Unsolicited Advice for Pregnant Women #1: The Announcement
One of the first things women fret about once they’re pregnant (other than the massive change in their life and the health of their unborn babe) is when to make the public announcement.
I will say what I usually say to new moms: It’s a personal choice and completely up to you.
Sometimes the conversation continues, and they offer up their reasons. When they do, I offer my thoughts. It usually goes something like this:
- But I’m safe after the first trimester.
Safe? Hardly. Try *safer*. You are simply less likely to suffer a miscarriage. There many are cases when women have a miscarriage right after their first trimester, or at 5 months, or give birth to a stillborn baby, or lose the baby mere minutes after birth, etc. There’s really no such thing as “safe” to me.
- Yes, but I’m statistically less likely, like you said. So I should wait, right?
Let me tell you about statistics.
My dad had a constant cough, and ended up needing to remove his tonsils. There was a 1% chance he has cancer. When he woke up from surgery, the doc said “So about that one-percent…”
When I was pregnant for the second time, I had a dating ultrasound and saw the flickering beat or my baby’s heart at 5 weeks. Statistically, there is only a 5% risk of miscarriage after the heartbeat is detected on an ultrasound. Yet, when I was 12 weeks along, I miscarried.
There is no such thing as safe.
- But if I lose the baby, I’ll have to tell everyone and it will be hard.
And if you don’t tell anyone and you lose the baby, you get to tell them you (a) were pregnant; and (b) you had a miscarriage. Or you suffer in silence, and no one understands why you’re an emotional wreck. No one gets to support you and grieve the death of your baby with you.
/Mama J Nov. 7, 2016