Mystic Messenger Fanfiction | VanderwoodxOC Cerise - Tagged | Ch. 15 Return
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It felt strange to Cerise, being in his weird place with nobody around. He'd been gone less than an hour, and she was already beginning to feel antsy. They had retrieved the rest of her pillows from the trunk of the car, and she spent a lot of her time buried in them and texting her boyfriend. He was so formal when it came to texting, but it was also kind of cute, too. The texts stopped coming at some point, meaning they must have arrived at their destination, and that's when she started to feel alone and just weird without him. Just like he said, he was checking in with her in twelve-hour intervals. It wasn't a lot, but it was at least something.
In the time between, she busied herself with exploring the house and watching TV while updating her blogs. She'd even managed to not burn the kitchen down. Coffee was a no-go, since she couldn't figure out the coffee maker. Obviously, there was only one thing to do there. Cerise took a sad picture with it and posted it, taking an hour or so to watch another show before she felt there was no doubt there many people explaining the mysterious workings of the coffee maker to her. After some reading, she was able to figure it out. Sometimes being cute and popular online had its perks. Cerise posted a new picture with her freshly made cup of coffee and thanked her followers.
While digging through the cabinet, she found a bag of chips she'd never seen before. They looked like they would be a good snack, so she opened a bag and took a bite. Nope. Nuh uh. Cerise found herself promptly spitting it out and taking a gulp of her still hot coffee to eliminate the taste from her mouth. Who could stand to even eat those? So gross. Her mind slipped to Marion. He certainly wouldn’t have eaten those chips. Was he eating right out there on his mission? Cerise did her best not to worry and keep herself occupied, but she couldn’t stop thinking about him like that.
The second day was coming to a close, and there was no sign of either of them. Marion was supposed to have come back…just two days, that had been what he’d said, so anxiety kept building higher by the second. Cerise checked her phone to see if maybe she had missed a text...something. She didn't like it...worrying wasn't going to get her anywhere, so she buried herself in the blankets and pillows of his bed and fell asleep.
Cerise wasn't sure how long she was asleep before a notification woke her up. She rubbed her eyes and sat up as she sleepily unlocked her phone to check it, letting out a sigh of relief when she saw that it was from Vanderwood, but soon her relief turned into concern. `Can't talk am okay Wil take longr than thouht` He was saying that it was going to take longer...and the way he was texting was so unlike him.
Panic began to set in. Did something go wrong? He said he was okay...but was he really? She wouldn't put it past him to tell her he was when he wasn't. Cerise wanted to reply, but it wouldn't have done any good. He’d said he couldn't talk, and she didn't want to possibly compromise him by spamming his phone. That jerk had better come back in one piece.
He had spent the entire trip to the mission point texting Cerise, wishing he could be there with her instead of in the car with Zero Seven. It sucked ass that when they got to their location, he couldn’t talk to her much anymore, and maybe he was somewhat distracted by that fact. This was just further proof to him of why agents couldn’t have loved ones, why he couldn’t keep working, why they needed to get this done. At least he was managing to keep up with separating himself from the kid by calling him by his agency name, but he felt like that wasn’t really doing him any good on this mission either. Vanderwood didn’t feel like he was his usual self.
The first and second day went as planned. Every twelve hours he would send Cerise a quick message to let her know that he was okay. By the time Zero Seven felt he’d taken down all of the security cameras and given them the best possible guess on where his brother would be, Vanderwood was ready to get this shit over with.
They had some trouble getting past a few guards, but they slipped easily through the corridors of the building using the blueprint Seven had found. At this point, there wasn’t even a point to calling him Zero Seven…This mission was an emotional one anyway, not even agency regulated. With the security system down, they only had to worry about running into people. There was a strange large room that honestly looked like a church from the outside. Now they just needed to get through that to get toward the main information hub where Seven thought his brother would be.
Everything seemed to be going as it should…right up until they entered the strange church like building. For whatever reason, the people inside had been expecting them. Vanderwood tried not to blanch at the number of people surrounding them. They all seemed like they were in some haze, and the one that was clearly Seven's brother was no better. He’d noticed him almost immediately, the white hair tinted in pink and mint colored eyes not keeping him from being almost the exact likeness of his twin brother.
