Mr. Fantastic -- Invisible Woman -- and the Captain versus the... ORPHAN-MAKER?!
Whew, a lot to react to here.
First, hello, 1989! We’re almost 90s here!
Two, ugh, Orphan-Maker and presumably Nanny. Do we have to?
Thirdly, and on the topic of do we have to... Wow, it is going to be a sour feeling when the Avengers 300 issue milestone is a tie-in to an X-Men event. Because it doesn’t end here, in 299.
I know that’s just how things lined up, time-wise. Even Daredevil got choked by a vacuum and had to fight a dentist/cop/truck man. But it is sour. Especially on the heels of all the Dr Druid stuff. The Avengers have one of their best runs and then it all goes to shit and the team is disbanded. And then their big new roster moment takes place during Inferno, fighting X-foes.
Not an auspicious start.
But we haven’t started that start yet.
Right now we have no Avengers, Inferno, a Fantastic Four crossover?, and a the Captain.
How did we get here? That’s a long story. Here’s the short version.
Nebula Ravonna Kang wanted a super-weapon hidden in a bubble in time and she needed the Avengers to help her because of a predestination thing. So she took over the team by corrupting Dr Druid with sex and power fantasies. Dr Druid manipulated Captain Marvel into a depowering and then took over the team. Then he and Nebula Kang Ravonna mind-controlled the three remaining Avengers and took them on a field trip to the time bubble. Where the mind control was broken by three random Kangs, the Avengers fought against Kang Nebula Ravonna and Dr Druid, and then those two fell into a time hole. Plot unsatisfactorily resolved, Thor disbanded the Avengers.
And now we’re now.
This has to be an ironic title, right?
I know the Daredevil tie-in ended with a ‘hell yeah, New York, WHOO!’ moment but that’s Daredevil. I’m almost positive he’s a masochist.
Anyway, between Avengers 298 and now, the Inferno thing has kicked in full swing. Firebrand from Gargoyle’s Quest is attacked tourists. And a motorcycle that turned into a motorcycle robot man attacks the Captain.
Who punches it in the face and turns it back into a motorcycle and rides off on it.
The Captain is pretty unflappable.
I guess the motorcycle had a radio because the Captain hears a report about a major battle at 45th St.
He motorcycles that way and finds there are a bunch of Inferno demons causing trouble but that an unknown group of heroes are giving them a tough time.
Unknown to the Captain. But maybe not to the reader.
(It’s the New Mutants.)
They look like dorks in their shhh we’re sneaking out to endanger our lives, don’t tell Magneto outfits.
Anyway, they’re fighting demons. They’re doing a good job of fighting demons.
If you remember from Evolutionary War, Danielle Moonstar got her powers boosted so she can physically manifest things instead of just illusions now. So she wants to manifest a demon’s greatest fear and the Captain coincidentally shows up and swings a demon into a light pole.
Obviously, everyone first assumes that this weird dude on a motorcycle is the demon’s greatest fear.
In fairness, he looks like dollar store knockoff Captain America.
They don’t recognize him is what I’m saying.
The Captain doesn’t recognize them either. There’s just so many heroes around now and so many X-books.
Cannonball comments that the Captain looks like Captain America, which Steve unhelpfully answers that he and Captain America are old friends.
Are you hiding that you were Captain America, Steve? What’s your game here?
(And Cannonball basically figures out from that coy answer that the Captain is Captain America anyway so. Good job?)
The Captain asks the New Mutants hey what the fuck is going on?
And Cannonball gives Cap the quick and dirty synopsis. There’s a bunch of demons from Limbo causing trouble. S’ym (who is a very, very loose reference to Cerebus the Aardvark) is leading some of them in an invasion of New York. And there’s another demon called N’astirh, possibly because David Sim sternly asked Marvel to stop loosely referencing his stuff, which is rich when you remember all the references in Cerebus. Anyway, N’astirh is doing some nastier stuff involving sacrificing babies. He’s the dude that’s been messing with Madelyne Pryor but I don’t have time to go into Inferno stuff. Please don’t make me.
POINT BEING: that’s the situation.
Unlike Magneto, the Captain doesn’t have a problem with the New Mutants risking their lives. I mean, look how much he risked Bucky! So he tells them good luck fighting demons.
And decides to go recruit some more friends into the fight.
Speaking of things I don’t want to get into but in this case I will.
The Eternals.
After Jack Kirby’s Eternals run wrapped up, some loose ends were tied off in Thor. Usual Eternal leader Zuras is dead, currently, and his daughter Thena is leadering.
And she’s got brave new ideas.
Like letting the Forgotten One out of his jail.
The Forgotten One is an Eternal that’s been in Eternal jail for so long that everyone has forgotten his name. And/or he had his name stricken from the collective minds of Eternals, depending on when you ask. But his deal is that he’s All the Coolest Heroes, Actually. Just a cool Eternal mistaken for Gilgamesh and Hercules and so on.
What? You’re saying that there actually is a Hercules who also claims the same adventures?
Yeah, they were operating in the same area in the same time doing a lot of the same stuff.
Look, Jack Kirby loves Ancient Astronauts and Eternals wasn’t really supposed to be in the Marvel Universe.
