Little Life Update.
Hello!
Please ignore the fact that I am desperately attempting to avoid finishing my paper for a business class I’m taking (APA citations are the devil). I wanted to give some thoughts lately on how I’ve seen fandom evolve and also just a little bit of a life update from me!
For those of you who may not know me, allow me to introduce myself. My name is Ash and from 2015-2017(ish?), I was known by the username “unintentionalarry”. These were some WILD times to be a part of this fandom. I wish I could say I enjoyed every minute of it, but in hindsight I really did have a fabulous time.
Most of what I love/d about this fandom is how much it taught me about myself and the sort of person I seek to be in the world. No doubt, in my time here in fandom I pushed myself outside of my normal boundaries and expanded the edges of my world in countless ways, but I also learned by falling flat on my face and my ass (metaphorically and, in the case of the Drag Me Down release night and The Hug, literally).
I learned how to invest my time. I learned what ADHD hyperfocus really is. I watched how it could influence me, pull me, and hurt me. I made some amazing friends. I lost some amazing friends. I acted like an asshole. I made some really good contributions. I let it take over my life too much, and then I made it stop. I learned about making podcasts, filtering content, curating experiences, business deals, global marketing, public relations, and so much more.
I learned that the world of celebrity is driven by who you know and how much you’re willing to talk-- if you’ve got connections or you’re smart (ideally both), the boundaries of where it will take you can be limitless. But it’s a dog eat dog game, and it’s vicious. It will chew you up and spit you out.
To anyone who I hurt during my time here as Unintentionalarry, you have my deepest and most heartfelt apologies I can muster. I have no excuses for my behaviors. As always, I aspire to be much more like my sister in every way. She always reminds me to be humble and kind. I don’t always listen. I always regret not listening.
These days, you will find me enjoying life with two cats and a dog in my own home. Baking, gardening, journaling. The usual boring stuff. I’m taking business classes because of my time in this fandom and everything I learned about business and corporations while I was here. So I guess thanks for that one, boys.
I’m getting married in less than a week! In five days, I’ll be walking down a sort of imaginary aisle to the most wonderful human being in the entire world. We had to cancel the big ol’ grand wedding we were planning because of Coronavirus and to be honest, I’m not that upset about it. I’ll be getting married barefoot in a cheap lace dress and a flower crown and that’s amazing to me.
I still have opinions. I still get heartbroken when I see someone who used to be my friend spouting hate and vitriol toward anyone else here or toward one of the boys. I watch from a distance mostly these days, reminding myself that this isn’t the same fandom that I was a part of and that my role in it now is mostly just to observe.
I just wanted to say to those of you who were or still are friends: I love you all. You completely changed my life and helped mold the person I am today, and I will never be able to repay every single one of you for that.
All my love.