Brown eyes traveled to the queen bitch as she stood. Really, she was rather pretty, but her heart was clearly ugly. "Can I start my revenge, Savior?" The twin had a weird manic tone to his voice, and Vanderwood furrowed his brows. What the fuck was he talking about? The queen bitch looked over to them, her eyes glassy. "Not until after we give them their cleansing."
He shifted away from her. What the fuck did that even mean? They were at a major disadvantage here. Fuck. Already completely surrounded, and no way to just escape. "You're not giving me shit." Vanderwood didn't like the sound of it, and now two men were laying their hands on Seven. He moved instinctively, knocking the first to the ground before punching the other in the face so hard that the man fell backwards. "Seize him!" The bitch shrieked and then he was on the ground as four men kicked at him. He was lucky that the first one's kick to his jaw didn't snap his neck.
Vanderwood tried to block out the pain as the next started going nuts on his abdomen, one kicking him in the back of his leg and another assaulting his shoulder blade. It hurt like Hell, and he would be damn lucky if he didn't start internally bleeding to death right there on the floor. No, he couldn't think like that. He needed to get back to Cerise. Vanderwood just laid there, waiting for it to stop and thinking of her.
When he came back to reality, they'd ended up in some sort of dungeon, constantly being watched by two guards. Vanderwood ran his hands discreetly over his body, wincing at the pain, but finding his phone and a few other weapons still stashed on him. At least he had his phone. They'd found his taser and gun and stopped at that, it seemed. If he risked a text to Cerise, there was a chance he'd lose his phone completely. Still, he needed to let her know that he wouldn't be home, needed to keep her from doing anything rash. Not that he knew what she would do or could do.
He tucked himself into the corner sending the text as quickly as he could with his left hand, since his right was out of use, thanks to the damage his shoulder blade had taken. `Can't talk am okay Wil take longr than thouht` There wasn't time to fix the typos or punctuation. He stuffed his phone back into his pocket before making his way over to his moping partner, limping a little. "So. What are we gonna do?"
It was the fourth day now…When he could manage, he’d sent messages to confirm to Cerise that he was alive, but he was sure that she was frightened. Honestly, he was a little frightened too. There were guards everywhere, and they could easily knock out a few, but then they would be swiftly set upon by another few.
There was simply no way they could get out of this, and every day Seven’s brother would come by to taunt them about this ‘cleansing’, which Vanderwood was pretty certain was drug related, something that gave him a whole different kind of terror. Seven wasn’t as useful as he needed to be either, begging his brother to hear him out every time he was in their cell. Vanderwood had to knock the kid over the head just to get him to pay attention instead of staring off into a corner. They needed to get out of here somehow.
After long drawn out whispers of conversation, Seven and Vanderwood had decided they needed to knock out the guards and call for the help of Seven's friends. Usually they had the agency to rely on, but considering they were about to release the information of the major members of the organization as soon as this mission was over, as well as the fact that this mission was unauthorized, that wasn't an option. Seven had assured Vanderwood that the rich kid could handle sending the right people, and as much as both of them didn't want to involve anyone else, they didn't have a lot of options left open to them.
It was only a matter of minutes after Seven had made the call that they heard helicopters overhead. Damn. The rich dude really was resourceful. After what seemed like hours, they were finally released from their dungeon, giving Vanderwood a massive rush of relief as they were out of that dirty environment and back in control.
Seven hadn’t been able to handle this well. He felt like he’d completely lost himself in all of this. His brother…there was so much wrong with this. V had been supposed to keep Saeran safe…Rika had been…It didn’t make any sense. The others…they were all involved now, and they all needed to get to a hospital. At least with Saeran on his way to the hospital, he’d be able to remove the agency threat by releasing the information on those agents who deserved justice brought down on them…Seven wasn’t even sure he felt like praying, even though it felt like his entire soul was being flushed down a toilet.
Everyone would be getting the, 'cleansing' flushed from their systems, so he needed to go with Saeran, although Vanderwood looked…all sorts of fucked up. “Mary, shouldn’t you come too?” His girlfriend was at the bunker, she was safe, but it seemed like that didn’t matter much to Vanderwood, who only gave him a glare in response to the pet name he hated so much. "I need to get home to Cerise."
