#unordainedone

[dt-332]

Are you done being a ***** yet? Stop pretending you don't miss me. I've seen enough.

- Heretic

WHY THE **** WOULD I MISS YOU?

I want NOTHING to do with you. And I'm just about as close as I can get to getting rid of you and the vermin that live outside the walls. Are you liking the new patrol routes? I don't give your webpage much more than a cursory glance but you seem to be stressed out about it. Maybe now you'll realize that kicking and screaming against the hand that ******* feeds is a stupid idea.

I know you're sending messages to me because you have nothing better to do. Nobody will let you do any work. I bet that's fun. Sitting around in camp, rotting, withering. Purposeless.

You can figure that out for yourself. I have actual pressing matters to get to.

[dt-332]

tell your father reisdro he chose well. you did what they never could.

you broke me clean.

and i almost thank you for it.

- H

I'm not speaking to you.

[dt-332]

morning, my little acolyte.

your little report must’ve gone through fine, the network been harder to reach since dawn. i guess congratulations are in order; you’ve officially made enough noise to sound important. hope it helped you sleep.

i’ve been busy too. turns out the ledger left a few breadcrumbs after all. your workstation number isn’t exactly classified. all those logged complaints and memos trace back to one block in Reisdro’s central district. i even know which wing the lights flicker after curfew. cubicle 4A, wasn’t it? with the neat handwriting and the coffee stains on the lower right corner. you know, we have our own source of information too.

that stray-watcher line was… ambitious. you should keep a notebook of your best threats, they’d make good reading material during the long hours. maybe try picking a weapon yourself, before you throw around such nasty little threats.

anyway, you better watch your shadow, you never know who's waiting around the corner.

— H

"Your little--"?????

Okay, that's-- whatever then, I guess. I'm being ACTUALLY threatened now! That's a way to start my morning, sure! I'm not going to CONFIRM that you're right about any of that, which you aren't, and even if you were--

Good grief-- You're an *****, you know that?

Ambitious, ambitious... You have no idea what I'm capable of. You have no idea. ******* come near me and I swear my life, I will kill you. I will. Don't ******* test me.

[dt-332]

I see, this is the way you want to play this? fine.

i’ve heard all of it before. blasphemy, incarceration, corrective measures. they write those laws so you can recite them and feel righteous.

i’m not interested in arguing with doctrine. you made it clear you’ve married yours.

so go ahead. file your warnings. i'm not part of your little gathering anyway. report this message. tell the network you’ve done your duty and found the perpetrators. maybe it’ll make you feel safe for a while.

i’ve got other things to do.

– H

I just did. And I do feel quite a lot better about myself for doing it.

Enjoy your miserable and empty life. I hope you find the light before a stray watcher bullet "accidentally" finds your skull.

[dt-332]

you don’t need to convince me, gretchen. you need to convince yourself. listen to yourself- every word you write trembles with how badly you want him to see you, not as a tool, not as a disciple, but as someone special to him too.

you call him father, but you’re still a child reaching up for warmth that isn’t there. you think his silence is sacred. i used to think that too. i used to wait for the moment my name would leave his lips in affection. but bishops don’t speak names. they write them in ledgers, next to the word “useful" and then throw you aside as soon as your part has been done.

you say you’re his special child, his understudy, his chosen.. but i’ve watched how the bishops choose. they choose the ones who kneel fastest. the ones who mistake attention for affection. they choose the desperate and easily swayed. the bigger the hole in your heart, the easier it is for them to take your whole being.

i get it: you’re proud that he’s chosen you. i understand. it feels good, doesn’t it? to finally matter to someone who decides who gets to live clean and who doesn’t.

but it’s not love, gretchen. it’s hunger- his, not yours. and when he’s eaten enough of your faith, he’ll move on, and you’ll still be praying with your hands full of ashes and a heart longing for salvation.

you talk about ascending like it’s mercy waiting for you.it’s not mercy. it’s disposal dressed in ritual, and you will still be empty after.

and i’m sorry for you, truly, i am. because i know what it costs to believe this hard, and what it breaks in you when the truth comes. but you will learn it.

i will make sure you do.

– H

I don't ******* take kindly to threats.

I've had enough of listening to you pretend that your completely unverifiable accusations are commonly held truths. This is your first warning. What you are claiming is in violation of the New Vialist Code under section 3(1)(b) and is blasphemy, which is punishable by up to three years of incarceration, internal corrective measures and, in extreme cases, banishment.

