#vanny babble

[lxvenderjewel]

Let me talk about how it's so interesting that John seems to have great people skills yet talks a lot about failed romantic relationships. And his fixation on romantic relationships themselves.

Now bear with me here. And this does mildly pertain to an episode that's not fully out yet, so there's vague allusions to that, so just beware I suppose.

I think it's very interesting that he has good people skills, but to strangers. He can talk a stranger down from violence. He can somewhat charm strangers. He's a very good stranger person, not necessarily a very good people person.

We see a pattern in a lot of his close relationships that we're told about (excluding his mum of course) where he seems to try really hard with people he's close to. In the latest mailbag he talks about having a partner who broke up with him on his birthday during quarantine, which then led him to re-enlist in the army (if I remember correctly, he enlisted at first to prove to her that he was a serious person, which also just break my heart because he deserves to be his silly self).

We've (me and a few friends) speculated that the reason for his quarantine relationship failing might've been because he suffocated his partner with affection while still somehow missing something there, maybe it was that the relationship felt forced because he was trying so hard.

I do think it's very tragic how he can connect with strangers so quickly, but he seems to not know what to do once those strangers become, well, more than strangers to him. He's very good at quick connections. He doesn't know what to do with a long term connection, or a connection that gets picked back up (we see this with Hayter in REIG, he feels immensely jealous of this person whose life he saved).

Which puts a lot of pressure on him (from himself) to do Sherlock and Mari right. Because they've stuck together for seven months now? This is another long relationship ride, and I feel like especially with the PTSD, and the general war veteran pain, he would feel the need to prove to them (and by extension himself) that he can get this relationship right, that he can keep these people close to him.

Which then loops back around to his abysmal self esteem which if I start talking about I will never stop so I'm shutting up here. And if you have things to add please do because it makes me very happy when people affirm my rants.

[lxvenderjewel]

i know it probably won’t happen but if jonklock becomes canon I will genuinely scream so fucking loud

[lxvenderjewel]

link to my last meta here, it has some context for this

So first of all. What if I ate glass

Anyways.

Do you think this means he didn't have very many close friends growing up? Just a bunch of acquaintances? And so he invited a bunch of people, but they all had prior commitments, and they didn't care enough about him to leave them to go to his party?

Do you think that's why he fucked up a lot of his close relationships as he got older? Because he never got close enough to anyone when he was younger, and he never learned how to be especially close with people?

Do you think he saw those people who had best friends, who would get matching necklaces, bracelets, whatever, and he would be so jealous? Because what was he not doing that these other people were, that got them such close friends?

Do you think as he went into the army he brought with him this sense of loneliness? Do you think he hooked up with a lot of people to try and get rid of that? And his army mates would praise him for it, even though it just made him feel emptier every time?

And then he got that aforementioned quarantine girlfriend, and he tried so hard with her, smothered her with affection. Yet for some reason he was still empty. He couldn't fully put himself into their relationship.

And eventually, on his birthday, she broke up with him.

Do you think he thought that, moving into 221B, would be another short phase in his life? That Sherlock would eventually move out, and he would go through life with this crushing sense of loneliness and disconnectino from the world?

Do you think he knew that he'd find his whole life in that little flat?

[lxvenderjewel]

he doesn’t even shower properly the first few weeks he just sits there with the water on and his phones next to the shower door so he hears faint violin music coming in. and for a minute he can believe it’s Sherlock outside the door. and then the track ends, and the water is saltier on his tongue than before

[lxvenderjewel]

give me a rant about something you’re really passionate abt rn or just need to get off your mind

Sherlock in the latest episode ohhhh god. I just— oh god.

so you know how he basically is trying to have laddish banter with John or whatever? Had me in tears for two reasons.

first of all it’s just really funny to imagine Sherlock busting through the door with a “HELLO DICKHEAD”

but also. It’s got me in tears because. Sherlock’s trying to express his love for John in a way that John will understand.

since the beginning John hasn’t asked Sherlock to change anything about himself. He sees Sherlock bleeding out on a treadmill, and when he finds out why, instead of yelling at him, he just offers to patch him up.

he never gets mad at Sherlock for not being normal (well, he has, but he’s made up for it, and it doesn’t happen often). He’s accommodating towards Sherlock.

the minute John says “oh well you could change this” Sherlock POUNCES on it, even after John says “oh it’s okay you don’t need to,” he continues because he thinks John will appreciate it if he tries.

John learned Sherlock’s language, and so Sherlock’s trying to learn John’s.

[lxvenderjewel]

okay listen I don't talk about Sherlock much on account of I relate a lot more to John but it's something about the way that Sherlock opens up about his childhood during the last mailbag in a way he never usually does just for John to brush him off makes me think that this is Sherlock trying to apologize for what happened during DANC by being vulnerable and John just cannot handle it so he moves on and then Sherlock gets upset because he's trying he really is he's never had someone who actually understands him and he's been waiting for John to become disgusted with him and leave and maybe this is it.

Just-- loads of thoughts about John, Sherlock, and violence man

[lxvenderjewel]

i love mariana/john wlw/mlm solidarity (neither of them are out)

[lxvenderjewel]

who is ready for sherlock and co his last bow/the final problem? raise your hands if you are (my hands retract into my arms)