˗ˏˋ let expanse contract, eon become instant...

life is a series of journeys,  my friend— and there’s no telling what awaits us on the long road.

[eternalswind]

BUT WHAT’S IMPORTANT IS TO BE TRUE TO YOURSELF AS YOU WALK IT. g’raha tia of square enix’s final fantasy xiv, as summoned by reyes. personal interpretation, headcanon-based, crossover galore. adventuring with: sarastuss, giriure.

ONLY THEN CAN WE HOPE TO BE CONTENT WHEN WE ARRIVE AT THE END OF ONE— AND STEP FORWARD INTO ANOTHER. ˎˊ˗

standard dnfi + etiquette, low and sporadic, multi-ship*. don’t take it to heart if there’s no follow back from me, as i try to keep my space small to avoid overwhelming myself. mature content and triggering themes are to be expected; g’raha’s involved in a graphic narrative and will engage in others like it. best way to start things is via prompts or plots. highly critical of square enix. ffxiv multimuse is available at @edgeofate as a sideblog. where to also find me.

*in regards to shipping with wols, please don’t automatically assume i’m up for it. g’raha has a lot of love to give and he can give it without things being put in a romantic lens. i don’t see this becoming that much of an issue, but i’ve dealt with too much shit while writing him for the past seven years so i want to set the boundary regardless now that he has his own space again. and since we’re on the topic of wols, i will default to deax’s sarastus, frey’s mana or my own, amhe mhufli, when and if the wol is mentioned in a thread.

additional note: i’ll only be tagging recent and upcoming patches for here and the multi (e.g. 7.x spoilers /, dawntrail spoilers / as a catch-all, 8.x spoilers / with evercold spoilers / as a catch-all as well).

[karezaru]

hello pookies. so here’s the plan: #1 @cruoeris. louis is finally UP and RUNNING (i’m still setting up his au page) YAYAYY... #2 bcs as we know i continue to have NO self-control whatsofuckingever, say hello to mister kaeya alberich¹ @abysel...... tldr inaya drove me over the edge<33 expect a possible sideblog multi there in the future too. and #3 if u remember my oc ambrosius², i’m Desperately seeking to revive them again @visceries.......

¹ if you’ve never plotted with kaeya on my multi: he is FARRR removed from genimp, and i won’t really be writing in his source material unless we plot or we r like this🤞...... i’ve taken a lot creative liberties with his character + khaenri’ah over the years and as such he’s got his own lil original setting! ofc he has a bajillion aus too (which is a page i’m also still setting up)<3 *turns into a rabid animal*

² if you’re unfamiliar with ambrosius: if you love gothic, cosmic, ecological, and eldritch horror and a dark fantasy protagonist inhabiting a near-grimdark world.. more specifically, an undead immortal freak who has many things wrong with them and is Going Through It at all times while trying to liberate their world wrought in darkness and from the brink of cessation after being incidentally responsible.... tune in<3 they r also gnc as fuck. bcs i’ve been knee-deep in fantasy and horror lately, it was only natural that i’d want to go back to their blog too. i feel so bad that i abandoned them 😔 i’ve had them since i was 6. 6!!!!!!!!!!!!! i’m also making the executive decision that i will be primarily focusing on and exploring their aus bcs unless the interest IS there to write in their main lore, i’d rather divulge more of that info in dm’s.. there is just. SO MUCH....... u feel me

[zmhati]

look to those that walked before / the land waker, a lost hero of cartenau. z'mhati zheli, a final fantasy xiv character &. local warrior too stubborn to quit. 21+ only, extremely crossover friendly and oriented. / to lead those who walk after.

[sarastuss]

HER MOUTH WARM, INVITING ; ALL FOR HIM TO DEVOUR! such a beautiful thing, to watch how the sun itself can bend, to surrender ... even with all the steady, undeniable presence of it. the beat of the golden heart is elevated when her body shifts against g'raha's own, her thighs straddling over his, as he sits upon the bed &. the warrior has found her purpose upon his lap. fabric has been abandoned when it started to feel like something insulting, when two bodies that have yearned for one another through space &. time can be pressed close like so, without anything in-between.

