Discover Top Posts Tagged with #vent thingy

Nothings real.

#vent thingy #omori #omori basil #basil fanart #art #angel basil #omori fanart #omori fanart basil #they all die in the end au.#taditeau

i think i've been able to stay relatively calm about my faith as of recently (i had a small freak out period a little while back about homosexuality but i've mostly gotten over it) but i keep finding myself wondering about what's going to happen to me if everything i'm continuing to indulge in is like... actually a sin. i like to cherry pick the bible and i know that's frowned upon but i don't think i could live under those kind of restrictions, and i've been doing well and content in doing so but what if?? what if.

i keep finding it difficult to call myself a christian since whenever i do it, i feel ashamed because the whole point of being one is that you're supposed to base your life around christ's teachings... which i am clearly not doing!! homosexuality is the main thing i struggle with stressing out about but lust in general is a huge one and all the other temptations that people deal with on the daily and although i limit myself a healthy amount i don't really acknowledge it as me sinning usually because i have a "this is normal" mindset but what if this is all going to contribute to me being turned away and eternally damned.

i don't think i can fully grasp the concept of being damned to hell. when i was little i was scared of going there but for a majority of my life i've been in a state of spiritual decline and now that i'm catching up on everything again i feel like the time i spent not worrying about it is all pouring onto me now and it's so!! man!! so many things in scripture don't make sense to me and i hate that they don't make sense because if i want to be a believer, then i need to... like... BELIEVE, but it's so hard. i'm so jealous of people who are easily accepting of it because I WANT THAT i want that unwavering faith. i want that sense of security. i want to be able to believe that God loves and wants what's best for me but i don't and i hate it.

i liked to imagine that the things that bother me about the bible were added in by people wanting to corrupt it but if each translation basically gets at the same thing then i'm pretty sure i'm wrong about that. i try to dance around how a large part of myself is seen as immoral and an abomination to the religion i try to put my faith in but i keep encountering instances where it's hammered into my mind and i hate it so much. i hate that something so beautiful can be seen as wrong in the eyes of an all-loving god. i don't understand how god is all-loving when he's allowed so much pain and suffering to overtake the world and i don't understand why he can't just change things himself if he's the creator of everything. that's so blasphemous to say but that belief is so hard to go by with just your faith as your guide.

it makes me so upset to know that no matter how good of a person i try to be, it just isn't enough to gain salvation on my own. i love jesus as anyone else would but the notion of having to submit and obey a set of rules in order to have eternal life and not go through an eternity of suffering after i die makes me feel odd and i wish it didn't. it feels so constraining in a bad way and i wish it didn't!! i had to read an article a while ago about how god's love is supposed to feel constraining and i was like wow this is so sick and awesome what a cool way to put it but when i actually think about how i would apply that to my life it feels... CONSTRAINING OBVIOUSLY!! because so many of my interests and things that make me human are based around sin

i'm going out of my way to continue sinning and i probably won't stop anytime soon. it's so hard. i used to be so proud and happy in my attraction to women but now it feels like such a sensitive topic that i need to keep secret or else the people i know and admire in my personal life will judge and pity me. i'm so anxious about them finding my online presence and realizing how fucking weird i am because a handful of people i know in real life regard me very positively and i'm so terrified of having that image shattered.

i'm going to continue acknowledging that god loves me despite the things i surround myself with and indulge in. i feel so pathetic talking about this kind of thing because on one hand i don't want my religious friends to know because ermmm jazzy why are you rebelling against god knowingly?? not good not good. i hate the thought of being judged for this

#cw christianity #yeah #vent thingy

not to get personal or anything but the fact that my grandmother died a literal day before i was expected to start a new year of school online will never not fuck me up.

#honestly just scroll away it's just emotional nonsense in the tags #she died from cancer and it fucking came out of nowhere. a few weeks after she was diagnosed she just died at 3AM #like she died in September and it's almost march now #and i'm still doing horrible in school #i can't get myself to do fucking anything #hell my own sister who was closer to her than i was took her death better than me and is doing well in school #and the fact that i can't even remember most of the time i spent with her even though i talked to her every summer is just so fucked #stupid brain. stupid body. stupid work. stupid every fucking thing #y'know when people keep telling you how smart you are and that you're supposed to be better than this gets really fucking annoying #like i have heard the same damn words from myself in my head in the middle of the night #yet i'm still stuck in the same fucking loop but it's whatever right? i'm the asshole and 'm the selfish one yes i know i know i know #i'm just so fucking sick honestly #i don't even have a fucking vent tag wonderful #vent thingy #that's the tag from now on i guess

I don’t know what to do anymore. Cause on one hand I’ve fucked up my life the past 7 years. My friends wouldn’t care if I was gone. I don’t get along with my mom. And every day it gets harder and harder to go on. But on the other hand I just can’t leave the love of my life alone! I don’t want to break his heart we live so far apart but I love him so much! I just want to hold him...

#vent thingy #I don’t like doing these #I feel like I don’t have the right to vent #but it makes my feel A little better

oh god it's 11pm, i have 3 assignments due tomorrow. one of which is overdue and i haven't started any of them- im stuck and executive dysfunction won't let me do anything fuckkk!!

#i want to cry!!!!#dammit srrghrhhah!!!#arrow rants #vent thingy

You know it’s days like today I really miss being at pax around everyone in this community. I just spent the morning helping for an egg hunt with a large group of people I know and have known for years. It took over 40 minutes for anyone to even say hi to me, let alone actually talk to me.I felt so isolated and alone. Which I never felt when I was with everyone at pax. It felt like people cared that I was actually there and wanted me around.i felt like I finally found a crowd I fit into.I miss that feeling.

#jse community #jacksepticeye #vent thingy #nobody really talked to ne when i was helping #but i feel like that also might be my fault #like do i always have to be the one to start a conversation #this is when i get confused #is it my fault people wont talk to me.#pax east 2019 #paxmemories

[ the commander must go to the dentist today. I’m not scared of it... except for needles. And... suddenly today the doctor comes out to tell me I’ll have a laser treatment so i drew a thing to vent. Also let’s see if i learn how to use the queue. The q! ]

#trepan is a bad dentist he shouldnt be a dentist #dont be a dentist if its not your job #D:#vent thingy #ooc #the commander talks #queue test #tw dentist #???#i guess??#drawing oon chair is difficult

A dopey little vent

My grandmother is never happy.

Everything I do makes her upset. I can’t even pour myself a bowl of cereal without her literally crying about how she should stop cooking for anyone but herself and my grandfather. Truth is, I don’t eat a lot of her food bc it makes me feel sick, but obviously I can’t TELL her that or all hell will break loose.

Going to doctors is the worst, bc she takes me but constantly makes comments like she’s annoyed I’m getting checked out because SHE doesn’t go to doctors and SHE “knows better” than them apparently. Not to mention she either butts in when I’m trying to talk to anyone or complains about how she’s going to be bored all day.

If I ask her politely not to interrupt me, she starts crying saying “I’m sorry I CARE!” Even though during past emergency situations, she couldn’t have cared less about me, and told me or my mother or sister to stop “overreacting” if we needed to go to the ER.

She is a lost cause and she has always been like this. Ever since she’s retired tho we have to deal with her behavior even more.

>:c

#non sims #delete later #vent thingy #my grandmother drives me crazy is2g