Hours in the Moonlight: Rose Red Dawn - 16. Not Ever
Summary: Asking Vil to bite you, even if it was just to briefly ensure you weren’t attacked by any other vampires, was never going to be easy. But you could have never expected it to get out of hand as quickly as it did. But when the matter of unaddressed feelings that were quite as strong as ones you held for Vil came up, there was hardly any way for the conversation to stay simplistic.
Series Type: Gender-neutral reader/ Vampire AU/ series/ romantic/ angst/ angst with comfort/ fluff/ sfw/ platonic interactions too!
Trigger Warning: Vampire
Word Count: 1879
Hours in the Moonlight Master-List
“NO?!?” Epel was the one who loudly echoed Vil’s answer in shock since, honestly, I wasn’t surprised.
Vil looked over at the lavender-haired young man, his expression already schooled back into a more neutral one as his brows arched slightly and he merely repeated himself, “No.”
I almost cringed at the utterly smooth way he said it. At least the first time there had been a slight waver, but this time there hadn’t been any hesitation.
“Vil-”
“I’m not biting you, Tater Tot. Not when so much could go wrong,” His tone was scolding, and for a moment I almost forgot about the way his eyes had widened and glistened when I’d first told him that he was my choice.
I didn’t have to protest his words, though. As ever, Rook was a true friend and had my back.
Meaning that he was grasping Epel and murmuring to him about how they really needed to give us some space.
I felt my hands ball into fists as I stood, “Vil. There isn’t much of a choice. Either you bite me and I go in there that way, or-”
His eyes had already narrowed before the door even clicked shut behind the arguing Epel and Rook, “Or what? I doubt any of the friends you made will be willing to bite you either. We’ll have to find another option.”
Something snapped inside me at his heavy-handed refusal, and I felt my jaw clench. Not entirely knowing what it was about this situation that had me so off-kilter. Distantly, I knew there was something off. Something that clearly indicated I’d finally hit the breaking point in all of this and was just too stressed and desperate.
But that quiet part inside of me was not enough to stop me.
“Actually, someone already has offered.”
The sharp words were out before I could stop them, and Vil froze. His eyes locked on to me as he quite literally stopped breathing or even blinking.
And I inhaled as everything seemed to register with me at once as I stared at him while he held my gaze. A special sort of venom in his eyes that almost had me swallowing.
And it was impressive that even in a moment like this I still was struck by his appearance. But he was like a flawless statue. Too perfect to actually exist, and yet here he was in front of me.
“Who?” His voice was icy, and I was already shaking my head. Because I knew I shouldn’t have even brought up Malleus’s offer, and some part of me already regretted it.
But Vil was slowly standing, “Who offered Tater Tot, and why?”
I crossed my arms, still irritated even though I knew perfectly well that I was going to regret this the same way I always regretted these sorts of overly heated and typically emotional arguments.
“Malleus. He said that if I ever wanted to become a vampire, he would be willing to help.”
Silence filled the room as we stared each other down until Vil finally spoke, his voice filled with bitterness that perfectly mirrored the tone of our conversation, “I’m sure he would like to ‘help.’”
I chewed at my lip frustratedly as I looked away from him. Some small part of me wondered how our conversation had taken so swift of a turn and why I’d reacted the way I had to his refusal.
Because I’d known it would be likely. I knew Vil. He didn’t like to put me at any risk, so there was no way he’d like this plan.
I inhaled, forcing myself to breathe and calm down even despite everything. I’d made it this far without snapping, and while my words from mere seconds ago certainly weren’t a good reflection of that, I could finish this without taking all of my frustrations out on Vil.
“Look. I get why you hate this idea, but there aren't any other options. Or at least not any obvious ones. Either you bite me so that the vampire lady won’t go absolutely mad the moment she sees me, or I go in there as I am.”
I spread my hands as if to emphasize my current state. Exhausted, largely undefended, and at a loss.
And Vil was already shaking his head, his brow furrowing, “Absolutely not. There has to be another way that doesn’t put you at risk.”
“There isn’t, Vil. And I think we both know that I don’t really have time to be wasting. More and more people are getting attacked by insane vampires the longer this goes on. Two of the newest vampires in the Heartslabyul clan are victims. Recent victims.”
Vil shook his head, something akin to understanding warring with the frustration in his eyes, “Stopping the insane vampires isn’t going to stop people from getting turned.”
“But it will slow it down! Vil, I can do something about this rather than just sitting around doing nothing like I have ever since vampires started following me! I know you don’t want me putting myself in danger, but this is the best-”
“NO, it’s NOT!” I blinked at his sudden shout, half-startled by the fact he’d even yelled when that was something he so seldom did. I almost shook my head, about to reassure him, but he wasn’t done.
