My New Phone Number Used To Belong To A Criminal
So I’m sitting at my desk on a conference call discussing the meeting to plan a web-ex to coordinate a video conference when my personal cellphone began to vibrate. The caller-ID on the screen said, “Restricted,” which should automatically tell my brain to ignore. But curiosity got the best of me and so I answered the call. The following is pretty much how the conversation transpired:
Unknown Caller: “So you like running around with baby’s mommas?”
Me: “Huh?”
Unknown Caller: “Don’t you be playing dumb. Stop running around with my baby’s momma or I’ll put a hot one in ya.”
Me: “Mark, is that you? That’s real funny but I’m actually on a conference call. I’ll text you later.”
Unknown Caller: “Shut da fuck up. Imma fill you full of lead if I see you with my baby’s momma again ya hear me?”
So Rick Ross hangs up the phone and I’m left a little dumbfounded by the situation. Immediately I thought it was my friends finally getting back at me for the numerous colorful prank phones calls I’ve subjected them to at all hours of the night. All those habitual drunk dials are finally coming back to bite me. But the more I tried to narrow down whom of my compadres would be responsible the more scared I got. The majority of my friends are pretty white and in no way can pull off a thugged-out urban criminal accent like this gentleman caller. The guy on the call really sounded like he was pointing a gun at the phone while yelling at me. And before you make any judgments and call me racist, I think Eminem sounds like he owns a gun. Additionally, I watched, and loved, “Don't Be a Menace to South Central While Drinking Your Juice in the Hood,” so don’t go calling me prejudiced for labeling my mysterious caller as urban.
A few days have passed without any polite warnings to stay away from baby’s mommas. I’m hoping this boisterous fellow finally realized he called the wrong person. Well, technically he’s right. I do run around with a baby’s momma but she happens to be my wife. If my blog all of a sudden goes silent you can bet this guy found me… Let’s just hope that never happens because all of you would be held accountable for not heeding my cries for help.
Lastly, I just want to point out that somewhere in the book of life, that Heaven allegedly keeps, there better be a “You Just Can’t Make This Shit Up” section where random events like this one are filed.