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James uses the hidden messages in spotify playlists craze to tell Lily how he feels. AO3
A/N: written for @emmelinevvance , happy birthday fam | listen to To: Lily and To: James
Peter renamed the group chat to Sirius owes me a tenner.
Sirius renamed the group chat to Eff You Pete I’m Poor
Peter renamed the group chat to You’re the richest person who’s had to do nothing for it I know.
Sirius renamed the group chat to no that’s jim
James: can we just agree that Sirius needs to be paid and then address the important matter here
Peter: *I* need to be paid.
James: right, whatever
James sent a link
Remus: what the hell is this I thought you hated buzzfeed
James: i do but look at this
Peter: people making playlists that spell out a message?
James: it’s brilliant
Sirius: you *have* always been a mixtape guy
Remus: yeah remember when he made us actual mixtapes last year and we all he to go to pete’s cause he’s the only one with a cassette player still
Peter: not my fault james and i are the only cultured ones
Sirius: nah mate you’re just too sentimental to throw out your bloody cassettes from when you were like 5
James: A N Y W A Y
James: im gonna make one for lily
Remus renamed the group chat to This Is Going To End Badly
James: lads I’m serious!
Sirius: last time i checked that was me
Peter: stfu
Remus: didn’t you and lily just start being friends? are you sure you wanna risk that?
James: i can feel something is different between us… i think it’s time
Sirius renamed the group chat to *Rafiki voice* It Is Time
James: stfu
----
James opened Spotify and stared at the screen for a good three minutes before creating a new playlist. In the name slot he typed, “To: Lily.”
And then he vigorously back spaced and retyped, “Dear Lily.” He did this four more times before settling on what he had written originally. He already felt like he was making a fool of himself and he hadn’t even sent her the playlist yet. Maybe he should just make her a physical mixtape.
But no. Because then he’d have to do it in person and she’d need to borrow his cassette player- or worse- Peter’s. That would be bloody awkward.
He leaned back in his chair and looked thoughtfully at the blank playlist on his screen. James knew he was supposed to create a message out of the songs, but what did he want to say? There were so many things.
I love the way you brush my hair out of my face for me when I’m cooking.
I love the way you get a little dimple in your right cheek when you smile.
I love the way you wear green because you know it bring out your eyes.
I love your eyes.
I love your kindness.
I love your wit.
I love you.
That was what he wanted to say. How was he going to say all that in one playlist? Remus was right, this was going to end badly. It was doomed. He was doomed. His relationship with Lily was doomed and he should quit while he was ahead. James tilted his head back and closed his eyes. Maybe if he just rested for a while, an idea would come to him.
----
Remus: you have to talk to james
Lily: what’s wrong with him now?
Remus: I like how you say “now” as if there’s always something wrong with him
Remus: cause you’re right
Remus: but this time he has this insane idea in mind and he’s having no luck pulling it off. talking to you calms him down so maybe it’d help
Lily: hmm
Lily: well since you said i’m right, i *guess* i can talk to him
Remus: you’re the best lily
Lily: you can stop flattering me I already agreed to do it
----
The truth was, Lily would agree to talk to James any time and she knew that Remus knew she would. As she let herself into their flat with the key they had given her a few months ago, she thought about when that had developed. When exactly had she been willing, eager even, to talk to James Potter?
Maybe when he had found her crying in the hall after a particularly bad encounter with Severus, and brought her into his flat and fed her brownies. Maybe it had been when he piggy backed her to the health center on campus after she twisted her ankle trying to skateboard faster than Sirius and hadn’t even complained when the pain made her squeeze his fingers purple. Or maybe it had been when he told jokes and laughed so hard that it felt like the coldness of winter was melting away.
However it happened, friendship had finally blossomed between them and Lily found she liked it quite a lot. She liked James quite a lot.
The door to his room was open and he was sprawled out on his bed with his arm flung over his face. Ever the dramatic one, this boy, she thought as she lightly knocked on the door frame. He slowly peeled his arm away from his eyes and when he saw her he sat up faster than she’d ever seen him do. It was adorable and a little pang of warmth blossomed and spread from her stomach to her chest.