And he did. She was probably all sorts of panicked, and he felt absolutely empty without her. Driving hurt like Hell. Any time he moved the muscles black with bruise, it hurt like Hell, and every time he opened his mouth, his jaw clicked painfully. Still, the only thing he could think of was Cerise, holding her close and filling what felt like an empty void in his soul. He didn't care that he was driving, opening his phone to look at the picture they'd taken before he left. It wasn't enough, but at least he could look at her and remember the joy of that moment. His moitié, the other half of his soul.
Once he parked. the thought of having a cigarette wasn't even on his mind, nor was sex, he was tense and agitated, but all he wanted was her in his arms, to bury his face in her hair. He pushed the door open, grunting at the motion before calling out to her, his voice betraying the pain he was in. "Cerise?" Was she in his room? He limped along to find her.
Cerise had been napping when she was woken up by what she could have sworn had been her name being called. She sat up on the bed and listened...could she hear someone? The possibility of an intruder hadn't even crossed her mind; the first thing on her mind was the possibility of it being Vanderwood. Quickly she got up and practically ran for the door, opening it. Her suspicions were confirmed; he was finally home.
A mix of emotions swirled through her when she saw him. Love, adoration, worry, empathy, anger...He’d said he was okay, so why did he look so beaten up? Cerise couldn't stop the tears from forming in her eyes as she ran up to him and threw her arms around him as gently as she could, knowing that he had to be in all sorts of pain. "You jerk...you lied to me...said you were okay..."
Vanderwood could only describe the sight of her as angelic. He wrapped his arms around her, grunting softly at the pain as he pulled her close, nuzzling into her hair and breathing in her heavenly scent. It was like stitching his soul back together. "I'm more than okay now..." That was cheesy, but he was too tired to berate himself. He had lied to her a little...this was incredibly painful. "I missed you so much, shortcake." Pressing kisses to the top of her head, he made a move to get back to his room, keeping an arm around her, not willing to let go quite yet.
If it wouldn't have hurt so much, he would have flopped onto his bed, but instead he sat slowly, the pain in his leg reminding him that maybe he should just be laying down. Honestly, he should get some pain-relieving patches on his bruises just to get towards functioning again, but even the thought of getting up again was painful. "Mon amour...Would you do me a favor and get the first aid kit from the bathroom?" So far, she’d been silently watching him. His jaw was clicking again, and he winced, going to pull off his shirt, revealing the mass of bruising on his abdomen and right shoulder blade.
Cerise hadn't been able to do much to support him on his way back to his room. All she could think was that he was really beat up. It was a scary sight. He had asked for the first aid kit, but she didn't move upon his request, and as he pulled his shirt off to reveal even heavier injuries, she found herself getting even more angry and upset. Marion most definitely wasn't okay. Cerise frowned at him and sat on the edge of the bed with her back to him, her arms crossed. "...If you're so okay, you can get them yourself." Her voice held a bit of bitterness. What he needed was a doctor, not a first aid kit.
She was pissed at him. Rightfully so, he deserved it. Vanderwood was about to gather up the strength to get up and retrieve the first aid kit when she went off to get it for him after all. Cerise figured she might as well give him what he wanted, because he wasn’t about to go to a doctor, and she wasn’t about to let him hurt himself more with getting up, even if a small part of her thought he deserved it.
Vanderwood wasn’t really sure how to feel at the moment, even though she was angry at him, he couldn’t help feeling so refreshed simply being around her. Cerise had wordlessly gotten up to fetch the first aid kit and bring it over, and now she was rifling through it instead of handing it to him. “Do you want me to-“ Vanderwood didn’t get to finish his sentence before she gave him a glare. Apparently, Cerise was not in the mood to let him take care of it. She had some idea of what to do and grabbed some pain relievers from the kit, preparing a glass of water and bringing that to him. "Open."
He did as she requested, opening his mouth for the pills and water and drinking it down. God, it felt like forever since he'd had something to drink. Vanderwood probably hadn't eaten in over 24 hours either, and he certainly smelled terrible after four days of not showering and sleeping in a car and on a cold dungeon floor.
