i-if you ever continued the mutsurie au do you think you'd set it after ch55 or in an alternate reality where all the quinx are happy ;_;
o-oh man....if this is the world we live in now, like, if this is really the world, i...don’t think i could pass up the opportunity for hurt/comfort Mutsuki/Urie //////
like — Mutsuki not being so secretive anymore about going up to Urie’s room, because no one faults him for it, because Saiko won't get anywhere near Urie’s screams at night and Sensei...well.
maybe in Urie’s dreams he sees eyes clouding over again and again, and no matter how loud he makes his voice, no matter how many words he says or how honest they are, nothing prevails but silence. maybe he always bursts out of his dreams gasping like those unheard words had been smothering him and even though Mutsuki is always there for Urie to clutch, Mutsuki can’t squeeze tight enough to stop the shaking.
Urie, trapped. just another way he’s fallen short, again. credit and achievement once meant so much to him but he didn’t even attend the ceremony and when Mutsuki brought him the medals afterward, Urie threw them on the ground and used his kagune to destroy them.
maybe, Mutsuki, one night...after so many nights of trying and failing to soothe Urie, after weeks of cooking and cleaning and attending meetings and trying to fit the role of “Squad Leader” that he was forced to accept...maybe after all of this, Mutsuki is the one that starts to shake.
“I-it’s not your fault,” he whispers. “It’s not your fault, it’s not, it’s mine, it’s mine,” and now Mutsuki’s body is beginning to quake, “If I was there — if I was there —”
if he had been a little faster, a little stronger, if he had just been there — maybe he could have used his experience at the auction to force meat down Shirazu’s throat. maybe Shirazu would have healed. if he had just been there, maybe Shirazu would still be alive. if Mutsuki had been there, maybe they wouldn’t have those untouched medical documents on the table, with Haru’s name, and a statement no one wants to agree to. maybe Shirazu would be here now, arguing loudly with Saiko downstairs or carrying her to the meetings they’re missing. if Mutsuki — had just —
Mutsuki covers his eyes and his hands are shaking so hard that he can’t even remove his eyepatch before his sobbing soaks the leather. and now it’s Urie’s turn to hold him. and now, finally, Urie manages to say those smothered words to someone that will hear him.
“It’s okay. It's not your fault. You did your best. You’ll be okay. You’re not alone. I’m here.”
