I want kids (21F) and my boyfriend doesn’t (21M), what is the best outcome and most realistic to happen?
Hi, so long story short, I have been with my boyfriend 7 years come this May. I know people in the comments may tell me i’m young & I can figure it out later, but truth be told, I know in my heart I want to be a mother. When I was younger it was all about having a cute baby, but as i’ve grown older i imagine having a child at any stage and my chest genuinely gets this uncontainable burst of joy in it. I imagine everything, from nursery, to school, to high school to university, to being a grandmother. My boyfriend just doesn’t see it this way. Whenever i’ve brought up kids in the seven years we’ve been dating he always brings up the money aspect, how much it costs to raise a child as if i’m naive to this. I know children are expensive, i know they’re hard work, I’ve worked in a nursery and while it’s not the same as being a parent, even that showed me how much hard work they are. He always says how he wants a child but the cons outweigh the pros, he brings up time & money. That’d he’d rather use that time & money for things like vacations, spending time with friends and family. That my experience is unique because my mother was a SAHM & I won’t be, that often times working moms have it hard and raising children while working can be painful. But to me, that is just life. When he brings up money it frustrates me because in our relationship, I am going to be the breadwinner because i’ll be the one with a career I have studied for whereas he is planning to go full time stocking shelves in a supermarket. I don’t really get where the money frustration comes from when it’s going to be me doing it. I guess i’m just wondering like what’s the most realistic outcome for this & what’s the best?
Of course he'll be financially impacted by raising a child??? As will his time and energy. ??? Stocking shelves is still a paying job. ??? If you don't expect him to be a parent at all, why even discuss having children with him?
Your two courses of action are: letting go of this conversation and continuing the relationship with the understanding that it's limited and you will break up in a few months or years when you're ready to start seriously taking moves to have children OR don't draw this out any further and break up.
That's it. Those are your options. Children deserve better than to be a fucking compromise.