#val-rius

[jocelynherit-blog]

It Burns

(( Warning :  Numerous triggers for some folks out there.  ))

     Jocelyn was standing on the knife edge between being alert and once again fading away.  The pain was intense, more then she had ever felt in her life.  As her face swelled, the dark black wax pulled at the burns on her skin and only made it worse.  She dared not open her eyes, for fear of what she would see.  Clenching her fists repeatedly, thoughts whip-cracking through her mind, she couldn’t focus on any one idea or thought.  Emotions, shifting and moving and changing.  Some thoughts came and went so fast, she couldn’t grasp them.  Others, lingered only long enough for her to realize them before her ravaged mind moved on to the next one.  She could hear someone breathing in the room, but knew it wasn’t Valucia.  It sounded deeper and heavier then her, she couldn’t place it.  This disturbed her, almost as much as the incredible pain that wouldn’t give her even a moments respite.  The scene replayed itself so many times, though she tried to force it from her mind.  That thick black wax, bubbling in the cauldron.  Knowing what was coming and actually dealing with the fact that it did are two very different things.

     As tough as she thought she was, she hadn’t been prepared for it at all.  Desmond’s betrayal of her wouldn’t be forgiven anytime soon.  Yes, she had left and if she had her way no one would have known it until they returned.  Valucia had to be taken from there, had to have time to process not only what had been done to her, but what she had done since her time began with the collective.  All her plans were failed now, and she saw no way to correct them.  She cried, the salt in her tears only adding to the already overwhelming pain as they wet the blistering and swollen flesh of her face.  She wanted to scream, but feared what new hellish threshold of pain that would cause.  So she simmered, feeling like a dutch oven had been placed over her face.  The wax, frozen in place only seemed to contain the heat that had built up as blood constantly flushed to her skin in vain attempts to provide healing to horribly scarred flesh.  Worse then the pain, and worse then the betrayal was the worry and concern for Valucia.  She was strong, there was no denying that, but was Valucia strong enough to leave Jo in the hellish misery that had become her existence?  She hoped so, she didn’t want her love to suffer what had happened to her.  As Jo focused herself, as she brutally directed her thoughts, the pain seemed to subside a bit.....or was she dreaming again?  She didn’t care, she needed the break and accepted it with aplomb. 

“You need only survive this Jocelyn, revenge will be yours in the end.  Besides, we will take care of you.  We will make sure you live Jocelyn.  In fact, we give you no choice in the matter.  But we aren’t completely heartless, you will be stronger for it, as we teach you what you must know to ascend.  Do not give up Jocelyn, we wait in the shadows for you, always.”

Jocelyn knew the source of the respite now, knew the shadows and what lingered behind them had done for her what her body could not.  They, or it, or whatever....eased her mind enough to let her rest again.

“I will survive, and in time I will seek my revenge.  It may take years, or perhaps tomorrow.  Eventually the opportunity will present itself.  I only hope you are prepared.”

Jocelyn spoke to all those present at her punishment, though no sound came from her cracked and swollen lips.  More to herself then anyone else did she speak, needing the motivation to get through trials ahead of her.

[jocelynherit-blog]

Surrender

Relief, the release of all that worried and stressed the poor woman, washed over her like a tidal wave. Jo leaned back and relaxed, let that blissful relief from worry take hold and for the first time in weeks truly felt content. She no longer had to resist, no longer had to be strong. The being or ghost or spirit, whatever it was had committed itself to taking care of her. It gave her advice when she needed it, gave her directions so she wouldn't lose her way, protected her from harm when she needed it. There was a cost of course, but Jo no longer cared. It was worth it, she was no longer alone.

The entity had presented itself to her, when she had been at her weakest. Jo hadn't stood a chance. Morphing itself to whatever desires were prevalent in the woman's addled mind. It wrapped its loving arms around her, held her in a tight embrace. An embrace Jo was sure she would never receive from anyone ever again. Her mind torn and burned as much as her face likely was, she finally submitted and returned that embrace with everything she was. Images flashed and coursed though her inner vision. She could see it now, the benevolent entity that only wished to help her, wished to protect her. When it spoke, the voice again morphed and changed to whatever appeased her at the moment.

"Do you see now my love? Do you see how they have all abandoned you? Desmond cannot face what he did to you, he is too weak to even present himself to you and explain why he harmed you, explain why he took everything from you. And Valucia, off playing with the elements and toying about with that Shaman. You'd think she would have at least stopped by, if only to ease your pain. The rest? Need you inquire, really....do I have to explain it to you again? I am all that you have Jocelyn, and all that you will ever have. But, unlike the others, I long to be with you Jocelyn....I love you more then they ever could."

