image of hiding away; concealing this part of himself from the rest of the world, would not compare to being able to cry with the people he could form so many meaningful bonds and memories with. because even though crying is (sort of) inconsequential and momentary, the act of sharing pain with someone/many people is brimming with vulnerability and trust. and it's SO. SO. HEARTWARMING.
(oh dear i. am rambling a lot. i'll just share a few more interpretations of lines that stood out prominently to me, but jsut know that "i found a heart that trembles only when i touch your hand / how many meanings must we overcome to get there?" wrenched my heart out of my chest)
it could be stupidity, it could be ugliness,
beyond what’s right, i want to hold hands with you / i want to live with you
"stupidity", "ugliness",,, it's like, "it doesn't matter how much of myself i'm expressing, it doesn't matter how raw and desperate and enigmatic i may seem, as long as i can secure this feeling of hope, relief, comfort, assurance, satisfaction, etc etc.... i'll be content," do you get what i mean???
and i'm not saying this way of thinking is entirely healthy, but it does reveal kiri's desperation to find some kind of... validation (??) that has been very blatantly shown to us before (eg. accepting the dark core)
idk, i felt like this was worth mentioning gfjghjshfg i hope this doesn't feel too ooc of him AASFFHG
precious memories i can’t recall,
these are the thoughts that can’t be put into words.
maybe, just maybe,
that’s all this heart is made of
why do i feel like i've only been interpreting this song through kiri's,,,, not-so-positive sides.. because these lines could convey how his personhood embodies the accumulation of experiences and memories from his previous lives. like, he's lived through so much, and yeah it's possible for him to remember what happened in his previous lives. but every memory? every feeling? every person's face, name, voice, and every experience that he deems "precious"? (and i'm sure he finds all the memories precious)
it must hurt to not be able to honour and celebrate parts of his own existence that he can't tangibly remember...
it must hurt to know that that's what he must carry within himself, as someone who has lived through eons.
--
ok this one is... very, very farfetched and it probably makes sense to me only, but there's a vocalist for this song, right? (toaka!! she's phenomenal, and her voice is so mesmerising and clear...) there are also backing vocals (most likely sung by a choir?) that feel like the "kiri"s from the past, pushing present kiri forward, providing him with courage and conviction and hope, highlighting his voice filled with emotion, determination, an endless thirst for knowledge, a yearn to fully understand and accept both his present self, his past selves, and miserea, and a hope for a brighter, more promising future.
and though his voice may waver and he may be overwhelmed with his inner voice (and multitude of memories), he still wants to shine a light and celebrate the lives "he" had lived before, so he sings along with the many "kiri"s of the past!! (THIS IS MAKING ME VERY SENTIMENTAL, CAN YOU TELL)
also toaka's voice is so soft, so smooth, so gentle, so emotional... it's so KIRI!!! this is his singing voice, i rest my case.
andd..... with that being said, i conclude my lengthy and long-winded essay about why すずめ is kiri's character song and why you desperately need to listen to this lovely lovely masterpiece (that has been looping in my playlist for the past month)!! also watch the movie, すずめの戸締り (or just "suzume", i think), cuz it looks really promising!
that is all, have a kiri picture from the wiki (*ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈)
Notes: HELLO AND THANK YOU FOR READING. This is chapter 2 now. Oh and if you find any of a certain Ohara’s conversation in italic, it means it’s in her accent. Speaking of which, too, there’s Osechi mentioned here, Osechi-ryori is Japanese NY special foods.
Once again I need to remind you that this is a collab between me and almighty senpai @eulyin
Summary:
The night is still; the truth is hidden between the shadows of light for her to discover. It was harsh, but no one can help it.
< fragment I. dancing magician. no matter how much she denies, it is the same old, same old trick. >
Their task was a simple extermination mission in an abandoned building complex at the outskirt of Numazu. The description said that it was a busy building between docks which full of fishermen and ships coming and going; which is deserted, decayed place was no more than hungry vampire’s nest in the present.
They marched inside the abandoned building, walking past the hall trying to get to the end of building where the sea could be visible. If they met another dead end, they would have no choice but to jump down and run on the dock, which was practically hiding in a plain sight-vampires might see them and crawl at them quicker than they could run that way.
They didn’t want to risk it, but there has been no more choice. Ever since the target had been beheaded, they thought the mission would end, but vampires swarmed from every direction as if they already waited, they seemingly fall into a trap. Even though she was seasoned, experienced huntress at such young age, there would be a problem if there’s too much wild vampires began to crawl.
