🩸🎧 🔒 📜
🩸: what wound shaped them the most, even if they won't admit it?
there's two actually, and those are his parents' murders and emi terasawa's murder. two different points in his life (1998 and 2015) that are always bleeding into each other. if anything defines the man he actively chooses and tries to be, though, it's emi, while the foundation of his guilt and grief was laid the day he lost his parents. self-indictment is a cruel mistress, and it plays into why he overthrows himself into protecting people and resists the belief that he deserves forgiveness or peace.
🎧: what kind of music gets them through the worst days?
indie pop/rock, nu-jazz, classical, enka, and bossa nova... yagami doesn't use music to decompress very often but these genres do help all the same, especially so if the tracks are instrumental or lyric-light. so happy you sent this one in because it gives me the chance to promote his playlist, and also talk about his record player<3 while it is an in-game mechanic, it still reinforces this hc question, but! if yagami's got the music appreciation special skill, by playing any of the records (vol 2 and vol 4 are his favourites #tbh... and amidst a dream) you also replenish his hp as long he's in the office. there's also café mijore's ambient interior that i feel he'd gravitate to, which is just kanako hara's my picture book album.
🔒: do they guard intimacy, or give it too freely?
short essay incoming because i am never not normal and constantly thinking about this aspect of his character, but: yagami sits in a deeply human contradiction when it comes to intimacy. and what i mean by that is he gives the impression that it's being given freely. he looks open, people tend to feel safe around him, he knows how to validate, how to listen, how to make someone feel seen and is a big part of why clients and others gravitate to him... BUT the reality is that a lot of that comes from his protector instincts rather than vulnerability. he's giving care, yes, but not necessarily giving a lot of himself. just rationed pieces, and you can't force more than that out of him— if you try to pry, he's roundabout and knows how to flip the script back onto the other person by focusing on them instead because he fears and struggles with emotional exposure and letting others see beyond what he presents, so he guards his deepest vulnerabilities very closely.
romance-wise, this unintentionally creates imbalance. it's why a lot of past relationships didn't last long... they start easy but become complicated once emotional depth is required, and nine times out of ten ends up with him blaming himself rather than the glaring compatibility issue, because they've assumed he's emotionally open. like he naturally invests in his supporting his partner, which is expressed more through loyalty, reliability, showing up whhen it matters, etc. but rarely allows himself to be supported back<3 as a result, when partners expect more directness or expressive reassurance, they may misinterpret his devotion as emotional distance, even when he's genuinely trying. but people most likely to form lasting bonds with him are usually those who recognize how much he gives and encourage him to accept the same care in return, you just have to be patient about it. and the payoff is so good when he does (finally) accept.
tl;dr: he makes closeness feel easy for other people, but it's a lot harder for him to live in it himself. even worse that he's (partially) aware of the pattern but too scared to break it. gotta love untreated trauma
📜: what promise do they regret making?
i had to think about this for a minute, but basically any form of "i won't let this happen again." whether it's smth yagami vows to himself and/or someone else, it's not because he doesn't mean it, but because he means it too much. words hold a lot of power, but actions even more so, and when he can't control the outcome and things still go wrong, he takes it as a personal failure instead of a human limitation.
symbol headcanon questions, ehe tysm for sending @vannaspar!<3