His skin started to crawl, but he had other pressing matters to attend to. He reached for the kit to grab those little patches, not wanting to bother her any more than he already had. Cerise just glared at him. Vanderwood started with popping one on his jaw, a couple on his abdomen and then contorting himself to attempt to place some properly on his shoulder blade. Which, really, he shouldn't be attempting to do by himself, because that was just hurting him more, but he wasn't about to ask her any more favors. He'd pissed her off enough already.
Cerise had been watching silently as he attempted to patch himself up and kinda fail. What did he think he was doing? Really? Marion was an idiot, pretending that he was ‘okay’ and trying to take care of himself. It was only making her madder. Sighing, she grabbed a patch from him and placed it properly on his shoulder blade herself, making him snort softly that she was still bothering to take care of him despite how angry she was. God, he loved this woman.
She disappeared into the other room, and while she was gone, he pulled his pants down just enough to pop a patch on the back of his upper thigh. She didn’t need to see everything. It was about fifteen minutes before she reappeared with what looked like soup in a cup. The cup of soup was a welcome meal, even if he would never eat that normally.
His heart was doing that melty thing that it always did when she took care of him, too, and Vanderwood thought it was oddly romantic…in his own special way. Cerise had just figured that the soup would be easier on him, since his jaw had looked pretty bad. "I'm not really good at cooking, but this should be tolerable. " Marion just nodded as Cerise sat on the bedside beside him and offered to help him down it by placing the rim of the cup by his mouth.
Fucking Hell, she was amazingly kind, kinder than he deserved, and her help was more than he’d ever gotten from anyone other than maybe an agency nurse, and she got paid for that shit anyway. Vanderwood let her help him drink the soup down, feeling his stomach protest somewhat at finally getting food again, but knowing that it would settle before long.
As he finished off the soup, he reached for her, taking her hand and pressing a soft kiss to her knuckles. She deserved an apology, and he meant to give it to her. "I'm sorry...I should have told you. I didn't have much time to explain, and I didn't want you to worry...but I shouldn't have lied to you."
She enjoyed the feeling of his lips on her skin, but as much as she enjoyed it, she was still irritated with him. "Shut up, don't talk." Cerise was happy that he was apologizing, she just didn't feel like hearing it at the moment. He was just going to have to put up with that. She got up, taking the emptied cup with her to put away and then came back to clean up all the packaging mess from the first aid kit.
He did as she asked, clamping his mouth shut and watching her move about the room cleaning up. Vanderwood was happy she was picking up for him because otherwise it would have just driven him crazy. It was difficult to understand for him, the fact that his apology didn’t mean anything, but then he’d never been good with interpersonal things. Honestly, he couldn’t even remember the last time he’d apologized for something. Cerise was pissed…he deserved that…and it wasn’t like someone had to accept an apology even if it was given. Perhaps she just wasn’t ready for it? Hell if he knew, but he laid back on the bed as best as he could, letting her do the cleaning, despite itching to do so himself.
Shit, he needed a shower too. Vanderwood tried not to think about it. Tomorrow…tomorrow after he took her back home like he’d promised, at least not failing her there, he could clean, and he could shower in the morning. For now, just focusing on the fact that he would get to clean up soon was keeping him from wanting to scrape his skin off.
Cerise left the actual kit out in case he needed it, watching him as he was laying there in thought before settling on the bed beside him and getting as close to him as she could without hurting him. Lying beside him, she reached out to stroke his hair comfortingly. She was mad, yeah...but that didn't mean that she didn't care or didn't love him, and she was sure that he knew that. Right now, no matter how much of a jerk he was, she wanted to be close…to appreciate that he was back at all.
As she played with his hair, Vanderwood closed his eyes, enjoying the feeling of it. Cerise was angry, but the care was there. It was only too obvious how much she cared. No one ever cared for him like that in his life, and it made him smile, despite all the pain he was in. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close, feeling like he needed it after being away for so long, thinking maybe she needed it, too. Now he simply laid in silence, lightly playing with her hair, happy to be back with the love of his life.