“Onee-chan, you’re hurt!”
She didn’t have time to worry about that. She must keep the pace.
“A little more,” she panted. Ruby took another shot behind to the swarming vampires. “A little more and we’ll be safe.”
A small shack on the pier, something old hunters prepared in case of emergency escapade in a very tight situation. They were going to reach there. From that checkpoint, they were going to confirm the situation, call for backup and ask for any means to go back to the Guild.
“Oh, no! They are closing in!” Ruby alarmed her sister at front. “Onee-chan, halt.”
Dia stopped, holding her sword ready. Ruby was a meter behind her, keeping her gun steady. The echo of rumbling could be heard closing, just like Ruby had said. Surprisingly, they were not coming from the path that they just had left, they sprung in from the window that decorated the halls, perhaps they were climbing from outside-three vampires were eyeing Ruby the moment they arrived.
They were lucky to hunt when the moon was not full; or not the vampires would have regenerated quicker than they could expect and do more damage.
The crimson-haired hunter released a shot to the coming vampire. The first vampire hollered after being shot at the feet and stumbled, Ruby did another shot to finish it. Dia lunged forward to slam the second vampire, who targeted Ruby when she reloaded, back outside the window with the tip of her sword crushing its ribs.
“I said to stay at your position, Onee-chan!”
Dia didn’t get to reply when the third one charged to her way shortly after the second one being pried away. That claw missed from Dia’s face, but it managed to scar her cheek. Grunting, she ducked, tried to find an opening.
“You insolent being!”
The raven-haired hunter kicked the vampire by the abdomen, sending it backward three steps, lurching in pain. Dia wasn’t the one to finish as Ruby pointed the gun right to its temple, silencing the vampire with a single shot piercing the head.
The three vampires which were coming to attack them are long gone.
“Onee-chan, you’re not in solo here. It’s dangerous to get too close when they swarmed.”
“... I’m sorry.” she glanced back at Ruby, who’s watching her back in worry. Yeah, Dia should have trusted her back more to Ruby, shouldn’t she? Dia thought. “We ... should go.”
Hearing there was no more disturbing echo incoming, they picked up the pace toward the deserted, abandoned hall. They ran north when they came to another fork, they keep running until there was a door before them and no more road to left and right.
Figures, they really have no choice.
“Can you hear them coming again?” Dia was making sure.
“No, Onee-chan.”
“Good.”
Dia pushed the last door and took her jump to the top of the crater outside, which located a bit far from the abandoned building. She didn’t rest, it’s still another mile before the pier. Sometimes she turned to see Ruby following behind her. There’s no sign of the vampire swarm followed, which is good. Still, it was no time to sigh in relief, even though her wounded body started to protest against rigorous movements.
They landed from the tower of crater to the northern pier, checking whether the coast was clear before finding their way inside the empty shack.
The night was still, filled with silence and dread, they were nowhere safe but they could catch a breath for now.
“Ruby?”
Ruby was not even moving when she called, she stood still by the edge of the door, her eyes directing at the wooden floor, or watching her, or something Dia didn’t know, perhaps she’s worried of the ambush.
Dia let her sword go from her hold as she felt pain re-surging from her wounded forearm after much running she had done. Dia tossed her black coat to the floor, inspecting the scab across her clavicle and the one scar on her left arm. Both of them were stinging when it was exposed to the air, the older Kurosawa winced. She needed to disinfect it quick.
“Ruby? You have a slash on your back, you should be—“
“—Onee-chan.”
The tremble in her sister’s voice made her worry, Dia turned to see Ruby approached her, tumbling occasionally before gripping steadily on her arm, her wounded right arm, as if seeking a refugee. Dia opened her mouth to ask whether Ruby needed anything but any words were silenced as the one greeted her eyes not a similar, identical pair of emerald.
Red eyes.
Pointed fangs.
Though with a same call of ‘Onee-chan’ echoing the silence.
Dia was harshly pinned to the floor, both of her arms constricted with a tougher grip. Dia wasn’t screaming, she couldn’t, how she could scream? It’s just her sister, not some kind of monster—
Her breath halted when cold tongue grazed on her skin, her clavicles were burning within the freezing touch, licking the trail of red to the source until it was nothing ever happened.
“Ru—by.”
