#v. fiierlis.

[promiiscs]

he’s here, and that alone means more to her than anything else.   the world ending is never something you wish for, nor is it considered something good, but with this curse she got the gift of getting her  brother  back. no, it hasn’t been easy, and  no  he wasn’t always there towards the beginning, but he’s here now. he’s always had a way in calming her, undeniably. when no one else could get her to say what was on her mind, why she was crying, especially when she was little  --  it was always her big brother. he always had her back, which is partially what contributed to her having his even when it was not reciprocated. 

she leans into his touch, eyes squeezing shut to let more tears cascade down her cheeks, and she shakes her head. everything was okay, everything was finally put together ; they had a home, they had each other, they were growing crops again -- for the first time in a  long  time  (   even when things were right  ), everything felt  normal. she’s always been independent, but this world amplified it -- made her  hard.   yet, she still breaks in his arms, hands all of her burdens over to him to alleviate the weight on her chest.   i love you so much.  god, she doesn’t hear it enough. often, she thinks he  doesn’t.   ❛  i love you, too -- ❜  she sobs it out, voice catching as the words are choked out. but here’s the thing: she doesn’t want to fight, but she  will. what she needed was for him to bring her back down to earth, get her head screwed on straight. her head shakes again at his suggestion, reaching for the gun that rests in her lap while eyes stay on her brother.  ❛  we do this together. i’m not leaving you. ❜   she never will.

❀  //  written for  @fiierlis​,  continued from  here.

[promiiscs]

WRITTEN FOR @fiierlis​, CONTINUED FROM HERE.  //  ❀

she  hates  this.

it’s  annoyance, frustration, pain...  -- when did she start  loving  him so much? the day she was born. all throughout their childhood, all throughout his troubles, all the way up until  now, and for the rest of forever. he’s her big brother, her rock -- her  idol. there’s no one she cherished more, not even their father, and, at the time, not even  matt. nick would always be the choice because nick is her  family, nick is her blood, and she knows that he has such a beautiful heart despite his demons and the squalor he leaves in his wake.

right now? she doesn’t think he’s going to die, she knows. she can feel something in the pit of her stomach, and it might be either partially or directly related to the fact they lost their mother not too long ago. somehow, some way  --  she’ll be the last one standing. why? because she’s always the one left alone. it may be her own selfishness that she doesn’t want him to die, but isn’t that just the way it is? there’s always going to be a part of you that is selfish when you lose a loved one and that’s something that’s exempt by default. that’s not something you can  control. she’ll admit it, she doesn’t know what she’d do without him. she doesn’t know if she would die along with him or keep fighting. either that or be an entirely different person.

the place isn’t far.  he’s missing the point. one second, one minute, one hour, one day, one month, one year  --  it doesn’t  matter  how long it is, it’s all too much. why can’t she go with him? he’s treating her like how mom did. let her crawl on her hands and knees when it’s convenient, like to clean up after her brother during withdrawals or something else, but when it’s inconvenient then, well..  you’re too young  or, the back-handed way of saying it is:  i need you to stay here and do this, this, and this. like it’s somehow going to  soothe  her to feel like she’s included in the groups activities!! -- it’s  not. she isn’t a child, that’s  long  gone.

while he wrestles around with his things, preparing himself for his venture, she takes the time to look to the ground in an attempt to bring herself back down to earth. it’s such a double standard. why does  he  get to choose how things are going to be done? of course, this is just her bitterness and her  fear  of losing her brother causing her to be somewhat irrational. what  isn’t  formed by an irrational mental status is her reaction to what he says next:  i’ve  always  come back.  her head  sssssnaps  back up, eyes finding where her brother is, soon standing up along with him.  ❝  -- you think you’ve  shown  me that? ❞  a scoff,  ❝  you’ve showed me that it takes the world  ending, along with a lot of us almost getting killed to find you every time you ran, to get you anywhere near me with a ten foot pole. ❞  she’ll apologize for all of this later. after the words are spoken, she brings the palms of her hands to her face, head shaking as she turns on her heel to face away from him.  no one’s gone until they’re gone.  just  when there was hope of her cooling down, he drops this bomb.  ❝  -- don’t. ❞  how could he even  think  about saying that? it’s too soon, it’s  insulting  --  he can’t use that on her.

[noblehigh]

written for  @fiierlis, continued from  here.

how can he trust him again?  he’s was just  beginning  to trust him when he decided to pull his stunt. the joke of it all is there’s not a lot he can blame him for because he’s the  same.  they both have similar demons, their addictions are their worst enemy, the hate they hold for themselves...  it could wipe out nations. and the thing is, he really  has  started to care for nick. it’s too soon to be sure exactly  where  his feelings lie, but he’d be kidding himself if he said they weren’t  remotely  intimate. 

at his words, brian can’t help but  scoff,  taking a few steps towards him.  ❝  are you kidding? you seriously haven’t even made an  effort  to know me, have you? -- we’re the same nick, i’m not better than you. you think you’re sparing me by leaving, but i’m going to get into the same amount of trouble with you away, maybe  more. ❞  why is there such a prominent ache in his chest when he speaks to him? it’s undeniable that they’re  toxic  together, given the chance, but he’s never been big on his health.  there’s one thing he hasn’t confessed to him yet:  ❝  i know... about the addiction? it’s not because anyone told me, it’s because i’m the  same. ❞