Anyway, this guy is gonna be called Gilgamesh so I’ll call him Gilgamesh.
He’s just a big, buff dude with the Prince Valiant haircut.
Since he’s a monster fighting man, Thena sends him to help out with New York’s invasion of demons.
Since time is of the essence, Gilgamesh stops to forge an entire new set of armor and a new sword.
Priorities!
Meanwhile, in Connecticut. The Connecticut Richardses.
Franklin is scared because he had a premonition that a “bogey man” is coming so Sue lets Franklin squeeze into bed with her and Reed.
NOT A PANEL LATER, Nanny and the Orphan-Maker show up in their spaceship.
Orphan-Maker deactivates all the alarm systems and breaks into the house.
He uses some “pixie sand” to make sure Franklin stays asleep. And then he does the thing his name is.
He’s the Orphan-Maker. He makes orphans.
He pulls a gun to blow Reed’s brains out but Franklin astral projected (to Orphan-Maker’s confusion) and called for Sue.
Sue doesn’t wake up but apparently she reflexively threw up an invisible shield over the bed.
Phew. Imagine if two of the original Fantastic Four died in an Avengers book to an X-Men villain! Fans would riot!
The Orphan-Maker decides to just skedaddle with Franklin and does.
NOT A PANEL LATER, the Captain shows up.
Nobody answers when he knocks on the door in the middle of the night.
HOW SUSPICIOUS.
So he investigates.
(In fairness, he sees the damage Orphan-Maker left breaking into the place.)
So Captain America breaks in through the same window Orphan-Maker left open and finds Reed and Sue sleeping under an invisible force field.
Which he can see, somehow.
Get your eyes checked, Cap. That’s not how invisibility works.
When he touches the shield, it FDSSSPT!s away and Reed and Sue wake up.
Sue says she had a weird dream about using her force field powers (AND THEN WHEN SHE WOKE UP THE PILLOW WAS GONE?) but quickly realizes that Franklin is missing and has parent panic.
Reed leaps into action.
First, he SOMEHOW recognizes that a dude called the Captain wearing a patriotic-ish uniform and carrying a shield is, in fact, Captain America.
He asks Cap what’s going on with him but Cap says that his thing can wait until after the demon invasion/child kidnapping thing.
Second, Reed activates the super-advanced security system.
Sure, the alarm lines were super obvious and easy to cut but the security cameras were running the whole time and captured everything.
Reed doesn’t recognize the armored dude that stole Franklin or the ship he got into but either way, he’s able to track the energy signature of the ship... TO NEW YORK.
Which is where the demon invasion is. Convenient!
Mr and Mrs Fantastic and their good pal the Captain get in a Fantasti-Car and zoom off.
Meanwhile, in the Eternal city of Olympia, Gilgamesh finishes his new armor.
Go back to the drawing board, ya dingus.
Most of it is fine, I guess. And gold and brown isn’t over-represented in the WORST ROSTER so they’re perfectly fine colors. The bull-head helmet looks dumb though.
Also, despite spending time making a new sword, he’s decided that since he hasn’t wielded any weapon in a while, he’s too rusty. So he’s just going to use his FISTS.
Gilgamesh: “I am long out of practice. A weapon too long in the scabbard whose edge has been dulled by time and rust. This will hone me again.”
Meanwhile, above New York City, Nanny leaves Orphan-Maker to pilot the airship while Nanny checks on Franklin.
Nanny is surprised that Franklin is so hard to keep asleep. She runs some scans on him and is further surprised at Franklin’s mutations (hahah cursed future knowledge).
She asks the sleeping kid what his name is and has a panic when he says Franklin Richards and that his mom and dad are Susan and Reed.
Nanny calls Orphan-Maker (Peter) and asks him if he really orphan-made Franklin’s parents and calls him out for lying when he lies about it.
So she swats his robot palm with an electro-switch. Because why not.
Nanny has a Concern now because they kidnapped MR FANTASTIC AND INVISIBLE WOMAN’S KID and didn’t KILL MR FANTASTIC AND INVISIBLE WOMAN!
Hey, I can’t see things going well for you either if you’d half of the first family of Marvel comics.
Now there’s a What If concept.
Anyway, Nanny has a Plan for dealing with PISSING OFF HALF OF THE FANTASTIC FOUR and she heads into the forge to go prepare.
She has a forge on her spaceship. Why wouldn’t she.
The Fantastic Three of Reed, Sue, and the Captain catch up to Nanny’s ship and Reed (gently) knocks it out of the sky with an energy drain.
The Fantasti-Car can do that. Why wouldn’t it?
Nanny’s ship bounces to a very safe and not at all hazardous stop in a park.
The Captain jumps out of the Fantasti-Car instead of waiting for it to park and lands on Nanny’s ship.
Orphan-Maker comes out and starts throwing fisticuffs and the Captain is surprised that the robot-suit dude doesn’t even flinch when Cap gets under his guard and hits him with his Captain vibranium shield. And further surprised when the dude bonks him in the head.
Invisible Sue finds that her powers just slide off Orphan-Maker. Like he’s got some kind of screening device protecting him.