her hands map the muscles of upon his shoulders, his back, ... the shift of them matching the heat of the kisses that are induced with the fire alight within the champion herself. every inch of him has already been mapped, &. burned into her memory that taunts so beautifully even during waking hours. every touch she gives is worship ; every touch still speaks of the knowledge of how long they have both waited for one another, &. now, the sun seeks to devour, to love him into flame.

so greedy, can even the golden heart of the hero be, when given the right to reach for something selfish.

a soft sound escapes into their open mouthed kisses as she feels g'raha shift underneath her touch so, ... one hand upon the small of her back, the other underneath her thigh, bringing her closer, still. no distance, no distance, no distance, their hearts beat. ... tension exists somewhere in her muscles still, from the aftermath the towers of telophoroi's still woven in her ; like a weapon manifested unable to realize that for now, there is a moment to breathe.

he sees it, of course he does. there is not an ounce of her that he would not know ... so woven, are these two souls, even across every impossibility. not even the stars themselves can manage to stand upon their path.

suddenly, the grip of his tightens ; a pleasant sensation that makes another breath get caught in her throat ... but once he shifts their places, when her back meets the soft mattress underneath &. his body hovers hers, ... all without their lips never abandoning one another, ( because of course, he would have known the precise angles to pull such a move. ) the very breath is exhaled then, so sweetly, as for a moment her eyes open ... golden hues' glow brighter now, emotions running high! her lush lips swollen from the hunger of their kisses, ethereal expression ruined &. dazed. there is a question there in her gaze, but she already feels the way his mouth trails to her neck, lips &. tongue announcing their worship of her skin, while she feels the graze of teeth here &. there, just enough to make claim, to leave proof for them to know, he was there.

@eternalswind : let me take care of you.

INTENTIONS MADE KNOWN ; IT IS BOTH A PLEA &. A DEMAND. because he sees, he knows. her head tilts against the pillow, giving him more room to roam, to touch, &. she feels the claim being made. a pleased sound leaves her lips, soft as the dawn yet holding something of that enchanting darkness in it. her back arches slightly, yearning, yearning, yearning. ( impatient, are we, hero? ) the way his mouth travels lower, collarbone, chest ... all maddening in the sweetest way. her hands move to the back of his neck, the other to the red of his hair, fingers curling there once with one kiss, then by the other, a gentle caress of his ear that she has learned will reward her with a sweet sound of his own.

there always exists the instinct to be the one that moves, &. it is her body reaching for that instinct. her body speaks the words as they brew atop her tongue, about to speak of the fact she wants to take care of him all the same, to plead to let her taste his skin once more ... ❝ g'ra— ❞ but then, his mouth finds the place where she aches the most in this moment ; the wetness of her, warm, ready. her back arches from the mattress from the contact of his lips, leaving such a worshipful kiss there. her breath breaks on his name, mouth ajar from the sound of it. then, came his tongue, as he tasted once more how sweet even the most lethal, ethereal thing can be.

every argument she had died upon her tongue, right then.

her hand moved to his hair then, fingers curling in it in a tug of someone needing to hold on. ❝ g'raha ... ❞ his name, like a prayer itself as his practiced tongue swirled. her hips shifted, adjusting to the rhythm he gave, ❝ so good, ❞ it came out breathless, wrecked. ❝ you are so good for me. ❞

[dr5amatic]

AGAINST THE NIGHT ,

a sentence starter prompts list comprised of quotes from the novel a torch against the night by sabaa tahir. please be advised that this list may involve topics including, but not limited to, murder, death, and violence. change verbiage as needed.

how did they find us so fast?

if your sins were blood, you would drown in a river of your own making.

you ask what am i, but what are you?

stay out of the way. no matter how bad it looks, don't interfere, don't try to help.

when the fear takes over, use the only thing more powerful, more indestructible, to fight it: your spirit. your heart.

we have to keep going. we have to get out of the city.

if something happens to me, don't fear.

you took long enough. i’ve waited hours.

if you think i need an army to destroy you, you are mistaken.

don’t falter now, fool. you’ll regret it.

bad luck to lie to a comrade-in-arms.

do you enjoy it? the hurt you cause? the pain? i can see it. you carry it with you. why? does it bring you happiness?

i don’t mean to–i don’t want to hurt people.

you destroy all those who get close to you.

you are dead, you just don’t know it yet.

