Anyway i miss my lifeguard show so much I made some wallpapers / edits of my fav father and son /j + more to come when I get more time and more pictures
Sonny had made a habit of dropping by Amanda's place since Jessie had been born. The change in the other woman since becoming a mom astounded him, those reckless days of hers appeared to be over and Sonny was thankful for that. However being a single mom was hard and Sonny appreciated that, he knew that juggling their job and a baby was difficult especially when you lacked family support.
Amanda would never admit defeat but he could see by the strain on her features after Jessie had gotten sick this time around. Illnesses were common with young children and Sonny was experienced with dealing with them, he’d watched Amanda pull herself in so many different directions over the past few days he knew his friend deserved a break.
Sonny was more than surprised when it when you answered the door to Amanda’s apartment, baby Jessie clasped tenderly to your chest. Confronted with you Sonny felt an overwhelming sense of loss, a couple of weeks ago the two of you had been on top of the world and then one day everything had changed.
You’d told him you didn’t think things weren’t going to work out, that he deserved someone who could make him happy.
Sonny didn’t understand, you were the person that made him happy and when you had walked away…
It had broken him.
"Amanda needed to get out for a little while." you said by way of explanation, holding the door open to allow him entry to the apartment.
Seeing you again was like a punch in the chest and he found himself functioning on autopilot, stepping inside of the apartment and closing the door behind him. He set the brown paper bag down upon the dining table.
“How’s she doings? Amanda told me she's not been well over the past few days." Sonny uttered stepping towards you and tilting his head to get a better look at the baby girl nestled in your arms.
The back of his hand came up to rest upon the baby's forehead to check Jessie’s temperature, before he used gentle fingertips to smooth over the fluff of feathery blond hair.
Being this close to you and Jessie made his heartache, he remembered the nights when you laid side by side, fingers entwined as you discussed your hopes and dream for the future. Marriage, kids, the whole nine yards…
Sonny thought the two of you could have that and then you had pulled the rug right out from under him. He chanced a look up at your face and found you staring right at him with a similar expression upon your pretty features. It was like he was looking into a mirror. His own thoughts were reflected in your gaze.
"I wanted this with you." you said quietly as Jessie’s head came to rest upon your shoulder as her eyelids started to flutter closed.
"Wanted?" Sonny questioned, his eyes studying you intently as you clamped your lips together momentarily.
You owed it to him to tell him the truth. You could tell from the forlorn expression on those handsome features of his that he blamed himself for the demise of your relationship and you hated that.
"You want a family. I'm afraid…” you paused for a moment, swaying from side to side lulling Jessie to sleep as you struggled to select the appropriate words. “I’m sorry I can’t give you that.”
Sonny could see the distress in your eyes as you spoke. He remembered the doctor’s appointments that you had been attending, you were having painful periods, you’d always had them but more recently they had gotten worse. He had forgotten that you had had an appointment that day, he’d been working all the hours that God sent trying to chase down a serial rapist who had been escalating.
The knowledge of what you must have been going through hit him like a sledge hammer. When he looked at you now he could see the tragedy in your eyes, the way your diagnosis weighted down upon your shoulders. He couldn’t believe he had been so selfish, that he hadn’t stopped to see the agony that plagued you because he’d been too busy licking his wounds.
“It’s endometritis that’s been making me so ill every month.” You informed him, rocking the sleeping baby back and forth in a soothing motion. “Apparently mine is quite severe so even if I wanted a baby there isn’t a chance in hell I could conceive.”
You were strong. The strongest person that Sonny had ever met and he could see that everything that had happened over the past few weeks was you trying to find a way to handle your diagnosis. He understood that by leaving him you thought you were saving the two of you more heartache down the line, however that future, the one that the two of you had talked about, it was fluid. It was you he wanted. If you couldn’t have biological children, there were other options if you decided you wanted a family and he was happy as long as you were happy.
"Listen to me." he requested gently, the heartfelt expression on his features so sincere you had no choice but to give him your full attention. "This was never about having kids or living in the suburbs or any of that. What I feel has always been about you and that doesn’t change because of your diagnosis. I still love you, I still want you and I want you to know you don’t have to carry this alone. I’m here, for better or for worse."
"I didn't think I could love you any more than I did before you said that." You murmured, a small smile playing across your lips as Jessie cuddled into the crook of your neck.
"You're still in love with me?" Sonny questioned, a bashful grin breaking out across his handsome features.
“Sonny…” There was a tenderness in voice, one that you reserved only for him. “I could never stop loving you."
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