Orphan-Maker hoists the Captain into the air to throw him but Mr Fantastic just snatches him out of O-M’s grip.
Then Orphan-Maker pulls a regular ass gun on Mr Fantastic.
I don’t know why this is so funny to me.
Maybe because he’s pretty clearly a child in a highly advanced robot suit and he pulls out a normal gun.
It has similar energy to those dragonball fanimated videos where characters who can blow up the world panic if someone pulls a gun.
The Captain just throws his not-as-mighty-but-still-pretty-mighty shield and smashes the gun. And when the shield boomerangs back, Cap throws it again and hits Orphan-Maker under the chin. Since the suit is tough but Cap noticed where its weak points were while he was getting hoisted.
Anyway, after getting bonked in the chin with a still-pretty-mighty-shield, Orphan-Maker sits and cries to Nanny that the mean men hurt him.
It starts to dawn on the Captain that inside this robot suit there’s just a small child but he doesn’t get to wrestle over this suspicion long because a different and red robot suit comes out of Nanny’s ship and bonks Cap in the head. Knocking him the fuck out.
People keep punching him in the head today.
Anyway, this is probably, definitely Franklin. Nanny is the kind of sicko who’d put a child in a robot suit and make him kill his own parents.
What a creep.
And she looks like an egg.
Mr Fantastic and Invisible Woman now realize that they’ve actually got to contribute to the fight more.
Invisibsue uses force fields to blow a mouth flamethrower so that Reedtastic can get in close and tangle around the new red guy.
But Red-Suit electrifies the exterior of the robot suit. Knocking Reed the fuck out.
Sue realizes that this new red guy doesn’t have a protective screen so she puts an invisible force field around him.
But red dude is beefy and punches through the force field bubble. And she can’t put up another bubble fast enough! But she has enough time to verbalize that she can’t put up another bubble in time!
With Cap unconscious and being sat on by Orphan-Maker and Reed unconscious, nobody is left to save her- Nah, just kidding.
Gilgamesh shows up in a flash of lightning.
I didn’t know he had lightning powers.
Was this supposed to be Thor?
It even does the KRACKTHOOM!
Anyway, Gilgamesh blasts red guy away from Sue.
Nanny comes out of the ship tsk-ing that another hero showed up.
She yells at red guy that his “homework isn’t complete yet! I want these people dead! All of them! And I want them dead now!”
Red guy (it’s Franklin. Its clearly Franklin. Even Sue and Reed realize that its Franklin by now) says he doesn’t want to kill people dead but Nanny threatens to take away his nice robot suit and what’s more “there’ll be no dessert for a month!”
Red Franklin: “Oh, no, Nanny! Not that!”
Nanny is actually pleased that Reed and Sue have finally realize because the knowledge will surely prevent them from fighting back seriously.
(What Nanny doesn’t know is that Reed has put Franklin in a coma at least once.)
Gilgamesh points out that Red Franklin isn’t his son and he’d gladly kill him to stop him from killing his own parents.
Invisible Woman: “Reed, what are we going to do?”
The Captain, who I didn’t know was named Reed: “Offhand, Susan, I’d say we were in for the trickiest fight of our lives!”
Nanny: “What’s so tricky about it? All you have to do is die!”
I say we let Gilgamesh crack this egg. In the violence sense.
Follow @essential-avengers because that’s the place. Like, reblog, and comment because it makes me feel good about spending my time liveblogging. Yell at an egg today. That’s no yolk.
“I don’t know which scares me more,” Brad mused. “When you look murderous or when you try to make that puppy-face.”
Maria threw a pea at him in retaliation. Eduardo passed her the rice, since Brad was too busy ducking and laughing.
The apartment was filled with the greasy, mouthwatering scent of takeout. Elisha had put on some upbeat background music. Outside a spring storm tapped on the windows, but inside it was warm and cosy.
Thomas sat back in his chair, surrounded by the familiar teasing and joking, and couldn’t help but relax. Something inside of him that hadn’t felt quite right ever since that night was finally thawing.
On the other side of the table was Tyrone, poking at his food and listening to the easy conversation around him. He must have felt Thomas’ gaze, because he looked up and smiled.
Twelve, Thomas thought, remembering this afternoon and what Tyrone had told him. Twelve, and at the same time centuries old. How difficult that must be. How painful to see everyone you cared about grow old, while you never really could.
(“You were just a kid.”
“Bill Cipher didn’t care,” Dipper Pines had said.)
“- no way you can. Come on, prove me wrong.”
“Okay dude, be ready to be amazed!” Eduardo shoved his chair back and took off his shoes.
When his socks followed, Elisha cleared her throat. “Could you move this to the couch?”
“What exactly are we doing? I wasn’t paying attention,” Thomas admitted.
Tyrone seemed distracted as well. He had barely touched his food. This wasn’t the first time Thomas noticed how human he looked. Only this time he knew it wasn’t just a disguise, but more of a might-have-been. A human soul turned into a demon, a demon’s soul released into the human reincarnation cycle in return… It still sounded crazy.
(“Evergreen,” Thomas had said, as puzzle pieces slipped into place. “I get it now. Very clever.”)
