anyway, guarma & colm-odriscoll-is-my-daddy (& friends) think abusive ships are a funny way to get under someoneās skin
JUST FYI: I woulda had this conversation in private, but @guarma keeps calling Erin a bitch with a god-complex, even though everything she accuses Erin of is something I did, and she refuses to acknowledge me. So no more private, she called me a pussy for not confronting her. Well here's the confront ig!
background context: people decided to start shitting on the Yehaw Function server again in another server (letās sayĀ āAā bc I do not wish to drag the owner into this, they were rarely online). @ssupeck21 thought it was perfectly fine to mock the gender and race of a two-spirited native trans guy. nice transphobia and racism there!Ā
considering i remarked on it, they realized i knew him and suspected me of leaking the above screenshot to the YF server. i had already left this server at the end of february over several reasons, including erinās server becoming my main one. iām also reasonably sure i have mentioned no longer being in YF at some point. damage done: kate (guarma) and pongo ( @colm-odriscoll-is-my-daddy ) now think iāmĀ āa spyā for YF. (ironic because @ssupeck21 let @jennyxbeans into erinās server bc she was spying for jenn. and more irony later)
as proven in DM to someone later (oh no, a spied image?), they had the amazing idea to bait me and erinĀ with something that is a massive trigger for me (bully/victim ships). some weirdness: by that time, iād only made about 2 b/k posts on my blog, neither of which mentioned my trauma iām pretty sure. erin meanwhile, wasnāt even in the original convi from the first screenshot, though she has mentioned she finds b/k gross.Ā
so whilst this in its entirety is already immature in itself (really? you think someone is sending screenshots and wanna get ārevengeā when you constantly rely on getting screenshots yourself? yes i know someone leaked you screenshots of YF, kate). but also: for someone who talked about being abused and having anxiety, she should know better than use an abusive ship to get back at someone. because iām 99% sure she knows b/k is a trigger for me; whilst not on my blog, i have had plenty of rants and vents in servers about how b/k is not good for my mental health and that it will make me panic.Ā
conversation #1 (i do not have screenshots of this): someone asked what everyoneās ships are in rdr2. bill/kieran gets mentioned, at some point i put rooWut (a disgusted looking emote) and remark something about abusive gay ships being cute to them. it gets glossed over, i leave.Ā
conversation #2. the conversation moves to the nsfw channel, where they pin the message in the above screenshot. ha ha , bully/victim ships are a funny joke! conversation moves on to arthur and other things until Pongo clearly feels like she wants to force a reaction out of me and/or erin.Ā (living dead girl is erin, i am danās achy breaky heart).
at this point, my anxiety spikes and i put something along the lines ofĀ āmy fist up your ass would look cuteā in the vent chat of Erinās server. NSFW with b/k is not good for me, at all. it made me flashback to something, iām basically just trying to not have a panic attack. but ! ofc , why stop now.Ā
pongo makes another comment, now not under a spoiler tag and clearly with the context of the DM to get another reaction out of me. erin puts a completely unrelated image to try and divert the conversation, because iām like entirely losing it at this point---but kate and pongo think itās hilarious to talk about actually shipping it and kate (micah bellās dumb hair in the screenshots) is allĀ āomg i wanna write a smut now for themā.Ā
also: my nickname in this server includesĀ ātrans kieranā at this point , either as just my url or like ālion ā” trans kieranā. they all know i am a gay trans guy, even if some of them currently like to pretend they donāt know me. (hi, @morlawny who doesnāt even wanna say my name at this point despite being all nice in erinās server.)
i canāt entirely remember my own message, nor do i have screenshots of it because i send it and left and they deleted it like straight after it seems (because an older screenshot, from the day itself, also didnāt have my message anymore). i left because at that point, i lost all ability to think straight. because someone can remark on b/k before and theyāll still be allĀ āha ha funny!ā
at this point, in erinās server, two things happen. one friend of kate, who isnāt in the server this happened in, asks if she ships bill/kieran and kate admits her plan to just trigger me. because of this, kate starts acting like the victim and making me out like the bad guy whoās shittalking her and refuses to talk to her--which, during a panic attack and with my feelings very clear, i donāt need to.Ā
secondly, another friend of kate decides my trauma is funny and starts to send kate (on request) screenshots of the vent conversation in erinās server, starting from the goddamn my fist up your ass comment. the conversation also includes details of my trauma. my trauma is being send around like gossip.Ā
also this happens in the server i left and i get send it:Ā
i dunno what planet anyone is living on but, apparently my melt down was only good for one thing: getting mocked.Ā ākieranās coochieā is transphobic as fuck when youāre laughing at a trans guy getting upset over bill/kieran. especially when itās very clear i hc kieran as trans. yet, pongo, wolfy ( @soulheartthewolf ) and kate seem to think itās fucking hilarious.Ā
kate and pongo then try to play theĀ āwe were just joking!ā card. when everyone iāve had read those screenshots agrees nothing about it reads as a joke, and weāre now very sure they werenāt joking about, they were being vile and malicious. (but hey, whatās to expect from someone who says theyād fuck a fictional racist if he was real! thatās ... excusing racism, kate).Ā Ā
(guarma is micah bell? you mean my husband ;; pongo is arthur morgan is an incel. the other person is the artist who drew young micah, idk their url anymore)
āmy mocking of the Bill/Kieran shipā Iām so sorry, Kate, but nothing about nsfw b/k and wanting to write a fic about it, reads as mocking. This entireĀ āitās just a joke!ā doesnāt diminish the fact that you triggered a panic attack. Yes, I shittalked you, because I felt like it was goddamn deserved for "jokingā about an abusive ship in a way that didnāt read as a joke. because after I left neither of you got the damn hint and just went straight for the transphobia. Itās not get together and hate guarma, itāsĀ ālion has a panic attack and will actually react insanely aggressively about the things that upset himā. You can turn and twist this into you being the victim all you want, but you aināt. Youāre a pathetic example of a 19 year old who thinks itās funny to trigger flashbacks and panic attacks. I didnāt talk to you, because at the time the only thing I wouldāve probably said, which is also what Iām saying now, is: go shove an entire cactus up your ass, you pathetic cunt of a human being.Ā
Leave Erin out of this, itās goddamn hilarious you keep going after a cis bi woman instead of after me, a gay trans guy, and god I fucking wonder why.Ā
You interact with people who think they can just be racist and transphobic towards anyone they like ( @ssupeck21 ), with people whoāll willing send you all the screenshots you want, with people who send anon hate ( @jennyxbeans ), youāre treating trauma and abuse like a joke and then have the gal to be allĀ āiād never because i have anxiety!ā No. Own up to your shit.Ā
(I could go on in this post about how sheās just as bad a shittalking, leaked screenshot-wanting piece of shit but hey, the post is very long already so whatever).Ā
edit: i have deleted screenshot leaking accusations towards morlawny bc i canāt actually prove them but iām keeping up the thing where you decided to be all nice to me in servers, but then turned around and were allĀ āidk kate didnāt say any of thatā (i literally know u were there for those conversations, your name in screenshots!) and tried to defend her constantly in a DM with someone.Ā