Cerise felt the silence was much needed. She didn't want to snap at him too much, just needing some time to cool down before she was ready for normal conversation with him. The jerk had lied to her and was in so much pain. It hurt, made her chest feel tight. She welcomed his arms and gently snuggled into him, hoping she wasn't hurting him too badly. After so many days away from him and despite being upset, she was happy to be in his arms and beside him again. There was no way she could fall asleep after that, so she just laid there awake, enjoying the feeling of having her hair played with as she returned the favor
Vanderwood's thoughts drifted around as he felt himself relaxing into her. He hadn't even needed sex to get to this point and was honestly pretty proud of himself, knowing that it was all thanks to Cerise that he could relax like a normal human being. The two times they'd had sex had only served to prove to him even more. While he was still impatient as ever, his relationship with sex had changed into something else entirely.
He remembered the last time they’d had sex, making a sharp intake of breath as it hit him full force that he’d nearly forgotten to put on a condom. It was the first time that had ever happened to him, and knowing the way it felt being with her, seemed to him that he could easily forget again. Vanderwood internally slapped himself, not wanting to keep his thoughts drifting in that direction.
His arms tightened around her. Now wasn't the time to think about it. They'd talk about it tomorrow when he went with her to her apartment. Vanderwood felt incredibly stupid on many levels, but again, it wasn't the time. Why was he even thinking about it right now? He was exhausted, she was still angry, and he was passing out even with that moment of panic. After pressing a soft kiss to her forehead and nuzzling into her wealth of hair, he took some time to just breathe in her scent, not even realizing that he was sinking into sleep.
Cerise had felt his hold on her tighten, heard his sharp intake of breath, but now he was relaxing again. She didn't know what he was thinking, but it didn't feel like it was really the time to ask. He needed to rest, be able to recover. and she wasn't going to keep him up any longer than he needed to be. He was out shortly after kissing her forehead, easy to notice with the way he went lax. The room was cold, but he was warm, and alive. Such a jerk…Marion had terrified her, but she’d clung to the fact that he was okay only to now find out that he really wasn’t. That was what made her so mad. She sighed again and snuggled into him more, hoping not to wake him, but he was so exhausted that he didn’t even stir in his sleep.
She wasn't sure when she had fallen asleep, opening her eyes slowly and pulling back from him. For the first time since meeting him, she’d woken up before he did. Marion was out cold and was probably going to stay that way for a while, despite how light of a sleeper he was. Even a secret agent couldn’t train himself out of sleep when he was exhausted. Cerise did her best not to wake him as she carefully moved away from him to hop off the bed, heading to the kitchen to fix a glass of water to set by the bed in case he woke up. After grabbing some fresh clothes, she closed herself in the bathroom to take a quick shower, not wanting to use too much of the warm water. He was probably going to want to use the shower when he woke up.
The sound of the shower turning on was what finally woke him. He opened his eyes slowly and rolled over, groaning softly at how sore he felt. There was a glass of water on the table. A smile spread across his face as he realized Cerise must have put it there. Vanderwood drank it quickly before forcing himself out of bed. Gross, he felt rather gross in general, but Cerise was in the shower for now, and the best he could do was change clothes.
Energy wasn't exactly something he had a lot of at the moment, but he needed to eat, so he made his way to the kitchen, making some toast and grabbing some juice. Vanderwood set some out for her as well, not sure if she had eaten yet but guessing that she hadn’t. When she was done with her shower they'd just switch places, and then he could get delightfully clean. After that, back to her place. The thought of taking her home wasn’t one he was a fan of either, but she did need to be in her own place.
His thoughts stilled for a moment as he remembered what had panicked him last night. Fuck...They'd need to talk about that. It wasn’t a major emergency, but the fact that it could have been was enough to tell him they needed to talk sooner rather than later. It was strange the way that after coming back from something so dangerous and stressful, a person slipped into their normal life as though nothing had happened. Before he’d just continued on with training, so agency life was what had felt ‘normal.’ Vanderwood snorted at his own musings as he bit into a piece of toast.