“Eddy claims he can use chopsticks with his feet,” Brad said.
“A useful and rare talent, I’m sure,” Elisha said, visibly amused despite herself. “But not one for the table we are all using to eat.”
“I’m moving, I’m moving,” Eduardo said. “Got an extra pair of chopsticks?”
Maria put down a single dumpling on the coffee table with an air of ceremony. “Go ahead.”
(“My twin sister. She was the original Mizar. And I know she’s still around, her soul at least – but I miss her,” Dipper Pines had said, shrinking down into himself until he was small, and so very young. “I can’t expect every reincarnation to be the same. They’re all Mizar. But they’re not all Mabel.”)
“It’s never going to work,” Brad said. “I don’t believe – what the heck? How are you doing this?”
“I have skills, dude,” Eduardo said, chewing on the dumpling. He swallowed it. “Tadaah!”
Maria whooped. Thomas laughed, and Elisha shook her head with a smile.
“You’re all ridiculous,” his fiancée said.
“It’s not that difficult.” Eduardo slipped the chopsticks from between his toes and sat back upright. “Want to try?”
“How about you, Tyrone?” Maria teased. “I bet you can’t.”
“Pff, of course I can. I just don’t feel the need to prove it.”
Brad glanced at him, and his uneaten plate of food. “You’re awfully quiet tonight.”
“Yeah, well,” Tyrone said, with a wry smile. “Nearly getting my friends killed dampens the mood somewhat.”
“That’s no reason to mope around,” Maria claimed. “Everything worked out fine, right?”
“I’m just glad it wasn’t you after all.” Brad made a face. “I was kinda worried about your weird PMS thing.”
“What exactly do you mean by that?” Elisha said, with a rather dry look at Brad.
“He means the whole Beast-and-Star theory,” Thomas saved Brad from his fiancée.
Which wasn’t right, he realised. They claimed Alcor had two faces – and maybe he did. But there was a third face, the one that loved candy and adventures and games. Not the destructive demon, not the fire-wreathed saviour. Just a child that never got to grow up.
“I don’t have a ‘weird PMS thing’!”
“Sure, whatever. Let’s just all be glad we’re alive and leave it at that.”
“Ugh.”
“There was a challenge given,” Maria reminded them, a glint in her eyes. “How about it, Tyrone? I bet you can’t pick up that dumpling with chopsticks, without using your hands.”
“Fine, challenge accepted. Get me those chopsticks.”
“Let’s make it interesting, shall we? If you succeed, you get my dessert. But if you fail, you owe me a little favour.”
“I take back what I said, this is your scariest expression,” Brad said. “Maria, scheming.”
“A favour, huh?” Tyrone grinned, back in his element. “You have something particular in mind, then?”
“Yep,” Maria said, matching his mischievous energy with her own wide grin. “Just your help with some little adjustments on my motorbike. Sentient vehicles are all the rage, after all.”
“Oh Stars,” Thomas groaned. This was a horrible idea.
“Deal!” Tyrone said, brightly. He snapped his fingers, and the chopsticks floated through the air, delivering the dumpling to his mouth before helpfully moving Maria’s banana fritters to his own plate. “Thanks for the free dessert!”
“Hey now, that’s cheating!” Maria laughed.
Tyrone only shrugged and returned to his plate, where he finally started eating with his usual enthusiasm. “What did you expect? I am a demon.”
(“I was a normal twelve-year old, with a twin sister, Mabel,” Dipper Pines had said. “One summer our parents shipped us up north to a sleepy town called Gravity Falls, to stay at our great-uncle's place in the woods…”)
-----
There was a girl, opening a door. She had soft brown eyes and thick curls. Her shirt depicted a cartoony image of a cactus in sunglasses and had a truly ridiculous pun on it.
Elisha swallowed her fashion advice and smiled. “Amy Wethers? My name is Elisha McKenzie. I’m here on behalf of a mutual friend. Messy hair, short, tends to float when he gets excited?”
“Oh,” the girl said, leaning against the side of the door. Wary, but not completely unapproachable. “I’m familiar. Why did he send you?”
“Just to talk,” Elisha said. “You probably have a lot of questions and I know for a fact that Alcor can take some time to get used to. I also know some little tricks to get him out of your hair when he gets too annoying. Can I come in?”
------
Back in the Mindscape, there was a place called the Midway Bar. It was the place demons visited to relax, to socialise, and occasionally make deals.
There was an empty table in the corner. A moment ago it had been occupied, now it was empty. This may have something to do with the large pair of curled horns currently stuck in its surface.
“I’m not here to fight,” Alcor said, the horns still vibrating slightly from the force with which they had been rammed into the table. A drop of sulphurous demon blood sizzled on the wood. “Just redecorating a little. That’s fine, isn’t it?”
The Bartender was frowning in his direction. The low-level demons that had fled to the edges of the room stayed there, wary. Each of them wondering if they could run, and for how long.
“Can’t fight inside the Midway Bar, right?” Alcor added. “I promised the Bartender. I’m playing nice, see? But I’m not promising the same if you leave. Come on, let’s have a talk. I have some deals to offer. To low-levels only, though. Limited time offer! You don’t wanna miss it!”