In fact, he was on a roll.
“Putting yourself in danger is not the best answer, Y/n! It never is! I don’t care what Crowley, you, or anyone else believes; I won’t have it. Not when I care about you, even if you don’t care about yourself!”
My mouth opened, and then closed, and then opened again as he continued.
But I didn’t know if I’d ever seen him so heated about anything. In fact, it almost seemed out of character for him. Like he’d finally been pushed too far. Just like I had been.
And even as I slowly realized exactly how messy this entire conversation had gotten in a mere instant, two simple parts of what he said echoed within my mind.
The first, that I didn’t care about myself. Which wasn’t true, but also made sense. I knew what he meant by that. That I didn’t take good enough care of myself.
But the second part, which swirled about condemningly in my mind and tortured me, was that he cared for me.
I’d known that already, of course, but my mind twisted the words. Toying with my heart as I thought of my own feelings, and I felt myself shaking my head.
And when my voice came out, it sounded oddly hollow while simultaneously being loaded with complicated emotions, “That’s not fair.”
Vil stopped mid-motion. His eyes locking onto me as he seemingly realized that he’d made some sort of mistake, and I slowly shook my head again. Realizing all too soon why my voice sounded so hollow.
My throat was tight, and I no longer knew whether to feel hurt or indignant as I attempted to swallow everything down before it could overwhelm me.
But instead, it came out in a tumble of words in a far too-wet-sounding voice that betrayed both my emotions and current state. I was terrified, overwhelmed, stressed, and now hurt that, of all things, he’d brought up the feelings between us.
“That’s not fair, Vil. You don’t get to throw that out there when I’ve been ignoring my feelings until this is all handled because you always pushed aside my attempts to broach the subject in the past!”
I shook my head again, stepping back from him as he started towards me, reaching out with a distinctly concerned look in his eyes even as I feebly raised my hands.
But suddenly all I could think of was all those months that had led up to our second Halloween together, just before Epel had been turned.
I’d already been falling for him and nursing my feelings. And he’d known it, because he’d gently side-stepped all of my attempts to broach the matter with him, which had left us in the state we were currently in. With him an ever-present part of my life as we flirted and bantered but never crossed that line.
And I wasn’t stupid. I knew why he’d always withdrawn before we got too close.
He was a vampire, and I was a human who attracted vampires. Our relationship wasn’t going to be normal, had all sorts of risks, and might never work out. Which was why he’d always kept me out of the world of the night while simultaneously protecting me from the clans and vampires that lurked near me.
“Y/n-”
I shook my head again, cutting off his strained voice without even saying anything before I finally met his gaze and saw nothing but regret there. And right then, cutting off the conversation and fleeing to hide away in my apartment until we both forgot everything about this conversation felt like the only right choice.
But that wasn’t a luxury I could afford. Not when Rook and Epel were no doubt right outside, and not when Crowley was on my butt to take care of the insane vampires.
Vil’s hand curled in on itself until it was a fist that he lowered to his side. His jaw tightening as we both realized that there was definitely no going back now. And waiting to deal with this mess of emotions was fast becoming less and less of an option for both of us.
Because, despite my resolution to keep putting this off until the insane vampire issue was handled, I’d finally pushed him too far, and now he’d said too much.
Both of us had.
His voice was tight as he held my gaze, inhaling deeply before he spoke, “Fine. I’ll do it.”
I pressed my lips together, ignoring the way they trembled as I mirrored him. Inhaling deeply in a vain attempt to regain my control over the situation and ground myself away from my more emotional thoughts.
“When?” My voice croaked out past the poorly restrained frustration and emotions that remained firmly wadded in my too-tight throat, and he twitched. All but wincing before he lifted his chin.
But we’d both done this before. We’d both acted our past feelings and circumstances in the past and we could do it now.
“When are you planning on going to see this woman?” His voice was so carefully controlled, and I exhaled, looking down.
“As soon as possible,” My voice came out surprisingly soft, and I was more in control as I responded. And through my peripheral vision I could see Vil only nod.
“Then I’ll come by tomorrow evening.” He paused, glancing out the window before continuing, “It’s too late now to try doing anything now.”
Anything… It was a loaded word, because he wasn’t just talking about biting me. He was talking about addressing the elephant in the room.
But he was right. There was no way we were getting anywhere with that right now. Not with how we both were right this instant.
I nodded, quietly agreeing with him and knowing exactly what he meant. Tomorrow night he would be visiting me.
And tomorrow night would be the night I was bitten by a vampire.
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