#uncle jacques

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[fotia24-blog]

i didnt even get to say goodbye....

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yay personal stuff...

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It's Not Fair, Is It..?

To lose your friend. Your family. Even when you haven't lost them, if they have a disease severe enough, you feel as though you've lost.

In the summer of 2011, my uncle was diagnosed with a rare type of Lymphoma Cancer. I was heart-broken. I've known this man my whole life. We always went to their house every new years, as sort of a tradition. Sadly that tradition had fallen through as I got older. When I found out he had cancer, I was scared and angry, because, who in their right mind would take away an innocent man?

The months went by and I understood more that he wouldn't be taken away from me overnight. In August of 2012, he and my aunt finally tied the knot and my family was invited to the dinner afterwards. It was really beautiful, actually. Shame I never got any pictures.

More months flew by and he started to have good days, and bad days. He reacted to certain treatments and whatnot. Towards the end they put him on a trial treatment for his Lymphoma. Sure, he wasn't there for my sister's wedding, has yet to see his Grand-Nephew in person, and wasn't able to have visitors for Christmas, but Lymphoma attacks the immune system, so better safe than sorry.

Just a few days ago, I was notified that he was in remission for his Lymphoma. You can only imagine how happy and relieved I was that it was over...for about five seconds. 

I was told shortly afterwards that they found Leukaemia (for those unaware, this is another form of Cancer). The feelings hit me all over again. Shock, sadness, anger, fear, betrayal...

I've always been sensitive, and this case doesn't help matters any. I'm sad and scared because I love my uncle and don't want him taken away from me or my family. I'm angry..oh so angry..because if this god damn disease didn't exist, he would be healthy right now. He wouldn't be sick. I feel betrayed. Betrayed by your "God". If he was real, he wouldn't have let this happen. My uncle did nothing wrong. Surely an almighty being would have been able to stop this from happening...just once.

I'm writing this not for attention or notes but because I need to get this off my chest. I want you guys to know how I feel and where my random spouts of anger come from. Where my fear comes from. I know some of you from Bitstrips, and you helped me the first time, get through it.

Should things go south, I know you will be there afterwards. Hopefully, they won't go bad though. Hopefully, things will turn out for the better and he will be okay.

I love you, Uncle Jacques. So much.

[fotia24-blog]

can we just...pause the world, get rid of this shitfuck known as cancer and press play again, like nothing ever fucking happened....

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Follow Up

Just a little follow-up of how my uncle is doing. In case you missed it, I posted a link to Simple Plan's song Save You not that long ago, as dedication to him and his battle with cancer. 

Well, the other night we went to dinner to celebrate my dad's 60th birthday, and my aunt was there without him, due to him being in Florida. I happened to ask how he is and she said good, but not good.

Apparently he's going to be starting his chemo soon, but he won't get rid of the cancer. The type of cancer he has can be improved, but not removed. And he can live another 10-15 years longer than people who have other cancers, but...

Just knowing that he will never get rid of it and knowing that it could, and probably will be the death of him makes me angry. I'm angry that such a cruel disease exists, and in a way, I'm angry with him for having it.

If and when I find out more, you can be guaranteed I'll be posting it here. Feel free to ask any questions at all.