The Bartender sighed, but went back to cleaning glasses.
Alcor’s burning eyes found the nearest demon. “Come a bit closer, don’t make me yell at you.”
“Eep!” said the Skeleton Bug. She turned one eyestalk towards the exit, another towards the Bartender. A third remained fixed on Alcor, whose shape was still coated in little flecks of demon blood, of several different colours.
Behind her, those lucky bastards who weren’t the focus of Alcor’s attention slipped out.
Alcor beckoned them closer. Itpolec, halfway through climbing through a window, suddenly thought better of it and hid underneath a table.
Asopiel pulled herself together, her storm clouds thickening. “You’re not going to destroy us?”
“That depends. You have two choices. One of them is this,” Alcor said, and shoved a densely written parchment in front of their trembling eyestalks and other assorted sensory organs. ‘Oregon University Safe Summons List’ it said, on top of the document.
The Skeleton Bug swallowed. “And… the other choice?”
Alcor smiled. Or showed his teeth, at least, all several rows of them. “The other is me.”
I am constantly blown away by Vivienne's outstanding work ethic and gorgeous animation. She, as well as the other animators, has truly outdone herself yet again.
For those interested, this song will be featured in the pilot episode of the online web series called Hazbin Hotel. The show is expected to premiere in 2019, and the best way to support it would be directly through Patreon.
Treachery, Thy Name Is Brother - Part 5: For The Queen Walks Among You
Sam is the King of Hell, Jess is his Queen, Dean is a rogue Knight of Hell, most of his friends are demons, and surprisingly, none of these are the biggest problem Sam has right now.
Masterpost here. The sequel to Essays in Demonic Politics, which takes place after Sunshine After Rain. Reading those first is recommended.
I don’t have an excuse, I really don’t. It’s been over 2 years. I’m so sorry. I thought the muses would come back sooner...
Sam is actually somewhat impressed at how seriously everyone on his estate takes the appearance of an intruder on the grounds. Balaam has him and Jess secured within seconds, and there are suddenly demons (loyal ones, chosen by Abaddon and approved by Balaam and Asmodeus) on every door. He doesn’t bother to tell Balaam that he knows who it is, can sense his presence a mile away. Locking down the manor is good procedure, and it’s good for everyone to have a surprise drill every now and then.
Dean can wait until they’re done.
By the time Balaam and Abaddon are satisfied they’re not under immediate attack, they’re talking about throwing Dean into one of Belphegor’s dungeons for a while. Sam pulls them up at that and tells them to wait with Dean in the meeting room, before turning to Jess. She’s been itching to say something ever since she figured out who had tripped the alarm wards.
“Are you ok?” She laces her fingers with his.
“I’m fine, Jess. Dean’s here without back-up. Either he’s a lot stupider than he used to be or he’s here to help. We’ll be fine.”
“Or he’s here to make you think he’s on your side. Sam, I know you love him. I know. But he’s not the brother you grew up with and I don’t want to see you hurt.”
“I know. But whatever it is, we need to go and deal with it anyway.”
Jess reluctantly agrees, and they head downstairs. Balaam opens the meeting room door for them, and throws a surprisingly listless smile at Sam as he passes him.
Dean’s pacing the length of the table when they enter, Abaddon seated on the opposite side with her legs propped up and picking her nails with a knife. Both of them glance up at Sam and Jess, but while Abaddon stands and bows, Dean just carries on pacing. Balaam takes his usual place next to Sam as he surveys his brother.
“Dean. What are you doing here?” The rest of his council files in and takes their places at the table. Sam is still standing next to his seat at the head of the table (he refuses to call it a throne).
Dean sneers at the other demons, but answers Sam’s question readily enough. “I went back to the bunker. Gadreel was waiting.”
Sam’s stomach clenches and he can’t help the frown he knows crosses his face. He’s worked hard to be impassive, except around a chosen few. He hates that his brother overrides that training.
“And?” He makes himself sound nonchalant.
“And he and some of his pals want to throw you back in the Cage.”
There’s a dead silence around the table, but Sam is surprisingly relieved. He can work with this. They’re scared of him and grasping at straws. He can work with this.
“Interesting. How exactly do they think they’re going to do that?”
Jess interrupts Dean before he can speak. “And perhaps more importantly, how do you know that? Cause you sent him on his way, right? The angel that murdered your friend and screwed Sam over?”
Dean scowls. “I don’t answer to you, blondie.”
“Maybe not, but you came here. You made that choice, so answer the damn question.” Jess’ voice rises ever so slightly, and Sam thinks he may as well let her deal with this. She doesn’t have the same history with Dean, doesn’t have the same weaknesses.
“I went with him, ok? I thought it might be good to know what the fuck they were planning.”
“Bullshit.” Abaddon doesn’t look up from her nails. “We all know you don’t think that far ahead, Winchester.”
Balaam smirks slightly.
“Besides, we know you went with them to clear out the angel camp near Boston. What, was that part of your induction to the douchebag angel club? Or was the thought of a spot of light murder too much for you to resist?” Jess is leaning forward over the table, her eyes blazing.
