Have you ever asked yourself why bad otome isn’t fun like bad movies? Outside of some hilariously egregious localization like the original Taisho x Alice translation, there doesn’t tend to be much in the “so bad it’s good” category. Most of the time bad otome is just the boring sort of mediocre bad not the fun kind. The fact is, the truly egregious stuff often never gets picked up for localization in the first place so there's a certain level of terrible in the otome sphere English players never get to see from Japanese otome.
Until now!
I bring to you all a rare delicacy, a true example of fun-bad otome. Imagine the purest distillation of a 12 year old’s Twilight fanfiction with some utterly baffling CGs, and an oddly star-studded voice cast. And it goes by the name:
Vamwolf Cross†
Yes, vamwolf. As in, part vampire, part werewolf. It’s somehow even dumber in Japanese than in English (吸血狼 but read as ヴァンウルフ) and I kinda adore it. This isn’t quite otome’s “My Immortal” which many consider to be tongue-in-cheek satire. This is otome’s version of “The Room” being played with absolute sincerity.
It was put out by D3 Publisher in 2015 and developed by Vridge. The last Twilight movie released in 2012 so this was well past the Twilight hype window. D3 Publisher hasn't exactly had the strongest track record. Long-time otome players might recognize the name from Storm Lovers or the Vitamin series, while newer ones might be more familiar with DesperaDrops. They primarily released games on the PS2, PSP, and Nintendo DS. But by the 2010s, the PS Vita was the hot console to have in the Japanese otome world and they released several Vita games around this time. They likely put a decent chunk of cash behind this title based on the voice cast, but that's just about the only selling point, honestly.
I happened to pick up a copy of my own a few years back in a used game shop in Osaka for 500 yen out of sheer curiosity at how bad it truly was. I started playing it and every time I did, I couldn't help but roll over on my bed in laughter at the absurdity of it all. And it was in that moment that I decided the English-speaking otome community deserved to see this in all its glory. (Full disclosure, I have yet to finish a route so this will be essentially a blind react playthrough (which may go horribly awry!))
To my knowledge, there is no English version of this game. There is no fan translation of this game. I do not think a single person has ever thought to themselves “I should translate Vamwolf,” not even me (and I might be the only person who still cares about it). The only way you would likely even hear about it is if you went on a deep VNDB binge for your favourite voice actor or you saw a Japanese otome player’s “top 10 worst games” list. Over a decade since the game released and the only thing I’ve managed to find about it in English besides the VNDB page (where it boasts a score of 4.88/10) and some generic news listings is this post by breadmasterlee in 2017.
So, to bring any English readers along for the ride, I plan to stick to summaries of events with screenshots here and there. There is exactly one let's play series I could find on this game on the entire Internet which I'll be using for screenshots. Big thanks to the Youtuber Kappa Ebihara for posting it so I didn't have to set up a Vita emulator. You can find the playlist here. It only covers the Ryunosuke route so that's who we're playing! Funnily enough, he's voiced by Kishio Daisuke who also voices Neji in Jack Jeanne (among many other roles).
The game is marked as having no sexual content on VNDB and has a CERO B (PG-13) rating so Diabolik Lovers this is not. I have a hard time imagining anything genuinely upsetting coming up here with how ridiculous it all is, but I’ll give a head’s up on a post if there is anything a bit much. For reference, this is their attempt at an edgy kabedon scene (from VNDB):
Pictured: Dialovers if you bought it for 50 cents off of Temu (Dialovers came out several years before this, for the record).
So that's my opening spiel done. Now, let the disaster commence!
Will continue the Werewolf Story post TF, under the tag #teethingproblems, so number 1.
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Luc stumbled with the first step.
The sensation had faded now, and her long tail and strange wings flexed to balance her as if standing on tip toe was second nature. Having virtual exercise balls glued to her chest and perhaps double the mess was not second nature though.
She looked over again- paw-claw-hands, pale white fur and blood red hair, the body beyond voluptuous. Just as Luc had designed his character to be for the virtual reality game, Tales of Lore. But the game, the virtual reality stuff, and all his clothes were gone, and instead he- she- was this no middle sliders vampire werewolf character.