Cerise finished her shower quickly, getting dressed as quickly as she could, too. Her hair was still wet, but she could dry it later, wanting to check on him first. She wrung out any excess water and threw a towel over her head before heading into his room. Her eyes scanned the room, finding he wasn't in bed anymore. "Marion?" Cerise called out and headed out into the kitchen, finding him there. She noted that he looked a little better, rested at least. "Morning. Shower's all yours." It would be silly to lie, she was still a little upset, but she had had same time to cool down. Sleep had definitely helped.
Vanderwood heard his name and perked up a little as she entered the room. "Morning..." His eyes scanned hers, checking to see if she was still angry, and it looked like she was, at least a little. "Thanks...I’ll be right back.” It would have been a lie if he said he wasn’t absolutely excited at the thought of taking a shower and washing off the dirt and grime. He chugged down the rest of his juice before wiping his mouth and giving the top of her head a quick kiss. Vanderwood limped as quickly as he could into his shower.
Cerise gave him a non-committal 'Hnn' before she sat down and nibbled on what he’d set out for her. Even though he was injured, he was still thinking about her, making her breakfast. God, she was being a brat. Briefly she wondered where the red head was, but since Vanderwood wasn't broken up about anything, she assumed he was okay. As much as they seemed to not get along, she could tell they cared about each other. There was no way Vanderwood would have let anything happen to him.
Vanderwood felt like he’d been in a dream-like state as he showered. It felt so good to have the hot water over his sore muscles, that and washing off all the grime. He tried not to think too much about the conversations they needed to have as he dried off and got dressed, packing up a little bag for himself before heading into the kitchen. "Want me to help you pack up your things, mon amour?" He was taking her home today...It felt a little weird, not that he was going to let her stay there alone tonight. The last time he saw her in that apartment, she was being attacked.
She had been a little lost in thought when he came back into the room and inquired about helping her. "Huh, what...?" She stared confused for a moment while her brain caught up. Right. The plan had been to take her back to her place when he got back. It had slipped her mind as a possibility, since he’d been so injured, but clearly, he was still sticking to the plan. That…probably shouldn’t have surprised her, considering how OCD he was. "Oh! No, I have it. " For one thing, she wasn’t about to let him hurt himself helping her, but for another, Cerise had packed up most of her things already while waiting for his return, besides the things she knew she was going to immediately need.
He didn’t really have much of a chance to respond before she was moving the dishes to the sink and washing them. It was oddly homey, and he found himself wanting this every day, the time together at least. Vanderwood lightly touched the bruise on his jaw as she ran off to grab the rest of her things, feeling just a light twinge of pain. The formerly black bruises were now yellow and orange in color, so it wouldn't be long before they were gone completely. It wasn’t even that long before she appeared again and stood in front of the garage door. “Ready when you are, Marion."
It felt awkward to him, the way he was stiff completely unrelated to his pain as he helped her to the care. Vanderwood couldn’t quite place his finger on it, maybe all of the things that they needed to talk about were just…picking at him harder than he thought. As he was about to help her into the car, he felt like he needed to say at least something. "Hey...shortcake..." She paused and looked up into his eyes. Maybe she was ready to hear it now? He gently slid his fingers along her jawline, urging her to lock her eyes with his. "I really am sorry." It wasn't like him to apologize to anyone. Usually, he had nothing to be sorry for, but with Cerise, he was as vulnerable as he could ever be. "I love you, Cerise."
His eyes were so genuine as he apologized to her, and she couldn’t help the way her heart responded or the relief she felt now as the anger had washed off of her. It's not like she could stay mad at him forever. Cerise caught his hand and nuzzled into it before bringing it to her lips and kissing his knuckles like he often did for her. "I know...I was....I was just scared. I want you to be honest with me, even if the truth hurts." Cerise moved to embrace him gently before she got ready to get into the car. "I love you too, Marion."
His face lit up with blush at her simple little actions, those small moments feeling like they mattered more to him than anything else. "I'll try my best. I'm not really used to...sharing my world." He lightly stroked her hair before taking her hand to help her into the car as he liked to do. Maybe what he'd just said didn't make much sense, but hopefully she understood.