Dean bristles. “I needed them to trust me.”
“So you could what, exactly? What did they say to make you think they were enough of a threat to investigate? You’ve not left the area around the bunker in years. You don’t even pretend to hunt anymore, and you’ve not gotten involved in Heaven’s bullshit in even longer. Why now? What did he say to make you give a shit?”
“He was planning to kill your precious boyfriend, ok? Why the fuck are you pissed at me, I’m trying to help!”
And just like that, Sam knows. It’s a good lie, because it’s not a lie at all. Gadreel didn’t threaten to kill him, he planned it. And Abaddon is right, Dean doesn’t plan long term. If he did, he’d still be human. If he did, this might be believable. As it is, if he wanted to stop Gadreel killing Sam, he’d have come to them immediately after killing Gadreel.
But instead, Gadreel turned up at the bunker and said he was planning to kill Sam, and Dean went with him. Dean went with him.
Dean was planning to kill him.
He’s never quite believed it before now, never believed that his brother hated him so much that he’d try and kill him without some supernatural influence involved.
“Enough.” He cuts through the babble of Balaam and Dean sniping at each other. Jess raises an eyebrow at him, obviously not seeing what he does. Dean looks at him like he’s waiting to be thanked.
“You wanted to kill me.” Sam’s voice leaves no room for argument.
Dean tries anyway. “I wanted to get an idea of what we’re up against, I thought -”
Sam cuts him off. “I know exactly what you thought. How did you justify it to yourself? What lie are you telling yourself to try and turn yourself into the hero of this story? Are you pretending to be the Righteous Man again, ridding the world of evil? Or did you convince yourself I’d be better off dead? Did you think I’d thank you for it?”
Sam knows he’s hit the nail on the head when Dean’s gaze drops.
A furious scream pulls Sam off the path his mind was spiralling down. By the time Abaddon and Balaam pull Jess off Dean, Astaroth and Belphegor restraining Dean as he fights back, eyes pitch black, she’s managed to rip his left arm in half and there’s a hole in his chest the size of her fist. It’s healing quickly, but Dean’s obviously in pain as well as furious. Sam can’t quite bring himself to care. He pulls Jess into his chest, away from Dean and the others, and holds her while her breathing evens from the furious sobs she’s just choking back, to something calmer but no less angry. His brother seems to be calming down as well, eyes back to green and flitting between Sam and the demons still holding him back.
“I don’t care what your reasoning was. You wanted to kill me.” Sam takes a deep breath. “Luckily for you, you’re not currently my biggest problem. You’re going to sit in here and tell Sammael and Asmodeus everything they want to know about Gadreel and his plans.” He nods at the two demons, who bow and re-seat themselves opposite Dean. “Everyone else, go do your jobs.”
“Sam he tried to -” Abaddon protests, but falls silent as Sam raises a hand to cut him off.
“Yes. And I’ll deal with it later. Go.”
And they do.
Sam and Jess are still upstairs a few hours later. Balaam reported the results of Dean’s interrogation to them not too long ago, and the others are scattered throughout the manor, waiting for orders. They won’t be long in coming: one of the things Astaroth likes most about their King is his decisiveness. He sips the scotch he poured for himself and considers the demon sitting opposite him.
“Why now?”
“Why not? The opportunity is as good as it’s going to get.” Mephistopheles answers, smiling slightly. “You were as unsure as I was. Sam is a good King, I grant you. A great one, perhaps. But he is not my King.”
He smirks at her. “How sentimental of you.”
“Sentiment has nothing to do with it. I want a purpose again. I want to be feared as we once were.”
“We still are.”
“By the occasional God-fearing human.” She laughs bitterly. “By insects.”
“And we are respected by the others.” He sips his scotch lazily. “What you propose would require a stupendous amount of luck to succeed. It would also involve allying ourselves with angels, and you know how much I hate angels.”
“Tools, nothing more.”
“Perhaps. But I see no reason to commit treason against our King, who, may I remind you, can literally Speak us out of existence, just to get a different and quite frankly less competent King back.”
Mephistopheles snarls at him. “Lucifer is our true King. He is our God.”
“Don’t be a fool. Even if Gadreel’s plan to trap Sam worked, which it won’t, Lucifer won’t be able to escape, and even if he did, he won’t care about you any more than he ever did.” Astaroth stands and makes his way over to the door. He can sense Tessa approaching the manor. “Give it up, Mephistopheles. We chose Sam. Why ruin it now?” He leaves her sitting opposite the huge bay windows, bathed in the orange light of sunset.
Post 9.19, Sam is asked to reconsider his status in the universe.
Masterpost with all previous parts here.
Sam surveys the bloody mess that used to be Crowley and doesn’t even pretend not to smirk. Even with the mess Sam still has to clean up, Dean and Hell and Metatron and everything else that is going to require his attention soon, he’s so very glad Crowley’s gone. His gaze shifts from what was Crowley to Cain, who’s looking bored with everything. His expression changes slightly when he notices Sam watching him, gaining an aloof quality.
Sam debates making him break the silence, and then decides he really doesn’t have time to play games. “Is there a way to remove the Mark?”