you’ve been blacked out for hours. i thought you might not wake up.

don’t you dare fade out on me again.

i can’t do this without you.

stay. don’t go back. i need you.

i’m going to hurt you. i hurt everyone. 

try to stay. you were gone for so long last time, and i need you to stay.

tell me another story. tell me another memory. something good.

if you care for [name], then do not let [name] care for you.

like the poison that rages within you, you have no antidote.

willpower alone cannot change one’s fate.

thirteen fractures is nothing.

i’m about as good with tears as i am with declarations of love.

every time i stare into your eyes, i see my nightmares.

now you seem older and harder and, perhaps most terrifyingly, wiser.

he insisted that killing you would lead to my doom.

to be honest, i’m tempted to slit your throat just to see what happens. perhaps i still will.

i’m yours to command, my lord.

i don’t have allies. i have people who owe me things and people who want things and people who use me and people whom i use.

you swore to be the sword that executes my will. now is the chance to prove your loyalty.

i need him dead and i want you to be the one who kills him. 

i want you to watch the light die in his eyes. i want him to know it’s the person he cares for most in the world who shoved a blade through his heart.

i want it to haunt you for all your days.

he’s sly enough to escape the bounty hunters quite easily, but you and i both know that he would never be able to escape you.

how do i kill the man i love?

forgive me, but how can you speak to me of obsession?

small victories have made you daring. do not let them make you stupid.

you have your orders. carry them out.

it will destroy you if you’re not careful.

would you care to hear my theory?

your injuries tell me you’ve seen battle.

the problem with greedy people is that they think everyone is as greedy as they are.

we’re surrounded.

i’ll catch you.

almost there. stay with me now.

i’m glad you’re alright and i know you’re risking so much to do this for me. thank you.

you kept me alive. you kept yourself alive. 

you’re as brave as your mother. don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

i can’t help the people i’ve hurt. i can’t change what i did to them. 

if i do this, then perhaps i’ll make up for some of the evil i’ve brought into this world.

how sure are you?

as long as you want to save him, then i will help you. i made a vow. i’m not going to break it.

i swore fealty. you made me swear fealty.

i trusted you. i believed you. i did what you wanted.

do not let despair take you. hold true to your heart.

this is what it means to have faith, to believe in something greater than yourself.

the blood, it won’t come off. it’s–it’s everywhere. 

most successful missions are just a series of badly averted disasters.

either we lost them, or they’re being very clever about keeping themselves hidden. i’m thinking the latter.

you want to talk now? after weeks of not even looking at me?

i look at you even when i shouldn’t.

i am the last person who will judge you for killing in your own defense. look at what i am. look at my life.

i left you alone because i thought you might find comfort in solitude. 

so much death. it’s everywhere. what’s the point then of living? will i ever escape it?

your emotions make you human. even the unpleasant ones have a purpose. don’t lock them away. if you ignore them, they just get louder and angrier.

why do you do that? you close yourself up. you shut me out because you don’t want me to get close. what about what i want? you won’t hurt me, [name].

i don’t trust you, not about this.

do not pull rank with me.

don’t take offense, but i don’t know you. so you’ll forgive me if i don’t trust you.

how long until they kill each other, d’you think? and who strikes first?

i won’t hurt you, but you can’t let fear take you.

i’m hurt, [name]. you’re not nearly as friendly as the first time we met.

if you do betray me, i will not go down without a fight.

even your ally is helping us. more reason for you to do the same.

you didn’t get to where you are by breaking promises. grant my favor. fighting it is a waste of time.

it has changed you, [name]. it does matter.

always so afraid of the darkness within. don’t you see? so long as you fight the darkness, you stand in the light.

i’ve been looking all over for you. stay with me! we have to get out of here.

i’ll distract them and meet you there.

you were my best friend. i can’t just throw that away.

don’t. don’t call me that. everybody calls me that. but not you..

i wouldn’t expect you to understand.

i have to leave, but i don’t want to hurt you. i’m so sick of hurting people.

i miss you. i’ll always miss you. even when I’m a ghost.

keep your head down and stay.

family is worth dying for, killing for. fighting for them is all that keeps us going when everything else is gone.

i know what it is to do things that you don’t want to for a greater good.

you are my temple. you are my priest. you are my prayer. you are my release.

