I was asked to speak to the group, and afterwards I asked who was dating who. Everyone stiffened up. Eventually they explained that nobody was dating anyone.
This is a group of Christians, mid-to-late twenties, professionals, living in a big city, and in the year and a half they had been meeting together, none of the men had asked any of the women out on a date! And trust me, these women were plenty good looking.
Now here’s the thing people… Ya know how, when you aren’t dating someone when you’re in your teens, and you worry about being single forever? Okay, guess what, these people are getting there. If I was a young lady in this group, I would have literally pulled these men into a room, and had them explain their behavior, and they wouldn’t get out of that room without an apology. Period.
When I suggested this, they all recoiled in horror, “we would look desperate if we did that!” So I proceeded to point out: a) you passed desperate six months ago, this is a flippin’ emergency, and b) if you’re in your mid-twenties and you cannot communicate honestly with the opposite sex about your feelings, then get used to a life where sewing outfits for your 12 cats is an exciting Saturday night.
Do you need to play an active role in finding someone? HECK YES!
You need to play an active role in finding someone, and you need to play an active role in your love life from beginning to end. If your fantasy of romance is you being the passive recipient of various romantic gestures for the rest of your life, then perhaps it’s best that you remain single until you get a different vision.
It’s okay to admit that you want to date someone. Now here’s a little secret that I’ll let slip out: if you aren’t dating someone, and you have normal hormonal functioning, then you want to be dating. Of course this doesn’t make you desperate, and of course I’m urging you to maintain the highest possible standards in dating, but if you want to date, you’re doing yourself no favors by trying to deceive people into thinking you don’t.
No Christian singles group in your area? Start one. And stop those dudes at the door and ask them if they’re man enough to step to a nice lady and ask her out, if they hesitate, tell them to kick rocks and go home to momma. Should you go online, and join a Christian dating website? You bet. Whatever it takes.
Again, forget about whether you feel desperate, and recognize that these are unfortunately desperate times for Christian dating. When circumstances are dire, you do what you have to do. I’m not talking about anything that would be un-lady-like, but I am saying that strong, powerful women of God are ACTIVE (Proverbs 31:10-31).
