Just when you think you’ve finally landed on utopia, the world around you comes crashing down like waves violently clashing on rocks; where my heart could have been.
I can’t stress this tumultuous time in my life with questions of what ifs, why’s and how’s but somehow, someway… I have got to be more patient. There is so much life and love out there that I need to steadily remind myself of the greatness I have yet to see, to feel, to know.
I thought I was ready, that this time would be different but even as I write this, I know in the back of my mind I felt it was “too good to be true". Why does one person have to love the other more? Why can’t it be equal? Is there such a thing as being an “equal" to someone or does the world work on having one less superior life form?
I need to get away from this vicious cycle; love like this isn’t love. It’s attachment. A suppressing fear of being alone, apart from physical nature but more so, alone in your heart; where one’s true essence of life is derived from. I am not supposed to love like this on my own.
Try as I must, but I need to be alone. Far, far away from any possible detachment to a singular being. I will hold out hope and believe that my love will be matched, even surpassed but I will catch up.
All this time, I thought I was incapable of love but it is not my time.
Equal love, wherever you are, wait for me. We will find each other and live blissfully in our own world of happiness, gratification, love and partnership.
Wait for me; I am almost there.
