#utter angst

[esnesnonibila]

Marigold and Rosemary

‘Phil’s a strange child. His first word is ‘why’. He doesn’t speak much and cries a lot and never smiles. His parents take him to doctor after doctor who say that, despite that he’s intelligent for his age, there’s nothing wrong with him. Nigel gives his son fat plastic toy soldiers to wave about in his chubby hands and put into his mouth. Instead, Phil makes a stage out of a baby blanket and has two of the little men carefully hop around it; lines up the rest in rows as an audience and then knocks them over when he’s finished, his face crumpling.’

Go to AO3...

Just thought I’d post this here, in case anyone was interested in reading 3K of angst...

[transient-garden]

on the past, specifically that with you

as i scroll and aimlessly dig i become reminded of things i have done things to which no apology would be sufficient but yet all i feel is the culmination of the word "sorry" and while the descriptions or vague sentences i read of what i have done might be over exaggerated, the wreckage i have wrought remains still, be it upon myself or upon you that which is left upon myself shows in inconspicuous ways; the constant hunch, the long sweaters covering as much skin as can be, the furrowed brow and the disheveled appearance that which is left upon you shows only through the words that you write, vague sentences here and there that could only be about me. and while i'm sure there is more damage, as that is all i leave behind, i cannot see it. and of course, it seems i am trying to be melodramatic and play the victim. i cannot decide if i am or not, because all i can decide is that i want to burst into pure apology from the core of my soul; Sarah, I'm sorry. I do not expect your forgiveness for what I have done, because as you have said; I'm a fucking asshole.