we both know I’m not long for this world.

exhaustion makes for failed missions.

i’m the reason he’s dead.

sleep where you wish. i will not disturb you.

atop all else, are you an oathbreaker too?

keep your vow to me, and i will bring order to this empire. betray me, and watch it burn.

i hope i see you again.

forget that you did not say goodbye–you did not even give me a chance to object to your decision.

secrets are a snake’s way of doing business.

the vow I made to you, it was all for nothing.

most people are nothing but glimmers in the great darkness of time. but you, [name], are no swift-burning spark. you are a torch against the night–if you dare to let yourself burn.

you see assurances. i can offer you none.

breaking your fealty will have its cost, as will keeping it. only you can weigh those costs.

you think knowing will make it easier, but knowing makes it worse.

knowing is a curse.

stay alive. protect them. help any others you can. that’s the only payment i expect i’ll get.

what honor is there in a useless death?

how’s this for a trade: you tell me what i want, and i don’t gut you.

in the cold, you don’t realize how much you’re pushing yourself. you’ll collapse if you’re not careful.

we won’t get anywhere if we’re dead.

you’ll exhaust yourself into illness.

pain is how you know you loved her.

i wish didn’t remember. i wish i didn’t love her.

what point is there in being human if you don’t let yourself feel anything?

you’re not afraid. why aren’t you afraid?

true suffering lies in the expectation of pain as much as in the pain itself.

are we fools for finding comfort in the midst of such madness?

what is there to live for if not the moments of joy? what is there to fight for?

give me your guilt, i’ll hold it for you.

why didn’t you listen to me? look at you.

you always think everyone is your responsibility, but we’re not.

you are loved, you are not alone, and you deserve to know that.

you said i didn’t have to do it alone.

you brood and make questionable choices that put your own life at risk, but you’re a good person.

failure doesn’t define you. it’s what you do after you fail that determines whether you are a leader or a waste of perfectly good air.

what did we fight for if it was just going to end like this?

it is as if your very fate is to leave a trail of destruction.

you have repented long enough.

[eternalswind]

pulls him into a kiss (😇)

g'raha is deep in concentration within the main hall when @sarastuss enters. he doesn't see her coming. not until she is already there. before he can react, she closes the distance and pulls him in. the book and quill slip from his hands and clatter to the floor. surprise flashes openly across his face. and then—- in the very next instant, far too quickly for a man absorbed in serious research—- whatever protest might have formed dies unspoken in his throat. he gives in, melting into the kiss as he returns it with ease. his eyes flutter shut, tension bleeding out of his shoulders all at once.

for someone so perpetually busy, so constantly moving from one task to the next, affection still has an alarming ability to halt him completely.

"…you know," he says, breathlessly flushed when they break free, "i was in the middle of proving a rather compelling theory." he's already leaning back in again, unable to help himself. "unfortunately, i can no longer remember any part of it."

[eternalswind]

i'm certain there are answers out there. we'll find them together.

"...yes." it begins behind g'raha's eyes—- thoughtful, then very quickly interested, as if a door has just been opened in part of his mind that absolutely should not have access to the idea unsupervised. "this is correct." acknowledgment follows shortly after. "this is the correct course of action." his tail flicks in clear approval. his ears perk up, fully engaged. he glances at @dawnmantle (as lunafreya), "to elaborate: independent inquiry is useful. collaborative inquiry is superior. but intertwined inquiry—- where hypotheses are continuously tested against another active, equally invested mind—- produces a recursive refinement loop that standard sharlayan methodology struggles to replicate in controlled conditions."

he blinks, realizing. "...i may have just described what happens when archons are not properly supervised." he appears far too pleased by this conclusion. "yes. that would explain several things. but with you, the process becomes even less stable... in the most productive way. you pursue lines of thought i would normally dismiss outright, and then somehow force me to reconsider them before i can finish arguing against them." g'raha leans against the table, knuckles to cheek. "so yes. we will find answers together." he looks at lunafreya. "and at some point, i suspect we will stop being entirely certain whose idea was whose." a chuckle. "that is usually the sign it is working."

