#unglitchingme

[unglitchingme]

I’m realizing I was praised for things that had nothing to do with who I was.

Just how well I adjusted.

How quiet I stayed.

How much I gave up to belong.

[unglitchingme]

I used to accept crumbs without complaint, not because I had a taste for them, but because I was taught to be grateful for whatever I received.

Now, it seems they have come to believe that crumbs are my preference, rather than the full loaf.

[unglitchingme]

I’ve been researching identity formation.

But in between the lines, I’m also researching myself.

And some days, it feels like I’m writing a eulogy for all the versions of me I had to become just to be loved.

[unglitchingme]

what if i was never given the space to become?

just assigned roles, handed labels, shaped by survival.

and now that i finally have the space.

i’m terrified of what i’ll find in the silence.

[unglitchingme]

the first time he asked me how i was.

i said “fine” like i always do.

but he didn’t move on.

he didn’t fill the space with small talk.

he just… waited.

and that wait told me everything.

it said, “you don’t have to perform here.”

it said, “i see through that word, and i’m not leaving.”

that pause made something in me soften.

not because i was ready to open up.

but because, for the first time in a long time,

someone actually made room for the truth.

[unglitchingme]

there’s a version of me i never became

because i was too busy surviving.

*newsflash!!! I am still busy surviving*

[unglitchingme]

i used to think i was easygoing.

i was just afraid if i asked for too much, they’d leave.

[unglitchingme]

she still lives in me. the little girl who tried so hard to be enough.

she was so small.

and she carried so much.

always trying to read the room.

always trying to be good.

trying not to ask for too much.

trying to be liked.

trying to disappear just enough to avoid being a burden.

and she still shows up sometimes.

in the way i apologize too quickly.

in the way i second-guess my joy.

in the way i expect love to be taken away the moment i stop being perfect.

she didn’t need to be fixed.

she needed to be held.

and i’m learning how to do that now.