“From your brother? No.” Cain eyes Sam for a minute. “I have no interest in returning to Hell.”
Sam raises an eyebrow at him and waits for him to continue. Cain undoubtedly wants something, and while his dismissal of Dean as unimportant annoys him, he’s too dangerous to allow to leave without some kind of guarantee he’s not going to fuck everything up as soon as Sam turns his back.
That would probably be for the best. Sam doesn’t want him, especially not if Dean stays. “Which is?”
“Your brother has to kill me when I ask him to.”
Sam hesitates. He doesn’t like making deals for someone else, and he particularly doesn’t like the assumption that Dean will automatically do what Sam says. Still, it’s a relatively low price, and killing demons is kind of their thing. Was kind of their thing. “Done. Swear.”
Cain does, and the mark on his arm flares in response. He waits for Sam’s nod, and promptly disappears.
The rest of the demons that had supported Crowley start shifting nervously. Sam can’t even begin to be bothered dealing with them: they’re unimportant and weak and the fact that Crowley was using them at all speaks volumes to how desperate he was.
“You lot are going to go with Abaddon, and she’s going to decide what to do with you.” Sam turns to his demons (and yep, that’s still weird). “Let’s go home.”
Seconds later, they rematerialize in the house in Kent.
Sam turns to Belphegor, who is standing by the stairs, obviously waiting for them.
“Dean?”
Belphegor bows. “In one of the bedrooms on the floor below yours, my King. He’s still asleep.”
“Thank you.” Sam runs a hand through his hair. “Meeting room, all of you. And could someone find me some coffee?”
Balaam nods and disappears, as the other make their way into what has become Sam’s council room and take their usual seats. Tessa sits next to Abaddon at the far end. Sam’s not going to question their apparent friendship. It scares him a little.
“Alright.” Sam breathes out slowly. “Asmodeus, contact all demons that we left out of this until now. The administration, everyone. They either swear loyalty to me or they spend some quality time in the cells with Ramuthra.”
He’s slowly learning how to do this, how to be in command of these demons (despite Lucifer insisting that they’re better than him, and so much more powerful, and they’re just waiting for a chance to screw him over), and he’s starting to enjoy it now. Besides, he needs them all to be clear on their assigned duties (he remembers Ellen saying “Idle hands do the Devil’s work” back before he knew angels were real, and suppresses a laugh) if he wants to keep Hell running smoothly.
Asmodeus nods. “I don’t anticipate any difficulty with that.”
Balaam appears behind Sam and puts a coffee on the table in front of him.
“Good. Abaddon, the demons that were with Crowley are yours to deal with. If you think any of them are a flight risk, either stick them in cells in Hell until they reconsider, or kill them outright. I’m not too bothered which.”
“Yes sir.” She smiles at him. “I also need a few more lieutenants to keep everyone in line, do you have any preference as to who I use?”
“Not in the slightest. Whoever’s best at the job.” Sam taps his fingers against the table for a second while he thinks. “Astaroth, you are already in contact with most of the Reapers, yes?”
“I am.” Astaroth straightens in his chair and looks a little more interested in the proceedings. He’s never seemed as invested in Sam being King of Hell as the others, but as long as he does his job and doesn’t decide mutiny is a good way to go, Sam doesn’t really care.
“I want to know everything possible about the problem with the Veil. Tessa, you’re with him. If there’s any way that you can contact someone in Heaven without alerting Metatron, try getting through to Ash. He managed to hack Heaven when we were up there; God knows what he’s managed by now.”
“My King, surely we should deal with Hell first?” Mephistopheles interjects.
Sam smirks at her. “At this stage, Hell is going to require paperwork and organisation. There are no more serious contenders, and while I might have to step on a few necks before they all fall in line, that’s basically what Abaddon’s for.” The redhead grins. Yep, definitely still a little scared of her. “I’m more concerned with the possibility of the angels deciding now would be a good time to restart their war or purge the earth of all demons.”
Astaroth nods. “So we want to send them home before they screw everything up?”
“Pretty much. Mephistopheles, until further notice you’re in charge of the crossroads demons. There are a few new rules, if any of your people ignore them I’m going to be displeased. No deals with children, by which I mean anyone under the age of eighteen, no collecting early, and they have to make it clear that the stupid bastard dealing with them is going to owe them their soul. Clear?”
It rankles to still be allowing this, but Sam likes to think he’s learned to be realistic. No-one’s making anyone summon a crossroads demon, after all.
“Of course, my King.” Mephistopheles doesn’t look delighted with her new duties, but someone has to keep the crossroads demons in line, and Sam has no doubts she can do it. Besides, everyone else has already got a job.
“Belphegor, you’ve got the cells and the racks. Any souls we’re owed through deals or their own actions, you deal with as you see fit. Anyone that seems out of place, you bring to me before doing anything. Put Ramuthra in charge of the racks, he seemed to know what he was doing, and any apprentice of Alastair’s not going to have any trouble keeping his people in order. Sammael, you’re with Astaroth and Tessa, I’m going to need a way to kill Metatron, a way to re-open Heaven, and potentially a way to seal all the angels back up there, because I’m getting somewhat tired of this angelic war crap. Any rituals or spells you find, you come to me with for approval. Asmodeus, you’re in charge of general admin and possessions. Keep most demons downstairs for now, there’s been far too many of them topside recently.”
