#vent!post

[floralprinces]

I'm really done, okay

I'm done. I'm ready to cry.

I understand I started it but god, I'm hurt and shaking and in fucking tears.

[floralprinces]

I hate having pimples, my entire face is a fucking mess right now and It makes me feel ugly and disgusting

[floralprinces]

He's a great photographer, I'm just not a good enough subject, visually.

[floralprinces]

I guess this one of those days you nurse your sickness?

I realized today, I don't have a job, I have no income and I have to depend of people to help me survive.

I just want to be on good terms with my parents

I want my education fund

I want to pay off my credit card, to pay back my girlfriend.

to buy things for people.

hell, I still owe people birthday gifts.

[floralprinces]

Alright, here's the deal

I got let go from the seasonal job I had, job security gone, they were done with me. I feel sick, disgusting and worse, most likely a lot self hatey right now.

i've nearly cried but i've held it all in so far and it's gone pretty well.

i hate everything and myself a bit more every passing half hour

i need chinese food, netflix and some booze please.

[floralprinces]

sometimes these days come and go where i see people that have hurt and abused me, all over my facebook feed. Because I'm friends with people who are mutuals with them and it makes me shiver.

and shake.

and panic.

am I being weak when I see a picture of them, when I look at them after five-to-six fucking years after the abuse when I haven't seen them for that long.

and I'm still scared?

and all the memories

pain

hurt

guilt...?

comes back? 

[floralprinces]

when all you want is for everyone to have the best and happiness. then you realize you are the reason all your relationships fail.