How human even was she? Curiosity pushed her through the small flat, tail flailing for balance, to the bathrooms shaving mirror. Was she like a ravening monster face? Or like, Sonic style?
FLUFT.
Her momentum came to an abrupt stop as she ducked through the doorway, and felt a wooden vice on her abundant hips. She took another step, but her fleshy rear overfilled the portal’s width, and she slammed her paws against the frame, straining with a frustrated resounding GRRRRRROWL.
The wood creaked in response as her paws scrabbled off the floor, her mass bounced with the effort, and cracks began to spread from the point of pressure. He had designed this character to be max strength, a complete bombshell aesthetically and effectively, there was no way a puny doorway could stop her!
Luc climbed upright as the bell rang, nose perked at the scent of meat laden pizza as her stomach growled. For a moment her mind wandered from her hunger- there’d be drama if people thought she was a werewolf or vampire right, let alone both?
With a bit of tension to her vast hips, her wings retracted and she grinned at her skill, before bounding over to the door, ears virtually scraping the ceiling. Oh, right, the door was barely chest level- she bent low to open it, balancing herself on her knees as she leaned outwards with an eager grin.
The delivery guy was there as expected, holding a glorious stack of boxes, the source of that scent!
“Aw, fantastic, dinner is here!” Luc cheered, surprised at how well her husky warm tones boomed forth. Yet the human, a bearded lad, didn’t move, his mouth agape, eyes wide, staring at…
Oh yeah, she was still a giant wolf girl in the buff wasn’t she? Luc glanced down, feeling a little colour at how her vast bosom bounced, her hips scraping against either edge of the door frame, she’d probably stare too. But he had already seen, what was the problem with a little fun?
“Oh, you ok there buddy? Hope I didn’t scare you,” She purred, daring to stand a little more upright, crossing her arms under her girls. The man blinked and tried to look down, but there was no way for him to look up at her without his eyes being drawn. “I just got soooo excited for pizza that I rushed to the door- can you imagine, if you brought me them again, I’d probably do the same thing? So silly!”
“Ah… ah, no, it’s uh, no problem.” He finally stuttered, hefting the pile he was struggling with, “You… you order often?”
“Ooh, well it’s a bit steep isn’t it? But I’d never turn down a delivery if you have spares,” She winked, and barely contained her laughter as the man coloured bright red, stumbling as she took her feast from him with ease.
“Right, uh, y’know, sometimes that happens- uh, gotta go, nice to… meet you,” He blabbered, and Luc grinned and slammed the door shut, almost tumbling backwards as her ears brushed the ceiling again. After a solid twenty seconds she broke into proper laughter and slumped down by the couch again, hefting the box open.
Maybe this could be fun- after all, she was nocturnal, why not enjoy this a little bit?
Flying was an uphill battle. Well, it was the next thing above uphill really, but she’d have expected it to be easier. Instead, Luc was sore and muddy by the time she turned towards home. She had to have fallen on her boobs like fifty times, and eventually there was only so much cushioning her expansive curves provided. She had glided, sort of, once she got some altitude, turning long jumps into huge bounds, but elevation eluded her.
Then it was struggle back through the doors at four in the morning, only to glance down and notice the brown and grey smears across her white coat. Yuck. So, it was back wrestling through the bathroom door, filling the tub with warm water, only to discover her ass was too wide to even fit in the bath. Standing for a shower was impossible too, the showerhead just scooshed her belly, so the enormous vampire werewolf found herself sitting, scrubbing down her fluffy fur, discovering the thick curves beneath.
With a frown, she turned to glance at the mirror once more, straining her eyes where a reflection should be, only to reveal a wet wall and shower spray.
Then, after a second longer, the flash of red appeared once more, spelling out her name, her existence in warm hard numbers. All in all, her first night of playing as a Vamwolf had netted her her first level up
Teething Problems 3. Originally when I wrote these on DeviantArt, I let people vote for some choices, like the one at the end of this section. Vote is not open, happened years ago.
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The eight foot amazon of fur and fang yelped in surprise and recoiled as the mirror flashed. Her long ears batted the lamp, and only the proximity of the wall behind her stopped Luc from entirely collapsing on the ground.