[eternalswind]

because i think it's very important to show where i got what i said in the tags of that gifset originally

[eternalswind]

I think you’ve just changed that burger scenr for me fundamentally too you just threw an acme dynamite stick into my line of sight KSKDKSFKSKDDKDJF

hello my darling frey. i see that i've enlightened you

[eternalswind]

i saw the tags on that gifset of g'raha and the burgers

and when he shows sarastus what a real flood looks like with his t—

[neaththeheavens]

g'rahaburgie1.gif g'rahaburgie2.gif

[eternalswind]

i think this is the most i've written in such a short span of time. holy shit

[eternalswind]

it's the whole damn reason we're here, and i'm not leaving without it.

oh, they cannot be serious. "absolutely not." he turns over, burying himself further in his blankets with a sleepy grimace. @giriure's hands are back on him. shaking him. relentlessly so. he groans, muffled by the pillow. "you are a menace." another shake. "an actual menace. historians will study you one day as a cautionary tale regarding unchecked impulse control." he cracks open an eye anyway, and with it comes immediate regret. mana is already dressed for travel, bag packed, visibly excited in the most concerning way possible. this sort of determination has never once in history meant anything good for him personally.

the worst part about this is she came to him because she knew that despite everything, and for all his grumbling, he would want to go. he scowls. this is unfair. "for the record, this is an atrocious idea. genuinely catastrophic." he sits up, doing his best to hide his own excitement. "if we are caught, i expect the lecture from the others to be both lengthy and richly deserved. now move over." he stretches an arm past them to procure his boots, then sighs. "if you're going to hurl yourself directly into ancient allagan nonsense before sunrise, then unfortunately someone intelligent has to accompany you."

[echosdeath]

it is difficult to forget. decades upon decades of fighting, enduring, winning and losing (but she never quite wins, she thinks, not when people have died. not when more could die, possibly because of her). it is always a horror rewritten: the story of what seems to be her fate, the blinding hope in her blood, that foreign definition of life and longevity they deemed it to be, that festering dark that adorned her future. it's a strange way to think for someone who never believed fate should have a say in one's life. but it's difficult to forget. sometimes there is the feeling of safety, but the danger still remains. a shadow in her mind and a darkening in the crevices of the heart. even in her dreams, she does not escape. would she in any of theirs? perhaps in @eternalswind's?

she looks to the horizon in front of the two of them, deep in her own mind. this is what the world has given her, continuously: mundanity worth dying for.  and yet, shams' story is one narrated by loss. she watches people slip through her fingers, her thoughts plagued by the sight of faces she fears are slowly started to escape her memory. her path is not as kind to the soul as one may think and she finds that the soul that has led her this far may begin to fade with time as well if they cannot quell this incoming storm. she wonders what will become of her if her reckoning wins.  ❛ so you will not come to see me off at death’s door? a terrible way to treat an old friend. ❜ she asks quietly and watches as his expression sinks into something melancholic. she hates that she’s brought down the atmosphere.  she reaches up and take a deep breath, lingering at the gold plated ring at the end of her braid, thumb brushing over the cold metal. on the inside is an engraving, hidden to the world, only for her to see and feel when it rests against her warm skin. 

you're not going. i will not lose you.

her own smile does little to steady her, but it is a genuine one nonetheless.  ❛ you know i cannot be selfish with this. it is not merely my fate we speak of. ❜ she lets out another breath. ❛ i am sure that once the time comes, you'll be able to make sure that everyone is safe. but for that to happen ... you know i will need to go. ❜ her fingers curl and uncurl against her palm, as if the image still lingers in her knuckles— the moment when she will begin to fade from herself, succumbing to the raw, violent nature of the primal. she felt that terrifying realm press against her bones like a second layer of muscles, merging with her very soul. but if she does not act in the correct manner, she knows she will step into another nightmare, see her deepest fear manifest. her care for those that would become affected by it outweighs all, really. ❛ we can continue looking at more knowledge into the matter. i do not mind. i do have hope that we could possibly find an ounce of something, but then what? ❜ she pauses. ❛ what is it you think will happen? ❜

[eternalswind]

