#validation culture

[oceanmonsters]

not to harp on about validation culture but it’s like. yeah sometimes if a label doesn’t ~feel~ right it CAN be an indication that it’s not right for you. but a lot of the time, it’s just an indication of internalised l, g, b or t-phobia. so when someone says a certain established label doesn’t feel right for them so they’re going to use a different, new label that functionally means exactly the same thing except is for some reason perceived in a different way, it’s not productive or helpful to just go “you’re valid!!” instead of questioning why the old label wasn’t good enough for them, and examining how internalised issues surrounding the old one could make them feel like it wasn’t right for them.

[takineko]

Dalec’s voice: VALIDATE, VALIDATE, VALIDATE

[pikafem]

rant

lgbt people don't need validation from anyone.

i don't need to be ~validated~ by strangers (irl and on the internet) because my lgbt-ness* is an integral part of my being.

strangers on the internet keep telling me i'm valid, while strangers in real life keep telling me i'm not. what difference does it make? zero. because i'm lgbt* and nothing can make me more (or less) lgbt* than i already am.

being lgbt* is my material reality. not an identity i need other people to acknowledge.

*i am bisexual. but i want this post to be relatable to every lgbt person, because i think this is a common sentiment amongst us all.

[oceanmonsters]

i’m not exaggerating when I say that I truly feel that validation culture (which imo is just a subset/offshoot of toxic positivity) is one the worst things about the modern lgbt movement because it led a lot of us to prioritise making sure everyone feels valid for absolutely everything at the expense of actual critical thinking about what is harmful and beneficial to the community as a whole.

validation culture stops so many people from questioning whether a certain behaviour or feeling is actually innate and a part of someone’s identity or in actual fact a response to the society we’ve been exposed to and the product of internalised homophobia/lesbophobia/biphobia/transphobia. we’re supposed to prioritise making people feel valid and good about their current mindset at the threat of being called a “queerphobe” for questioning whether that mindset is actually healthy or is actually result of deeper internalised issues. for me, internalised homophobia & biphobia are things I’m still working through, and recognising how those things affect how we perceive relationships and attraction is a big part of working through them. someone telling me “actually, the way you feel is valid!” is useless at best and harmful at worst because a few years ago it could’ve convinced me that the way I felt was actually an innate part of my identity rather than as a result of external factors. like, please just think critically.

i really feel like the lgbt community needs to find a way of expressing that feeling a certain way about your attraction or identity is common and relatable to others and that it doesn’t (necessarily) exclude you from or make you a bad member of the community without also implying that the way you feel is valid in the sense of being healthy or an identity in itself. something can be valid and normal in the sense of being common and a relatable experience without being valid and normal in the sense of being innate and natural. unpacking harmful mindsets and freeing your self of internalised x-phobia is not always going to be easy or comfortable, but the response of trying to make everyone feel better by telling them that the mindset or thoughts they hold as a result of it are actually valid in the sense of being innate identities in themselves is just sooooo harmful.

[lakeplacid74-blog]

Why Being Liked Often Costs You Respect: The Psychology of Approval-Seeking

A psychologically sharp look at why approval-seeking quietly destroys self-respect and changes relationships.

[sacredbloominglotus]

She needed the validation before the U-Haul 😂😂 #Priorities

[sototallytobi]

Tumblr is such a toxic place for confused people and young kids/teens. It's such a cult mentality, people get sucked into it then due to the bullshit their spoonfed by people who KNOW what they're doing is messed up, these kids refuse to get actual help from doctors but will seek out the first Tunglr resident, pick an object closet to them, keyboard smash some pronouns then beg for validation. Most of the time all the while appropriating mental illness and self diagnosing things to feel unique and get pity points.