Shit.
“Don’t get up on my account,” she teased as she crossed the room and sat next to him on the bed.
“Of course I’m getting up for you, you’re our guest,” he muttered. Lily could tell he had been dozing. His glasses were askew and his voice was gravelly.
“Oh shut up.”
Before she knew why she was doing it she was pushing him back down on the bed and nestling herself into his side. There was a stunned expression on his face and she could see the sides of his neck darkening. Hers was too, so maybe it was a good sign. Maybe he felt flustered and nervous and like butterflies were beating drums in his stomach too. She reached up and brushed his hair away from his face. He sucked in a little breath that made her head spin.
“Remus told me you have something on your mind,” she said quietly. “Just rest for now.”
They fell asleep like that. Later, Sirius came to ask them if they wanted to order Chinese or pizza for dinner. When he saw them, Lily curled into James and James with the most content, peaceful expression on his face he’d seen in years, Sirius quietly shut the door and let them be.
----
Peter: jim is in love
Sirius renamed the group chat to D U H
Remus: you twats better leave him alone
Remus: don’t fuck it up for him
Sirius: language, remus
Remus: I hate you
Remus: james? james just ignore them ok?
Peter: we’ll be on our best behavior, promise
Sirius: we won’t scare evans away
Sirius: although *you* haven’t done so already so i don’t know how we could
Remus: sirius
Sirius: what!?
Sirius: he’s not even reading our messages anyway!
Peter: yeah he’s too busy trying to make that bloody playlist
Remus: … you do have a point
Remus renamed the group chat to Just Tell Her How You Feel
----
Lily: did I do something? u guys haven’t been talking to me much this week
Lily: especially james..
Sirius: you’ve done a lot of things evans
Sirius: that time you stole remus’ bike
Sirius: that time you told mcgonagall that *i* put the goat in the library when it was clearly you and marlene
Sirius: that time you punched pete for winning a bet fair and square
Sirius: that time you bewitched our jamesy into falling madly in love with you
Lily: …..
Lily: come again?
Sirius: that time you told mcgonagall that *i* put the goat in the library when it was clearly you and marlene
Lily: THE PART ABOUT JAMES YOU SHIT HEAD
Sirius: oh yeah
Sirius: well he’s obviously in love with you despite trying really hard to just be a nice friend
Sirius: because you wanted to J U S T be friends and he all he wants is to not cross the line and to make you happy by giving what you want
Sirius: but no you had to be all charming and make him love you anyway
Sirius: i swear to god if you break his heart…
Sirius: evans are you listening
Lily: yeah sirius
Lily: I’m listening
----
James finished the playlist at one in the morning. Ever since that day when Lily had shown up, and calmed him down without knowing why she had to, he had been renewed with an intense urge to finish what he had started. He had to tell her. He couldn’t keep seeing her like this- soft, warm, and loving- if he wasn’t going to tell her how he felt.
And maybe, if she didn’t feel the same way, she’d pull away. That’d be for the best really. Then he could stop pining after her. Stop wishing that every little brush of her hands could lead to more. Stop wishing that he could whisper sweet things to her instead of plots to slip pink hair dye into Peter’s shampoo. Maybe he’d even stop loving her.
He never would.
----
She shouldn’t have been up so late. She should have been catching up on her sleep after finally submitting her final university paper ever. But Marlene had wanted to go out and celebrate so Lily had gone too and now they were finally staggering back into their flat at nearly two in the morning.
Lily wondered if they could hear her. Could James, whose room was directly below their lounge, hear her stumbling to the couch and flopping onto it? Sometimes she hated how close their flat was. She hated being only feet away from him but still an entire floor apart. She never wanted to be apart from him.
Lily heard her phone ping and considered ignoring the message. Whoever it was, they could wait until the morning. But she was too curious, as usual, and checked the screen anyway.
James sent a link
She clicked it and it opened Spotify. The name of the playlist immediately caught her eye. To: Lily.
As she skimmed the songs it took a moment for her drink befuddled brain to realize the message hidden in the titles. But once she saw it, it was like she sobered up immediately and her heart began beating wildly in her chest. And even though it was now half past two and she should have been sleeping, Lily sat in her lounge and listened to the playlist James sent her.
