🧠 + CHILDREN / MADDIE / BENNY
send 🧠 + a word for a headcanon
“We want four.” They say the phrase over and over and over again, to anyone who wants to listen to them: his parents, club members making small talk, their friends – everyone knows we want four. But it’s not necessarily true – they want a big family, with as many kids as possible. Rowan would have twelve babies with Andy if she thought that was realistic, if she thought he could still live up to his father’s expectations and she thought she could still fulfill her dreams of being a doctor with twelve little Thane’s running around; but she knows it isn’t and so they settle on four being the magic number. We want four, even when they’re hit with negative test after negative test. We want four, even when they know this pregnancy is the only one they’re going to get. We want four, when people ask if they’re going to have more after Maddie. We want four, when they discuss the idea of adopting in the future.
Pregnancy is a miracle. It’s a mantra Rowan repeats to herself every time she finds herself hunched over the toilet, or every time she feels like she’s going to pass out from sudden nausea and dizziness, or every time she finds herself tossing and turning at four in the morning, not having slept a goddamn wink because someone keeps pressing up on her bladder or using her internal organs for soccer practice. This is what she hoped and prayed for, she thinks, and she’s beyond grateful to have it but fuck — it’s far from the beautiful journey everyone had lead her to believe it would be. It’s rough, and Rowan knows she sure as hell isn’t glowing. She’s pale most days, bags under her eyes as her body reminds her that there is a reason the doctor advised against this — but they’re in the homestretch now. A month to go, and she’s on bed rest now so it can’t be that bad, right? As if to remind her that she is still in charge for the next four weeks, Rowan feels a particularly sharp kick and while she almost always revels in it, right now she can’t stop the groan from leaving her lips and she sits up to lean back against the headboard. Andy stirs beside her and she’s suddenly so grateful that he stopped going on runs once she finished her second trimester. Blue eyes peak open at her, asking what she’s still doing up and she gives him a sheepish smile. “Your daughter’s restless,” she sighs out, eyes rolling as she does so. “You wanna have a word with her?”
She was joking, but she’s not surprised when he smiles and sits up, pecking her lips once before moving down to her stomach. He’s propped up on his elbow, free hand resting on the swell of her stomach as his thumb sweeps back and forth across the exposed skin and one of hers goes to move through his hair. Exhaustion has settled in her bones, but she can’t stop herself from smiling or watching with eyes full of adoration as Andy’s gaze focuses on her stomach and he speaks in a soft voice. The flutters in her stomach stop not soon after the words ‘you gotta let your mama sleep, baby’ pass his lips. She wants to scoff and make a comment about how Maddie’s not even out of the womb yet and she’s already a daddy’s girl, but the sudden calm that washes over her has her eyes falling shut quickly, the exhaustion pulling her under quickly. She’s barely conscious when she feels his cheek press against her stomach and hears a hum leave his lips; ‘stars shinin’ bright above you….’ he can barely carry a tune in a bucket but the song always has the same effect, and Rowan’s fingers scratch against his scalp in appreciation, the sound lulls her to sleep before he’s even hit the chorus.
She steps out of their hotel room just long enough to take a phone call from Kameer saying that he got the paperwork she sent through, he’ll look through it later and call her back if he thinks there is anything they need to worry about. It’s less than fifteen minutes when she’s swiping the key card and walking back in – Benny had been letting out squeals of laughter when she had stepped out, Andy blowing raspberries onto his chubby belly. But now it’s silent, and she rounds the corner to find Andy laying on the bed with his back against the headboard, his phone in one hand as the other rubs circles on Benny’s back. Benny’s letting out soft sleepy breaths, his shoulders rising and falling as he’s lulled into a calm state, bordering on sleep. Rowan crosses the room to sit beside Andy, pressing a kiss to the side of his face and moves to scoop Benny up off of Andy, telling him to go shower and then come back to bed. He gives her a kiss and Rowan waits until she hears the water running in the other room to look down at Benny, cooing at him as he blinks up at her with sleepy eyes. “Hey little man,” she coos down at him and he makes a happy noise up at her, wiggling in her arms and kicking his little feet as he tries to fight sleep off. “I know you’re confused right now and I know you’re scared, but you’re gonna be okay, yeah?” She bounces him gently, standing from the bed to walk him around the room at a slow pace. “There’s a lot of big changes coming, but we’re going to take care of you. No matter what, I promise.” She can’t stop herself from thinking back to her own fractured relationship with her parents, the years they’ve spent ignoring her existence while Rowan tried to keep herself from spiraling down a hole of guilt because she didn’t do anything – she doesn’t want him to feel that way for even a second. “I’m not ever going to replace your mommy –she was the best, you’re gonna know that – but I’m going to love you so much, kid. We both are, and we’re gonna make sure you know that every single day.”
They don’t have four. They don’t even have two but they have one — and even if this one came to them from the worst possible circumstances imaginable, they have him. Rowan feels like her heart could literally explode from the love he’s added to it in just four days, and she knows that they’ll figure everything out.