Her hackles rose with embarassment, fur standing on end across her vast form, but her eyes adjusted to see no threat. Things weren’t normal, but they didn’t seem scary.
The mirror was no dark, covered in vibrant blood red writing, listing:
<Lucas Bernando. VamWolf. Level 1.>
<STR: 23 DEX: 12 CON: 30 INT: 11 WIS: 6 CHA: 12>
More statistics followed, the statistics for the character she’d been creating in the game, but also not. She apparently had five levels in pop culture, one level in english, and a gratifying eight levels in mechanics- clearly the knowledge of her real life.
But then there was stuff like levels in Drain-Bite, Resilient Body, Keen Senses, Nocturnal Apex, and a confusing half level in Flight (“How do you get created with a 0.5 level!”) and then more concerning aspects:
Luc stomped out of the shower fairly pleased with herself. Level 2 wasn’t much- she was pretty sure that Tales of Lore was supposed to push builds up to level 100 or something, but she’d improved in a single night. She could change.
She squeezed her way out of the bathroom, twisting when her hips stuck once again, and shook herself, accidentally splattering the room in fur-water. Not enough though, as tired and embarrassed as she was from the flight, she still worked to towel herself down, squeaking slightly as her roving hands explored her assets intimately.
Then with a sudden whine of pain, Luc whirled around, pulled her tail close in horror. The curtain behind lay slightly open, a beam of blinding golden light lancing across the room, where her posterior had been. Pain surged through the strange body, and the tip of her white tail was smoldering and scorched as if in fire.
“N- no, no, no, do not disintegrate. That was an accident. Doesn’t count.” Luc growled, husky command filling the room, but thankfully the glowing wound began to dim before her eyes. “Okay. Good. So… not instant death, but… yeah, I need to stay out of the sun.”
She shook herself off again, and carefully stood, drawing the curtain fully closed without exposing herself to the sunlight. Safe from day, though… she’d have to figure out what to do when night came.
“Pwah, bleh!” Luc spat out a mouthful of turf, and slumped, letting her body slam down into the earth with a grunt. Her pride hurt more than her body honestly- even looking back at the sizable furrow she had ploughed through the field with her crash landing, she didn’t feel more than slightly bruised. That was a vamwolf for you.
Yet what wasn’t a vamwolf, she considered as she hefted herself upright, was being so crap at flying!
She had been feeling good when she finished her nine pizzas. Her stomach was nearly full, the memory of the delivery guys’ reaction playing in her head, her new body full of promise. After wrestling her hips free of the front door, it hadn’t been that hard to run off into the shadows, and find she could jump fences fairly easily, out to a nearby field.
Flying though? She grimaced, stretching out her wings from her hips, and tried to stretch her near nine feet of fluff and muscle. It was so damn hard! She’d tried jumping, flapping, triple jumping- even sprinting at her full pace and leaping had only left a furrow and a trail of mud across her formerly pristine white fur.
Maybe there was a trick to it- she had half a level in Flight, right? How did she even raise her levels?
With a snarl, the huge winged wolf turned, and headed over to begin hauling herself up a tree. It was all a matter of trial and error.
Luc licked her chops, then tapped the mirror delicately with one large paw. If shapeshifting had gotten her into this mess, maybe shapeshifting could get her out? The perks were spent on Lunar Rebel, Beast Form, and Metamorphic Initiate, hopefully the powers to get out of this werewolf form, maybe even change her gender back, and… it could be fun to be an animal. Already she didn’t really mind her fluffy coat.
A surge of adrenaline came before the mirror faded back to its normal empty state, and there was no immediate change, so she forced her way back through to the lounge and sat, playing with her new muscles and huge tail. With a bit of stretching she found she could wrap her tail all around herself, or even hug her wings as a makeshift skirt and bra, carressing her huge curves. What about the opposite?
At her whim, the wings folded back behind her, their mass vanishing into her body. Luc startled and poked around- there was no sign of the vampiric wings except their talons, just above her tail. So that was her metamorph perk?
With an hour or experimentation, she found she could alter one body part at a time with focus- she could will her claws out into long talons, hide or grow her wings or tail, or even hide her fangs! Yet it was somehow tiring, and eventually she flopped over, feeling a strange rumble in her stomach as the sun set outside.
