Jun 21
Episode 3 of The Vampire Lestat has now has blessed us with Vampire Daniel piss. We are 2 of 3
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Episode 3 of The Vampire Lestat has now has blessed us with Vampire Daniel piss. We are 2 of 3
The First Episode of the Vampire Lestat is out today and we already get vampire pee. I feel so blessed
Chat I’m thinking about vampire bats again and I’m making you think about them with me
They drink so much that they can’t fly with all the liquid inside them, and to compensate for it their digestive systems are so incredibly efficient that they sometimes start urinating before they’ve even finished drinking, or at least immediately afterward.
Okay now copy/paste that onto your favorite pathetic vampire. Imagine everything they drink hitting their bladder almost immediately, with only a few minutes’ delay. Imagine they have to either limit the size of their meals so they don’t wet themself right in front of their prey, and stay absolutely desperate until they can go pee somewhere else, or they have to accept the reality that they’re going to make a puddle in their pants or on the street or the floor, wherever they may be, shivering with humiliation and relief every. Single. Time. They eat.
The most fun part of this is that once they drink, and fill up, that’s it: all the blood’s been used up and is ready to be expelled. Their need won’t get any worse, and since they’re functionally dead I don’t believe sterility/potential UTIs are nearly as much of an issue, so if you can figure out their bladder’s limits and not let them drink any more than they can hold in at once, you can keep a good little vampire desperate for a very long time. Maybe only let them pee right before they feed…
Bill had taken Sookie on a date to a new restaurant that opened a few hours South of Bon Temps. The restaurant specialized in catering to an experience for both human and vampire clientele.
The restaurant was called The Black Rose and specialized in Vampire inspired dishes for the human customers and brewed their own exclusive Flavors of TrueBlood that were only available there for the vampire customers.
Bill had ordered the Black Cherry Merlot TrueBlood. It had been over 150 years since he had Merlot and the Southern Vampire couldn’t decide if it actually tasted like Merlot. The TrueBlood tasted a little off in Bill's opinion but he drank two bottles anyway since he wanted to join Sookie in her meal.
Sookie had been served a salad made of purple cabbage leaves cut into the shape of bats, topped with sliced tomatoes. The main course was squid ink pasta (which Sookie thought was a little salty) paired with a small chocolate cherry cake in the shape of a coffin.
“For such a novelty place the food is actually really good,” Sookie praised.
“The exclusive flavored TrueBlood is very interesting,” Bill admitted.
The Vampire started to feel a little bit off, like the flavored TrueBlood wasn’t being processed by his body the way it normally would. But Bill decided to brush it off as he was probably just feeling anxious from trying new things.
After the couple finished their meal Bill started to pay the bill.
“Hey Bill, I’m just going to run to the restroom since it’s a long drive back,” Sookie announced to her boyfriend.
“You go ahead and do that. I’ll wait here,” Bill replied. The former Civil War soldier had a strange feeling come over that he should pop into the men’s room before they left as well. He decided to ignore the strange intuition as it had been many years since the last time he needed a toilet. Vampires occasionally needed to relieve themselves but it was not a common occurrence and was usually only when they were feeling very weak such as getting over a case of Hep D.
Bill stood outside the women’s restroom door. The Vampire heard the toilet flush and the sink running and then Sookie reappeared.
“Let’s get going,” the blonde waitress directed.
The duo loaded up into Bill’s car and started the multi hour drive back to Bon Temps.
* *
“Bill, you look uncomfortable, is everything alright?” Sookie asked her vampire boyfriend.
“I’m fine,” Bill replied with his charming Southern accent.
“Are you sure you are ok, you look like you need to take a tinkle,” Sookie giggled.
“What do you mean by that?” The Southern Vampire was confused.
“It’s how girls sometimes say they have to pee without wanting everyone to know,” the blonde waitress explained.
“Then as you say, I do have to ‘take a tinkle’”, Bill replied dead pan.
Sookie was caught off guard; she never knew of her vampire boyfriend needing to urinate.
“Will you be able to make it to the next gas station or do you need to pull over in the woods?” The concerned waitress asked Bill.