She cried as she listened to it. She cried because Sirius had been right and this wonderful, sweet man really did love her. She cried because she realized that all along she had loved him too.
Below her, James tossed and turned in bed, trying to sleep even though the nerves were eating him alive and he needed to know what she thought.
----
Lily sent a link
The notification was the first thing James saw when he checked his phone in the morning. He had finally fallen asleep, if only for a few hours. He immediately swiped his phone open and clicked the link, his heart pounding in his chest as he did. It led him to a Spotify playlist.
To: James.
He was just processing the message in the song titles when there was a knock on his door.
“Come in,” he said. He was well aware of how hoarse he sounded but it felt like his heart was in his throat so who could blame him really.
“James.”
He looked up and Lily was there. She looked like she had gotten even less sleep than he had. He really shouldn’t have sent her the playlist in the middle of the night like that but he wasn’t able to wait any longer. He had to know.
And now he did.
By the time he had untangled himself from his blankets and gotten out of bed, she had crossed the room and was standing in front of him. She slowly raised her hands and rested them on his shoulders. He had always thought about this moment. Being close enough to count the freckles on her nose, she the shades of green in her eyes, feel her breath on his face. How far he would have to lean down to reach her lips.
“Lily I’m sorry if it was forward of me,” he started but stopped when she smiled and rolled her eyes at him. There was that little dimple and the crinkles in corners of her eyes. When Lily smiled like that, James knew everything was going to be right.
So he kissed her.
----
Remus renamed the group chat to james and lily are A Thing™
Peter: took long enough
Sirius: how do you know before me
Remus: my room is next to james’
Sirius: so?
Peter: oooooo
Sirius: pete gets it before me that’s honestly offensive..
Sirius: oh
Remus: yep
James: boys it’s lily
James: stop texting james he’s busy ;)
Peter: jfc
Sirius: i can’t believe we *wanted* this to happen
Remus: I can
Sirius renamed the group chat to Great now Remus has starry eyes.
Remus renamed the group chat to stfu Sirius
Sirius renamed the group chat to M A K E ME
Remus: …..
Remus: ok
Sirius: huhkugab.,,
Peter: ! ! !
Peter: JAMES
James: you guys lily said to leave me a l o n e
Peter: k
Peter: just thought you’d like to know remus just marched up to sirius, pushed him up against the fridge and started snogging him
James: fuCK that’s stainless steel those prats better get off my kitchen applian c es or e lse
----
Lily reached over and slowly took James’ phone from his hand. After reading the messages that had his mouth hanging open in shock she just laughed.
“It’s about time,” she said. James looked at her. His hair was tousled and his glasses had been knocked nearly off. She loved the soft way he gazed at her. The way he made it seem like she was the brightest, most wonderful thing in the room and that he was as happy as can be just watching her.
“Yeah,” he said. “It is.”
He kissed her again and Lily melted into his arms.
Lily finally accepted James one night in the astronomy tower. They shouldn’t have been up there. It was dark, and late, and they were supposed to be doing rounds like the good Head Boy and Girl they were. But as they had been patrolling their floor James had suddenly turned to her and said, “Do you want to see something beautiful?”
He was already looking at something beautiful but he would still be too nervous to tell Lily he thought she was for at least another month.
So he took her up there, swung open the shutters and led her to the edge of the tower. Lily had been up there for class of course but this was different. This was quiet, and peaceful and she felt like she could count every star in the sky if she wanted. And it was intimate too. With James’ warm body behind her, shielding her from the bitter October night, and the moonlight shining in his glasses, Lily felt closer to him than ever. He had been right. It was beautiful. She just wasn’t sure whether it was the view or the boy that took her breath away.
Behind her, James’ heart was beating wildly and he hoped she wasn’t close enough to feel it.
Eventually, Lily turned around and took his hand.
“Let’s go back down,” she said. James stared pointedly at their clasped hands and she just gave him a reassuring smile and held on tighter. They walked back down and didn’t let go of each other until after they finished their rounds and returned to the Common Room.