She pushed her out, she tried, but the look of longing there stopped her from any movement, that certain look Ruby always have when she’s gazing at her. Those eyes were red, a certain color she’s familiar of. She knew all to well about a certain being, an inhuman being, that exhibited the color of eyes when they’re hungry.
Ruby took a deep breath before planting her fangs into Dia’s neck, her hands keeping her older sister from any trashing.
At first, it hurts. It hurts more than being pricked with knife when the fangs sank in. As the blood being drawn out, her body relaxing, a rush of ecstasy replaced her bubbling worry. Dia couldn’t tell exactly how she’s feeling ... it’s as if she’s ... excited? She’s not in the battlefield. She’s not exposed in danger. She’s ... safe. She’s in her sister’s care right now. There’s nothing to worry about. Nothing happened. Nothing.
Her call for her younger sister’s name was a mere gasp.
The crimson-haired hunter retracted her fangs out. Those bloody red eyes revert back to green, widened to the sight in front of her. There was a shriek of horror that Dia heard before she is being pulled into slumber, with all of her brain thinking of her dear little sister.
Ruby, she—
What woke her up was a pungent smell of antiseptic. Two voices engaged in animated conversation follows in a blur before she could grasp her entire consciousness. The door to her left opened, revealing the recurring physician dressed in her usual white coat but with a purple-colored shirt underneath. Dia took her sweet time to study her surrounding before the blue-haired physician realized that she’s up.
“So you’re awake,” a simple response is very Kanan-ish. Maybe that was something that a physician would say to a frequent patient and an old friend. “How are you feeling?”
Wait. This place—this white, dull, barely-furnished room—is nowhere at her home.
“Where am I ...?”
“Numazu Memorial Hospital,” noticing the scrunch at Dia’s forehead, she continued. “Sorry, you were in no condition to be treated in your house like usual, you need some blood transfusion.”
Green eyes darted to her left, her arm was connected with a pack of blood, dripping slowly from the top, and back to Kanan who’s pulling a chair beside her bed along with a small tray containing bandages, cottons and a bowl. Hearing the mention of ‘transfusion’, Dia couldn’t help but to try remembering how bad her wound was. She knew that she was in a bad swarm of vampires before, she’s proceeding to call for help from the safe place, but nothing in her mind seemed to make a sense of things that happened thereafter.
Matsuura Kanan unwrapped the bandage from her left arm, placed the used ones to the empty bowl and applied an ointment before replacing a fresh set of bandages over it.
“Your wounds are healed, it will take several days before I remove every bandage, though.”
Dia tried her hardest to think, ignoring the stinging sensation as Kanan changed her bandage. She was out in a night for something. A job. There was a mission for her, the Guild said to her that she needed to work in pair. Her pair-her sister was with her. Yes, her sister. She was having a mission together with her younger sister. They beheaded the vampire leader before a wave of other vampires surrounded them, throwing them off-guard.
If she remembered correctly, Ruby had this nasty slash on her back and—
Right, how is Ruby’s condition? Dia couldn’t remember anymore beyond that. She didn’t know what time she had fallen unconscious or whether any help has been made to the Guild.
“How’s ... Ruby?” Kanan’s meticulous movement stopped. She put her gloves back and place the tray away. Dia is still nowhere to remember what had transpired, so she pressed. “Kanan-san?”
“You ... don’t remember?” Dia shook her head. Kanan had this troubled look on her face, Dia tilted her head. “I see.”
The physician shifted, the hunter could feel the air changed when Kanan exhaled, though her smile remained. “There’s something ... that you need to know.”
When Kanan said okay for her to go three days later, she quickly departed. The physician said that Ruby is being called to the Guild so she couldn’t accompany her that day.
Dia walked toward the thin forest all by herself. Kanan insisted that she should wait until her shift is done so the physician could watch over the (stubborn) patient who wanted to visit a house in such faraway place the day she just discharged. Dia sighed as she remembered when she finally win the heated argument and can walk alone in peace. Though she promised Kanan that she would come back to the hospital to get another check-up.
She gazed to the direction board not far from her, just a turn to east from the fork and she’ll arrive at her destination.
The Mansion of Ohara stood alone around the edge of the far south of Numazu, away from humans and vampires alike. As a hunter from traditional family residing in Numazu, acknowledging the presence of purebloods that settling around is a must. Dia has been introduced to the only survivor of Ohara’s main pureblood lineage since she was very young, and to this date, the Oharas still keep Kurosawas rich with information from time to time so they never fall back in hunting lower vampire which went to an outbreak.
