"I'm staying behind." Her arms are crossed, her back is straight, her eyes are set on his, mahogany against slate, sand against steel. There are a hundred different ideas behind the glass of her irises set aflame, burning brightly, hellfire and brimstone but the only evidence of her dismay is threaded through the blood in her veins, ash and soot hidden beneath the blanket of her skin. Out of sight, out of mind. When she speaks, her voice booms with confidence, shakes the ground several rooms over though she's quiet regardless, overcompensating in tone for her lacking volume. "Several squads are staying here as well as my own if anything happens so we will be fine. I have two medics staying behind as well, though I think you should take a few with you and Springer when you leave. Just in case."
With her shoulders pinned, she stands as a soldier suspended by strings, movements methodical, predestined and entwined with an airy whisper of a thousand questions she dare not speak, unanswered and horrifying, laced with a fear that shook her to her very bones. Any ounce of energy thrumming through her body prior had been squeezed out during the day -- she felt throttled, strangled. It was difficult to breath beneath the weight on her chest.
"Are there any supplies you need? Food and milk is scarce, as are coffee beans, but we have cloaks and jackets leftover. Blades too, you'll need them. It's getting colder, too, so you might need some blankets. And bandages, stock up on bandages." The implication of injury or worse hides in those words, grim but inevitable. Expect the worse, anything could happen. Concern slips through, worry bleeds into her voice. She stops it from cracking just in time, but she's quieter. Mike is gone, Nanaba, a good chunk of their legion, their comrades, all laid to the wayside. All bones without a home or a grave. His is a face she wants to see again, as are the recruits, his squad. Safety is key.
She toes a line drawn in the sand -- there are parts of her that want to join him, accompany him and his squad and fight for herself, sate her curiosity for what lies beyond the hardwood floor at her feet firsthand but she knows her duty, where she belongs. Of the two of them left, she's less suited for this particular mission, far more fitted for medical duties, for strategizing, watching over Erwin. To have to many people accompany him would be overkill, a tragedy waiting to happen.
No, she's staying, and her determination is written all over her features, hiding in the black of her eyes.
"It's a long ride, so be sure to feed your horses well before you leave. They need to be well-fed and well rested or else you'll never make it before nightfall." Her shoulders fall, her face softens. There is a tone that follows unfounded in her voice seconds prior. "Take care of the recruits. They're younger, inexperienced, this is a lot to take in. They've seen as much as we have in a shorter time. It's a lot to handle. If they start shutting down, breaking down, force them back up. Don't berate them, but don't let them falter either. Historia is someone you need to watch out for especially. I've heard word of her mentioning another expedition outside immediately. Leaving Ymir behind hasn't done her justice, but she's important, don't let her out of your sight."
And don't die. It catches in her teeth, shreds her gums to pieces. "I'm sure you will all be fine." Optimism stands as a castle of sand, realizations founded prior a sea that licks at it slowly, tears it down. She offers a smile at the last second, something she hopes is reassuring but instead it reads as hollow, as something that dies against the cracks in her lips.