Sam pauses. “Anything else?”
“All messages for you should go through Balaam, correct?” Mephistopheles asks.
“Yes.” Sam feels more than sees Balaam smirk to himself.
“Do you wish to change location, my King?” Asmodeus smiles at him. “We can change the location of the Gates, and I would suggest they be close to wherever you wish to stay permanently.”
“Where are they now?”
“The main ones are still in Wyoming. No-one’s changed the main location for a good couple of hundred years. There’s a lesser portal not far from here, which is part of the reason we chose this house.”
“I’m not sure yet. Leave them where they are for now. Put guards on any of them that are passable, and anyone wanting in or out goes through you. Is that it?”
Asmodeus nods.
Sam turns back to Belphegor. “Is my brother still asleep?” The demon nods. “Good. Balaam, with me. Everyone else, go do your jobs.” The demons all stand, bow and leave the room. Tessa smiles at Sam.
“I need to report back to my boss, Sam. I’ll be back shortly.” Sam waits until she’s disappeared, and gestures Balaam towards the seat next to him.
“So, I get to keep my job? Or am I getting promoted to chief consort and sex toy?” Balaam grinned. “Because that would be awesome.”
Sam grins at him. “I’m afraid not. I would like you to continue in your current job, but I have no interest in you doing it because you think you have to.”
“I already told you, boss, serving you is an honour. Besides, I like you. And it means I’m important.”
“Good. In that case, I’m going to need you to swear a slightly more complicated oath than you’ve already given me.” Sam pauses, debating how best to word the vow he wants. He wants – no, needs – to know he can trust Balaam with his secrets. He just needs one person who won’t betray him, who he can actually talk to, and who he can be whiny at about Hell and its accompanying annoyances without any fear that Balaam will turn around and tell anyone else.
As it happens, he’s pre-empted by Balaam sliding off his chair and kneeling in front of him. The oath he swears to Sam is Old Enochian, and probably hasn’t been used since before Lucifer got into the Garden. Sam exhales slowly as Balaam finishes and sits back down.
“That was slightly more than I was expecting.” Sam just wanted Balaam to swear to protect his secrets. He wasn’t expecting him to swear angelic, unconditional, completely-binding obedience vows.
Balaam shrugs. “You feel better about letting me be in the same room as you now, though, right?”
Sam smiles. “Maybe a little.”
“So would you like to tell me what’s bothering you?” Sam doesn’t even bother being surprised at that. Balaam’s starting to display an uncanny tendency to know when he’s concerned about something. The incessant flirting apparently hides some degree of genuine affection for Sam. Maybe more than a little, if the vow he just swore is any indication.
“Dean.”
Balaam’s face twists into a frown. “He’s here, we’ve hidden the blade from him, and he hasn’t killed anyone you like yet. That’s better than you were expecting.”
“He refused to help me before I was King of Hell and he’s not going to like it any better now. The only difference is he’s a demon now and is even less likely to listen to me at all due to Crowley messing with his head.”
“Alright, look, I know you’re going to be pissed at me for even suggesting this, but the Speech does give you a certain advantage. You could make him listen to you, at least.”
Sam finishes his coffee and smiles ruefully. “Somehow I don’t think that’d make him happier with me.”
“Probably not, but I don’t think that’s what you’re worried about.”
“What am I worried about then?”
“You’re afraid that because he’s a demon and you’re the King of Hell, he won’t get a choice. You’re worried that he’ll do exactly what you want him to because you want it, not because he wants it. And you’re terrified there’s nothing of your brother left.”
Sam rubs his hand over his face. “I’d say that covers most of it, yes.”
“And I thought Azazel was exaggerating when he told us how dumb you were about each other. First off, Cain didn’t give a shit what you wanted earlier. He negotiated what he wanted out of you being King and then left. So obviously the Mark doesn’t make a demon a slave to your will, no matter what the books you’ve been reading have said.” Balaam starts ticking off Sam’s concerns as he goes. “Second, you could use the Speech to make Dean swear loyalty to you, at which point he would effectively be your servant, but I think we both know there’s no way in Hell, Heaven or Purgatory you’d ever take away your brother’s free will. And finally, having made the transition to demon myself, I didn’t change all that much. Neither did Lilith, for that matter. She was always a bitch. Turning into a demon doesn’t change your personality, it just skews your moral compass.” Balaam concludes with a smile.
Sam eyes him with amusement and tries not to let his relief show on his face. Force of habit. “Are you done?”
“Are you going to go actually talk to Dean instead of sitting here worrying?”
Sam sighs and pushes himself to his feet. “I thought I was your boss?”
Balaam laughs at him. “Course you are, but my job is to look after you. Which means you need to get your delightfully proportioned self upstairs so I can ogle you later without feeling guilty about doing it while you’re miserable.” He makes a shooing motion with his hand. “Go. I’ll find you some food and make sure you get the reports from Asmodeus.”