"...what i think will happen?" returning to this body has left the world feeling painfully... vivid. g'raha is still learning how to exist within it again, while time slips strangely around him. dizzying in its pace, each passing hour dissolving into the next before he can properly get a grasp. every sensation arrives with startling intensity. he hides the worst of the overwhelm behind easy smiles, though they sit thinner these days and leave him bone-weary besides. even so, his feet carried him toward shams without hesitation. to researching her condition. to finding a way to save her. his head rests against the tree behind them. "nothing you are describing is inevitable. not in the way you are making it sound." he exhales. "fate is not a blade already at your throat—- it is a road, and you are still walking it. and i refuse to accept that the end of that road is disappearing from it."

from where they sit at fogfens, the tower is visible in the distance, rising to the sky in brilliant grandeur... and no less haunting for it. "you speak of predetermined endings to someone who once built his entire life around one. i know too well what it is to live beneath the certainty of an ending." he directs her attention to the gleaming spear of crystal. "as i'm sure sarastus has told you, i have stood in the crystal tower and watched an entire future take shape around a single decision. i have seen what it means to believe the end is fixed." he looks down at his hands in his lap. "i have been that belief." the coalescing of souls makes him see—- feel—- the crystal consuming him limb by agonizing limb, until he can scarcely tell where flesh ends and stasis begins, until the memory of suffocation returns—- silent, absolute, final, at the tower's summit. his body reacts before reason can intervene, a wince escaping him for pain long since passed. "the exarch did not come from hope. he came from certainty. from a world that had already been declared lost, and a future that demanded sacrifice to correct it." a swallow. "and i let him exist. i became him. i justified every step by telling myself there was no other way. i told myself that erasing myself from the world was acceptable if it meant the world would remain. and i did it without hesitation once i believed it was required."

"so when you tell me your disappearance is part of some necessary outcome..." he looks to shams, brows furrowed. "it becomes a man standing alone at the end of a tower, rewriting the future with his own absence. it becomes everyone else learning to accept and live with it because it was already decided for them." he reaches for her hand, and gently squeezes it. "i will not repeat that. i will not stand here and let you turn yourself into the same kind of conclusion i once tried to be. i cannot accept it. not from you. not after everything that was paid to give us the right to even argue with fate in the first place." he looks down once more. tears well up in his eyes before he can help it. his grip is firmer around her fingers. "you are not a necessary loss in some grand equation. you are not an acceptable cost. and i refuse to stand in another world—- or this one—- and watch someone i care for decide they are already gone before they have even had the chance to remain."

with his other hand, he wipes at his face. "i already lived through the version of me who believed that was love. that was duty. that was hope." another tear falls despite himself. "it cost too much to ever accept it again."

[zmhati]

"you have all the merciless clarity of an executioner, do you know that? must every conversation with you become an inquest into my poor decisions?" 🧍

it's fortunate that z'mhati is unarmed at the moment, or otherwise he would have accused g'raha of putting too fine a point on it. still, what the warrior lacks in armament, he's fully supplied in temper; it's apparent in the way he narrows his eyes and his fingers twitch. he won't do anything, however. of course he won't. contention may have defined the many moons they have been under the roof of cooperation for the sake of an entire reflection, but mhati will never turn on an ally, less so strike them. barking at them, however, is different. because in spite of the speed at which g'raha tia has had to steel himself to be the leader the crystarium needed him to be, there is no fast - track to wisdom or good judgment.

indignation flashes through mhati's features like ramuh's lightning. " you just ain't used to people needlin' you about said poor decisions, g'raha 'n i guess that's about to be my responsibility. " credit to the exarch where it's due: he's as much of a wall as mhati is. stalwart, unmoving, much like the tower at the heart of his domain. " one day you oughtta sit and apologize properly, an' i'm not talkin' about a simple 'i'm sorry for what i did'. or 'sorry for lyin' about lightwardens and my entire plan'. only do it after realizing that tales are just tales, and that the heroes you idealize so much are just people like you 'n me that had their whole person stripped away by the world. "

it happened to me. g'raha probably already knows about that because of the rest of the scions, so mhati smothers the thought.

" maybe after that, i'll go easy on ya. but not yet. "

semi - prompted asks, ft. @eternalswind + g'raha.

[eternalswind]

again and again, they clash; within the umbilicus, the exarch's—- nay, g'raha tia's—- expression tightens by imperceptible degrees as the other man speaks. "needling me appears to bring you profound spiritual fulfillment, so who am i to deny you?" it's dryly delivered, with fatigue bleeding beneath the wit. "though i confess, i had hoped saving the first might purchase me at least a brief reprieve from public castigation." or, more specifically, from standing trial before z'mhati's personal tribunal. "alas. evidently, i remain unforgivably available for criticism." he leans back in his chair, unflinching in the face of z'mhati's hard, burning stare.