The word of the old records ever said about pureblood vampires trait, about how they isolated themself away from everything-it’s not like they felt as a superior being, they wanted more peace while being in desolate environment like a hermit after the declaration of peace. That being said, but this certain vampire Dia knew is not fitting to be any of ‘hermit’ that desired for ‘peace’ by ‘living in desolate environment’.
Dia’s eyes looked up to the huge gate before her. She wondered how long she needed to wait for every strike of bell she had done. The owner of the mansion sure took their sweet time to simply open the door.
“Oh, Dia~ good evening~”
Mari welcomed her cheerily, dressed in her usual majestic purple dress. The way she have her collar high somehow gives a regal feel, like those old vampire which reigned the whole army. Although, Dia didn’t exactly feel that way since Mari behaved too bright for such ruthless vampire every books described.
The vampire opened her arms to tackle hug Dia but the raven-haired hunter stepped back, steeled herself with a glare. “Sorry, but I’m not here not for that.”
“Aww.” Mari pouted. “No fun,” watching Dia impassive about her pout, she rolled her eyes. “Well, come on in.”
That vampire oftenly went too much with greetings; she would hug Dia or she would continue to say something in her high voice but in foreign language. She would be so loud that Dia hated to set foot in the mansion without an exact reason. Come to think of it, it has been awhile since she comes there to visit. The last time she was here because she got too much Osechi from the main family and it was a waste to throw them out. Ruby suggested this place to throw the leftovers instead.
The garden of Ohara was as impressive as always, green neat shrubs decorated left and right of the pavement walk to the front door. Mari once said she wanted to grow some flowers to fill the empty center of the left and right that were filled with different topiaries when her parents still alive. Perhaps, the blonde vampire was too busy to take care of everything all by herself, Dia thought addledly.
Mari guided her in without much talking, which is unusual. Maybe she had behaved because Dia glared earlier? Who knows. Sometimes Dia would imagine a sly smirk on the face of Ohara heiress despite she’s not facing her right now.
The vampire opened the big wooden door, leading Dia to the right room from the center area where stairs to the second floor was. The huntress noticed that Mari no longer used her red carpet around the entrance, only keeping some to blanket the floor around the living room, where a set of old golden sofa with the respective coffee table rested. Only the chandelier of the living room was lit, did the golden-haired vampire hated to light around her house much?
“Are you here to bring me some Osechi like you did last year?” Mari asked when both of them seated. The vampire had offered the human a tea before but she politely refused, the table is clean.
“I come for questions,” Dia said curtly. “Think you can read my mind?”
“I’m not a mind-reader, y’know? I’m but an aged vampire,” she laughed. “Is it about the business, Elder requested me to scout more around Uchiura? Or to do some blood tracking?”
Dia shook her head, “No,” she unconsciously bit her lips, unsure of what to ask first. “First question. Is it true that only purebloods that capable to turn a human to a vampire?”
A smile played on the duchess’ lips, “Great question, but sadly, the answer is false,” noticing the emerald eyes before her widened, she paused. “Our race can turn anyone into our kind, be it pureblood or even lowest of the lowest.”
The blonde vampire waited for any following question regarding her statement to find Dia stayed silent, her expression’s stern. Mari then opened her lips. “Then again, only purebloods that are capable to turn a human to a sane, useful vampire.”
No, no, no. Dia couldn’t jump to a conclusion just yet. It’s still too early to be sure. The physician said that she might get some answers from the pureblood about a vampire well-being, but she didn’t expect it would come to this. Mari could be wild and improper at times, however, there has been no pureblood as loyal as Oharas in Kurosawa family history of living with vampires.
That ... couldn’t be right. She must’ve been assuming a wrong move.
“... Once bitten, a human could no longer be back to her initial state?” Dia finally found her voice, although she didn’t know why she asked such a rhetorical question.
“Of course they can’t. The process simply irreversible.” Mari expressed coolly. “Us vampires desire to have company like slaves from time to time, it can’t be helped.”
Impossible. There must’ve been any other purebloods beside Mari in town. Though no family of vampire is being as close as Ohara when talking about Kurosawa. Or has the vampire turned to be a—
“Mari-san,” she exhaled shakily. “Are you the one who turned Ruby into a vampire?”