“I will try to make it to the gas station,” Bill hoped that he was going to be able to make it to the gas station without getting his good underwear wet.
He thought about asking if he could relieve himself in the woods, but it had been over 150 since he had to piss in nature and wasn’t sure he would be able to do it again. The few times in his vampire life that Bill had needed to pee he had been able to locate an outhouse or toilet.
To Bill’s relief a 24 hour Gas Station came into view. The vampire turned his car into the parking lot.
Sookie decided to go in with Bill as she could tell he was feeling very anxious about the whole situation.
The gas station store gave off a kind of creepy vibe as Bill and Sookie found themselves alone in the store along with one bored looking teenage employee at the register.
Sookie led Bill to the back of the store where the restroom was located. To their horror the bathroom door was locked and a sticky note over the door handle informed the couple that they needed to get a key from the register.
The waitress and the desperate vampire headed back to the register. “Can we please have the key for the restroom?” Sookie asked the teenage cashier.
“You can have it but you can’t be having sex in there,” the pimple-faced teenager replied monotonously.
“We have no intention of it.” Bill assured the underpaid employee. He tried to hold himself together but the discomfort in his bladder was becoming unbearable.
Sookie and Bill made their way back to the restroom and Sookie handed him the key.
“Sookie, I hate to ask you this but would you come in with me?” Bill’s voice sounded a little weak.
“Of course, Bill,” Sookie’s voice grew soft. She was starting to get concerned about the wellbeing of her boyfriend.
“I’ll look away to give you some privacy, but if you need anything I’ll be right here,” Sookie assured her vampire boyfriend.
The gas station restroom was not nice by any measure, the plumbing had large rust stains and the mirror over the sink was cracked. Bill was just grateful that he now had access to a toilet.
Bill lifted the seat on the toilet, stood in front of it, started to undo his pants and belt and pulled down the front of his underwear. He got prepared to aim but nothing came out. The vampire let out a sigh of discomfort, he couldn’t pee but his bladder was still uncomfortably full.
“Bill, I don’t hear you “going” ,” Sookie observed, “are you ok?”
“Unfortunately I really need to urinate but find myself unable to do so,” the Southern Vampire lamented.
“If you would like I might be able to help you,” the blonde waitress volunteered.
“Please, I’m in such discomfort,” Bill admitted.
Sookie carefully walked over to where Bill was standing in front of the toilet.
“If you are ok with this, I’m going to gently massage your pelvic region. It should help you to relax and which should make your bladder loosen up.”
“Please do it, Sookie,” she could hear the pain in his voice.
Sookie carefully put her hands right under Bill’s naval.
“Your hands are warm,” the Southern Vampire observed.
The waitress started moving her hands gently downward across Bill’s pelvis until she reached the location his bladder would be. She then started to move her hands in a circular motion. Sookie could feel Bill’s body start to loosen up. She felt his bladder start to move.
“It’s working,” Bill sighed. Sookie released her hands, as soon as she did that Bill’s stream of orange colored urine started to release in the toilet below. Bill sighed again. The relief felt so good.
Bill kept peeing for a while but eventually stopped. He then redid his pants, lowered the toilet seat, flushed and headed to the sink to wash his hands.
“Feeling better,” Sookie asked her boyfriend.
“Yes,” Bill replied softly.
“Now let’s head back home,”
So I guess in the True Blood comics vampire’s pee even if they don’t in the show
Even though the vampires in True Blood canonically don’t pee, but a girl has needs so expect a TrueBlood Omo fic soon. It’s about half way done
I have also reignited my love of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and if you have any suggestions for omo fics involving Angel or Spike I would to write some. Nothing sexual and no diapers .
I’ve started watching the Vampire Diaries (not beating the vampire omo blog allegations lol) and it is giving me all the nostalgia feelings of when I used to binge watch Supernatural as a teenager.
(As much as I like more serious and deep shows it is definitely what I need in my life right, my dad is having very serious health problems and problems at my job)
if anyone has any ideas for Vampire Diaries omo fics/scenarios I would love you to suggest them. As usual nothing sexual and no diapers please.