Your access to this page and the network as a whole lies in my hands, so don't ******* bite it.

[dt-332]

who says I'm hiding? It's just more interesting to see you all worked up about such little things like names. i also have quite the feeling you won't even like the answer to what I'm called. all in due time, for now I'll keep it as is.

and do you truly believe that there's no one outside these walls? where do you think all these people, that weren't chosen even vanish to? there's more of us than they let even the closest circle know.

but you know, I get it. I was similar once, but as soon as you see through it, there really isn't a way back. well, I think telling you this now is just going to fall on deaf ears.

a word of advice, calling your Bishop holy doesn't make him notice you at all, no matter how much you want to be seen. tell me, does he even call you by your name, or are you just another precious child to him?

– H

"Calling your Bishop holy doesn't make him notice you at all."

Oh, child.

I see what this is. It's jealousy, isn't it? It's envy. Your refusal to be named, the adamant way you insist that I am doomed to be forgotten. You're a cynic. You must have fallen through the cracks of our wonderful city -- I'm sorry to see how you have suffered so.

You're right. We were similar, once. You gazed up upon the towers who loom so proudly above us against a bright sky, and you smiled, knowing that there was somebody far above you who would see you to meet him by his side. You moved through life, and you learned all you could, but some way, somehow, you never became enlightened the way that most do.

The way that I did.

We are similar -- we were. But we are not the same. You, like many, could not quite reach the inner peace required to have a Bishop see to the salvation of your soul. I say that Father Reisdro grants grace to everyone, but, let's be honest, you and I -- that's not true. His absolution is only for a select few.

I am one of those select few.

I am his acolyte. I am his understudy. I am his precious child -- one of his TRULY special children. His intensive rituals of absolution are for me and me alone. To those he casts less than a sparing glance, he has in contrast pierced past my eyes and seen into my soul. He has found something worthy in me and he will see me to my day of Glory, where I will rest among the rest of my kind -- the high acolytes -- with a grand display of honour and accolades.

Or, if my faith leads me true, I will ascend.

Your words do fall on deaf ears. They mean nothing to me. It is noise.

I love my Bishop, and my Bishop loves me. I have no doubt.

[dt-332]

you talk a lot for someone who’s “absolutely appalled.” it’s almost sweet, watching a high acolyte trip over the word illegal like it’s a spell that still works. the more you shout about your station, the smaller it sounds.

metadata doesn’t panic, people do. it’s funny how fast you reach for your title when someone shakes your faith. you’d think someone of your rank would’ve learned how to breathe by now.

as for me- out here, it’s quiet. cold enough to keep me honest. the wind doesn’t care about your rosters or your holy father. i can see the wall from here - your perfect, sealed city like an open wound in this beautiful landscape.

who knows. maybe I'll plan a little visit the next time I'm around.

– H

Come see me and find out then, dissenter. You're cocky now, but running your mouth while you're hiding your face and your name still is cowardly and you know it. The "wind" doesn't keep you honest – you're just rude.

And as if you expect me to honestly think that you truly live on the outside of the walls. You seem bitter, child. Are you not getting the attention you crave from your overseers? Stuck in a dead-end career? Or maybe you just feel frightened that somebody's finally going to clean this place up, and that you'll be the first to go.

I hope your Bishop is one of the more merciful ones. But I also hope that your Bishop is the same as mine – I know what Reisdro's corrective procedures are like.

[dt-332]

aren't you adorable, you truly are easy to rile up. i'll offer you my name soon enough. but right now I don't want you to think you've put a face to a problem. keeps you guessing, keeps you human.

let me offer you a letter for now. It's better than the "uncompliant female", which is what your reports usually call people like me.

while you polish your collar and rehearse what to say to your so called holy father, why don't you check the neat Attendance Log 7B? three names listed as "re-education", all out of your pretty little district. wonder what that means. the metadata shows it was edited again after its initial creation by “clerical.assist_dt-332.” funny coincidence, that one.

keep talking like order's holy, for us, it's already dead.

– H

I'd like to state for the record that I have had NO part in altering any pre-existing documents in the archive. I'd hardly have any INTEREST in such a thing and I am absolutely appalled that you would try such calumny to somebody of my station!!

Either you are a deeply malicious intercity dissenter, or – and I'd be hard-pressed to really believe this but I'll entertain it anyway – you're from outside the walls and sitting in on our network, which, by the way! Is illegal!

We'll just have to see who's name pops up next under the "re-education" roster, now won't we?