"i wonder..." his gaze narrows thoughtfully. "if you realize how alike we sound when we are furious." a small, humorless smile. "a dreadful revelation for us both, i should think. because for all this righteous outrage of yours, you are arguing from the exact same place i was." he tilts his head then. "you are furious that i decided my own suffering was negotiable—- that i chose martyrdom before anyone could object. and unless i am very mistaken, that discomfort comes from familiarity." he doesn't pause for clarification, now denying z'mhati any chance of interjection. "then you speak as though i romanticized the warrior of light because i thought her invincible. no, not at all." he shakes his head. "i romanticized her because i needed her to survive. there is a difference."

"the problem is that i knew exactly what she is: a person driven beyond every reasonable limit. a person the world strips apart over and over again and still demands more from. gods, i knew she was tired. i knew she was frightened. i knew she was mortal. i knew it every single time she smiled anyway and kept walking." he closes his eyes. his voice begins to tremble. "and i still asked more of her." watched her struggle on as he did. "so no—- this was never hero worship. it was necessity. desperation. you call it cruel. and perhaps it was. but after a century of watching this star die while i stood powerless to stop it—-" after waking up to a destroyed world—- to her already gone, to everyone and everything they had ever held dear lost to time he could not change—- he rises abruptly, books tumbling from their stacks in the wake of his own outburst—- "forgive me if my coping mechanisms lacked moral elegance." a haggard beat. "and do not mistake this for arrogance."

"but what i find most remarkable about this conversation, z'mhati, is not that you think i denied the warrior of light personhood. rather, it is that you have already decided what sort of man i must be for this to make sense to you. as though these choices were born from naïveté instead of grief." mismatched hands clench into fists at his sides. "as though i have not already spent so long condemning myself more thoroughly than you ever could." he glares at z'mhati. "so forgive me again if i seem unreceptive to what you have to say over my poor judgment."

[eternalswind]

this place is pretty spectacular, isn't it?

"it is... extraordinary. i don't think 'vast' quite captures it, do you?" to the immediate northwest of doma, beyond yanxia and the ruby sea, g'raha and @vannaspar walk across an expansive plain home to nomadic peoples. lord hien had, in his own way, raised no objection to his detour—- perhaps even encouraged it, having recognized how keen he was to see more of the far east before returning to sharlayan. "there's a sense of life here that stretches farther than the eye can follow... i can't help but wonder who else calls this place home."

his ears perk up at the thought. "ah! yes, the namazu. they're said to dwell somewhere in this region, aren't they? i've heard... a range of descriptions. some of them conflicting, which makes me all the more curious." their exact location escapes him for the moment, with little more than scattered recollections of the warrior of light's tales to guide him. "i'd only ever read of them in records before the flood... though i've since been told they yet endure here. that she had a hand in restoring their culture and pride, in fact." as the exarch, there had been no possibility of seeing them as they are now—- imagining what they might have been, and nothing more.

he glances toward vann. "i find i'd like to see them for myself... if you don't mind, of course."

[bludlily]

" you're staring. " the white mage needs not to look up to feel the other's gaze boring into her, her attention wholly focused on their hand, a soft glow emitting from between the two of them — white magic. the hand has since stopped bleeding, thanks to cora's magic, a patch of scarred skin tissue in place of where the wound previously was. it was a simple enough fix, really. " have i something on my face? " even as she speaks, she does not look up from her patient's hand. still, there is a smile on her lips, playful and teasing in its nature that could only spell trouble for the other.

[eternalswind]

"ah, have i been caught?" a sheepish laugh. "would you believe me if i said i was deep in scholarly contemplation?" the excuse is offered with all the dignity of a man fully aware he's fooling no one. "i've read no shortage of treatises on white magic, and yet..." his eyes linger where their hands meet—- hers atop his, the hum of magic between them—- before he seems to remember himself and, almost reluctantly, lifts his gaze back to her face. to that grin. far too knowing for his own peace of mind. "...somehow none mentioned the healer teasing her patients afterward."