#umm... sir?

[if-benny-asks]

Have I ever mentioned my glasses kink?

No.

Oh, well, ignore me.

Keep doing what you're doing Benny.

[if-benny-asks]

Why are you sad?

Stop making that face.

I love you.

Aww, come here baby.

No, why are you calling the police?

JUST LET ME HUG YOU DAMN IT!

YOU MIGHT LIKE IT!

[if-benny-asks]

I think it needs to be said, but...

I hate Benny almost constantly.

Because who is that perfect?

Who never has an off day where they say something that offends people?

Who is genuinely that nice?

I just don't understand how you work, sir.

And for your ability to smile, carry on, and be lovely I will always hate you.

And I mean that in the nicest way possible.

[if-benny-asks]

I look at photographs, the ones that people ask me to sign sometimes, and think, ‘What are people seeing?’ I have had this face for 35 years. I’m never going to change it. But I wouldn’t desire me. I can see beauty in other men. Ryan Gosling? F- - k. George Clooney? Wow. But you can see the enigma in those kind of faces. But I can’t see it in myself at all.

Benedict Cumberbatch

You are mad sir.

But not to worry, all the best people are.

[if-benny-asks]

You're a fucking dork.

I love you.

[if-benny-asks]

You know what?

I hate you.

I hate you so fucking much.

You and your bloody gorgeous face and Jesus.

Just, holy fuckballs, sir.

[if-benny-asks]