It's not that he really made a habit of lying, but it was far more often that he just lied by omission, because he had to, as much as he hated lies. Vanderwood drove in silence for a while, biting his tongue. There was still that other thing they needed to talk about. For the time being she was blissfully unaware, but it wouldn't be long before she'd notice how agitated he was, if she hadn't already.
Cerise was lost in her own thoughts as he drove. She hoped that eventually Vanderwood would open up to her more, maybe trust her. Yeah, she would worry, but at least she would have a clear idea of what was going on and what to expect. It was a complete shock to her when she’s first seen him when he came back, and she didn't want that to happen again.
The silence was starting to become almost deafening. Cerise felt like there was something between them, something unsaid, and she wanted to talk, but decided to busy herself with her phone for comfort. The air seemed so strange. Did he want to talk too? She peeked over at him more than once, waiting for him to speak up.
Maybe it wasn’t the right time at all, but the thought was starting to become impossible to ignore, so Vanderwood decided to just get it out there. "I uh...I have to tell you something.” He needed to tell her something? She tensed up a bit. What in the world was he talking about? “We kind of might have a problem...Well, I don't think we have a problem...but the other night I got really distracted, and...I was so caught up in you I just, I uh...For the first time ever, I did something majorly stupid. "
She was giving him her full attention, her eyebrows furrowing in confusion as Vanderwood was getting frustrated with himself. His words were having trouble working. Talking to Cerise about these types of matters was constantly flustering. It would be so much simpler if he could just come out and say it. "I almost forgot to wear a condom." Oh great. Well, at least now it was said. He coughed softly, going back to biting his tongue as he watched for her reaction from his periphery vision.
Oh. Cerise was at a loss for words before she could gather her composure. It's not like she remembered either..."I...uhh..." What was the correct response? She took in a deep breath. "I won't get pregnant will I...?" Cerise internally screamed at herself a little. Obviously, he’d only almost forgotten, but now her mind was going down another path. "I think...I'm too young." It was a little like having cold water dumped on her all at once. What would she even do if she got pregnant? She felt herself start to panic a little but tried to talk herself down from it. Nothing had happened, it could have happened, but it hadn’t.
"I…No, but…We should get you on some birth control in the future, just in case…I forget." Vanderwood couldn't stop biting his tongue, her comment that she was too young just making him think more about it. Cerise felt she was too young…but he wasn’t sure no matter how old she was if he could ever be a father. "I can't..." He sighed heavily. She wanted his honesty, and she deserved it. "I can't be a father. After Caleb...I mean...He died in my bathroom. I knew something was up, and I left him at my place alone. Had I been a better parental figure than I was a brother, maybe none of that would have happened."
Vanderwood felt like his heart was crushing in on itself as he pushed his bangs back with one hand, keeping the other on the steering wheel. "I'm sorry. Really, I never thought I'd have anyone in my life again, and I certainly never thought I'd have a girlfriend or a family. I don't know." That was a heavy conversation to just lay on her. It hadn’t been meant to be that kind of conversation, just a suggestion to solve any potential forgetfulness.
He didn't like it, the pain that he felt, and he liked even less that now she was stuck feeling it too. It wasn't like he would run away if it ever happened. Vanderwood could never leave Cerise, but the thought of being a parent terrified him. Then again...No...Not now, and maybe not ever. His jaw was starting to get sore with how much he was biting his tongue. "I might not ever be able to give you that..."
Marion was clearly hurting so badly, and the air in the car was only feeling heavier, but at least he was telling her. That was all she could ask for right now. "Marion..." She listened to him talk, concern apparent in her eyes. "You were so young...a child can't raise another child. You did the best you knew how." Cerise put a hand on his leg and squeezed gently. "I can't say I understand how you feel, and I'm not going to pretend that I do. You've been through so much, and I've been through so little..."