Jo had been happy to surrender, happy to give up and accept those loving arms and caresses that she so longed for. It was just that easy really, all it took was love. Love, after its absence, can be a powerful thing. Jo eagerly drank it up as the entity whispered its plan into her willing ears.

[jocelynherit-blog]

“I just don’t understand, why does everything have to be difficult?” Jo was outside the house Val and herself had been sharing, feeling lost and alone. She had been ruminating on the events of the last few days, and none of it settles easily in her mind. Months ago she had set herself on a path she thought would make her stronger, thought would rid her of the terrible fear and remorse she always felt. Mother abandoning them had set all her plans awry, had left her reeling in doubt. She felt exactly like she had told Desmond last night, like a ship lost at sea. The rudder was broken, and she couldn’t find her way. “Desmond is the right guy to lead us, but where do I fit in now? Where can an illiterate ex hooker fit in an organization like this?” Tears streamed down her face, and she blocked her mind from the only one likely able to cheer her up. “That damned mask, it will change her, make her different. Even after you are gone you continue to torment her Mother.” Between her feeling lost, and Mother leaving them she knew it was causing problems far beyond her ability to navigate. She hadn’t slept well in days, and when she did she was tormented by strange dreams, that caused her so much confusion upon being startled and opening her eyes. She just wanted to give up, find someone or someplace and surrender. Give up control and let fate or someone else make the decisions. “It would be so much easier if life came with an instruction manual.” Jo leaned back, knowing that sleep would come eventually, and with it more strange dreams.

[jocelynherit-blog]

It just wasn’t fair, at least that is how Jo saw it. She stared at the balled up sheet, knowing it contained what dust and fragments were left of the one she had loved so dearly. She couldn’t make herself take the next step, couldn’t face it any more. The shadows were nearly always present now, lingering nearby and offering the only solace available to her. Was it a nightmare…an illusion….or had she deluded herself into believing everything was going to be ok?

Kierianne’s death had set her back quite a bit, had given the shadows all the opportunity they needed to begin to warp Jo and change her. She could feel it happening, knew it was so…and yet did nothing to prevent it.

“At least the tears have stopped, or is that a bad thing? Is there nothing to cry about anymore or have I become so jaded that I can no longer cry?”

Jo leaned back, lit a match and tossed it into the stacks of wood that lay beneath the iron pot she had piled what remained of Kierianne into. The fire started soon enough, eventually catching the sheet on fire. She watched it burn, the fire growing and becoming a furnace. It reduced the sheet and the quite dangerous remains of Kierianne into a pile of harmless ash. Jo eventually sat up and began to take a walk as the fire raged on. She thought of how her life had changed, how she was behaving and what had occurred. She knew she should be ashamed, that she was becoming a slave to the voices the shadows brought with them.

“I took that poor woman’s eye without a second thought, ripped it from her and made her eat it. What the fuck is wrong with me? What have I become?”

Jo knew she had simply made excuses in blaming the stranger for making her do what she had done to Val. She knew deep down she despised that Torch for being what she could no longer be. Val had been a bright star, and now was dimmed and nearly extinguished.

“Delusions are a wonderful thing if you can make yourself believe them.”

Jo made her way back to the fire, and scooped the now harmless ashes from the pot. She placed them in a rather beautiful and ornate jewel encrusted box she had made for the occasion. As she closed the lid, she felt that chapter of her life close as well, knowing their was no way back now….that road was now closed.

“Time to make my way to Pandaria, I don’t know if that is where she wishes to spend eternity, but of all the whining and complaining that fucking women did she never complained about that place.”

[fleet-footed]

Pastime!

My Character Must Confess in Threes - Pastime: Three hobbies they have.

Curiosity Killed the Cat;Kat enjoys eavesdropping.  She doesn’t have much in the way of social skills, but she thoroughly enjoys listening in on conversations.  Particularly conversations that are light and humorous, it makes her feel like she’s part of whatever is happening without the fear of rejection.

Up Above the World so High;Aerial Silks may seem like a very dangerous hobby for a blind girl, but it’s still something that she enjoys.  In fact, any sort of activity that gets her off the ground is usually a hobby, running on roof tops, climbing things she really shouldn’t be, hanging upside down and spinning up above the ground and wrapped in silks.

Practice Makes Perfect;Honing the skills taught to her are a great pastime, really.  They help her hear better, perceive her surroundings better.  She had a base for these while living on the streets but recently she’s been doing her best to hone them.  Keeping herself alive is one thing, but now she has a family to protect.  Even if she doesn’t know half their names and is wary of them all.