x kenma, mentions of death and blood cancer
the first time kenma notices something is off, you wave it off as exhaustion.
"you're overthinking it, ken," you say, your voice light, breezy, untouched by worry. "i'm just tired. work has been crazy."
he watches you closely, golden eyes flickering with something unreadable. he doesn’t push further, not yet. instead, he nods, lets your excuse settle between you both like an unspoken agreement, and lets it slide.
the second time, it’s harder to ignore.
you flinch when he brushes his fingers against yours, something you never do. kenma stiffens. "what’s wrong?" he asks, pulling back immediately.
"nothing." you force a smile, but it’s weak, fragile. "my body's just been a little sore lately. probably from all the commuting."
it’s plausible. it’s reasonable. but it’s not true.
he doesn’t say that out loud, just studies you with a sharp gaze. your complexion is paler than usual, your skin almost translucent under the artificial glow of his monitor. when had you lost so much weight? when had the light in your eyes started to dim?
something heavy settles in his chest, an unease he doesn’t quite know how to name.
you should have known kenma would catch on eventually.
for months, you’ve been careful. careful to smile. careful to act normal. careful to tuck away your pain into the corners of your mind where no one—not even him—can reach.
but no matter how careful you are, kenma has always been able to read you. he’s always been perceptive, always attuned to even the smallest shifts in your behavior. and now, he’s watching you like he knows you’re hiding something.
"are you sure you’re okay?" he asks one evening when you curl into his side, your body unusually cold against his.
you want to tell him. you really do.
but you’re selfish. and weak. and terrified.
you don’t want him to look at you like you’re dying.
so, you just nod against his shoulder and say, "of course."
and kenma, for all his doubts, chooses to believe you.
you break up with him three months later.
"i just think… we’re not the same people anymore," you say, hating yourself for every word. "it’s better if we go our separate ways."
kenma stares at you, his face unreadable. his fingers tighten around the controller in his lap. "why?"
your breath catches. kenma rarely curses, rarely reacts so strongly. but now, he’s looking at you with something like betrayal, something like hurt. "you’re lying."
"tell me the real reason."
you swallow hard, forcing yourself to hold his gaze. "this is the real reason. i don’t love you anymore."
his expression shatters. just for a second, before he schools it into indifference. "fine. if that’s what you want."
you nod, ignoring the way your heart clenches so painfully it feels like you’re breaking into pieces. "goodbye, kenma."
and then you leave, because if you stay, you’ll break down and tell him the truth—that you’re dying, that you never wanted to leave him, that you love him more than anything, but you can’t make him watch you fade away.
he finds out months later.
when kuroo calls him in the middle of a stream, voice quiet, hesitant.
"kenma," he says, "did you know?"
"about her. about the leukemia."
"what?" he breathes, voice barely audible.
"she’s in the hospital. late stage. she…she didn’t tell you, did she?"
his vision blurs. his hands shake. the pieces fall into place, and he realises
she didn’t leave because she stopped loving him.
she left because she didn’t want him to see her die.
he doesn’t think. he just moves.
and when he reaches the hospital, when he sees you lying there, too pale, too fragile, his entire world collapses.
"why didn’t you tell me?" his voice cracks as he grips your hand, as he searches your tired eyes for answers.
you smile, soft, sad. "because i didn’t want you to remember me like this."
kenma exhales shakily. "idiot," he murmurs, pressing his forehead against your hand. "i would’ve stayed. i would’ve never left."
"i know." you squeeze his fingers. "that’s why i had to go first."
he lets out a quiet, broken laugh. "you’re so unfair."
he shakes his head, jaw clenched, eyes burning with unshed tears. "i love you. i still love you."
you close your eyes, exhaling softly. "i love you too, ken."
and as he holds onto you, as he listens to the faint beeping of the monitors, he silently prays for more time.
but he knows it’s already running out.
kenma never leaves your side after that night.
he stays until your last breath.
when the monitor flatlines, he doesn’t move. doesn’t speak. just holds onto your hand like if he grips it hard enough, he can stop you from slipping away entirely.
and for the first time in his life, kenma doesn’t know how to keep going.
he buries himself in work, in gaming, in anything that keeps his mind from the unbearable silence. but no matter what he does, it never fills the space you left behind.
kuroo finds him one evening, staring blankly at his screen, fingers unmoving on his keyboard.
kuroo sighs, sitting beside him. "she wouldn’t want you to do this to yourself."
kenma clenches his jaw. "she left."
kenma exhales sharply, pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes. "i know.”
silence stretches between them.
"it hurts," kenma finally whispers.
he doesn’t know if it will ever stop hurting.
but for now, he sits in the quiet, mourning the love he lost, the future he never got, and the girl who left too soon.