#various vanja

[mwuuh]

"Oh, I have a new follower on Askanordic! Let's check out their blog!"

"DNI if you're a problematic proshipper!"

GIRL, I have NorIce listed as one of my favourite ships in my "About me" section, 👏 clear 👏 as 👏 day. If you want to avoid the things you hate and avoid certain people, you have to put the effort into making sure! You can't make demands and then expect everyone else to do your work for you!

Absolutely wild.

Ugh. I wish I could go back to not giving a shit. I used to be, like, "I'll just let them keep following me and then they can be horrified later and decide for themselves if they want to keep following me or not", but lately I'm just, like, ugh, leave me alone, I don't want to see your stupid "DNI proshitters" in your profile whenever you reblog something from me. It makes the vile part of my brain conjure up malicious ideas, like, "let's draw Nor and Ice making out sloppily and 'accidentally' post it to the askblog, lol" and I'm in the other end of my brain trying to beat the vile part of it into submission with a stick, because I'm not doing that.

[mwuuh]

I'm always terrified of joining any Hetalia chat groups. The larger the group is, the more jittery I get. The larger the group is, the higher are the chances of That Thing That Triggers Me being mentioned. The last time I tried to join a large Hetalia chat group, it was mentioned within the hour. I just had to leave.

I hate that it affects me so badly. It really restricts me from making friends and being social.

[mwuuh]

I went looking for fan-made Hetalia shirts, and there was one design that was really cute, the art was really nice, and it had a series of various characters kissing. But then I read the description, and it was like, "I included this ship because it's my OTP, and I did NOT include this other ship, you can keep that shit ten feet away from me (it's the only ship I legitimately hate)!"

Like, girl (gender neutral), I was interested in your shirt, and I don't ship your NOTP at all, but just by writing that you've put me off aaaaall your stuff.

[mwuuh]

People love me for my frequent nervous breakdowns and for the way I draw Hetalia Egypt.

[mwuuh]

There's been a shift in how I feel about being in a fandom again.

When I first returned, everything felt wonderful. New people! Hello! Wanna be friends? Yay! New people! Nice people!

Then obviously I had to navigate away from blogs that post That Thing That Triggers Me, and I think I've managed to get that under control, but it left me a little 🙂.

And then I learned about some drama happening. I tried to join a community but I was immediately approached by the mods who told me to not post TurkIce in that server/community. Okay, good to know. I left that server for unrelated reasons. Then I discovered that I'd been blocked by another artist, and it's like, sure, okay, I've never spoken to you, but you block whoever you want, it's your blog and experience.

Then I find out some drama behind the scenes and I learn the names of users here who harass people for their ships and writing and art, and it's all so awful and I hate it, I hate it so much, I want it to stop but all I can do is block people. And that should be enough, but it isn't. One of those harassers is a really good artist and I keep seeing their art shared and I want to tell people to not share the art of someone who harasses people, but I also really don't want to be that person. I don't want to be that person. And it's eating me up inside.

I don't know how long I'm going to be able to handle all this before I have a breakdown. I hope I'm able to find more joy than misery in the fandom. I really want to exchange fun things with other people, but sometimes I think I'm better off doing my own thing without other people. I don't want to do my own thing without other people.

Ugh. It's possible I just need to eat something.

[mwuuh]

I have two triggers that I react really badly to.

One of them is recreational drug use. It's fine if it's in a certain type of fiction (BoJack Horseman), but it will set me off if I'm not prepared for it (light-hearted sitcom where suddenly one of the main characters picks up a bong and uses it without warning).

It will set me off if I see it in fan works. Fanart or fanfics about my favourite characters doing drugs - even "just" weed - are things I hope I never see/read. I don't care if it's light-hearted or serious. Please tag it with "drug cw" or "drugs cw", just as I tag posts about drinking with "alcohol cw" even though I have no problem with alcohol. (Kindly also tag when characters are smoking tobacco.)

I also hope that my mutuals can tag any mention of "being high/stoned" or jokes about smoking weed. I don't think these jokes are funny.

Why am I so upset by this? That's genuinely not anyone's business. But now you know that it does upset me.

The second thing that triggers me I will not mention, because I will never follow anyone who posts about it.

[mwuuh]

New personal rule:

Ignore people who have "proshippers DNI" in their profiles or strawpages. Let them reach their own conclusions about who I am. Perhaps they'll come around and abandon their pro-censorship ways.

Hard block anyone with "proshitters DNI" in their profiles because I'm not welcoming these dramatic, immature fucks into my life.

[mwuuh]

I like this part of my blog banner because it looks like Ice has a mustache.