Her heart ached for him. What happened with his brother was beyond his control, and Cerise wished that he could realize that, as hard as it was. Marion would probably beat himself up over it for the rest of his life. "I honestly....I never thought about it...but..." She paused, trying to search for the right words, "I want you to know that...all I need from you is yourself. That's all I want. You don't have to give me anything. "
Vanderwood listened, not really able to bring himself to talk with the knot that seemed to have formed in his throat. What she was saying...It wasn't wrong, but he would always feel like he could have done more, that he could have done something. His foot had gone off the gas, letting the car slow on its own as the weight of her words sank into him. 'All I need from you is yourself. That's all I want.' He pulled over, and Cerise was about to ask him why, thinking that maybe she had said something wrong before he was leaning over to slide his hand along her cheek and kiss her deeply.
He needed this right now. It was like his heart couldn't decide whether to disintegrate or to swell with affection, so it was doing both and he didn't know what else to do except this. She made the pain bearable when any other time he would have been slamming his hand through something or finding some random woman to just bury the pain. Cerise made him see things from a totally different point of view, with a new outlook on life.
She relaxed into his kiss. It felt like it had been forever since they'd last kissed, and she’d missed it, missed him. Cerise returned his kiss with fervor, letting him know how much she cared and how much she had missed him. Maybe one day he would be able to see himself through her eyes and stop blaming himself, even though it was a lot to hope for. Whether he could or not, she would stay with him every step of the way.
Vanderwood felt choked up, something now burning at his eyes. Was he crying? He was honestly crying. Vanderwood kissed her just a little longer, having missed the feeling of her lips on his. This wasn’t like when he sought physical release to make the pain go away, the pain was still there…just it was somehow a lot lighter.
It was so different, letting himself actually bear the pain, but it also felt good underneath it all. Vanderwood touched his cheek as he pulled away from her, fingers coming away wet, snorting softly at himself. Really, this just wasn't like him. He hadn't cried for so long it seemed, and now, here he was, crying in front of his girlfriend. It wasn't that he felt emasculated; it was just funny to him that after all these years she was what it took to break through his barriers. Seemingly, his whole life had been leading him towards her, somehow.
He pressed another kiss to her forehead, thumb stroking her cheek gently. "I love you. You're all I need." Cerise was surprised to see that he was crying when he had pulled away. If he was crying then..."I..." She started to sniffle as tears welled up in her eyes. "...I love you too." It wasn't that she was sad, she was actually really happy. Cerise just happened to be a sympathy crier. At least...that's how it was at first.
Once she started to cry just because he was crying, she started to cry harder as all the emotions from the past few days came flooding to her. Her entire composure broke, and she wasn't able to hold it in. Cerise didn't care if Marion thought she was a baby or if she was being silly, she just wanted to be close to him. After flinging her seatbelt off she leaned over to throw her arms around his torso and bury her face into him, sobbing. Really...he was the one who had all these problems and emotions to deal with and here she was making a scene and being a baby.
Vanderwood pulled her close despite the pain as she’d launched herself at him, nuzzling into her in turn as he gently stroked her hair, muttering softly into her ear. "Je'taime...Everything's okay." He continued to mutter sweet words, not really sure of what else to do. This was another of those new situations where he berated himself for not watching more romance movies, so he'd have known what to do. Vanderwood wasn't entirely sure why she was crying. Hell, he wasn't sure why he was crying, but right now he just wanted to hold her close and never let go.
After today, he was going to ask her to marry him. He’d already wanted to, had already thought about it before he left for his mission, had wanted that domestic bliss of watching her do the dishes just today…Yeah…Tomorrow he'd get a ring, and then he'd find the right time. It seemed like he held her there like that for hours as their tears dried up, but he still didn't let her go for a while longer, needing her close to him. "Je'taime, Cerise...Let's get you home, so I can hold you even tighter." That sounded cheesy but right somehow.
She didn't know how long they were there, and she didn't care. Marion didn't judge her, he just held her and told her that he loved her. It did wonders for calming her, and she could feel her tears lessen until she wasn't crying anymore. "...Je'taime aussi..." Cerise murmured into him and pulled back to put her seat belt back on, settling back down into her own seat. "That sounds good..." She was looking forward to potential cuddles, like she couldn't get enough of just having his arms around her, sharing their warmth. It was a beautiful feeling that she didn't think she could get tired of ever. Cerise leaned against the window and closed her eyes. The trip wouldn't be long, but a little relaxation never hurt anyone, and she even opted to ignore her rapidly buzzing phone.
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